My 3-Year Old Is Spitting at Me...

Have you tryed to tell her if she does that again you will put ( very little) vinager in her mouth?
Just a little just enough to give her a bad tast in her mouth.
It works good on saying bad word also.

It seems to me that this is a control issue... she is taking control in one of the few areas of her life that she CAN control. The more you react, the more control she feels she has. I suggest trying not to react to this behavior. Also, maybe try giving her more control in other areas. Let her choose what she wants to wear, which books she wants you to read to her, which plate or cup she'd like to use, etc. Try to make a point of giving her as many choices in her life as possible, so you can save the "big" choices for you to make.

Hope that helps! Good luck to you!

If and when she spits the food at you, immediately take her away from the table, put her in time out and don't let her eat. She will not starve, believe me.

Dear God--you are hitting your 3 year old in the mouth? I hope I read that wrong, but if so, I think that is horrible.

First, I am not a fan of catering to the food whims of children, I have never heard of a child starving themselves to death by skipping a meal or two.

Secondly, relatively little food is still a full meal for a 3 year old. Three tablespoons of veggies is considered a full serving at that age.

Third, where does your daughter fall in the percentiles?

She may be reacting very strongly to your having two children in rather quick order after her. I am imagining that the living situation is stressful--her dad is gone and you are living with others and likely tired from the final trimester of your pregnancy, dealing all day with a two year old who you also find to be a 'handful'? Think of all that is happening from her perspective.

Getting into a battle of wills is a HUGE problem at any time, but over food? You are setting her up for all sorts of eating disorders and issues by things getting to the point where you are striking her over food and her actions tied to food.

I'd reach out to your Ped and find out what his/her advice is, see if she is having any textural processing issues and possibly look into getting your own place so there is not added chaos by being a boarder with friends--which is a wholly different dynamic that you didn't really delve too deeply into, but I am betting the issues have been present only since that living situation and were not in place when you had your own home.

I'd also take many preventative steps to not get pregnant next time dad is home on leave, either. You've got your hands more than full, are adding another child to the mix and are still extremely young. At this rate you'll be like the Duggars.

Good morning, S.,

I know this may sound kind of harsh, but the truth is, no child will allow themselves to starve. When she is refusing food offered and spitting it at you, say calmly,and with a friendly smile, "I see you are not hungry now. We will try at the next meal time. You may go (play/nap/read/whatever) now." And then stick to it.

You cannot allow yourself to show upset or anger at all; that will be letting her get the reaction she wants and be in charge. This will sure test not only your mettle, but your acting skills as well, lol! But it is essential to her character development to know that Mom is lovingly in charge, and won't get down to her level and fight with her.

It will be important to keep other foods out of her reach, such as cookies, crackers, candy, even fruit. She needs to learn that when she is hungry, Mom will give her healthy food to eat. The other things can be for afternoon snack on days she has eaten her meal.

God bless you. Aren't kids fun?

S., when children are that young, they'll eat only when they're hungry. Can it be that she eats snacks throughout the day? If that's the case, it's an easy fix. Hide all snacks and put them out of reach. Popping her in the mouth is never the answer. I've seen parents force their kids to sit at a table and bark at them to eat all their food 'or else' while wagging their fingers in front of their child's face and yelling. Ask yourself: would I like someone to disrespect me like that? You'll see her attitude change if you change yours first. It sounds as if she's reacting to your frustration/aggression. If this sounds familiar, why not try a totally different approach? Cook a delicious meal but don't serve your daughter a plate. I'm not suggesting you starve her or withhold food from her. I'm just saying wait for her to come to the food. It sounds crazy, but it works. When she sees the rest of the family enjoying the food, invite her to have 'just a taste.' She'll come around. Good luck!

Oh those were the days! It will get better! I found that when times like those arose at the dinner table, ignoring worked best. When she realizes that she is not getting a reaction from you, she will probably stop. If you are up for some reading help, I would suggest the book "1,2,3 Magic".

