Son Holding Food in His Mouth

Just let him go hungry. Don't make him eat. After a couple hungry nights he might enjoy his dinner. Plus giving him a little control over the matter might be all he needs.

My son did the same thing. It was a phase w/ him. I just let him know that he needed to chew and swallow his food & that he couldn't leave the table until he finished at least half of his meal. Then there always bribing them w/ desert too. LOL!! It will get better. GOOD LUCK!!

Oh no, no, no...please let your husband read these threads to help you validate your instinct that this is wrong. Wow, your little boy is only a toddler, just learning about food (and therefore nutrition), let alone all the usual power-struggle-issues toddlers have. Almost anything you try to enforce right now with such a heavy hand is going to backfire, but you certainly don't want to do that with food. Family discipline needs to be taught with love and respect and sending him away because he doesn't like what he's eating is so detrimental and won't produce anything but rebellion. Please try something positive to get him to eat - like a reward system! Therefore, he will feel good about swalling that food instead of dreading it. Even dogs get trained with positive reinforcement - children always deserve that.
If your husband won't listen to this advice (from the many women who I know will post threads), please seek professional advice that he WILL listen to.

Wow, this sounds like a control issue on your husbands part. Your son comes out of his room with a smile on his face? I would check his room, I'm sure you will find wads of food tucked away. This solution seems really terrible. Your husband needs to back off, or he will create an eating problem, you said your son is a good eater. Not all people like the same food every day you sit down. If he doesn't eat what the family is having, he gets nothing else....very simple! Tell hubby to relax!!!!!!

Dear A.,

My children used to secretly spit unwanted food into their napkins and think that they got by with it. I didn't say anything, they never did faint or become malnourished from not eating everything. I can just see him coming out of his room with the food gone. I wonder where he spits it. No kidding, I know that it is not funny to you.

Remember, men are not really tuned in to children the way that mothers are. So be patient and explain to your son quietly that he needs to not do that at the dinner table. Tell him that Dad loves him so much and to be a big boy and eat right. Get on the same side as your son, and help him figure out a way to stop that, talk it over.

I remember that my Dad would have us come in early to supper so that we could 'calm down' and get cleaned up. then he would be very tough about us chewing properly and being quiet at the table. He never did demand so much from us as he did at the dinner table. He was just trying to help us become ladies, and have good manners, I suppose.

Good Luck, C. N.

Hi A.,

I just thought I'd share my personal philosophy on food. This is totally my opinion, though. Now that I'm an adult, I have major issues with food. I won't go into what they are, but my siblings have issues with food too. Our mom was a wonderful mom, but she did force us to eat everything on our plate. Looking back, I can definitely see how that has caused me to have the issues and struggles I have now with food. So I decided that for myself as a parent I'm going to do things differently. Especially with all of the eating disorders and obesity so prevalent today! I personally just don't feel like it's necessary to have my kids eat everything. They will get hungry when their body tells them they're hungry, and they'll be full when they're done. I personally just don't want to promote overeating, or forcing my kids to eat when they don't want to. I want them to view food as something they need to sustain them and that's all. I try to sneak veggies into meals like mac and cheeese and rice and stuff, but other than that my son eats only when he's hungry. And he still does eat healthy foods when he's hungry. This is totally just my opinion, though, and I'm sure many would disagree or say that's unhealthy. But my son is a very very healthy boy! Anyway, I don't know if helps at all in any way, but I wanted to share. Good luck and I'm sure it'll work out!

Please, please do not make food a battleground or the dinner table. If you son does not like a certain food, just take it away. To this day, I still hate certain foods and I sat at the table until bedtime because I just couldn't eat canned peas, my mother's stew or her meat loaf. I would eat anything else but those three. One day, i couldn't eat anything because I didn't feel good. I sat at the table for two hours and then I broke out in measles. My mother felt so guilty that it never happened again and my younger siblings didn't have to got through that either. If I didn't want to eat it I just didn't and if I was hungry, tough. I also followed that policy with my children. Your son might have an allergy to the food you are serving. I discovered that the foods my children didn't like, mostly gave them diarrhea or an upset stomach. You have made such an issue of it now, that you may need professional intervention. My advice right now is that if you child doesn't want to eat a food, take it away. Let him go a bit hungry. It won't hurt him and he might reconsider. You and your husband must do this together, not with anger, or a loud voice, but calmly and matter of factly, be consistent and firm. Let us know how it goes. Also, making food an issue now can lead to weight problems later, believe me I know.

This situation is where eating disorders can start.

Offer choices...everyone needs power in his/her life. Be sure the choices are healthy.

