Correcting an Adult's Grammar?

No, it is not ok at all. The faux-pas of you correcting her would be much, much worse than the behavior you are correcting.

Incorrect grammar is sort of a choice. People know they're not talking the same way as other people around them and on TV. They know "how" to say, "I don't have anymore". To correct them would be like insulting their personality or accent. It's how they talk. Lots of people are quietly looking down on them, passing them up for jobs, you name it, but it's really no one's place to correct-unless it was their parent or boss. But a boss would just hire someone who didn't talk that way if it was a position where it mattered, not re-train an adult. Grin and ignore it!

People don't do it because it's not okay! Trust me, I long to correct people's grammar every day, but you can't do it without being rude unless you are editing writing or in charge of making them sound a certain way on the job. It's like nails scratching a chalkboard to me, but I just have to wince and go on smiling ;-)

I love how most of the posts responding to this are grammatically incorrect - isn't that always the way?

Anyway, I agree that it is rude to correct another adult unless it affects her job performance and your performance is related to hers. In other words, if you were her manager and she had direct client exposure, it would be appropriate to have her work on improving her grammar but other than a situation like that, it would be rude.

Now written correspondence is another thing entirely. If her writing is egregiously incorrect and it reflects poorly on not only her but her department, then her manager should make sure that she cleans up her written communication, even if it's just internal e-mail. And nothing external should go out without thorough editing anyway, regardless of who has written it. When I started with my current company I was an admin assistant and had no problem going to people who were senior to me (in rank and age) with edits to their written work to save themselves and our company the embarrassment of sending out written correspondence that was anything less than correct.

I know my grammar is far from perfect, I am always telling my husband to correct me when he notice so I don't sound like an idiot, but he is so use to that he automatically corrects me, other times he founds funny what I say and he misses some of the funny things I use to say before.
I don't mind people helping me become better but it all depends on who and how to me.
I have found people very rude to me for not writing right but I also have learn a lot from others than care and nicely have help me.
I never study English, I learned from listening so it is taking me longer to learn how to write, maybe your friend is the same way.
If I was working and my bad gramma would affect my work and would make other people hard to understand what I say (and possible make their work hard), I would appreciate somebody to help me, but I would find it offensive if you are doing it just because it bothers or because they are just being mean.

You ain't got nareason tuh be tellin me hows I should be talkin so hushup now. I comes from a long line a folks who be tellin you the same thang!

It is annoying and offensive to be corrected. My MIL tried to correct me except she was wrong. You better believe I said "Let's check the English textbook because I believe you are wrong again." She hasn't done it since and we all laughed right then because everyone hates her superior attitude.

You're not her mother, teacher, or employer.
The only time I would correct an adult outside my immediate family (meaning husband or sons) would be to my best friend who was practicing a job interview with me, or when I proof read my husband's letters.
An example of how outside the bounds it is: my husband's oldest friend is the biggest jerk I have ever met in my entire life. The only reason I married my husband after meeting this jerk is that he lives in the UK and we never see him. AT MY WEDDING TRIP, IN FRONT OF MY MOM, he tried to get my husband (a new Christian, trying to change his life, IN FRONT OF HIS MIL) to go to a stripclub with him, and it wasn't a joke. He was talking sports at dinner with my aunt, and he was of course of the opinion that soccer is the most important sport ever. Mom, trying to find some bit of common ground with this jerk, said "Oh yes, A. was a GREAT soccer player" and he interrupted to say "Hmm. It's been my experience that female soccer players are all (insert rude word questioning my sexuality here)". To my mom. In front of us all. At my wedding. This joker has a degree from Cambridge, another at Oxford, and he makes a million pound a year but had no clue about social graces. But after all that trash, what made my husband lose it was when we were sitting on the couch and I was telling a story to his wife, and I used the wrong word. He giggled and corrected me. (*Very very contrary to the norm, I wasn't defending myself because this was my husband's guest of honor, supposed to be someone very dear to him, and I was just thinking perhaps he was drunk or mentally ill). Jer jumped up, said we were going to bed, and once I was dressed for bed and he knew I wouldn't come out dressed like that, he went right back out and punched him in the mouth. He had some words, but didn't want to do that in front of me. Moral of that long story: Yes, correcting an adult's grammar is offensive, but that memory makes me smile now. :P

I know I know. I Can't stand it either. I always want to correct people who say "supposebly" instead of supposedly. But it will do nothing for your relationship with her and she will probably continue with bad grammar. Its a nowhere street. If your intentions were in love and trying to help her improve, you might be able to take her aside and ask her if its okay that you correct her when she misspeaks. But to correct her because it irritates you without her permission is pretty offensive.

No, it is not okay to correct an adult's grammar. Somehow this person has gotten through life without knowing that they sound uneducated and will be offended. However, when you speak to her, I would be sure to be very careful of your own grammar and hopefully something will sink in. If she says, "It don't matter if you leave early," reply with, "Thanks, I'm glad it doesn't matter to you if I leave early." IF she says, "I don't got any more printer cartridges," reply with, "Don't worry if you don't have any more cartidges, I know there's a box of them in the supply room." Model good grammar.
Your adult colleague would not appreciate being treated like a three year old. It's okay to correct your preschooler, not an adult at work. People don't do it because it is offensive and inappropriate, this is why no one does it.