Dear S.,
I have an almost 3yr. old girl who can cop quite an attitude at times too, so I feel for you. I, however, do not have another child to keep me busy along w/ my 3yr. old, so I have a little more time to figure out what I can do to help shape her behavior when she has her "moments"; what I have done is try and do some distraction when she acts up at the table, along w/ some "if, then" scenarios; if she keeps her food in her mouth, she gets to have her favorite dessert-if she eats one more bite of something such as a vegetable, she will get more maccaroni(her favorite); that way it's somewhat positive and they will be motivated to behave w/ a positive reward. I find it works better for her than negative consequences most of the time. Good Luck!

At that age kids become very picky about their food that they are eating. When you give her food tell her she can eat what she wants and if she doesn't want to eat then that is fine. Do not force her to eat or tell her she can't get up until she eats. They won't go hungrary. When the time comes she will eat but make sure you don't sub. for junk food. If they can't eat healthy food then NO sugar. good luck. PS. I think I would of punish my child the same way also if they spit food at me also so don't get to stressed out.

Wow, not to be rude, but popping her on the mouth is really awful and not going to help her learn at all. It's just mean. You're really young with 2 young children and might benefit from some parenting classes. I don't mean that to be an insult.

So..kids that age won't starve themselves to death. Put food in front of your child. Personally I don't cater to their wants--they get what I get (within reason. Obviously I wouldn't give them really spicy stuff, etc). Put a plate in front of her. Don't make her eat. If she doesn't want it, or if she is rude at the table by spitting, take her plate away. She's done til the next meal. When she comes back hungry in 1/2 hour, sorry, you didn't eat your meal and that's why you're hungry. She'll be eating her meals in no time. Don't get angry, don't make it a battle. You can't win. You can't force her to eat if she doesn't want to. You can, however, set food up as a power struggle and make it a miserable experience for everyone. Food is enough of an issue for teen girls (anorexia, bulimia, etc) that adding to making food an issue at this age? Not a good idea.

You're battling too much. If she's hungry, she'll eat. If she's not, let her get down. Just don't fill her up with snacks. She'll start eating regular meals soon.

I have an extremely picky eater, and my pediatrician has always told me to relax, offer him food, and not worry if he doesn't eat it - he won't starve. Little kids can feel really out of control sometimes - often the only things they CAN control are eating, sleeping, and toileting (these have always seemed like the biggest challenges for me as a parent!). If she senses that you'll give her a lot of attention when she refuses to eat, it may reinforce the behavior...ignoring it has always worked really well for me. Also -- I can't imagine the stress you're under right now, with two little ones, another on the way, and a husband deployed. Please take care of YOURSELF as much as you can. You deserve it.

I think the three year old is just trying to get attention. I would give it to her, with activities. Most kids dont want to eat (I babysit) and there are days when they will eat everything and want more and days when I see all this wasted food and cringe. She will get hungry one day. I would make something that smells GREAT and put it in front of her. Everyone else should eat and ignore her spitting out food. If she doesnt eat during "food" time, then that is her decision. I wouldnt discipline for that because like I said, EVENTUALLY, she will have to eat. Offer her liquids during the day as normal so she doesnt dehydrate. If she doesnt eat her lunch (say you have spaghetti) I would offer her the "untouched" plate for dinner. Do that everyday until she gets the point. You could also try a sticker chart for eating all her food or telling her you will go out for ice cream or to the park for good eating. hope ive helped!

had this problem with my middle child except she was just spitting (not food). i tried popping her to no avail either. one day she spit in my older daughter's face!!! so here's what worked (however it may sound) i gave the older girl a glass of oj waited about 30 min and then told her to "spit back" i also informed the younger one that this was very unpleasant and not acceptable, but some times once you know how it feels, you look at things differently, i explained that her sister was going to spit on her this time and she would have to sit in the center of the kitchen for five minutes!!! (under supervision and if she wipped it off we would start again) sounds real mean and pretty nasty but it worked!! only had to do this one time... good luck...as far as the not eating.... leave her for a while she'll get hungry soon enough if you don't give in right away with extra attention and special food.

