I dont know what to do with my almost 2 y/o daughter, She is SO clingy--Is this normal? I work from home and anytime I am trying to work, she is climbing in my lap and asking to nurse--Its the same with anything I try to do, cook dinner, make phone calls, clean--Anytime I am not 100% focused on her, she wants to be on me. I have tried getting her involved in other things before attempting to work or cook but as soon as she realizes that Im not focused in her, she is right there hugging my leg or crawling up on me. I love her more than anything and I am so thankful to be with her everyday, I feel guilty for getting frusterated with her for wanting to be with me. I dont know how to find a good balance. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you!
She is WAY better now! It must have just been that stage in her life, she is now 2 years, 2 months and is totally independent. I can cook, clean, vacuum, make phone calls and she is happy to play with her toys or with our dog--I am so relieved!! It was a tough month or so. She is growing up so fast. Thanks for all the help--and to the first reply--i have heard of a sippy cup, thanks for asking--she was seeking my attention, not a drink.
This is totally normal for that age. I know you work from home, but can you work while she is sleeping? Nap time or night? My only other suggestion is a Moms Day Out program for her. Then she will get the attention and focus she needs and you can have some time to do what you need to do.
It's really hard to focus a 2 year old's attention for more than a few minutes. Good luck!
It sounds to me it would be beneficial to start some activities that do separate you from her. She's obviously needing you in ways you're not able to devote your time/attention, and everyone is getting frustrated in the process.
Have you considered morning day care/preschool a few days a week to start working on her independence from you?
I think that unless you take some pretty drastic action (meaning changing exactly how you operate at home or taking her elsewhere for care a few days/week), it's going to get worse as you move to the 3's. No one warned us how much harder 3 is than 2 in terms of their behavior and their neediness.
Good luck.
I know all of us have some harsh advice, and it's not meant to make you feel like you've been a bad mom. I've always been a working Mom, so that can be criticized, too. But, in order for you to be able to get the things done you need to, it sounds like you'll have to change the status quo and establish new boundaries.
Find someone to co-op with you so you can switch off days working. No, your daughter is not clingy....she is two and in need of love and attention. I have my 4th child who is two at home with me. He is the most easy going kid and receives compliments all the time about his behavior. (He sits through church services) But when I am at home with him he won't let me answer an email or be on the phone for more than a few minutes. I can't imagine trying to work.
I include him in all my activities...housecleaning and cooking as well as balancing it with play time. He is happy to help my dust, do laundry or make banana bread. No it doesn't make the tasks easier but my life sure is alot more fun and I appreciate being with him.
If you continue to attempt to get work done at home when your two year old wants you, she may begin to feel rejected and begin acting out with other children.
If there is another mom/parent in a similiar situation, maybe you could switch off days and watch thier chid as well which would also be great for a playdate.
Good luck and God bless!
First off, you need to teach her boundaries. She is old enough to understand.
She is almost two and still nursing? Time for a sippy cup.
You need to teach her that you have things you need to do. She is running your life, and she knows it. Try not to get to frustrated, but she needs to understand that you are busy sometimes.
If you work at home are you on the computer? If so, you should take a break every hour or so, tell her she can get your attention then. Until then, she needs to find something to play with or do near you. Then you can hug and cuddle on your mini break. If you aren't on the computer, then try every hour or so to take a break.
Also, do you have a family member that can take her maybe a couple times a week for a couple of hours or so to give you and her space? Get her used to being away from you for a while?
You have to be strong and consistent, she needs to learn to function on her own.
You have to be in control and make her understand that life has boundaries. You can do this, hang in there, and try to be patient, but firm. Good luck.
If she's this clingy my first thought is WOW you've let this go on too long. I agree that it's time to set some boundaries. You need to learn that she IS going to be upset, tantrum, etc. Part of that is HER needing to learn the world does not revolve around her. If she cries, acts out, etc. DON'T give in, reassure her, etc. SHE needs to learn how to deal with NOT being the center of attention 1 minute at a time.
I have tons of ideas but don't want to make this post too long.
First, working at home is difficult for anyone with kids who can't "fend for themselves" - infants, toddlers, etc.
Second, maybe you can get some help so you can work?
Third, you need to start implementing some strategies where she can do an activity by herself, at your feet if needbe, and you praise her for lasting 3 minutes without interruption. Add a minute each day/every other day.
Right now she has you under her thumb and SHE KNOWS IT. You need to decide who's in control, you or your child.
Another idea like co-oping is to find a younger teen to be a mom's helper. They would come to your house and play with/watch your daughter while you're there. Depending on how comfortable you are with the helper and how much your daughter is clingy to YOU vs just wanting someone to play with, you could stay in the room to keep an eye on things or go to another part of the house. It's usually a lot cheaper then a MDO program because you're not asking for lots of experience, just someone to play with them like a big brother or sister while you get things done. With the summer coming up, it'd be the perfect time to find someone.
