Mil - Sandusky,OH

If you want to hire a nanny that you can boss around, then do so. You are being entirely ungrateful. She's doing you a favor, not the other way around.

Good grief you sound very anal. If you are that strict perhaps you could stop taking one class per week and stay home all the time.

You aren't getting much education by taking only one class so you could really wait until he's older, perhaps in kindergarten. Then you could take several classes per semester, maybe even go full time.

First, she is the grandmother not the mother. She's only there for 2 hours a week. So.....I suggest to just layoff and go with it. For those 2 hours, it won't undermine what you are doing. He will know he gets special privileges with grandma - AS MOST GRANDKIDS DO. It's okay Momma, she's doing fine, you're doing fine and your kiddo is doing fine - just loosen the strings and expectations a bit. Otherwise, you will go crazy over the little things like you are now...

This may not be what you want to hear, but IMO you are being a little harsh on your little boy's grandma. She is only with him once a week and the little bit that she is will not hurt or corrupt him. It's ok to have non-healthy snacks occasionally, drink full strength juice, watch a little extra TV, say the "wrong words", etc. as long as you enforce and are consistant with your rules when you are there. He will learn from your example because he is around you more. His manners and mannerisms will come from you. When he says something correct the word - it's ok to do it in front of her. He's just so little and it's so cute, grandparents can't help themselves.
Besides, she raised your husband and he turned out ok right?

The only thing that I would request from her is to enforce the no juice in the bedroom thing - explain your reason to her why that is unacceptable and then let it go.

You are asking a grandparent to be a free babysitter for you. You are VERY lucky to have one that lives near you, as most of the time in the military (which you know) we move to places where we have no family support and have to rely on paid babysitters and daycare, etc. to care for our children. She is doing you a HUGE favor helping you out and trust me, your son will be ok. And you will be happy that he's been able to have a happy loving relationship with his grandmother.

ADDED: I second what Bobbi says - Take the TV out of his room. Children should never have TVs in their room!

She is only around him for 2 hours a week. Count your blessings. Grandma's are supposed to be fun. Lighten up.

I would give it a rest. I am the same away about you, very strict about juice and junk food, but really, she's doing you a favor and it's only one very short evening a week.

You will have much more happiness if you come to terms that some people are different and so long as your son is happy and safe, he is fine. Nitpicking a person too much can only make you find more fault and explode over minor things later on down the road. This kind of thinking is what start to destroy relationships, I know, I've seen it happen.

Also, she is she wants to be called gammy, that's fine. Nicknames are endearing, (even though they can be annoying).

Either you accept Grandma for the way she is or you get another sitter who will do things the way you ask them to.
It's only 2 hours a week. He's reasonably healthy and alive when you get home. I don't think there will be any permanent harm.
You could not have any juice in the house. Then she won't be able to give it to him. You could also lock the plug on the tv(s) and then no one will be watching it while you are gone (and a 2 yr old doesn't need one in his room at all).
She just might not be great with 2 yr olds anymore. I know more than one elderly grandparent who just doesn't deal well with small children anymore. She might be better with older children.
You won't be in school forever and once you are finished it will no longer be a problem.

I think you're being a little over the top. It's two hours per week and FREE daycare. She's not gonna mold your son in 2 hours per week.
If you're that unhappy with the care she provides, hire someone...but be prepared for lots of hurt feelings.
She managed to raise your husband, right? Lighten up.

Grandmas should have the privilege of choosing what their grandchildren call them.
Maybe her favorite show is on Thursday night, and she doesn't want to miss it.
Maybe she is really tired, and doesn't feel well, but wants so much to help you that she comes each week anyway....

grandma = fun, that's her job especially if she is only with him for a few hours a week. If you want good childcare, which IMO wouldn't be as good as grandma then pay for a place for him to go with other children. Everyone has a different way to say things, not just your MIL he will here un-proper grammer all over, it is your job to teach him the difference what better way to learn then to hear the way you AIN'T suppose to say it :) Nobody is perfect and she is here to help

I think you are very much nit-picking here. I don't see anything out of the realm of normal grandma behavior that MOST os us, although not entirely happy about, deal with. You have this woman under a microscope -I really don't think there could be anything that she can do right in your eyes. You merely put up with her b/c of your DH and the free babysitting. I mean-who cares if she calls it ca ca really?? Your child is going to hear MANY different words for things. I am sure that there are many words that you say that many other people would not use or look down on. Doesn't make them wrong for you does it?

