Marriage Problems - Fountain,CO

It has been my experience that when one partner is accusing the other of cheating it's usually *that* partner that is actually up to no good and trying to throw the other off track.

It sounds like he has cheated on you and so that is why he assumes you have cheated on him. I am really, very sorry.

Can you ask military chaplain or counselor for advice/help?

I'm so sorry Honey. Really I feel for you. That is just ridiculous that he would treat you that way and you don't deserve it. I would highly suggest marriage counseling and letting him know how he makes you feel.
Personally, I think that when someone is blaming you of cheating it's because they have done it and feel like you're doing the same thing.
but I'm not saying that he is. Just talk to him and get him and see if you guys could fix things and ask him if he really wants to be with you and your child.
but please don't take this from him!

okay,
so I was a military wife for quite a number of years and military men of course are known for screwing around which is a really sad stereotype. However, a lot of times when me become weird and start accusing you of text messages and things like that, they are actually the ones doing something. I think he has told you the truth. Why would he be so hateful to his wife? My post has nothing to do with my experience as a military wife. We actually had a good first couple of years and my husbands alcholism helped ruin the rest of it, but I am remarried now to a wonderful man. Good men are out there. Hun, the military is not a good influence on young men all of the time and I know that they do not support the wives very well. I would suggest going to his command. Usually if he has a good command they would look down upon him cheating. They would most likely pull him in and conversate with him about his actions. But the main thing you need to focus on is you and your baby. Are you and him willing to get counseling? Also to put it out there...sex...if you have sex with him and he has cheated you can get nasty diseases and they could spread so that you cant get pregnant again or worse. You have a long road ahead of you. Take care of your mental situation now and prepare yourself. If you have family tell them what you believe and what is going on. Suggest a counseler for your marraige if you want to try to work on your marraige. One last thing though....you can lead a horse to water. He will only do as much as he wants too. So dont get upset if you dont see any effort from him. Contact his command. Good luck

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I think you should take his advice - leave and get out! Take his cell phone and save his "let's get some p*ssy" messages" for your lawyer. He is extremely immature and NOT ready to be married. With what he says to you, I don't think he will ever be ready to be in a monogamous relationship. He is defintaely not joking when he says those horrible things to you. At least your son is only 5 months and will never know the difference of having both parents at home. He will be fine and you need to get out of your marriage. Your husband is no good, I am sorry to say.

I can't say if he is cheating or not, but where there is smoke, there is usually fire. So, be smart for you and your child, just so you know, here in Texas, you can file for child support even if you are married. A friend of mine was fighting with her hubby often and he kept walking out for a week here a week there etc... so he wanted back and she said fine, but she wanted to get child support payments set up that way no matter where he is, she has money to take care of the baby. So, this might be a good idea for you. Not sure how it works for the military? Sorry your dealing with this and I hope it gets better for you soon.

You two are way to young and immature to be married. I don't mean that harshly, just that it's obvious from what is going on and your interactions that you are very young. Marriage is extremely difficult under the best of circumstances. I would suggest that you get some marriage counseling but also, get yourself back to school and ready to support your son on your own. Your husband is obviously not to be counted on.

run away like your hair is on fire. i learned early that the accuser is the one doing the bad behavior. no one "jokes" like that and he's condescending to you by saying such ridiulous things knowing that you will believe him. your son is not going to benefit in any way from the two of you staying together if this is your husband's idea of what a marriage is. if this is what it is like after only eight months and the birth of a child then what do you honestly believe it will be like years in the future?

That's a mess, but couple things. You are both still young and your marriage is young. He is acting childish, but being in the army might have him talking "trash" talk just to fit in. If he is really cheating, which it sounds like to me, then you have to be prepared for the worse. Start thinking independently so that you can remain strong for your baby. Sit with him and determine what he wants out of the marriage. I would seek some counsel with a professional.

You're still in the honeymoon phase of your marraige, where you're suppose to be in love and the world is all perfect. If it's this bad now, it's now going to get any better.

Why did you decide to have a child with this man and then to make matters worse marry him? He's immature and in no way ready to committ to a serious relationship, nor is he responsible enough to raise a child.

I sure he's not joiking. I'm sure he is cheating. And just in case there's that one in a million chance I'm wrong, then what he's saying in just plain cruel. The only thing that he's right about is "leave and get out". Take your son and go directly to a lawyer and file for a divorce.

It might be a good idea to take a break from him for a while if you can I would with the baby. Can you move in with your parents house for 6 months or so to care for the baby and sort things out. Your husband sounds pretty immature and also not trusting of you not to mention that you were both so young to be having a baby. How long did you date b4 you married and has he always been so suspicious of you? If you do decide to go bk for the sake of the baby being raised in a 2 parent family I would insist on marital counseling to work out his lack of trust in you and his immature ways. I hope for the best for you.

I am 22 and so is my husband and is is also in the army. Some men or young boys like your husband think that its ok to do that. My husband deployed to Afghanistan and had some problems with women there wanting to touch him in inappropriate places. He told me, I was mad but not at him. and I was always taught "Through the heart the mouth speaks" which means he's telling the truth but testing your reaction and if he gets one he says he's joking. I would leave and never come back. He obviously doesn't think having a family is important, sometimes the commitment scares them into knowing they are stuck with one person now so they cheat to make themselves feel better. Being an army wife and mother is a really tough job. I have been an army wife for a year and a half and had my son for 7 months.. This man is not right, cut your losses and leave. Good luck

Strange thing my friends husband just said the same thing to her that he was cheating and then he said he was only kidding. She asked several good friends men and women and everyone answered the same you would never say that....Im in the midst of a divorce myself my son is 14 months..and over the months things just seem to get worse and worse. Maybe if you have a place to go for a bit you could and you both would have time to think things out or why do you have to leave maybe he could. Best of Luck.