The food issue with your husband and child is like me telling him he has to use a PC when he prefers a Mac because I like a PC. Both are good choices and have their good points, but he would like to make the choice and maybe prefers a Mac b/c it offers some things a PC doesn't. Same with him and his food choices.

ALAM: 18 years as a Special Education teacher to children who are emotionally disturbed; mother of 3, grandmother to 2.

I don't think that sending Seth to his room will help. I wouldn't make a big deal about food as long as he is a good eater like you say. I'm afraid that your husband's controlling may do more harm than good. Just listen to yourself, if you feel it's wrong your intuition is probably right. Don't be afraid to stand up to what you feel is best for Seth

My middle son would scream and throw a fit when peas rolled into the mashed potatoes and we would send him to his room until "he could act appropriately at the table." He was 4 at the time. Your son is quite young though and I wonder if he is really swallowing the food or if you will find it hidden somewhere in his room. If he doesn't like the food, tell him he must taste one bite...in front of you ... and then don't push that food. Children usually know when they are hungry. I also put the plate away and then later when they said they were hungry, gave it to them and they would eat it. With the microwave you can easily reheat it. My sons sometimes ended up with cold suppers:(
H.

Wow, I thought my daughter was the only one. She would take bites, chew a little then just keep it in her mouth. Sometimes I wouldn't be able to tell if she swallowed and when she would take another bite, her mouth would be so full, I thought she would choke. Sometimes I would find that she had fallen asleep still with food in her mouth. Yikes. Well, now I watch her, make sure she takes small bites and continually remind her to chew and swallow before taking another bite. I don't think there should be any punishments when it comes to food, I don't want her to grow up having an emotional attachment (or detachment) to food. I believe food is for nourishment, not punishment. Just watch your son and gently remind him he needs to swallow. If he doesn't finish his meal, so be it. He won't starve.
Good luck
M.

Food is a way for him to get attention. Smiling is his way of saying, I got exactly what I wanted.
Do you think is always a good idea for kids to eat what parents eat?
Is there enough variety for him?
Does he get to make any decisions around dinner time?
Does he help prepare dinner?
Does he ever get to choose the menu?
Does Seth do this at any other meal time?
How does he regard food during the day?
Is it just when dad is home?
Is he swallowing the food in his mouth or have you searched his room?

At 2 1/2 he is developing a personality.

Do you want him to develop a positive or negative relationship with food and with family meal times?
These are questions I always ask my new parents before we begin our family nutritional coaching.

B.
Family Nutritional Coach
____@____.com

A.,
My son did the same thing. I was told by a nutritionist that we should never have arguements about food. That the parents decide WHAT and at WHAT TIME the kids will eat, but the kids decide HOW MUCH. Most important thing to remember is that your children will not starve themselves.

These are her "ten commandments" for eating:

Thou shalt not force, bribe or coerce thy child to eat.
Thou shalt set a good example by eating at least five fruits and vegetables, three whole grain products, and three dairy servings per day thyself.
Thou shalt make mealtimes pleasant.
Thou shalt encourage thy child to help in meal planning, preparation, and cleanup.
Thou shalt back off when mealtime becomes a power struggle.
Thou shalt accept food "binges" as phases that will eventually pass.
Thou shalt accept the fact that thy child is an individual and thus will dislike certain foods (and there may be many!).
Thou shalt not give up on introducing thy child to new foods. Thou shalt realize it sometimes takes ten tries to get a child to accept a food.
Thou shalt use this division of responsibility for eating: As the parent, thou art responsible for deciding when and what to serve. Thy child is responsible for deciding how much (if any) will be eaten.
Thou shalt give thy child a multivitamin-mineral supplement if he is a picky eater.

Have you checked your sons room to make sure he is not spitting the food out in there? My father made me sit at the table once when I was little to finish the liver that was served. I sat there with the liver in my mouth for two hours. I still don't like liver.

Setting up eating situations to be a war zone is a lesson in futility. I do agree with you that the whole family eats the same meal. Moms who are doing short order cooking usually are frustrated ( because they "know" that they're adding fuel to the fire). I wonder where you son is spitting his food? It's just not wise making eating so confrontational, because people really do have control over what they eat, and where they go to the bathroom.

Where am I coming from? Working for 30 years with kids with special needs. I think a common sense approach of at least having your son taste the food ( or take a bite of everything on the plate) is reasonable. After all- there are things that we adults don't eat- so why do we expect kids to eat everything? Mealtimes should be a time that the family comes together and shares (even young kids pick up on that). I wouldn't make a big issue of it. Of course if he refuses to eat just about anything, then he shouldn't get a sweet or dessert afterwards. Those are "bonuses", and are only used when we eat our meals! That worked in my own family.