Keep up your discipline!!! Taking her food away, time-out, the whole routine until she learns that that is not ok. Keep it up - she must learn early that you mean business. Good luck and God Bless your family - Bible reading and prayer always gives me strength.

Goodness, it sounds like you have your hands full! CChildren sometimes use food as a way of having control over something. It's one of the few things that you can't really force them to do, and they figure that out. My suggestion: just serve her food at designated snacks and mealtimes. If she doesn't eat, don't make a big deal out of it. Just tell her that she can't eat again until the next snack or meal. She may throw some tantrums, but just ignore those. If you stay calm and try not to force her, eventually, she'll have to eat. She'll get hungry. And she'll realize that you're not fighting with her on this, so it'll lose it's appeal for her. Good luck!

S.,
God bless you! What a situation you are in. I cannot imagine how hard it is with your husband away. But I have a couple ideas I think will really help. (We'll pray for you and for your husband to return safely and soon!)

My son (almost 13 months) had a bad habit of slapping his tray at meal times. At the time, it was "cute" but we know later on, when he would eat finger foods it would be a big mess. We tried several things and finally asked our peditician. She said to remove the object after the second no to end the behavior. That way he'd see if he slaps, his tray (and the food) is removed. We started doing that and we don't have a problem anymore. Granted it took time and patience.

If I were you, I would do 2 things. One, only give your daugther a couple of choices at mealtimes. Like "green beans or spinach". (But don't be a short order cook!)They should have what you have. Second, when she spits food at you, tell her "no! Do not spit your food." If she does it a second time, end the meal immediately. Children won't starve themselves. If you offer your child breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner then your child has plenty of opportunities to eat and will not starve. She may throw a temper-tantrum for a day, but stick with it. Be consistant every time. It will work.

With regards to snacks, all meals should be at least 2-3 hours apart, including snacks. If you offer food every 30 minutes they will remain picky, holding out for "the good stuff".

For more tips on getting rid of bad behaviors check out the "Babywise" series of books by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam and watch "Supernanny" on NBC (I think) at 8pm central. They have great advice...I've seen it work!

oh yeah, my little girl would do the same thing and the best thing to do is to ignore the behavior. What worked for me: 1st time tell her not to do that it's not acceptable and warn that the next time she'll be put in time-out. 2nd time, put her in time-out, if she continues put her back in time-out, but do not talk or make eye contact and go about what you were doing. Keep doing this over and over and eventually she should get the message. She will still push and push, but hang in there and be consistent.

good luck

My 3 year old daughter is also refusing to eat. My doctor told her if she didn't start eating (and had lost weight), they would have to put a tube down her nose to get the food in her belly. She is still refusing to eat meals, but we are keeping her weight in check with giving her one can of equate vitamin drink a day. She is maintaining her weight and eating some.

With dad not home, and another little baby coming along to compete for attention with, it's not a surprise your oldest is acting out. As a mom of four, ages 19 mos. to 10 years, it is my experience that punishment does not work. Never has, never will. (Sorry, Supernanny) You may get a short term result that appears to be compliance if you are persistent but at what cost? Your daughter's place in the world is upside down right now and eating, or not, is something she can control. Taking more control from her through anger and punishment is not going to work. She needs to know that she is safe, loved and secure. If you want the acting out to stop, work with her in positive ways. It is good that you are giving her the food she asks for. When she spits it out do your best to ignore the bad behavior. She is just trying to get attention. Walk out of the room and tell her that you will only eat with her when she isn't being gross. Do it very casually too. When she sees she isn't getting what she wants (the attention), maybe this will stop. When she stops, make a huge deal out of it that way you are reinforcing the behavior that you do want.

I am sorry, I do not have any advice. But you and your family are in my prayers. Thank you for what you and your husband do for us! I can only imagine how difficult it is.

