Kids Playing Outside W/o Adult Supervision

I would follow their parents' example and recognize that the risk of stranger abduction is REMOTE. Much lower than things like the risk of them dying in a car accident, drowning in a pool or many things we do without thinking. My son is 6-1/2 and has been playing outside by himself for about 1-1/2 years. The world is actually safer today than it was in the 70s when I grew up. Good for these parents trying to raise kids that are not scared to be out of sight of their mommy.

The only conversation needed is a welcome to the neighborhood conversation. Other than that, accept that they parent differently than you do, and don't feel the need to be responsible for their children. The parents must feel they are doing just fine (and they probably are).

In Oregon, it's against the law for a child under the age of 10 yrs to be unsupervised.

We live near a few families that allowed their children of all ages to wander far from home. I don't say anything and I'm always nice. I understand the feeling of wanting to watch over them, but you just can't. You can't shoulder that responsibility when you have no control over what happens.

You'd hate me! I let my 2 and 4 year old play outside without supervision in my fenced in yard for hours on end. I check on them every few minutes or so, but I let them play. We even have a giant Rainbow swing set with a tube slide! At 19 months my son mastered climbing up to the second level and going down the slide, so I figured all was good, and I stopped hovering.

When I was 12, my mother let me ride the train into Chicago with my friends. It is much safer now than it was then.

Unless these children are bothering you, there is nothing to say to them. They have a different parenting style then yours. That's it. Why would you have a conversation about something like that? They never asked you to watch their children, and IF their child gets injured, and you happen to see...deal with that then.

and would you appreciate it if her first words to you were 'you seem like a nice lady, but i'm concerned about your kids. they're never allowed to spread their wings and do one single solitary independent action. how are they going to develop into confident adults who trust their own instincts and abilities and move with bold strides through the world?'
raise your kids the way you think best. let others do the same.
khairete
S.

My son is five and would ask you to watch him climb a tree if you walked by. It would be our rhododendron bush. He is allowed to be in the front yard when I'm inside. I have spent a LOT of time teaching him to stay where we agree he needs to be and frankly, I need him to learn to do what I expect without me monitoring him every second of the time. Otherwise, we have an even bigger problem.

I would also be concerned about what his perception of the world would be if I were watching for him to be perfectly safe every second. I think he'd feel I didn't trust him. He has to learn to handle the small things on his own. Most parents do this incrementally-- we wouldn't allow him to do the same a year or so ago. Trusting our son has given him more maturity in good ways, and teaches him to be more self-reliant--- and more self-confident, than if we were constantly by his side.

Most of the people we need to worry about in regard to our kids are the people we invite into our children's lives, not the average stranger.:) In your situation, I don't think there's anything to 'handle'. Just smile and wave and walk by. The kids will come to regard you as a nice lady.

Totally agree with Bug. Plus, at ages 11 and 9, your children should be playing without your supervision unless you have reason to think they won't make good decisions. Cut the apron strings and see what they do! If you must keep constant tabs on them, give them a phone in case of emergency. They can't learn to make good decisions if you never let them make any decisions. It sounds like you are a good neighbor, but I would stay out of making a judgement on their parental supervision skills.

I let my D. go to the park with her friends down the street without me...she is 9. No problems so far. I got her a cheap tracfone so she can reach me and I can reach her.

I will run down and check on them every now and then, but no issues here.

When I was a kid this was the norm...nowadays, I think the news media gives everyone the impression that children are abducted more often than not. That is simply not the case and even though I know bad things happen, I refuse to live my life or my kid's life in a constant state of paranoia.

I think you should leave your neighbors alone - they are probably checking on their kids, but you don't see them.

Raise your kids the way you like and let others do the same.

My kids were always friendly, try grabbing one, you wouldn't get very far.

There's nothing to "handle."
Just keep an eye on your own kids. No need to watch theirs or feel any obligation to.
It's highly unlikely that anything bad will happen, really. Just smile and be a friendly neighbor.
You are NOT responsible for anyone else's children, nor are you responsible for telling them how to be a good parent.
Of course it would be nice to introduce yourselves, exchange phone numbers, etc. just in case of emergency. I do that with my neighbors :)

Sorry but I do think that YOU are the one with the problem. At your kid's age and in a safe neighborhood there should be no reason why they cannot play outside alone. A very big and important component of raising a child is to teach them how to have confiedence to be able to go into the world someday. This starts with baby steps like letting them play outside alone. Consider lifting your restrictions at least a bit so that you don't end up raising kids afraid to do anything and who have no confidence in their ability to take care fo themselves so they rely on you.