Best of luck to you all.

All kids this age go through this phase of holding food in their mouth. So it's not only your son. Boys and girls all do this. They grow out of it, with or without punishment.

Second, as long as your Husband is not "yelling" at your son or putting him down in any way... or demoralizing your son when he himself is "infuriated"...then, this seems "okay." Otherwise, it is just a Parent taking out his/her anger at the child.... which is not cool.

There are ways to "teach", "scold", "punish" so as not to demoralize a child. Usually, when we "scold" our children... we do not insult them personally or their feelings... rather we talk about the "behavior" or action, which is not pleasing. We also explain "why" it is not acceptable. ie: you can't just say "eat your food because I said so..." Kids are smart... and they will not take it seriously if you give them a flippant arrogant answer like that. At least mine are that way.

Yes, your son may be spitting his food out when he is ordered to leave the dinner table & go to his room. This is a possibility.

Sure, Hubby is the Dad and the head of the household...BUT at a proper time, you should BOTH be able to discuss the discipline of your children. A Husband is not always the "correct" nor the end all decision maker in a house of children. It has to be a shared decision, or at least supportive. To me, that is. For example: my son just made 24 months... he has started to shout sometimes and yell... as is typical. But sometimes, my Hubby will try to punish him for that in a way that, to me, he is not yet ready for. So, I tell my Husband. Then we discuss it, then sure enough... he agrees with me (not that that is the point), but then he realizes our son is too young for "big kid" reasoning and scoldings. And certainly, although my son gets it... I don't want him being raised to have no voice. He just needs redirection and shown positive ways of getting his yah-yah's out... .and this in turn nurtures cooperation. Our kids are fine and good and we raise them that way.

There are all methods. Do what you feel is best. If sending your son to his room makes you uncomfortable for some reason... TALK with your Hubby about it.

I remember, as a 2nd grader in school, I had a teacher that was just mean to the bone. During lunch in the cafeteria... she told the kids that we HAD TO eat EVERYTHING on our plates or we could not leave and we had to stay there no matter what. Not one crumb of food could be left on the plate. The kids cried and was afraid of her. She slammed rulers on the table too. Everyone hated her. Even the Parents could not stand her.... and they spoke out. This was not her only errant behavior. She was just mean to kids overall & in the classroom. Anyway, my Dad invited her over for dinner one night at our home... then he noticed she didn't eat everything on her plate...so he told her "you have to eat everything on your plate or you can't go home..." Well, she was SO aghast that someone told her this, and she got sarcastic about it. Well, my Dad put her in her place and told her point blank- "Your attitude is not going to work with me, I'm not afraid of you like the children are. That is what you are forcing the children to do at school...don't you know how unreasonable that is now???" Then he got up, and offered her dessert. He had made his point. The Teacher apologized to my Parents. In addition to the many complaints she got from other Parents, she was disciplined at school.

This is something I have remembered all these years... and it really taught me something in life, as a child. I really respected my Dad for "teaching" me lessons like this in life.

I believe that there are other ways around this...either make dinner time a peaceful family time, or not. Your Hubby also needs to curb his anger about it. This is not good.

All the best,
Susan

Food is often about exerting control as it is one of the few things a toddler does have control over. My advice is to take all the energy off the issue. Offer him dinner. Have him stay at the table with you. You eat. If he is hungry he will eat. If not, clear his plate, and if he askes for different food later remind him that dinner time is food time. Then drop it. This is a power struggle that you cannot win, and focusing on it will only cause you HUGE problems in the future.

I honestly think it is a stage. My son did the same thing around that age and it lasted a lot longer than we wanted it too. Are you sure that he is not hiding the food somewhere in his room? We made our son stay at the table. My husband used to the same thing when he was little and remembered spitting it out when he went to the bathroom later. That's why our son wasn't aloud down until he finished what was in his mouth. I think you just have to be firm and stick to your guns. Good luck!

Your son is only 2 1/2! WAY TOO YOUNG to understand why he's being forced to go to his room and swallow his food. At 2 1/2 you should be making him the things that he likes. He needs to eat in order to grow, and you should NEVER force a child that young (or any child for that matter) to eat something that they don't like.
Our oldest two children are 4 and 6 and they know that they are to eat what we're serving, but they're old enough to know that if they don't eat, they'll be hungry. If I'm making something that they absolutely hate, I'll make an alternate meal for them.
Please stop forcing your baby boy to eat things that he doesn't like. How would you like it if somebody forced you to eat something that you hate?