Sounds like a power struggle. The thing about eating is, just like potty training, you can't MAKE them!!! IMHO you should put her in time out and take away the food when she spits. She will eventually get hungry enough to eat "nicely".
Trust me, she will NOT starve herself! Just make sure not to give in, and don't give her something else instead. Of course, children do have things they just dont' like, but if she is doing it with everything then it's not just because she doens't like it. And even if she doesn't like something, you don't want her to think it's ok to spit it out!
Good luck.

Hi. I am a mother of 4. I have had similar experiences with my boys. I know that my kids have sometimes gone to drastic measures to get my attention, even if it is negative attention, when they feel stressed. Three seems to be a hard age to begin with, the time when most kids start struggling to be more independent and testing limits. It also sounds like your family is dealing with a lot of changes with having dad away and a new baby coming soon. Even though it sounds like you are a super involved mom, your little one is seeking more attention. I wouldn't worry that much about the food spitting. I think she's doing it because she can get a rise out of you. The most important thing is to figure out why she feels she needs the attention. In the mean time, if she spits, I would simply tell her to leave the room until she is ready to act appropriately, or take her plate until she feels she is ready to act respectfully at the table. If she consistently fails to get a reaction out of you it will probably stop. As for the attention seeking, a parenting class I attended suggested the impotance of what they referred to as GEMS - genuine encounter moments. The premise is that having a few minutes of genuine, quality, one-on-one interaction with your child is enough to satisfy them. Having multiple children myself, I know how difficult it is to give everyone one-on-one attention, but usually a little goes a long way. Also, routine means so much to children this age. Especially since you're dealing with so many changes right now, giving your child a routine gives them a sense of order and helps them to stay grounded. Routine helps a child who is feeling out of control to be more in control by knowing what to expect. It doesn't have to be anything big, having the same routine before bed (bath, pjs, book..) is a really good place to start. Also, if you have any free time (hahahaha), I recommend the book Redirecting Children's Behavior by Katherine Kvohls. Good luck and keep the faith. This phase will pass!

Being spit at is so frustrating. However, I don't think you want to propogate food battles with your little one--or to be hitting her in the face. My pediatrician has reminded me that toddlers will eat a lot at times and very little at others times because their growth has slowed since they were infants. I offer my son all the food we're having at that meals and let him decide how much to eat (he has also spit out food and thrown it on the floor). When he doesn't eat much it's frustrating, but kids are okay as long as they continue to take liquids.

Obviously, you are very young and have a lot going on. I agree with the other moms whose doctors said she won't starve herself. My kids' doctor said the same thing and he was right. Kids WILL eat when they are hungry. They do not starve themselves.

Don't make it a battle. You won't win. Just offer her food at meal times. If she can eat without spitting at you, fine. If not, just remove her plate calmly and tell her there will be no food until the next meal. Follow through, calmly and matter-of-factly.

Continue doing this until she understands that spitting will not be rewarded with Negative attention from you. She may be enjoying getting a rise out of you. I wouldn't waste my time with timeouts/spankings or punishment. It won't work, and you don't want meal times to become a battle of wills.

Living in someone else's house sounds stressful at best, and I am sure you miss your husband. Hopefully, you will be able to get into your own quarters soon. Your daughter may have some issues with living in someone else's home.

I would think long and hard about adding a fourth child to this mix. You are about to have three children under age four and that is a handful for anyone.

Good luck to you.

HI mom of 3 yr old daughter, I am a 29 yr old mom of four and can somewhat sympathize with you as my husband is also deployed and yes I have my hands full! Your circumstances seem a bit unstable with dad leaving and that your staying with friends, which weve all been there so I am not knocking you for that i was just thinking of what may be going through her head and how shes feeling. So my advice to you is to try to put her food in front of her and if she doesnt eat she doesnt eat. She will get hungry enough that she will eat what is put in front of her. Ignore her outbursts but when she is calm down try to spend some time just with her, like holding her or making sure she knows that mommy is there not going to leave and that she still matters although life right now is chaotic. No one except military wives know what other military wives go through!! Also have you tried to get daddy dolls for your kids? That really helped my little one when he left this past time. I also noticed that she would be so bad and my negative attention would make that grow until I decided to meet her negative outbursts with positive reinforcement and positive attention. So what I am saying in a nut shell is that when I notice her being bad, I start showing her more attention and give her more of my time. Hope this helps!!

