Looking for Santa Advice

One of my friends told her kids that the parents have to pay for the gifts Santa gives. That way they can take them back or exchange them. Also, it explains why some kids get more and why they sometimes dont get what they ask for (because the parents cant afford it.)

S. -

I JUST finished reading the following then I read your email, so I feel like this is God telling me to post this for you and others to read.

Adventure with Grandma - A Christmas Parable

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid.
I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my
big
sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even
dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that
day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always
told
the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot
easier when swallowed with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns. I
knew they were
world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told
her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus!" she snorted.
"Ridiculous!
Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it
makes me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second
world-famous, cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General
Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about
everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten
dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said,
"and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the
car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother,
but never had I shop ped for anything all by myself. The store seemed
big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas
shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching
that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it
for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the
kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about
thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with
bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's
grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because
he never went out for recess during the winter. His mother always wrote
a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew
that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I
fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy
Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real
warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?"
the lady
behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes,"
I replied shyly. "It's .... for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me. I
didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a
Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and
ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her
Bible)
and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it -- Grandma said that
Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby
Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever
officially one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's ho use, and she and I crept
noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave
me
a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down
on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the
bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for
the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering,
beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized
that
those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they
were: ridiculous.

Santa was alive and well, and we're on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95.

===============================

He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under
a tree.

Hi S.,

I wanted to let you know what my family does in regard to Santa. I hope this may help you. We are Christians and believe that first and foremost Christmas is about Christ's birthday. So, we incorporated that into Santa's gifts. We knew that over the years, our financial picture may change and we didn't want Santa's gifts to be fewer on our 'leaner' years and therfore make our kids feel less 'good' just because we didn't have as much. So, Santa only brings 3 presents to each child every year, just like Jesus received His first Christmas. We will give them gifts from us as well, but Santa only gives 3. So, for families that need your help during the holidays, you could explain that Santa only gave them 3 things, and you want to help with their other needs.

I hope that with the other advice you receive you will come up with the perfect explanation for your kids. Good luck and God Bless.

Merry Christmas!! M. 'The Photo Chic' L.

Your little girl is perceptive indeed! One way to respond is to tell her that Santa knows ALL the things that little boys and girls do, not just the things we see. And certainly every child has some redeeming qualities even if it's hard for us to pinpoint them. This may remind her to look for the good in others especially when it isn't readily apparent. As for helping the other families, wow... as I am writing this I am understanding more and more your conundrum. Everything I want to suggest either sounds trite or awfully gloomy. That being said, I'll just have to keep thinking about that one.

Similarly, my son (who is almost 4) asked me yesterday why Santa had his elves making the toys instead of just going and buying them at the store! Good luck and merry Christmas.

A. L.

I was raised believing in St. Nicolas... but most of all celebrating Jesus birth, and always remembering the comming of the the three kings.

Here are some sites that can help you explain the meaning of Christmas to your daughter and that way explain that sometimes some parents tend to help santa too much and forget that santa was about giving too and that each child should do their best not to ask for to much.. and also that some parents forget to tell their kids about santa, so some kids don't know that they can ask for things.. and so that is why some kids dont' have anything on christmas... because there is just not enough parent helpers, etc.

This is the Story of St. Nicolas...:

http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/adx/adnick.html

"He was especially interested that families had enough to eat and a good place to live, that children got ahead in life, and that old people lived out their lives with dignity and respect. And he always loved the sailors living so dangerously on the sea. Without their ships, people everywhere would be without food and other goods they carried for trade"

This prayer for St. Nicolas is a good way of explaining that he is fact is a spirit that still exists....

http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/child/nick.html

More good sites to read on his story:

http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=38 This is a good site.

This is interesting..

http://www.juntosociety.com/christmas/stnicolas.htm

A letter to childin doubt:
http://www.juntosociety.com/christmas/yesvirginia.htm

http://www.juntosociety.com/christmas/truemeaning.htm

This sites are nice for children too:

http://www.santas.net/stnicholas.htm

http://www.santas.net/aroundtheworld.htm

This is a good site to learn how others celebrate Christmas... without ever forgetting Santa Claus..

http://www.santas.net/southamericanchristmas.htm

Email to santa:
http://www.santas.net/email.htm
http://www.santas.net/welcome.htm

And last but not least... a story for children with pictures
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=508

The real Santa:
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=167

A perfect story to tell when they are much smaller http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=541&artic...