Hello A.,

I have the same concern for my son, who is 2 1/2 years old. I've spoken with my pediatrician, and she tells me that children at our son's age are very picky with their foods, and don't eat much, and usually will eat when they are hungry.

I've also expressed concerned to a friend of mine who has a child as the same age, the same thing is happening, her kid isn't eating much either. She's having a hard time.

So you're not alone, if you feel like you can't get your little one to eat. I hope this helps!

Think about this...
*We don't like every kind of food right? and sometimes the food we do like isn't alway appealing to us.
*children eat and eat most days but then there are days that they don't eat much at all.
Is it that he isn't hungry when he does that or is it he is just playing around? If he is playing then yes stop the behaivior now. We all have our own way of disipplining our kids. Use what ever works for you. (just be sure he isn't spitting it out someplace in his room and it isn't sitting there getting moldy and gross.)
MAybe if he is playing around you should make him spit it in the trash and tell him he is done with dinner and there will be no snacks later. Clean his plate up right then and make him continue to sit there until you all are done eating.
Good luck
B.

Wow! I'm glad I'm not a kid in your house! What a crazy rule! Your husband may be a great husband, but it sure sounds like he is making some very bad parenting decisions. He has serious control issues! You are causing strife and dangerous behavior in the household simply because you have this authoritarian "I am the boss, you will do what I say" rule in your home. A very bad idea. It will backfire on you BIG TIME in the long run. Talk some sense into your husband if you can. And if he refuses to change this rule, that will tell you a lot about who you are actually married to. Someone who insists on having his rules followed regardless of the damage it does to your kids. Not good. The teen years in your house will be hell if this continues. You need to choose your battles, and this should definitely not be one of them.

I think 2 1/2 is too young to punish in that way. I agree it IS important to have him eat healthy and eat politely. However, the more you give this attention, the more it's actually encouraging the behavior. While it's OK to expect everyone to eat one meal (and not make a separate meal), I wouldn't be "too" strict about it and force him to swallow or eat everything, etc. Sometimes this could lead to eating disorders. That's why they say not to reward (or punish) with food. It shouldn't be associated as an emotional situation at all. So I believe the solution would be to give him his meals and if he doesn't like it, don't make him eat it, but don't give him something else either. If he's not going to eat (or is holding food in his mouth to get attention), then simply say eating time is over and remove him from the table. Maybe he's just not hungry. If he still has food in his mouth, just ignore it. He'll either swallow it or eventually spit it out, but I think if you take him away from the situation without making a huge deal of it, you're keeping true to teaching him it's not OK at the dinner table and at the same not making it an ongoing battle. Toddlers are very finicky eaters and go through stages where their taste buds change and also they go through growth spurts where they eat all day, and then there are periods where they eat nothing at all. I don't know how my 4 year old who eats barely anything survives, but she does. I know your son is kind of young to understand the concept of a sticker chart, but I really think it's better to encourage the good behavior so if he isn't eating, then meal time is over (no debating it) but it's not really a punishment rather it's just the rules. When he does eat and politely doing so, reward his good behavior with praise (rather than it just being expected of him). This is how children learn in a positive atmosphere, and it tends to get better results than learning by fear of punishment which really doesn't teach them why it's bad. As far as the keeping food in the mouth, either ignore it (will take some time, but I guarantee he'll stop doing it, if it's not getting him any attention, good or bad). Or if it's absolutely necessary, tell him if he swallows it (or give him the option to spit it out in a napkin), then he can get a sticker on his chart, or some other incentive. At this age, they really can't understand reason and the properness of things so they need positive incentive (which gives them confidence in themselves instead of feeling they are bad) and then when they are a little older, they can understand more about reasons for proper behavior and move into the consequences (loss of privileges).

I would recommend talking to your husband privately (without your son hearing you so that it will be a joint effort and your son will see you as a team), and explaining that you looked into how to handle the situation because the current method isn't working and that you'd like to try a different way and make these suggestions (or whatever you feel comfortable with). Give it a month and see if you get results. And to clarify, the reward system doesn't need to be used forever. Once the behavior changes, it becomes natural and you'll see that the rewarding will be unnecessary after a while once the new behavior is learned - although it's always good to reward with verbal praise. I hope that makes sense and that you find the advice helpful. Always go with your mother's tuition. Every child is different with different personalities and different challenges so naturally every child learns differently. One thing may work for one child but not another and vice-versa. There is no cookie-cutter method to things - do what works for you and your family and if it's not working after a good long effort, try something else. Just another tip, you might want to designate a time-out chair somewhere outside his room. You want his bedroom to be a safe comfortable positive place to go (not the bad boy place to go). That was becoming a problem for us with our toddler and now we never use her room as a place to go when she's in trouble. I think it's ok to have her go to her room if she really needs to settle down so we give her the option to read or play in her room "quiet time" to give her a chance to calm down. However, if it's a time-out for doing something wrong (hitting her sister), then it's done in a chair in the kitchen or whereever and we set the timer (I've read one minute for every year old they are is enough and long time to them!). I don't mean to come across as the expert... I've just been where you are and I've learned so much from reading books on the topic and talking to other moms. All my best, K.