I do wonder if you hold your own mother up to this scrutiny???

Ugh, that's tough I understand but honestly I think you're going to have to give up this fight or find a babysitter.

My well-meaning FIL gives my son sips of soda. Not whole sodas, just a siphon off his straw. It drives me nuts but I don't say anything because he rarely sees him and I don't see the point. He's the grandpa and unless my son is in danger, I'm not going to micromanage.

You're relying on her for babysitting on Thursday nights. You're not paying her, this is just time she's spending with her grandson. If she gives him some junk food and lets him watch tv, so what (you say he has a TV in his room, so clearly it's not a no tv home). The Hi-C in a sippy cup does make me cringe I'll admit...but like I said, you've already asked her to not do it and she isn't abiding by that then you either have to find a sitter or ignore it and make sure he brushes his teeth extra good when you get home. If he's eating well and following the routine the other 166 hours of the week, just leave it alone and let it roll off you.

As far as the language thing? Give that one up too. He knows and will learn how to use proper language with you, it's not going to delay him.

I think if you are that unhappy get a sitter. I do not see anything wrong.
So he has HI C juice. That is his special treat when Grandma is there.
Heck TV is always on in my house. Don't necessarily watch it. As far as
grammar goes, chill out, sorry. My kids used to say bullderbozer,
habberscrabble road and a variety of other misprononunced words. I used
to chuckle because I knew as soon as they got older the grammar and
the right pronunciation would show up and I would be sad. Childhood is
so shortlived. Relax and try to enjoy your child.

Umm, please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you are making too much of this.
Yes, you are the mom. Yes, you make the rules. But, are your rules really that inflexible?
I only say that because you are gone for 2 hours once a week. That's 8 hours a month your son has non-watered down juice or the TV on or she says "K" instead of "okay".
Maybe you are being hypervigilent because of the stresses you are under with having your husband away and everything, but in the scheme of things, some things aren't that bad or a need for an absolute control battle.
If you cannot stand what is going on and having someone 7 minutes away to watch your child while you go to school, then find someone else to watch your child. For free. Who will do everything to the absolute letter for you.
I don't hope to sound harsh. I really don't.
I just don't think any of the things you mentioned are really harming your son or ruining him for life.
I had two grandmothers who were complete polar opposites of each other and I adored them both dearly. They each did things their own way and all I knew was that I was the most loved kid on the planet. I think grandparents are very important for kids and those bonds are so special. Sometimes the greatest part is that they DON'T do things exactly like mom and dad do.
That's just my opinion.
I know you're feeling frustrated and I don't mean to undermine that in any way. Maybe you just seem so picky that everything goes in one ear and out the other, I don't know.
Maybe lighten up a bit and let them have their time. Pick one thing that you really want her to please follow through with like no juice in the bedroom. You want to avoid spills, etc, or whatever. Only apply that rule though if you yourself never let him have juice in his room. That includes a sippy.
Your son has a TV in his room so it's not like you are against TV. You just don't want HER turning it on when she's there.
I think you should relax.
Go to class. Focus on that. Give your mind a break for two hours a week.

Best wishes.

BE PICKY! This is your son and you have the right to want healthy foods and proper language. We made the tough decision to limit the time our kids spend with their grandparents due to smoking & other similar issues like these. One grandparent seems okay with it, the other made some changes and are really turning their lives around. And guess what -- they get to see our kids more often! =)

Now, part of that difficult change was that we also don't have babysitters in our parents/grandparents. That may be something you need to consider. If your MIL will not respect your (reasonable) wishes when it comes to parenting, then she doesn't need to be in that position. Find a local high school student that doesn't have to be paid much & will respect your requests for those 2 hours each week. Thank your MIL...be nice to her...but just tell her that you've found someone else to take care of your son. Chances are, she won't even ask. But if she does, but honest & tell her that you don't want the tv on in his room, tell her about the juice, and tell her that you'd like someone that interracts with him, rather than just watching tv. Again, be nice & loving, but if she asks, you need to tell her the truth.

Good luck! And God bless you & your husband for your service!

You are getting free child care for a couple of hours a week. I think you are being too hard on "gammy". If you were put the question out there:

What do your grandchildren call you? I think you would be quite surprised.

As for the baby talk, that will change as he grows.