I think as a child that is that understanding, and curious... it would be good to tell her the truth if needed that this santa we expect on christmas day is a spirit of a Santa that existed long time ago.. and that because he was loved so much, parents help his spirit come alive again... only some parents forget to tell their kids, etc. And that perhaps you and her can help other kids believe and help santa give presents to those in need.

Good luck.. my kids asked those kind of questions too!!

C.

Dear S.,
Your answer about parents helping out Santa is actually a good one. She shouldn't think Santa gives the best toys or biggest to the children who don't deserve them. Hopefully, she sees you buying gifts for friends and relatives. She needs to understand Santa isn't the only gift source. Christmas is about us sharing.
I don't know if you're religious or not, but you might tell her the reason there are still poor people that Santa doesn't seem to give much to, is because he is waiting for us to step in. If Jesus took care of everyone's problems, then those of us who are more capable would never learn to care for others. That's the real lesson of Christmas anyway, and it's never to early to learn!
G.

at some point you are going to have to tell her the truth about santa not being real. If this is not the time to tell her, then tell your daughter that donating helps Santa who is a very busy man. That even though there are kids out there who go without material things they have something even better waiting for them in the future. I hope that helps.

You have a very perceptive little girl! I was always told and have always told my kids that if you don't believe Santa doesn't come. I still haven't told my 12 yr old. It isn't discussed. If you don't believe Santa doesn't come. That is our "policy". Any questions I have ever been asked by my kids is answered that way. They can choose to believe or not. So far, no one has chose not to believe.

I do tell my kids that since there are so many kids in the world now, Santa has to have help finacially to feed his reindeer and elves. That is why some kids get more than others and why we help those less fortunate. Some parents can't afford to help Santa.

As far as the good and bad topic, I do use it with my kids "Santa is watching you" and when it has been brought up about other kids that are bad and get things, I tell them if they want to try it and see what Santa does that is up to them. But it is a risk they will take if they get nothing for Christmas. As far as the other kids go, I try to tell my kids to worry about how they act and what they get more than how someone else acts or what they have.

It seems like it is getting harder and harder to make the Santa part of Christmas magical. Good luck, she will be tough one...especially when the Easter Bunny's time comes!

Hi S.,

My daughter is seven and she still believes. It almost breaks my heart to see her believe for so long. I sure hope the other kids don't give her a hard time about it. I just hope her heart doesn't get broken. I found out about Santa when I turned five and I don't remember it being a big deal. One day, I ask my mom and dad, "Is Santa real?" and they said "No". That was that; and thereafter, we still spoke as if Santa gave us gifts. Sounds like your daughter is trying to get to the root of it all.

My husband's brother (dressed as Santa), comes to our house every year on Christmas Eve and brings his "bag" with one toy for each of the kids (I have three). If there are friends available that night, we will invite them and have finger foods. It's so much fun to see the kids light up with excitement. Their eyes get so big and you can see the adrenaline going!! Santa only stays for a half hour or so. He spends time with he kids on the couch. And they are sitting all around him, snuggled up, just loving it!!!

Besides, Christmas is really about 'giving' and not 'getting'. If their are needy families, it's nice to 'give' to them and that is what we do! I make sure they understand the importance of "giving". We sometimes buy a baby blanket and toy, then take it to the local hospital birthing center and ask the nurses to give it to a family in need. One year, the gift went to a baby whose parents (both) were deaf. I just love doing this. It helps them to understand as we physically deliver the gift.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!!!

This is a tough one and lots of answers have been given.

My suggestion, let her run with Santa on her own. Ask her what she thinks when she asks Santa questions. Talk to her about the connection between Santa and Jesus and let her draw conclusions from that relationship and reflect it in her vision of Santa. Let her run with her magic on her own. You don't have to be the definitive answer for every question!

For example, talk to her about the prodigal son! This could be a reason that the "bad kids" get more bigger presents maybe? Let her decide. Teach her about forgiveness... maybe Christmas is a celebration of Jesus dying for our sins and so all is forgiven on Christmas Eve...

Being practical, I would also suggest that she is old enough to know that not all presents come from Santa. I am sure she sees you buying gifts for adult friends. Give yourself some credit and let her know that you buy things she wants and you love her! Talk to her about "the magic" of giving. Let her pick presents and give them to people.

Personally my biggest fear was to lose my children's trust. I had heard so many tales of children with broken hearts and having trust issues with their parents I didn't "do" Santa. Much to my surprise and joy, my kids have incorporated him into Christmas themselves. (Although this makes life difficult for me!)

