Moved to an Apartment, Am I Being Too Overprotective?

NEVER!!! Sorry I would rather them cry them me cry. You don't have to hover but you need to be outside watching. They are too young in my opinion, if someone wants to call you overprotective then let them. Too many kids go missing because children want their freedom. A few days ago a mamma posted about two young girls I believe in Iowa out riding their bikes and they are missing. They found their bikes and not the girls. Too much of a risk for me. I really didn't care what my kids thought, or other people said, if I wasn't comfortable they didn't do it. I guess I was "THAT MOM!!!"

My kids are 7 and 10 and I recently started letting them go to the park (also just around the corner) by themselves, but together. I give them an old pay-as-you go cell phone so that I can reach them and they can call me if they need to. It's still a bit nerve wrecking to me, but you have to start letting them go by themselves eventually. You seem to have good rules in place and taught them the important stuff. I think you do the right thing.

I think you are doing it right, L..

The thing is, these other kids have had a much longer leash for a good while. They are in the "swing" of things that your son doesn't know about. Hopefully what all they do is above board and wouldn't get your son or them in trouble.

Peer pressure is very powerful and your son very well may have a hard time saying no to something the group wants to do. Remember the double-dog-dare in the movie The Christmas Story? (Sticking his tongue to a flagpoll? Good movie to show to your son, even though it's not Christmas!) You should start now to help him understand that he should not give into this kind of peer pressure.

Another thing to talk about is what to do if someone starts talking about petty forms of vandalism. Tell him what the consequences will be (you have to decide on them in advance.)

With freedom comes responsibility. Don't give the freedom (even though it's easier) without him being responsible. Your short leash demands responsibility. It's a good thing.

Good luck!
Dawn

To me it would honestly depend on the area.

The park just around the corner from us is flanked by 2 fast streets (35 & 40 miles per hour... People often go 45-50), is in an area known for homeless activity, is across the street from a sex offender halfway house (not joking, it's ridiculous... 9 level 1 & 2 sex offenders 20 feet from a kids playground)..

The park right around the corner from his bestie is in a quiet neighborhood, 20mph streets, not on a greenbelt, and they have oldschool nosy neighbors.

We're less than half a mile apart.

I wouldn't do ours, and have no problem at his friend's house.

I think you are doing just right. :)

You could try buying them some decent rechargable walkie-talkies to take to the park with them, since it's so close. I think they even come in packs of 3-4... so they could take a couple to play with and you could keep one to listen to. They can use the walkies to check in with you far more often... plus, while they are playing with them you will be able to hear them. (unless you don't want that, then you can give them each one only for contacting you...)

Much cheaper than buying cell phones for kids that age... :)

L.,

It sounds like you are really trying for balance here. What an excellent question.:)

I would go with what you know about your kids, first and foremost. Do they usually show good judgment? Can they reasonably keep track of time? Perhaps a digital watch with an alarm for one of them to wear would be helpful for everyone: they can go play for 20-30 minutes and then come back to do a quick 'check in'. If it were me and I had fairly responsible children, I'd let the 7 year old go only if the 10 year old is going too, otherwise the 7year old can stay within view outside with his new friends until you get a sense of how responsible he can be independently.

I would also pop in, from time to time, just have a look from a distance to see what is going on at the park. How are the kids interacting with each other? What's the atmosphere like? Ask the new friends their names. Get to know them and their parents, even if only casually.

I think kids this age need some time that they aren't being watched over all the time. Be sure to be very clear about the rules (no going over to another child's house; staying at the park or wherever it's agreed they will be-- they MUST come home and ask if they want to play elsewhere, etc.) and the consequences for breaking those rules. (Being grounded to indoors for the day, etc.) And remind them about safety rules as well (both physical and the 'be mindful if some adult is hanging out without kids' etc. The usual stuff.) If the boys continue to keep to your agreements and are playing well with the other kids--- and if the other kids seem friendly, this would be a great thing for everyone.

Asking my husband for his opinion, too, he agrees that if the neighborhood seems pretty safe, go for the 'graduated amounts of time' approach. He pointed out that when there are groups of kids together, they are usually safer in that group. Also, he agrees that with both your sons going together, certainly, but perhaps not the seven year old alone. There's a big difference between ten and seven.:)

I think you can let them go - we are an insanely overprotective society and our children aren't developing independence. I think it's great that your kids want to be outside instead of inside with video games. The great advantage to living the way you are is that they have this built-in community of kids. The kids in Iowa who disappeared were off the beaten path, I think - it's a terrible tragedy but you are talking about kids in a group who stay together and who are in a highly public park.

I think you could take a stroll down that way just to meet the other kids and say hi, then keep going to walk around the block and work your way home.

They should walk their scooters across the street in the crosswalk with the light, and wear their helmets. Those are very sensible safety rules and you should stick to them, telling them they will lose their park privileges if they violate the rules. They need to stay in the park and stay together - another good plan. Get an idea of who the kids are and where they live, and maybe bring them back for lemonade on your front stoop (or take the lemonade to the park - then you'll be welcomed!). Don't overdo this, but just do it once or twice to get a handle on the names & faces & where they live. So long as there is no single older child running the group or hanging out inappropriately, you've discovered the basis for the old saying "It takes a village to raise a child." Embrace it!