Hi
I'd just like to encourage you to keep up the good work with your children. How long has your daughter been refusing to eat? I have a five year old who went thru that same episode at about 1 1/2. It lasted for about five months. I offered him wide varieties of of fruits and vegetables everyday. I started giving him a flinstone vitamin(it tastes like candy)to supplement his bad eating habits. I also did not let him dictate to me what he was or was not going to eat. That meant no snacks or junk food. When he started eating he ate everything on his plate. It seems like ever since he started eating he's been trying to make up for those five months he didn't eat. If you're still worried talk to your pediatrician. God Bless you. Tell your husband I said thank you for serving his country.

I don't think your problem has anything to do with what you feed your daughter or whether or not you give her snacks. It does sound like a control issue, and I'm all for the idea of trying to give her control over certain things like her book/clothing choices, etc. But this is also about teaching her appropriate behavior.

I do think she is feeding off of your reaction, so the first thing is to act as calm and unruffled as possible when she spits (easier said than done, I know!). Remind her when you sit down to eat that spitting is not allowed, and that if she has something in her mouth that needs to come out, she can spit it in a napkin. Give her a napkin and let her eat. If she spits her food out, calmly remind her that spitting is not allowed and have her leave the table. You can try setting up a small table where she can eat alone until she's ready to follow the rules and join the family back at the big table, or you can just let her leave the table and ignore her until she's ready to rejoin you. If she chooses to spend the rest of the meal away from the big table, fine. Remove her food when you clear away your own. Ignore her except for maybe a calm warning about five minutes before you're ready to clear the table. Let her know that if she wants to eat her food, she has five minutes to do so, and leave it at that. If she doesn't eat, I wouldn't give her a snack. I would have her wait until her next meal. If she does choose to come back to the big table to eat with you, don't make a big deal, just say you're glad she's decided to join you, and let her eat until she's done as long as she follows the rules. If she spits again, remove her from the table again. Just be consistent about her not being welcome at the table unless she uses her manners and follows the house rules. If you stay calm and never back down, she'll get it eventually.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

Hi S.,
My name is K. and I do a lot of education with famlies, especially w/ discipline and setting boundaries. You can see my profile for my professional info. First, I feel so bad your husband is deployed for so long. I have a lot of friends in the Military and I really think they need to make some circumstances for new famlies and famlies of young children. these are the most important years and have a huge impact on behavior and family structure later in life. Your little girl probably misses her daddy(as I am sure you do too, which puts a lot of stress on you) and is looking for some attention. Usually when 3 yr olds react in a certain manner and pattern, when something is bothering them. They are able to understand feeling and emotion but usually express it by acting out. She may have some jealously with the new baby coming too. I would maybe try to sit her down and talk to her about things that she is upset about. These are the years to develop great bonds and trust with your children. I would suggest time outs, they work well and give the child time to think about there behavior. If she starts thowing food or acting innapropriate at the dinner table I would pick her up and place her in a time out. Pick a spot for the time out and always use that spot for consistancy. Keep the time outs short, like 3 min or so. If she tries to get up place her back in the time out(time out starts over if she gets up). The first couple times she will probably try to get up, but be consistant and keep placing her back. When the time out is complete, get down on her level and explain her behavior and have her repeat why she had a time out and thank her for completing the time out. If it happens again or another behavior do the same thing, but since she is only 3 keep the time outs shorts. I would strongly dicourage any smacking, spanking, ect. If she runs out in the street or something, that is dangerous and deffinatly deserves a slap on the hand. 3 yr olds also like to help out and be involved. Have her talk to the baby in your belly or kiss your belly. This will invole her and she will like that. You can get her involved with your 2 yr old too, by games or have her color your son a picture. You cna also involve her in making cards for daddy and the new baby. 3 yr olds love a sense of accomplishment. You may already do some of these things. Sorry, if my response is so long but I love helping famlies. I am trying myself to have a baby, but no luck yet. I am going to be 33 so I hope it happens soon. I hope I helped you. Also for you I would recomend for you to attend a moms support group. With 2 young children and another on the way, and your husbands deployment I think it would be very helpful. You could even take some of that stress out on the kids without even realizing it. Not to scare you, but because of all the stress you are at a higher risk for post-partum depression so be sure to take care of yourself. If you need any info on any of this write me back. I would also like to know if my advice was helpful for you. Are you planning on nursing? Just curious because I am a board certified lactation consultant. I hope things are getting better for you. I would love to hear from you. K. J.