I understand how frustrating it can be to be trying to work from home and watch a toddler at the same time - I'm trying to do the same thing! Oh, another idea I just thought of: we have a back porch I can let our daughter play on and she's much more distracted being outside then anywhere in the house. If you can do your work from there, it may help. Good luck!
I have a 4 year old boy and a 3 year old girl and they are worlds apart. My daughter is more attached to me than my son. My son is more attached to his daddy than me. It is because kids are usually more attached to the same sex parent.
I too sometimes have my daughter hugging my leg or asking me if I can sit with her. If I am busy, I usually tell her that I am working right now and I will play with her when I am finished. In the meantime, I usually give her books to read. (She loves to pretend reading.) She also likes drawing in activity books, writing, cleaning, and putting the silverware away. These are some things that she will do when I am cooking dinner or making a big Sunday breakfast.
Consistency is the key. Make sure you are not giving in when she is begging you for attention while you are working, cooking or cleaning. Just stick with giving her something to do while you are busy. It will be hard at first, but eventually your daughter will adjust.
If your schedule is setup where you have to work during the day, she will have to adust to your schedule and she can do activities while you work. She can for example, pretend she is working like mommy by working in an activitiy book. While you are cleaning, she can dust or wipe things down. And if you are cooking, maybe she can unload the dishwasher or set the table. I know my daughter love doing these things because she can pretend she is a big girl.
These are some things that work for my little girl. I let her know that there are going to be times that I am going to be busy and cannot always stop what I am doing, she understands that the activities are fun and waiting for mommy to finish aint so bad.
I hope this helps,
L.
www.Little-Safe-One.com
I do think it is normal! My 2 1/2 yr old has been going through this phase as well. I lost my job last July when my employer of 12 yrs closed their doors... so now that I'm having issues finding a new job - I'm home all the time. My hubby use to be the "care-taker" of the kids & my son won't let him do anything for him.
For us - we have been having my son go ask daddy for help if daddy is home & mommy is busy. But if that doesn't work, I have my son sit on the counter when I'm cooking & he attempts to help. That way he feels I'm paying attention to him, but I can get dinner cooked & dishes washed (I don't have a dishwasher - well except my left & right hands lol). When I'm doing my job searches - I just let him know mommy is busy or working & she will play with him later. It took a while for him to walk away & find something to do, but I wouldn't give in and let him up when I said it.
Your best bet is to try to set-up bondries and stick to them. Maybe if she wants to be near you when you are working - set up a small desk next to your & let her color or drawl when you are working. When cooking - let her help w/ what she can... my son likes getting the onions, butter or small things from the fridge, likes sitting on the counter, stiring the pots & taste testing. When I grill, garden or sit on the front pourch - he likes being outside w/ me... he even has his own yard tools to "help" with.
Our biggest issue right now is that he wants me to carry him everywhere... he is almost 40# - he's a big boy & I'm about 6 mo prego. Daddy said that if I carry him I lose my Monday off (the night daddy cooks & does dishes), but I can pick him up to put him on the counter, in the car, in a shopping cart and stuff like that - I just can't put him on my hip and walk around with him anymore. So, he is having issues with that & gets really upset when I won't carry him everywhere. But I do understand why daddy is doing what he is... he knows me - eventhough my back was messed up & I was cramping really bad... if I didn't have him telling me no, I would still be carring my 2 1/2 yr old everywhere & picking up my 4 1/2 & 6 yr olds when they asked me to or when my 4 1/2 yr old would jump off the top step of the bus on me after school.
Most of all don't feel bad about being frustrated... we all get that way when we need to get stuff done and can't. It may take a little work & lots of not now honeys, but she will learn that mommy needs to get stuff done. Good luck!
It is time to set boundaries and limits. Make sure she is getting enough one on one attention from you each day. Has anythign changed in her routine since you are working from home now?
If she wants to be near you while cooking, give her something to do while she is in the area, dusting, playing with something that will occupy her long enough. Turn on some cartoons while you are trying to work, my daughter loves Dora, Chuggington, Tigger and Pooh, Blues Clues, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. All very educational and entertaining for kids. We have many DVR'd so we can watch them anytime.
Let her know that she can only nurse at certain times and she needs to ask for it nicely, never too early for please and thank you. Sippy cups any other time. No problem with extended nursing, just have your limits. She is probably only nursing for comfort or attention at this time.
Household help to occupy her while you work is definitely reccommended. Anyone in the family/neighborhood that can take her outside for a little bit while you work? Can you do more work while she is napping instead of while she is awake? Good luck.