p.s. Sorry, I know this is long. Just wanted to add that I also agree with the advice to occasionally let your son participate in the decision making for what might be included with dinner (ask him which vegetable he wants that night, or whatever... it will make him feel included and important and also encourage him to eat it since it was his great idea!). Just like kids misbehaving at the grocery store - give them an IMPORTANT job to do like picking out the fruit or finding the kind of milk you get, or whatever... will keep them occupied and busy all the while they are behaving and learning to help and make decisions, etc. ;)

Hi A., My advice to use is support your husband, as the leader and head of your house hold. Your husband is teaching your son that dad is in charge and he's not, I read so many mamsource stories where the parents are bending to the will of a child, instead of the other way around like it supossed to be. You said after about 2 minutes he come out with a smile and he has swallowed his food, unless he has hit it in the room somewhere,. At 2 1/2 he is just being defiant holding food in his mouth, and your husband is teaching him, that in your home that is not acceptible behavior. There were things mu husband did when our kids were little that at the time I did not agree with, but now that they are grown, I am so thnakful that he did things the way he did, all 3 of our kids have thank both my husband and myself for the way we taught and raised them, our sons 24 and 21, told their dad that they are the men they are today, because of the kind of father they were growing up, so again I say support your husband. J.

Funny! My fil told me my dh would do that. He would hold it for hours and eventually chew it up and swallow it. I would say to your hubby that it's not that big of a deal and to let it go. Punishing him for that is a bit extreme.

Hi, we've found that sometimes the best thing to do with a child this age is to ignore the unwanted behavior. Kids like to get attention, even if it is negative. And if he is coming out with a big smile on his face, he may really be enjoying the positive comments or attitude from swallowing his food from you two and will continue to do it.

We've had a few dinners where one of the kids has disliked what we were eating. We sent the child to bed since they had let us know under no uncertain terms that they didn't like the food and would not eat it. Amazingly, they always came out from brushing their teeth or being tucked into bed saying that they would like to give it another try, or perhaps they could have more of the other items at dinner. A key thing for us was to remain calm and friendly. It made liking or not liking the food a nonissue for us. They knew that they were missing out not only on dinner, but also the social aspect of dinnertime. As the kids have gotten older, (starting at age 3 for one of them) we had them begin to plan meals with us that would be yummy for them and still nutritional. Now they like to cook and will try different recipes.

My best advice would be to not cave in and make something else, and don't let your son dictate how dinner time will be. Kids won't go hungry for long, and an occassional missed meal will not hurt them. They will learn a valuable lesson on trying new things, and knowing that they won't always get what they want.

Good luck!

My 25 mo. old sons does this sometimes, too. He used to do it more often, and I never really connected it to a refusal to eat - but that would make sense! If my boys don't want to eat what I feed them, I require them to take 2 or 3 bites and then they can be done, but no more food until the next meal (sometimes they ask for something different than what I offered them). Both of my boys (the older boy is almost 3 1/2) have varying appetites, most days they eat very little, then there will be a day where they have 2 or 3 helpings at one meal, and very little at another meal. They are good size, healthy, sturdy boys, so I don't worry if they decide they are not hungry, and I've heard this is normal for toddlers. If your son does not want to eat, you could try requiring him to take 2 bites then he can be all done. If you're all sitting together for dinner and you want to preserve that family time, I think he is old enough to manage sitting there with you for a few minutes. It is rough for my 2 year old to sit still at the table when he is not eating. But we start in small increments and now my 3 1/2 year old can sit at the table and talk with us without a problem.

If he does hold food in his mouth, with my son I try to make it a "game." I will say "alright, now chew, chew chew!" and I will do the chewing motions along with him. He thought it was a funny thing when I first did this, and now he smiles and chews whenever I say it. It takes more energy and creativity than I have sometimes, but it gets him chewing and swallowing. I would not say that sending him to his room is the "wrong thing," but in a situation like this, I have found that "tricking" him into playing this game is more effective (and the room is very effective for other things!).

Hope this helps!