Our doctor told us that this was normal for toddlers, some months they will eat non-stop (like my son for the past month, saying he's hungry ALL DAY LONG lately) and some months they just won't eat much of anything. One thing that helped during those stubborn days was we turned dinner into a game, (my 3-year old loves x-games) we call it "x-games dinnertime" and we announce like it's an actual motorcycle competition... "here comes Drew at the top of the ramp, he's got his fork in his hand, I like his strategy... the judges are watching, let's see what he's got for us... BROCCOLI, that's definately going to help his score..." it's fun, it makes dinner long and all the attention is on him, but it works. We also say, "I wonder if he can eat more than Travis (15 month old brother) and once it's a competition, he shovels the food in. good luck, I know it's tough turning EVERYTHING into a game just to get through the day :)

S.,
I read a similiar question posed to Dr. James Dobson, and it had to do with the person's child making herself throw up, because she didn't want to eat. He basically said the eating of food is about the only thing a 3-year old has control over, so he/she sometimes like to do just that 'control.' He also said don't force the child to eat. If she is not hungry have her sit @ the table with the family, but don't force her to eat.... but don't let her get down and play either,(why would she want to eat when she can play?)
I agree with you that a timeout is definetely be in order on the spitting @ you, especially if the hatefulness came with it. And, I personally think the mouth popping is ok too. But, oly if it is done to get her attention, and not done too hard.

Good luck!
A little about me:
Mom to a 10 year old who is a picky eater still. When she doesn't like what I fix, she eats a bowl of cereal.

Oh mama! Kids can be so frusterating at times. I think the best thing to do would be to tell yourself that it is not going to bother you. Offer her food, like usual and if she eats, she eats - if she doesn't, she is probably just not hungry. Like previous posters have said, a child will not starve themself. Let her know ahead of time that spitting food is not okay and to just use her words to tell mama if she is not hungry (then respect that and say, gently "okay, maybe later"). Popping her, on the mouth or anywhere, is not going to teach her what you want. Research difintively shows that hitting teaches hitting. With another little one and a baby on the way, modeling more effective problem solving techniques will benefit everyone. Here is a great site with some good discipline information as well as some info on hitting.
http://askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp
Good luck mama!

when my daughter was around two or three she stopped eating. i took her to the dr. because i was worried. of course the dr. said not to worry. she would eat when she was hungry. he did recomend vitimens. my advice to you is not to sweat it if your child doesn't want to eat just wait until she does want to eat. maybe she will actually want to eat the food instead of spitting it at you. also instead of giving her whatever she wants to eat offer her healthy thing that are fun to eat like veggies with dip, chicken with bbq dip, or peanut butter and banana or even dry cereal. just tell her food is for eating not spitting and if she wants to eat she can have it, if she wants to spit it she will have to wait until she is hungry and ready to eat without spitting. i hope this helps but you have to be consistant with this. try not to let her know it upsets you but be firm. remember this too will pass.
good luck!

u are doing the right things so far,and no matter what she does, u should not let her have any other food or sweets or drinks until she eats what (healthy) food is on her plate. make sure she knows that (spits it or throws it on da floor) whatever she does to her food is her choise but that she will have to eat it in the end, its eather her food or nothing. don't feed her anything until she eats it and act like ur not worried or mad act as if u didn't care but be firm about the situation. also try to get some videos on www.youtube.com
about poor kids who don't have anything to eat, she will learn to respect food and be gratefull for what she has

S. it seems like you have a full plate. Do you think your daughter is acting out because of all the changes that are going on? Her dad is away and you are living with friends. That is a lot for you and your babies. She maybe reaching out for attention. Maybe you 2 can have a girls day out, just you and her. God bless you, and your ENTIRE family. A special thanks to your husband for serving our country.
LOL!