And please don't say anything to your neighbors unless you do want to open yourself up to them turning it on you to say how overprotective you are. That is exactly what I would do if you ever said that to me because I would have been concerned about it for some time and I would welcome the opportunity to tell you something that I was too polite to tell you before.

I don't think you need to worry about the neighbor kids and you don't need to watch over them. Unless you live on a main road, I think your kids are plenty big enough to play outside themselves - you have a middle schooler. Now, I live on a cul de sac road attached to another cul de sac road, no through traffic, no outlet, 22 houses in all so I never felt uncomfortable having the kids outside. They rode their bikes up and down the road and their scooters up in the cul de sac, and walking to other kids' houses on the street when they were in elementary school.

I guess theses parents trust their children to behave appropriately without their constant supervision. It is likely that they spent a great deal of time preparing their kids to play outside unsupervised, and bought a house in a nice, quiet neighborhood so that their children would be able to play outside unsupervised. It would be a good idea to start letting your kids have some freedom as well. It is so important for their development, especially at 11. That is one year away from babysitting age! Do you not have a Block Parent program in your neighborhood? I am a Block Parent, so if any kids in the neighborhood have any kind of trouble they can knock on my door for help.

I think 11 and 9 are plenty old enough to have some apron strings lifted. You have to let them be a child, grow up, make choices. Choices begin small and increase as they age.

I live in a very nice neighborhood and routinely have unsupervised children from K up riding bikes, roller blading, etc.

My neighborhood is very nice and my street has very little traffic except for those who live here.

You've not been asked to babysit your neighbors. They are not your responsibility. Your children are your responsibility. Everyone has different parenting styles.... Someone with a more lax style is not doing wrong, they just parent differently.

Yes I think 3 yrs old needs supervision. In my area, we are all close knit and just watch out for each other.

I wouldn't confront the neighbor on her parenting styles. Maybe she needs to get a little tougher and maybe you need to lighten up a bit.

It's all about balance.

Wow by 9 my oldest was walking to and from school and around the block solo and by 11 was biking or walking up to a mile to friends' houses. Time to loosen the leash a bit mom. The other parents sound fine to me. My 6 and 8 year old sons and their friends play in my front yard and driveway all the time unsupervised. I am in the house, with windows and/or doors open and can see and hear them. I'm guessing that the other parents check on their kids from inside the house.

I was a window watcher or I left the front door open when our child played outside once she started school. . The climbing trees were in our front yard, so it got a lot of attention from our daughter and the neighborhood kids.

by 9 and 11 even on our busy street they would be fine. There are kids riding bikes in the bike lane, skateboarding on the sidewalks..

Kids playing basket ball in their driveways in front of their homes.

Have your kids taken a safety or self defense course?

Look for one.. It is just 1 more way to empower them.. It is not frightening. they just talk about how to protect themselves in different situations.

It's probably fine. You said it yourself, you live in a safe, quiet neighborhood. I do, too. My 5 year old is allowed to play in the back yard by herself and in the front yard if my brother is over or the neighbor kids are out. They all know that they are not allowed to go anywhere or take anything from strangers. They all look out for each other. I think you might be too controlling. At 11 and 9 there's no reason you should have to be there with them while they play outside if they're together and know the rules.

There is a family in our neighborhood that routinely lets their kids play outside unsupervised - and we talking kids that are about 7, 5, and 3. I think 3 and 5 are too young to be outside alone. However, I also think that insisting on being outside with a 9 yo and 11 yo is taking it a bit far.

There is no real "situation" to handle this - like others have said, that is how they parent, that is their philosophy, and they may feel that we have become too protective of our kids, and therefore they are missing out on some essential lessons of childhood. Namely, learning to be independent and resourceful and not feel like Mom has to be there every second in case something happens. They may believe in "free range parenting" - some people do take it to extremes but I think there is something to be said for it. The world isn't necessarily any more dangerous than it was when we were kids and allowed to play outside without constant supervision - we are just more aware of what can happen.

If something happens, deal with it then. Meanwhile, I think your kids will probably be fine if you let them play outside alone.