Often, adults don't even realize what they're saying, so instead of actually correcting, which isn't really appropriate for an adult, I go with the modeling method and hope it rubs off. What I've done in the past with my employees is to just repeat back what they've just said in the form of a question using correct grammar or wording.
Ex. My current assistant says "congesticated" instead of congested, which is sort of adorable, but makes her look bad when she's talking to my clients. Everytime she says it, I just turn it around as "Oh, the baby is really congested?".

No, IMO, it is not okay and yes, it is very offensive. Especially because she is a co-worker, not a very close friend (which I still wouldn't do) or family member. Correcting her won't improve her grammar, but it will make you look holier-than-thou and probably create an uncomfortable work environment.

I think it would be rude to correct another adult's grammar. Just grin and bear it. Be thankful you speak correctly and are teaching your child to do the same.

I know it would drive me crazy to but really you should stick to correcting your child and not other adults.

It is not appropriate to correct an adult on their grammar.

You can't correct her without seeming condescending. Just be sure to use correct grammar when you speak to her - maybe it will wear off on her! (Probably not, though, if she's made it this far talking that way.) I have never understood how people make it to adulthood without ever having been corrected. Where were their teachers? Where were their parents? Sigh.

Tempting as it is--refrain. Use correct grammar and maybe it will rub off!

I agree with the others that it would likely come off as rude, altho I hate that so many consider it rude. It kills me that the more proper language I was taught is daily butchered. I am not perfect, please do not misunderstand, but there are many who have learned from early childhood to speak incorrectly in many of these ways and I am not sure where it became OK to let it just slide by. Now, in maybe the last 5 years really, its just "OK" for this.

Customer service reps in call centers do this, people behind the counter at local places I visit, etc. It makes me bananas! I am not sure how people who regularly speak in this fashion progress in an office setting of any kind, in a school setting or anything similar. If I were in a hiring position, I would not be hiring someone who did not speak well, write well, etc.

I take care of children and none of them are allowed to answer "yah" in place of "yes" or "yes, please", or to say "uh huh" as a reply to a question. I am constantly correcting. To me it is important.

Honestly, I will often say "excuse me?" to someone if my brain just doesn't comprehend the garbled language!

Maybe not the popular answer, but its my opinion.

I feel your pain, but I do not see how you can correct her and it not come off being offensive.
Just my two cents,
R.

I completely sympathize with you - I had a coworker who did the same thing. Actually, I was a Kindergarten teacher and she was a teacher's assistant (come to think of it, several of the ta's used the same grammar). Oh, it drove me nuts, especially because of the example it gave kids.

But, unless you are REALLY good friends, I wouldn't try to correct her grammar. She will probably see it as rude or officious, and it can really mar relationships. Just grit your teeth and grin and bear it :)

Double negatives make my skin crawl over any other grammatical error. If it's not your child or students you are teaching, then you just have to ignore it.... just model the correct usage as often as possible. (Okay, except sometimes I correct my mom... bad, huh?)

ha my 4 year old would correct her........we play grammar games and use examples like that when waiting in line to pass time.....she would love to lecture her...but yea correcting an adult might come off wrong

I'd only do it if it was a close friend

OMG...I LOVE THIS POST!

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves E-V-E-R!

I'll gently restate what they said but throw in the correction. If they actually could hear them selves talk I'd LIKE to think they would self correct but with all the abbreviations people just talk lazy. Drives me crazy!

If she were in customer service and answered phones, I would bring it to a supervisor to handle. Especially if she put such grammar in writing. Otherwise it's one of those that you have to let go and just cringe inside about.

When I see posts on here full of text speak and horrendous grammar, my eyes bleed. I won't say anything even then unless I can't read the post but more likely I'll just ignore it and move on.

I don't think it's appropriate. If someone told me that the way that I speak every day is wrong I would be incredibly hurt and probably not talk to that person anymore. I mean - the way adults talk is part of their personality and their upbringing. To tell someone that what they're saying is wrong is a very personal blow, in my opinion. I say "y'all" all the time and would be highly offended if someone commented negatively about it.

You are good to teach your child proper grammar. He/She will likely come across as a very polished young person when they enter the job-world.

But to correct an adult is not okay (except in one instance, explained below).
Either they know what they're saying is wrong and they don't care,
OR they were taught by their parents/community/family that this is the right way to speak, so they're not going to change even if you tell them
OR this person is speaking English as their second language and doesn't know any better. (If they ARE learning English as a second llanguage, you could possibly bring up how they learned English, talk about how you are teaching your son grammar, etc and offer to help them if they want help learning English. If they AREN'T learning English as a second language, leave it alone. It'll hurt their feelings.)