We only make cookies when they ask to and if they are left out its because the boys did it. In the morning the dishes and all are gone and in the dishwasher. Why? Because its rude not to help clean up after getting the gift of a meal I reply and ask if they think Santa is rude...

If a present with no tag on it was under the tree and they think its from Santa then I am not one to dispell their belief. The unlabeled gifts are usually practical like a hat, glove and scarf set. The other presents are clearly labeled from the people that bought them and I make sure the boys say thank you.

Over the years the questions have become more difficult and I have had to think and reply very carefully. I decided that my definition of Santa is the spirit of charity and the joy of giving. Every question I get from my children, I keep this in mind. I explain my views of charity to them and ask them and ask them if the need or want. They usually come up with some explanation about how this conversation applies to Santa on their own and move forward.

Last year my 8 year old asked me a rather direct question, something about how come there were mostly gifts from other people and only a few from Santa (again his assumption). I asked him how many presents he needed. He looked around and said that he had gotten alot of presents. I suggested that others may not have any or only one present and perhaps more should be given to those people before us.

My son agreed and thought Santa was pretty smart. He then gave me some elaborate conclusion. Santa knew how many presents he personally would get. He also knew Santa called our friends and family and told them what my son wanted for Christmas. Santa made sure they bought the right presents for him! This allowed Santa to save Santa's money for people that needed more "free Santa" presents. It was so cute!

I then also talked to him about the local food and toy drives during the holidays to help make this time even better for those with less than us and we had a good conversation about charity and being humble.

Charity and the gift of giving has no boundries of "good and bad" so its not mentioned in our family version of Santa. There are no "bad kids" just bad choices. We have to be good examples to these other children and show them how to make good choices, we have to teach them. So separating the "bad choice makers" from the "good choice makers" only makes the entire problem worse. Every now and again they will mention being "good or bad" to each other and they are sure to go to bed in time for "Santa to come".

Overall, my fear has turned into one of the greatest things I could share with my kids. They make the magic and I provide the fuel! Charity and giving are so hard to teach kids, especially during a time of year when they get so much! This has been the perfect way for me to teach them and have that magic too!

Let me tell you two stories for your advice, I grew up learning about Santa, We always did the leaving cookies and milk for Santa year, I always baked them, because I was the only girl, this year I was 11, after looking at my presents, we always had presents under the tree, but Santa laid our things out on our spot with our stocking, mine happened to be the rocking chair.I happend to look by the fire place and the milk and cookies were still there, I looked at my Mom and said, Mom , Santa didnt eat his milk and cookies, and she just gave me this look, like you stupid little child, and I think later one of my brothers told me, Stupid you know Mom and Dad are Santa.
Ive always told my kids about Santa, I am remarried now and I have a 7,14,17 year old, my husband has never wanted me to tell our youngest anything to do with Santa, he said he was devasted when he found out there wasnt a Santa, I didnt listen but this year I told her, Im sure you have heard kids say that there isnt a Santa, and some say this, So I told her there is a Fairy Tale that describes Saint Nick, thats where we get our Santa from, you can choose to belive in him or not, but the true meaning of Christmas is because Jesus was born, but there we almost have another fairy tale because Jesus was not born in the Winter or December, so I guess the point to this story is, Christmas is a time for sharing and helping others, Saint Nick did help others but now a days its all about the new PS2 and other little gagets.
We are doing something a little different this year, my husband has been saving the kids allowance for a few months now, they are to buy there other two siblings a christmas gift with their money and they they may buy something they like, we will get them something and my parents will get them something and so will his parents. I will also fill their stockings and what not, I guess Im just rambling now.
Let her down easily.

My son is 8 and hasn't asked yet if Santa is real, but he has some questions sometimes that are extremely hard to answer...but, advice I have heard is this: we tell our son that parents have "secret identities"...we are Santa's helpers and the Tooth Fairy's helper, etc, etc. Actually, while these "people" can only do so much, they need help from the parents, so, sometimes Santa calls and asks us to help him get the gifts for our family and sometimes the tooth fairy calls and tells us how much money to leave for the tooth, etc.

As for others getting things when they are seemingly "bad"...we tell my son that people are not really bad, per se, they just make bad choices and that Santa considers all this. But that he should only worry about what he is doing and what he has and not about someone else.

The reason we donate to needy families is simply because we should help others. Santa does help those families too, but we should also help and if we all pull together, then they will have a happy Christmas as well. All of us have to work as a team, parents, Santa, and kids alike! Hope that helps some...