I do realize that people with bad intentions can certainly be anywhere, even in my nice quiet neighborhood. However, I do allow my children to play outside without watching them every minute. Here is the way I look at it: My kids deserve, and NEED to be active, outside, doing imaginative play for more than 30-60 minutes per day. Frankly, I do not have more than 30-60 min daily to spare to go out with them. My choices are either to let the house, meals, bills and myself go to pot while I monitor their every move, keep them inside where and allow them to become sedentary couch potatoes, or send them outside and check on them often. I choose the last one and gamble that they will be fine. They know the rules, we talk about safety a lot, my kids are well-behaved and tend to follow the rules, and I feel comfortable with my choice. So, I guess I would just say not to say anything unless you see the kids causing problems or engaging in dangerous behavior. If I see my neighbor kid running into the road, I stop him and I go knock on the door to tell his parents. Other than that, it is really not my business.

My kids are 4 and 6. They may look unsupervised; however, I'm watching through the window. If I loose sight of them, I go check the dirt pile, that's still in our yard, my boy plays in.

Go over and welcome the parents to the block. Get to know the parents that way. I did this when we moved in met everyone in the 4-corners from our house and introduced myself and my daughter.

It is possible they are window watchers. I do this with my daughter when she's in our back, I'm not out with her, but I'm in the kitchen and I can look out the window to see her every few moments. This is one of the few ways I can get the dishes washed with out her "help".

Edit: My daughter is 5 and our back yard is fenced. I do not trust her in the front without me, not because of stranger danger, but because of car danger.

I am sorry but this is not your decision. there are plenty of parents who simply do not buy into the paranoia of "stranger danger around every corner". I will be honest here, I am one of those paranoid parents as well, so D. has to stay in the back yard, but those parents who allow their kids to play out front know what they are doing and it's their decision!
Don't feel obligated to babysit those kids... that is not your place.
Good luck!

honest answer: relax! Yes, it's a scary world, but just because you can't see the parents.....doesn't mean they aren't aware of what their kids are doing. It is not your place to judge whether or not those kids should be playing outside without a parent. & it is certainly not your place to tell the parent your opinion of their parenting skills.

While 4 is a little young to be out & about, 7 is a great age to be independant! My sons were allowed to play outside....flying solo by the age of 4. This was in the backyard only. By age 5, they were allowed to ride their bikes in our street....from our house to the end of each of our neighbors' yards. Each year, their territory was expanded until they had full rein of the entire neighborhood. That's one of the perks of living in a small town, with wonderfully nosy neighbors. Again...please relax! :)

My kids ae 6, 4, 3, and 1 and the older three play outside all of the time unsupervised. They know where they can go and what their boundaries are in the yard. Now, the 1 year old - definitely not. He is only outside when someone is able to watch him like a hawk.

Different parenting styles. I'd be pretty offended if you came up to me and said "watch your kids" when they are playing right outside the house - not a mile away. I grew up in a time/situation/area when we just had to be home when the streelights started to come on. Even at 6/7 years old we were always outside somewhere in the neighborhood. While I can't stomach that independence (I'd love to be able to, but I do have some worries and paranoia that won't me let go completely) I try to give my kids as much independence as I can stomach so they can have a similar childhood to grow and explore.

my older kids are 8&11 and i let my daughter who is 8 go by herself around to the next block to her friends house the rules are 1.. never ever ever go into someones yard or house no matter what..u wanna play come back to our house and play..rule 2... u come by and check in ever so often because if i have to come find u..u wont like it..lol..my 11 yr old will be walking to and from school this year which is about 1/2 mile from our house and across a highway , but half the school does it and he will be walking with friends, but with a new baby i dont have time to hover and watch their every move so i trust them to be smart..we have had the could be a child kidnapper talk..never trust anyone and scream fire if they come near u..but we have to let them grow up one day even if we dont want too..

I love my neighborhood and feel so lucky that unless you own a house on my street its so tucked away you wouldnt come down here no matter how lost you get. My neighbors have 4 kids from ages 14 - 8 and my son is 5 almost 6. He plays outside with them. I don't always go out there when he plays with them but I do leave my front door open so I can hear them and if I dont hear them for more than a minute or two I go to check.