Dear S.,

I know exactly what you are dealing with. I am the mother of a 3 yr old that has suddenly developed the personality from hell. As far as the problems with not eating, I deal with it as follows. I know that when she gets hungry she will eat. I dont get into arguements with her. Your 3 yr old is trying to engage you with the spitting, trying to get attention. I try to spend individual time with mine. It makes a difference when I dont. I only ask that she takes "no thank you bites" when it comes to her veggies. A small amount that is nonnegotiable. I dont budge and she knows it. If you give in once you might as well forget it. I am trying to figure out how to deal with her constantly telling me 'no' and folding her arms, maybe you can help me with that. LOL

Not fun! I know from experience and it can be very frustrating! I have two boys one just turned four and the other just turned two. The two year old does the spitting out thing, even things he likes he will spit out and squash his food. The four year old will eat anything but it's exhausting because he complains about it for ten minutes and then I can finally comvince him to eat it( I think for him he wants me to give him attention). I think your doing good it's just keep offering a varitey of foods on there plates. It took my youngest a year to like beans but i just kept with it an always threw a couple on the plate. I serve usually four or five different things and then offer there favoriate fruit after as a incentive to finish. Somedays it works and somedays it doesn't. I think really it's just being consistent and hopefully by the time they are 12 they aren't still spitting out food at you. I know i probably didn't help but at least you know your not alone.

K.

hey S., just saw the responses to your post and your update...just wanted to say...that i have had to deal with my children doing the same things...i have 3 children 3yrs-7mths.
my oldest did this first, not eating and spitting food out and at me...i say its a stage...i also spent time individually with my children as do you..it didn't seem to be the problem for me too...although i do think that no matter how much time i spend with them one on one or all together they always want and expect more..they are children after all. Also i understand that your child gets healthy snacks two times a day...i also give snacks ..although i did stop giving snacks all together and it did help...although it didn't help with my daughter/ with her i just take her away from the dinner table if she is not eating, or just playing with her food and especially if she is spitting it out or throwing it down at me or not...i usually give her a second chance if she seems like she might actually be hungry , however there is no third chance..2strikes at the dinner table and your out...this has helped with my daughter ..(and also with my son, who started to do this again when he saw her doing it) this has helped me and hope it helps you also ...thanks and God bless A.

First of all, take the advice my pediatrician gave me years ago... a child will not starve themselves to death, so relax. She will eat when she gets hungry enough, and she will eat what you offer!
If she has access to food (can open the fridge, get in the pantry), make sure that what she can reach is healthy. Don't put things you don't want her to eat where she can access them. Then, don't make a big deal about whether or not she eats anything. When she sees that her refusal to eat doesn't bother you, she'll give up the antics. As far as her bad behavior at the table, don't tolerate it. As soon as she does something you don't allow (spitting out food), look her in the eyes and tell her calmly that "We don't do that at the table. If you do it again, you'll have to leave the table." And most importantly, follow through :) If you have to dismiss her, do it calmly and with a verbal reminder of why she's being dismissed, and tell her that she can return when she is ready to mind her manners. Give her another chance if she says she's ready, but repeat the procedure as many times as necessary. It may be exasperating for everyone for a few meals, or a few days, if she's strong-willed, but your patience and persistence will pay off in the end!

my 3 yr old is going through the same phase at least in the not eating area. He will ask for food and then not eat it, but an hour later he asks for more food. I try to only give him food every couple hours and if he doesn't eat it then I make him wait till the next "meal" time (usually two hours max). This gives him more time to get hungry. If they are hungry they will eat. Just don't force the issue. If she spits her food at you, don't yell or pop her mouth, just take the plate away and tell her that she is done and can eat at the next actual meal time (breakfast, lunch or dinner, whichever comes next) She should figure out that if she wants food, she can't spit it at you. Hope this helps.