L.,

Not just anyone CAN or SHOULD do it. I you are sincere in wanting to HELP your co-worker instead of helping YOURSELF from going crazy; and you and she have a relationship where she will take constructive advice, then chose a time where there are just the two of you and ask her if she knows that she is using slang instead of proper grammar.

Blessings......

It's absolutely not ok, I'm certain she KNOWS how to speak appropriately. Correcting her would be way worse than her poor grammar anyways.

That's a pet peeve of mine, but no WAY would I correct a co-worker's grammar. Many years ago, I had a friend from childhood who would say "come" instead of "came," which IMO is one of the worst things a person can do, almost as bad as being a serial killer.

Well, I tried to correct her, and she didn't appear to be offended, but she continued to use "come" as the past tense of "come" until the day she died.

It's offensive. Keep modeling the correct grammer. Whenever it's appropriate to "repeat" what she says with the correct grammar, that might work over time. It's annoying, and sad actually because no matter how smart and competant she is, she SOUNDS stupid when she talks like that.

My secretary uses similar grammar. It drives me nuts. But, I don't correct her. If I ever heard her on the phone using it I may, but speaking directly to me doesn't necessarily do anything but annoy me (ie doesn't really affect her work performance). Therefore, I simply keep my mouth shut. I am without a doubt correcting her would offend her. Try to ignore it!! I wonder where they learn this, as we are not taught this way in school.
=)

NO its not ok!!! YES it is offensive!

Unfortunately I think Julia N could have logically corrected her coworkers (Teacher's Assistants should use proper grammer). Unless you are her supervisor and it is a problem directly related to her job I think you have to put up with it. UGH! Nails on a chalboard :-).

I would find it rude!

I think it would be rude to correct her unless it was truly affecting her work..... and then only if you were her boss.

It may be annoying but this is who she is, and if it does not affect her job then I feel you are making a value judgement.

Of course it would be offensive. I'm surprised you would even have to ask...

I was raised in NYC and I'm not interested in finding out what would happen if I were to correct someone's grammar. Family member or otherwise.
LOL.

My dh says "all's", as in "all's you have to do is...." . Drives me nuts, I'm sure it drives his co-workers nuts too - and he is a senior manager so I'm sure no one would dare say anything to him. I didn't correct him for years, till I heard my kids say it, then I corrected them in front of him, lol. He still says it, but not as much as before. Let her be, it's a small quirk, if she ever asks you about it (ie why do people think I'm not smart?) then bring it up, otherwise it's not that big a deal.

It is 100% NOT okay to correct an adult on their grammar! You are NOT this person's mother or teacher. It would be very rude and offensive to do this. Obviously, this woman is not that educated. How sad that she is an adult and doesn't have/know proper grammar, however, it is NOT your responsibility to correct her. It IS your responsibility to correct your daughter's grammar, so focus on that. Let it go with this woman and her poor grammar. You can't save the world.

not unless asked. I had a co worker from mexico and english was her second language. she asked me to correct her to help her learn,but on the whole, no its not ok

I would be itching to correct, too. It's hard for me to believe that people don't realize they're speaking incorrectly when it's that bad, but oh well...

Unfortunately, correcting just makes you look annoying and mean and thus probably won't stick anyway (I know this from experience - on both counts - HA!) so I would do what I do with my MS kids (and Mindy T suggested) and phrase my answer using the correct language. After awhile, they get it. The best teaching is always by example.

I think it would be rude because it would be ongoing and annoying to correct. Just cringe. Or when I hear people use "double negatives" I make sure I speak correctly and perhaps they will catch on. If they don't it's not my problem. LOL!

No, don't do it, but you could play like you don't understand what she is saying and when she says it, you say something like "Oh, you mean I don't have anymore" of "Oh you mean it does not matter"...in a joking manner so she hears the right way to say it. Hopefully she doesn't take offense when it comes across that way, but to directly correct her is a no no. It might be some slang...

Yes, correct her! But do it this way: take her aside and say, "Do you mind if I give you some constructive advice?" then give a brief lesson on double negatives - there are worksheets online. Most people speak this way out of habit and upbringing and don't even realize they're are not in line with mainstream grammar. Helping this person could be a tremendous benefit to future advancement. I am a former journalist and it pains me to see celebrities use improper grammar - which later leaks into the mainstream vocabulary. This is the dumbing down of English. By all means help your coworker!

As a former high school English teacher this caught my attention! I would like to use my red pen to correct signs, menus, news articles, and much of the written and spoken world!

However, what I've always heard is that one should only correct the behavior (including grammar) of people who are either your children, your students, or otherwise under your authority. Once in awhile, correcting a friend's child is permissible, if you and the parent(s) agree about doing so.

This is hard at times. Try not to visibly cringe!

there is no such thing as perfect or correct grammar, did u know that? true story look it up.

no!, lol but it would bug me too. By now i think your co worker knows the right way to say things but just doesn't want to. Im never going to let my daughters talk like that.

Do not correct an adult. End of discussion.

I don't think it is okay unless you are her supervisor and/or it is common enought that it is affecting her work products or interactions with customers. We all have faults. Yes it's annoying but I don't think it is is your business.