I think because the oldest is 14 and is out there with her brothers the whole time it doesnt make me nervous to have him out there. And I always ask her if my son can play before I send him out there. If they are not out there though he plays in the backyard, no if and or butts. I don't think that he needs to be in the front yard unless he is playing with his friends.

With all that being said, each parent is different and what you or I are not comfortable with their parents are. I understand your feeling obligated to keep an eye on them when you are out front but if you bring it up to her she is probably going to say she didnt ask you to and as their parent she is comfortable with it.

I would start letting my kids play unsupervised around 9 personally, with a check-in system, heck maybe even a "go phone" or cheap cell phone (okay cheapish). I remember being outside alone around 5 myself - but we were in a sleepy neighborhood - not a lot of cars around - that is one of my main my concerns. I too feel that I tend to keep an eye on all the kids outside when I am observing my son outside, I think we all feel that way though.

No suggestions. Sorry. You are ME twenty years ago. I did the same thing.

I don not allow my 9 year old out on his own, because of epilepsy. But truthfully, he would be out on his own otherwise. We live on a quiet street, no cars, so he would be fine. Obviously, with his special needs, I have to watch him. His sister, 4, there is no way I let her out on her own, and honestly would always think twice about ti, being that she is a pretty girl.

I think if you truly live in a nice neighborhood and your kids are smart enough to not get in a car with someone, even if they know them then perhaps you are a bit over protective.

I say that knowing full well that I live in a pretty safe neighborhood and I worry about my grand kids going out by themselves. He (age 5 1/2) is a runner and has been known to take off and run through the gate in the fence and run through Walmarts parking lot, headed for the main street. She (age 8) is pretty smart and when all the kids are out together they are playing en mass. There is a huge herd of them up and down the whole block. So I feel pretty safe letting the kids go out if the other kids are present too.

Our kids on the block all ride their bikes and scooters in the street. We don't have any side walks. So they are out there riding and playing. They run all over everyone's yards, play on each others outdoor toys, trampolines, climbing toys, swings, pools, etc...they all just play everywhere. I am having a hard time letting the kids have more freedom and let them play more without either me or my hubby outside.

Justme, I want to first applaud you for caring!! I have a daughter that is 6 years old, and so desperatly wants to be older..we live in an apartment complex and it is a pretty safe place, we even have a police dept next door...but that being said, I am still very protective when it comes to my child. I do let her play out front of the apt and down the road we live on, riding her scooter and things, but i won't allow her to walk up and check the mail which is really right around the corner...reason being, sometimes there are sick people in this world and regardless of how nice your neighborhood is, or how independent my daughter wants to be, i know if someone wants to snatch a child they will, most pedifiles are older and stronger than a child even age 10 or 11, they could simply grab them, throw them in their car and drive away...so i would say keep watching your children, allow them to play, keep an eye out for your neighborhood children because that is what God would want you do, and just say nothing to the other parents. God Bless You!!

Well, I have seen kids I know... who are like 9 and 6, riding their Razor scooter from their home... and to the store like a mile away.
NO parent in sight.
Then I will be at this same store in the neighborhood, and the kids are there, by themselves, and in the store or cruising around the little strip mall there. By themselves. No parent in sight. I know who their parents are... and have never seen their parents, anywhere near them nor in the vicinity..
And then I see them just cruising around, looking bored, and just cruising around with their scooter. By themselves. This happens, regularly, since school has ended. I have seen them by themselves, several times.

I talked to the kids once "where is your parents?" They reply "at home..."
Hmmmm I say to them, and be careful, you're quite away from home.
They are not the type of parents, that like having stuff said to them or about their kids. They are, bull in a china shop types. Nor is their home anywhere near, the store and strip mall their kids are at frequently. Nor in view of it.

For you, being you are outside and you notice these kids also outside and no parent routinely in sight, well then you keep an eye out... and that makes you comfortable. So that's fine. You are not responsible for them per say. But, like that TV show "What Would You Do..." if you notice some harm to them or whatever, then call the Cops.

Every family is different. And per supervision or not of their kids when outside, no matter what age.
It has to do with age and independence and being hovering or not... and just common sense. A combination of things. And there is no right or wrong. It takes about 3 seconds for a kid to be abducted. And some say these things are not common. But the bottom line is: do what YOU feel is safe and needed for your children. Regardless of age. It is your kids. And if you are the type that notices unattended kids out and about, regardless of age, then you make a mental note. But that does not mean you have to go to their home, kids in tow, to tell the parents or to tell them what to do. Things like that, are not taken well... by the other parents.