DON'T FEED HER!

No joke! If she is only doing this during feeding time, tell her, you can have your food if you do not spit it out or at me or anyone else.

When she's agreed, give it to her, and if she starts up with it again, take her food from her and send her to her room.

My doctor told me once, kids aren't going to starve themselves.

So don't worry that if you do this she'll go hungry. She'll be begging for food and not spitting it out cause she'll know that you aren't kidding and her food will disappear if she does.

S. i would of done the same thing! But here is what I found that really works better! Take the food away until she will eat properly. Say NO FOOD, when she spits. Then take it away and repeat it everytime she spits and say NO SPITTING . Do this about 3 x then REMOVE her away from her food until the next meal , keep doing this until her behavior stops--she will eventually get the message! she will be hungry enough to eat instead of bad behavior!

She may just not be hungry...kids that age will eat when they are hungry..i gave up on making specific times to eat and decided to feed my kids when they said they were hungry. I heard from a doctor once that parents are the #1 cause of obese kids because we create this whole ritual for meal times and we are taught to clean our plates. sounds like your toddler is just not hungry and she is be defiant in order to get you to understand she dont want to eat...My advice is dont feed her til she says she's hungry, and you wont have to wear her dinner..lol...hope my advice helps, mine are all teens now and are eating me out of house and home. Good luck. B.

I attend several different groups that serve as a support system for moms. I am a single mom so I was in serious need of help when I encountered situations where I thought I was the only one. When it comes to the not eating, regardless of taste issues, not being hungry or just MISBEHAVIOR, I have been provided with the advice that 1. If they do not eat what is being served and it is not something that you know for sure they didn't like in the 1st place ,than missing a meal will not hurt the child. In fact they will learn that if they do not eat there is nothing more until the next meal and hunger is not a comfortable feeling. 2. Try cutting out snacks if there are too many given through out the day and to much drink will make them more full also. and lastly... Do not offer too many choices this is where they learn to manipulate you.. You have more people in your family to care for and it should be done as a whole not special requests for everyone. I went through this with my 2 yr. old and now she is eating great unless she is just not hungry. The spitting food out I did not suffer through. Keep your head up parenting is a difficult job.We do the best we can and learn everyday .

Wow, S... from a veteran Mom of 4, it sounds like you two are in a battle of wills which most likely has nothing to do with food but instead is merely that she is trying to take control for whatever reason (she is pushing your buttons). Is your child drinking fluids? Because if not, she could get seriously dehydrated which is a whole other matter. If I were in your situation, as long as she drinks liquids, I would just have her sit with the rest of the family at meal time, with a plate there of foods you know she likes and leave it at that. Tell her if she isn't hungry then that is fine and have everyone 'just ignore' this little problem and enjoy the meal, including her in the conversation as usual. Trust me, when she gets hungry enough, she WILL eat. Maybe offer her some PediaSure to drink so that you know she is getting some vitamins and nutrients? Just don't let her know it's healthy ;-)

I'm sure its frustrating, but a normal part of their struggle to be more independent and in control of their surroundings. Hugs to you. This is only a phase and will pass.

When your daughter spits food out, remove her from the table and tell her she is done for that meal. I would put her in timeout until everyone else is done eating. Under no circumstances should she be given anything but water until the next meal. Also, do not cater to her -- give her whatever you are eating and tell her that's what is for breakfast, lunch, supper, whatever. No dessert unless she's eaten everything else she's been given (or whatever you deem to be an appropiate amount of "good" food). When she's hungry, she will eat. No child will starve himself/herself for very long. As long as you are consistent, I don't think it should take her long to realize that you mean what you say and that if she's hungry, she'd better eat when food is on the table -- and what food is being served. Good luck!