Aack! I hate to say it but I would completely thing believe he was cheating. He has too many signs to suggest otherwise. I know you have a 5 month old and it would be SO hard but I don't see the benefit in staying with him and teaching your son that this behavior is ok! He is already being cruel to you and it will only get worse. If you want see if he is willing to do some counseling or outside help you can, if he is not willing to work on it in some way then get out. A relationship does not work one-sided.

Good luck!

If you are truly in love with your husband and want to make it work, then you need to work things out maybe some counseling. But his comment should be no laughing matter or joke. In some way, he probably does this because it is true but if he said it wasn't a joke he doesn't know how you will react. Marriage is tough and you both have to work at the relationship. Everyone has their ups and downs but you seem to work through them or decide to get out before it gets worse. I hope you can find something that will help you decide what is best for you and your son. Maybe your husband doesn't know how to tell you he wants out. Tyring talking to him. Good luck.

I"m assuming he's at Fort Carson? There is an excellent marriage therapist there named Katherine Robredo. I would ask for a referral to her - and if he refuses to go, go by yourself to figure out what to do next.

my gut feeling is that whatever you choose to do, whether stay with him or not, it is better to decide now so that if you leave it won't have as harsh of an impact on your son. also, you are NOT too young to be married as one woman on here said, but no matter what age you are, both the husband and wife need to be mature enough and need to be fully comitted and faithful to each other. it may be a good time to leave and find someone who will be a good husband and father, but only if you feel right about it because you are the only one who really knows him well enough. the rest of us are just going off of the small amount of info that you told us about him. good luck! I'm sorry you have this tough decision to make. but please make the right one for you. (p.s. my husband is military too and was deployed while our son was a baby. however he is very open and honest with me about everything he struggles with, and that trust makes all the difference!)

My husband is in the military and we were having a very hard time recently too. I found Military One Source and they are amazing. They provide numerous free services to military and their families... including free counseling with an experienced counselor in your area. My hubby was worried about having "counseling" listed on his record, but One Source keeps everything confidential unless they fear someone is in danger, so nothing will every go on his record. The best part is that they will talk to you without you having to go through your hubby or his chain of command first.

I would strongly encourage you to call and talk to them, hopefully they can help you and your hubby work things out, but they can also help you if you decide your marriage cannot be saved.

www.militaryonesource.com

Good Luck

I'm sorry for this difficult time. I would say that based on what you've told us, your husband is incredibly immature. I would also say that the writing is on the wall. If this behavior is happening so quickly after his deployment how committed can he be? If you are telling him this behavior is hurting you and he laughs at you, then how much can he respect you? Even with so little information, it seems very black and white to me. Would you be okay with your son treating a woman in this manner? Is that the type of role model you want for him? If he is willing to go to counseling and work on the marriage, then that says something. However, I would not hold my breath if I were you. Currently it doesn't seem to be headed in a good direction. I would cut your losses and run now. I know you'll probably hang in there for a while longer, but I really don't think it's going to get better.
Good luck in creating the future you deserve!
J.

I am so sorry you are going through this, K.. I hate to make assumptions and give advice based on knowing so little, but I will say this. Whether he is cheating or not, his text is highly inappropriate and offensive. He does sound very immature, which can only be magnified by being away from you.

I always heard the saying- "if someone's looking under your bed it's because they're hiding someone under their's". Now again, I can't say if he is or isn't. My point is take it seriously. The 'joke' he tell you, not funny and very suspicious. Listen to your gut. Don't let him convince you that everything is a joke and that you're the crazy one- that's straight out of the bad husband playbook. Stick to your guns.

If you feel like counseling is worth a try, do that. Make sure you see a therapist who is familiar with military issues, which shouldn't be hard in Colo. Springs and the surrounding area.

If you do end up leaving, know that you did it to save your dignity and your son's. And maybe getting out early will prevent years of damage to your all, and in a few years he may mature and at least be a decent father and easier to get along with.

Maybe if nothing else, get some counseling for yourself to help you navigate through this and make the right decision. God bless.

I have a very troubled marriage (my husband has a mental disorder), and I've learned a lot while trying to hold our family together. The one thing I've learned that comes to mind right now is something my SIL taught me. She said, "If someone accuses you of doing something you're not doing, THEY ARE." She learned that when she was dating a guy, who kept accusing her of going out with other people. She was so confused. Why would he think she was dating someone else? Then she found out he was dating other people behind her back. He was so obsessed with his double life that he was paranoid, thinking that my SIL was doing the same thing.

I've found it to be true, too. My husband accuses me of manipulating him and being lazy. I was confused by those accusations, too. Talking to a counselor, and doing a lot of thinking, I've come to realize that he's a manipulative person, is constantly trying to get out of doing things (lazy), and it turns out that while he complains that I never do anything around the house all day, he actually doesn't do anything to help out.

It makes me crazy to be accused of something I'm not doing.

I really don't have any doubt that your husband is cheating.

And let me tell you something. I have three little boys. You're better off leaving now, because your husband isn't who you thought he was when you got married. It'll be easier to be a single mom with a baby than it would for me, with three kids. That's the only reason I'm not gone. I'm NOT a fan of divorce at all, but seriously, there is something REALLY wrong with a lot of men these days. No one deserves to be treated the way you're being treated. Get out now before things get worse!