What to do? Get a paid sitter, who you can instruct. Will this cause hard, hurt feelings in the family? Probably.

Blessings.....

It's two hours per week to help you right? You seem a little picky, what kind of damage can she do with a little spoiling for such a short period of time? Take the TV out of his room, be sure she has him brush his teeth after the sugar and don't worry about the way she talks to him. They would have to spend a whole lot more time together before any of these bad habits could actually effect him in a negative way.
Sounds like you're doing a great job under difficult circumstances, don't worry about the little stuff & thanks to you and your family for your sacrifices!

You've got to be under such stress right now with your husband overseas, being in school with a toddler. I can empathize with you although alot of the mamas on here are being kinda harsh. I am strict with my daughter and the way both my mom and MIL can be irksome at times and there have been some disagreements or misunderstandings. In my case it was easier for me to let go of some of the little stuff because overall both the wonderful women in my life did not seem to be going out of their way to disregard the guidelines I had established. Sure did my mom slip my DD excessive cookies at a young age and did my MIL insist on layiing next to her until she fell asleep completely even though I told her it messes up her routine the next day? Yes--but overall they listened to what I wanted . I think you're venting not so much that you really think the juice, language, and t.v. are a huge problem but more because you take your MIL's actions despite your directions as disrespect. And frankly, if there are numerous things you ask of her, and you set it up so it should be easy to follow the directions (set up preprepared snacks, meals and juice) and she disregards it over and over--she is being disrespectful. I would look at all the things that irk you and pick what is most bothersome to you--let the rest go- the language thing in particular. TV--just take it out of his room. In my case, my MIL had a hard time saying no to my demanding daughter that quickly learned that MIL is too softhearted to say no. My husband and I spoke to her about it and expressed that more than the action (giving excessive cups of juice) it was that she was letting our DD walk all over her and we didn't want her to be disrespectful toward her and demanding. Nor did we want to hear whining the next day for _________because grandma had given in. If you think this is the issue or suspect it might--ask your MIL--"Does Johnny whine for juice, treats, t.v. while I am away? I don't want him to be demanding and learn he can get his way" Maybe that would be a way to bring up the one or two things you want to insist on. Let the rest be grandma treat time:) Hope this helps!

this is once a week and frankly not even worth getting upset about. when your son gets older, he will be eating all kinds of "junk" at his friends house, school, etc. you can't control every minute of his life. let this go and pick your battles, this is not a big enough one to try to fight. good luck.

This sounds like she just couldn't care less what you say. Unlike it seems everyone else on the thread, I don't think being grandma gives women the right to disrespect the mom and do whatever she wants with the child. Sorry, no. Since you've already tried talking to her and leaving out the things you DO want her to give him and it hasn't made a difference, I doubt anything will. And I totally agree that if she sees him for two hours a week, she shouldn't be watching tv! Obviously she's not putting a huge value on time with him. I think it sounds like a losing battle- get a sitter. Two hours a week with a babysitter won't cost too much. Good luck!

Well, first of all, does a two year old need a tv in his room?
You might want to ask your MIL why she goes against your wishes. Let her know that you really appreciate her help,and want your son to be able to have time with her, but she needs to understand that you are the one raising him, not her. Explain to her that you set rules in place for you son to follow and that her going against them just teaches him that he can do what he wants and not respect adults. She may not think she is doing any harm, she may say something like "I know how to take care of him". She needs to understand that you have faith in the fact that she can take care of him, but she needs to remain consistant with the way you do things. I've been struggling with this myself for 8 years now and every once in a while I have to set my MIL back on track and remind her who is the parent. Good Luck

Take the TV out of his room. Take all other drinks out of the fridge except for the sippy cups. Then she can't do either. Because it sounds like she's going to do what she wants to do, so if you take away the things that keeps giving him then she can't do it anymore...

That can be frustrating. I understand where your coming from. you don't want to hurt her feelings but If its bothering you that much you should set the rules for your house. you could try to have a formal talk with her and tell her the reasons why you want things a certain way. I'm sure she's not trying to go against what you want. she's probably just not thinking about it. Good luck

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That can be frustrating. I understand where your coming from. you don't want to hurt her feelings but If its bothering you that much you should set the rules for your house. you could try to have a formal talk with her and tell her the reasons why you want things a certain way. I'm sure she's not trying to go against what you want. she's probably just not thinking about it. Good luck