4-Year Old Is Spitting Food Out at Every Meal!

Since it's not a physical problem, he's getting some kind of payoff for spitting out his food. Negative attention maybe?

I suggest you stop trying to cajole him with drinking in between bites of food. Offer him his meal the way you normally would, and then don't discuss his eating further. The second he spits out his food, very calmly tell him something like, "It looks like you have finished eating. You may be excused from the table." And then he leaves, and misses dessert if there is any, and doesn't get to eat until the next time you would regularly feed him.

The key thing is to very very relaxed and calm about this. If he sees you getting upset by it or giving it a lot of attention, it will reinforce the behavior.

This isn't something that needs fixing. He spits a little food out at meals. It's annoying (because you made the food and he's throwing it away) and a little gross, but in the grand scheme of things, it's just a little food.

I would try not to worry about it too much. Talk to him about foods he likes, and try to have at least one of those foods at every meal. Remember that their taste buds really do change, so it's totally normal for him to not like some of the foods that he liked previously.

Talk to him about manners and how to behave during meals. You might have more success getting him to stop if you talk about how spitting out your food is rude and not something that big boys do.

Remember that he's been through some HUGE changes in the past couple of years. There is very little in his world that he can control. Two very common struggles at his age are food intake and using the bathroom. Those are things he has absolute control over. If everything else feels out of control, kids that age will try to control what they can.

You gotta pick your battles, and this is not one I would pick.

His taste buds are changing. You can be a dictator at dinner time or you can make life easier and not give him a food fixation that will last the rest of his life by helping him find words to tell you what's wrong. Then try to help him find foods he likes.

You don't have to make a meal and order him to eat. If he doesn't he will go hungry and he won't eat it later because he won't like it anymore later than he did at the meal.

I found out the hard way. I became a tyrant and would make our girl try everything on her plate. She'd even puke sometimes. I didn't care because darn it, "I'd" worked hard to make that meal and it was just fine. She didn't get to disrespect me, no sire...see where that went? It became all about me and nothing at all to do with why she'd stopped eating food.

Come to find out she had Geographic Tongue. Her taste buds would change around and do weird stuff. You can google it. Yes, her tongue would look like she'd splattered boiling water on it and the blisters had popped.

She went without eating as long as I'd try to make her eat food she didn't like. She got so bad one time that she nearly ended up in the hospital.

I stopped and said I'd had enough. That "I" did not have to be a dictator and that she was a human being and could make some choices.

So she gets to be very much a part of the meal planning. But even then, sometimes she will look forward to a certain meal and when she takes that first bite she gags and pukes it back up. That's not choice. That's something different.

People say I have her spoiled and if I'd just make her eat what I fixed a few times it would all be over and she'd be eating everything I put in front of her.

That's not true. There are times when we go to McDonald's and get her a nugget meal, her favorite meal ever!, and she gags and pukes it back out.

It's not a choice and her having some nutrition in her body is way more important than my ego.

So don't let your ego get in the way of your child needing you to listen and help. If he's not wanting to eat it and he's trying and it's not working then obviously you just have to try other things. There are times when our girl only eats a PB&J for lunch and dinner. She'll almost always eat cereal for breakfast but sometimes she just can't eat at all that early.

Compromise and working through this is important. Take him to the pediatric dentist too, they can examine his mouth to see if he has teeth coming through or maybe even Geographic Tongue.

I don't know the right answer but I remember my daughter (who is 7 now) doing this at about age 4/5. We would just tell her no, we don't spit out food. You need to swallow it. And then we would ignore her and keep eating. We would remind her that at mealtime she needs to be polite to the cook and not be rude. You can say no thank you. You cannot spit out food and make blech noises. I would be concerned that your son is getting a lot of negative attention for this...he has to leave the table, he cries or sometimes has a meltdown, dinner is over for him, no more food for him that night, etc. That is drama. I personally would just calmly remind him nope, you do not spit out food...and then I would keep eating dinner and talking to my husband. I would expect him to stay at the table till dinner is over. I would not make it a battle. For example if he wants seconds on a food he likes I would let him have it. I'm sure at every meal you are serving more than one food so there is probably something on his plate he will eat. Anyway, that is what I did with my daughter and it seemed to just be a phase.