My kids play outside. I am inside. Or outside. Or both. But my yard, is enclosed by a wall. And if they are outside in the front driveway... I keep my front door open, and they have walkie talkies, and they listen to what I say and are loud kids. And also though, we know ALL our neighbors on all sides of our home. And they know us. But I still go outside and "check" on my kids here and there.
I don't let them however, ride their bikes/scooters/skateboards around the block without me. Even if they are 5 and 9 years old. There have been car accidents, in my neighborhood.

Nothing can be predicted, no matter how mature or smart or obedient a kid is. Right? And per their ages, you do what you feel is adequate or not, to look out for them.
There is no absolute "rule" that says only young kids get harmed, and that older kids are responsible & obedient enough and smart enough and therefore can be alone. Even college kids/girls.... here in my city, they get accosted or worse, while just walking to class. Random things.
So many scenarios.
The best you can do, is what you think is best for your child or children, using the common sense that you have as a Mom.
And that is fine.

i agree, it is awkward to meet the mom with 'you really need to..' Why not ask the kids? "Hey, where is your parent? We are going and you should have a parent/babysitter watch you. or if you are PMS-ing "i do not know your parents, and i do not watch strangers' kids" If they are as social as you say, they will go home and ask their mom/dad where their babysitter is since the neighbor lady can't watch them. If the parent picks up on social queues she will realize her behavior is not acceptable nor safe.

edit: i have new neighbors' relatives' kids come into my house to play so are under my watch not by my choice. i got annoyed after a half dozen times since my 2 kids act differently then a having 4 in the house. I do not really know the new neighbor let allow the kids parents. They would ring my doorbell and ask me to take them to the park up the street or follow us if they saw me walking there with my kids. if i wanted to get on with my day I would tell them. I was annoyed if they did not behave properly and other moms would look at me as if i let 'My" kids get away with that behavior. Most time i felt bad for them because nobody else would take them to the park.

My son is 3, and I did let him play on the patio by himself if I was in the kitchen, but that has stopped. The reason being is that there is a field behind our house and the corn is now taller then him (it is a HUGE field) and I worry about him wandering in there and getting lost, but he will be back playing on the patio this fall when the corn is down. We live on a cul de sac and our neighbor drives 45 miles an hour down our 15 mile and hour road. So I don't let him play out front by himself because I don't trust her not to hit him if he gets to close to the road. The older kids on our street (the ages change because there is one family that takes in foster kids, but they are usually under 10) ride their bikes all over.

I wouldn't say anything. Maybe you can become friendly with the moms and all hang outside together.

I don't think you're being over-protective. I am always outside with my kids, too. I just think it's fun! I'd rather ride bikes and draw with sidewalk chalk any day over cleaning inside!

Oh, gosh! This cuts right to my heart and to my family. Last week we vacationed with my sister's family and my brother's family-- a bunch of kids! My sister will not let the kids out of her sight unless they are in the fenced backyard and even then... My brother's kids are so free-range, it isn't funny. Rough and tumble, they are, but they also have a lot of self-confidence and they are fighters who would probably scare any predator who dared come close. I, like one other poster, live in an apartment complex and we get our share of new neighbors from time to time. I hover more than I would like. However, I read the book Last Child in the Woods awhile back and realized that we are as safe as we were back in the 1950s. The difference now is that our culture is a culture of fear and we see fearful things on TV and online all the time that make us think about predators much more disproportionately than we should. Still.... where do I weigh in or fit in? I carefully pick out friends and try hard to make sure my daughter's friends parents are watchful when my child has a play date elsewhere. I do feel like we are doing our children a disservice by not allowing them enough opportunities to explore the world without helicopter parents hovering. I just wish I could be more relaxed and could let my daughter out more. I wish I could feel more comfortable having my child roam more freely --- and without feeling like I would be judged. I applaud your concern for your neighbors' children because I do think you are concerned for their well-being. You said they are nice kids. Maybe you could eventually have the kids together and meet the parents. When I grew up, we roamed freely throughout the neighborhood in droves and the kids watched out for each other (older siblings and younger alike). I hope your neighborhood can be a beacon for your children of safety and fun. Take care--