You're doing it right. My kids are allowed to go to the playground without me, but we've lived in this neighbourhood their whole lives. We know everyone, and everyone knows us. You need some time to get to know people and so do they. Make an effort to meet their friends and their frineds parents and the rest of your neighbours. Have them stick together and keep checking in with you. Teach them all the appropriate safety rules. Do let them spread their wings and allow them the freedom to be a kid. Too many parents are keeping their children prisoner for their own safety!

I know the first letting go a bit is hard. What you are doing is perfect. I would suggest you do walk around with them a bit. The reason is your neighbors will then know who owns them. Then if they see them with someone else they will investigate.

When my older two were younger my neighbors never met my dad. I had to go to a meeting at church and when he got here I told him they were down the street playing. So after a while he walked down to get them. When I got home my dad goes you sure have friendly neighbors! At least six of them came out to say hi and introduce themselves. :p Yeah, dad, they didn't know who you were and were making sure you were supposed to be taking the kids away. Oh..

That is how neighborhoods watch the kids. Everyone knows who owns the kids so as long as they are not walking around with strangers everything seems very unattended. Have a stranger walk in the area and they are all over it.

Honestly, there is no right answer to this question. You know the area and you know your kids. I can certainly sympathize with wanting to give them some freedom, but where you can't see is a concern. It does sound like you have good rules in place, but for me I don't think I could do it. We live in a large neighborhood with tons of kids and the kids here travel around with walkie-talkies so parents can reach them if needed. Mine on the other hand travel where I can see them and I don't care what any one else has to say about it. In fact all the parents on my cul-de-sac feel the same way. If the kids are outside, so are we. No, we do not hover, but we are there to watch them and work them through arguments/situations as needed. There is nothing on this earth more important to me than my kids and they know that. I trust them, I just don't trust the other wacko's out there. Things happen so quickly that I just can't take the risk. Good Luck in your decision, I am sure you will make the right choice for your family :)

Better safe.
I say you are right.
Our jobs are to protect the kids even if they don't like it. They don't have to like it.
Too many cases where kids go missing.

I think it has a lot to do with your kids and their maturity level, their knowledge of stranger danger, how well you know the neighborhood, etc.

If the park is next door in "yelling" distance and you feel your children are safe, you are absolutely right that most of us got to play all day outside without supervision.

My only worry (media driven) is that older kids might try to beat up younger kids for folly, and for that reason alone, I doubt I'd let my 7 yr old go without the older brother in tow.

I think it's asking far too much of a 10-year-old to be responsible for his brother's safety. If your older child gets distracted; is busy playing with other kids; moves away from your younger son to look at something another kid wants to show him further off on the playground -- well, your 10-year-old will be acting like a normal 10-year-old, but the price could be high if that's the moment when your younger son falls off the swing, falls down, walks off, or worse. Statisically it's likelier he'd be hurt on the playground than snatched -- but there is no safety in numbers with kids this age if an adult truly wants to get to one of them, as another person who posted has noted. I would not put this kind of huge responsibility on your older son; he's going to want to play and run around and who can blame him for that? If something happens how will he feel -- and how will you feel about him if his brother is hurt on his watch?

Sorry, I know other people posting are saying "let them do it" but just because other parents in the complex let kids do it does not mean it's actually a safe thing to do. I would want my kid where I could see him and be in earshot if he yells. You will only be "that mom" if you hover and interfere with their play, not if you are sitting at the edge of the playground. Sounds to me like the parents in this community are also missing a chance to get to know each other by seeing each other at the playground --and don't you want to know who the parents are of these new kids your children are seeing all the time? Soon your boys will be asking to go play with these kids inside their apartments when the weather's bad or when school starts; don't you want to know the parents by then?

Hi L., I think you're just in a new place and haven't acclimated yourself yet is all. I'll bet what feels right today will not in any way resemble what feels right by the end of the summer.

Don't worry 'bout being "that Mom". You're just not. You're just you.

If it doesn't feel right, don't do it!

:)

go here if you think your children are safe and being sufficiently protected by a ten year old or simply by their numbers:

http://www.city-data.com/so/so-Bothell-Washington.html

get the oldest a "go phone" and allow them to check in that way make a rule that the oldest must be there and set clear limitations and expectations.

Times have not changed since the old days when we ran around outside for hours. The only thing that's changed are our immediate access to the awful, awful stories via the completely expanded media world.

But neighborhoods do vary, so I agree with what Riley said.

Just have a talk with him about strangers. Make sure he understands not to ever go near a strangers car, not to take anything from them, to run and scream if someone tried to grab him. He could also take a babysitting class, they teach basic first aid, so he would know what to do in and emergency. Getting him a cell phone might be a good idea as well, its not much to add one to your plan. That way you could call and check in, and most have GPS, you could keep an eye in where he is.

i know how you feel, and i think when i was a kid i let go for hours and no one ever checked on me i might come back home when i was hungry but thats only if we didnt go to some kids house and eat.. but times have changed...

my kids i just recently let go around the block, when my older son 11yrs is with her i dont worry as much but my daughter who is 8yrs has friends on the next block and wants to ride her bike over there, and i give her these rules,

you come back and check in because if i have to come get you , i will never let you out of the back yard again.. also i never allow her to go into anyone's house EVER.. no matter what.. there is a park about 7 houses away and her friends get to go but i will not allow her to, its next to a highway and anything could happen and i would never know..but i think the buddy system is a good start, also take your cell phone so they can call in like someone said.. its hard letting go..