I agree with Rosebud.

I also just glanced back at your last question - to see if there was a pattern. You mentioned there you had a 6 month old new baby. I'm just wondering if your son might be doing this for attention. It's possible (kids do funny stuff sometimes when there is a new sibling).

I wouldn't push drink between bites.

When he eats it without spitting it out, positive reinforcement - you don't want to make a big deal about it, but something to show you are happy that he is not being rude.

I agree with Rosebud. Low key. I wouldn't make him leave the table because it's too negative and he's getting a payoff. Remove the food that he doesn't want, and resume eating with your husband and anyone else at the table. He's welcome to engage in conversation but not if it's about the crappy food! He's done eating. If he's hungry in 5 or 20 or 60 minutes, return the same food to the table. But if you all are done, don't sit with him. He can eat while you do dishes, but that's it. And no conversation then. And he still goes to bed at the regular time. It does not matter if he is hungry. Your attitude must be, "How unfortunate for you. We loved our dinner and we loved sitting together! So sorry you decided not to join us. Maybe you will the next time." Next meal - same lines, no variation.

And if he spits out the peas, he doesn't get bacon. And I'd ignore him and not encourage him to drink. He's getting too much attention. He's 4 and will not decline in health if he defers the drinking for other times of the day.

I wouldn't ignore the spitting - I'd completely ignore him though. If he gets down from the table, I'd be sure to have some fun topics on hand to discuss with everyone else, and laugh your heads off so he's missing the fun. If he's done with dinner, he can do something quiet in another room, but no rewards like TV or computer or whatever he truly loves. He'll get hungry eventually. No late night snacks though. He can eat a healthy breakfast/lunch of course, with appropriate snacks (since most 4 year olds need to eat 5 times a day).

He's allowed to dislike (or "not care for) a certain food, but he's not allowed to spit, throw and be disgusting. I would serve everyone some small portions of different foods - a little chicken, a little pasta/rice, a little broccoli, a little fruit, etc. 4-6 items, with each meal. Everyone chooses from those items. No separate meals unless someone has a serious dietary issue.

If you try this for a week and he's still spitting, then I'd exclude him from the dinner table because "it's only for people who don't spit. We'll see you after dinner." Then have a fabulous time and laugh it up!

My 4 year old son started doing this a couple of months ago. Its driving me nuts too. He will spit out pizza, pancakes, etc - food he likes. He is either full or just doesn't want anymore. Hes getting better with not doing it as much. We tell him if its in your mouth, eat it. He will say he doesn't like it. He clearly loves pizza and everything else he eats. We have him take his plate to the sink and leave the table because thats not how we eat. That upsets him but too bad. He will ask for dessert or something else to eat. If he spits his food out, we wait a bit to see if hes hungry. Then his options are an apple or yogurt.

Hes looking for a reaction. We calmly tell him to leave the table. And ignore him while we finish eatting. He hasn't done this in a restaurant yet which is my worry. I don't want people to think my kid doesn't have any manners. It's just something he's going through and I hope the end is near.

Give him small servings - his stomach is only as big as his fist.
Drinking water or milk can fill him up - some families don't allow beverages till the meal is mostly over.
We did 'no thank you' helpings.
You have to have a little of everything that was for dinner on your plate - but if it was something you didn't like, you had just one small spoonful of it and just one swallow of that was all that was required.
If that meant that all you had of the lima beans was 3 lima beans - well fine - all the more for someone who does like them and there's nothing wasted.
If he likes bacon, then work bacon into more dishes.
Bacon and beans, bacon diced in mashed potatoes, etc - a little can go a long way.

Let him know there's no leaving the table till he finished eating - and if he leaves - he's finished.
Have him ASK to be excused - so that you can ask him if he's really finished and ready to move on without being hungry.
Because if he intends to come back - then he is NOT excused.

Before meals remind him of your expectations, and if he works with you on this, meal time will be better and maybe work in a surprise dessert from time to time (jello, pudding, etc).
Dessert is not something we do all the time - so it really is a surprise when we have it.

It's tough - they go through growth spurts and eating stages.
Just think ahead 12 years to when he's 16 and eats everything in sight without stopping to chew.
Watching a teenage boy eat is scary.
This will pass eventually!
Hang in there!