7 Year Old Soon Will Discover No Santa, What to Do About 3 Year Old?

My oldest (9) has questioned if Santa exists and I have simply replied with "you can't get presents from someone you don't believe in, can you?". Just tonight, my girls received a phone call from Santa (arranged by the Marine Base - thank you MCCS!!!), I can tell they still believe by the smiles on their face when I told them the North Pole was calling for them.

I to am puzzled by all the talk of lying? Christmas is about the magic...how sad that so many people are missing this Truth. The idea of a parent telling their child there is no Santa is very sad to me. Santa is the Spirit of giving and good will towards all. My kids still believe 8,7,5 and 3, and they were also able to help Santa by giving to some homeless people.

I always thought that kids grow up way too fast nowadays... I wanted my boys to believe in Santa as long as possible. When my boys started coming to me with doubts, all I told them was when you stop believing in Santa Clause, he will stop bringing you presents. =)

C., another mom recently had a similar dilemma. The following, with few changes, is the response I offered to her.

If your son has already started to question the fantasies in his world, a la the tooth fairy, he is starting to put together the logic and rationale of the existence of such beings. If he has called you on the tooth fairy, he has, certainly already started to consider the existence of Santa Claus as well. Don't pre-empt his belief by bringing it to him but, when he asks you about it, be ready to sit down with him and talk it over. He has, no doubt, seen and heard the story of St. Nicholas many times and in many different variations. Talk to him about that story and explain to him St. Nicholas' love of children and how, because parents and families and friends also love the children in their lives, they want to carry on the work that Nicholas did while he was alive. (Thus the 'Spirit of Christmas' is always alive and well as long as people love one another!) Tell him how people see things that are not so wonderful in the world and they long to hold onto a little of the goodness that Nicholas spread so freely so we have set aside this opportunity to show others that goodness and how much we care about them when they are so busy and stressed out the rest of the year. Remind him of that saying, "Keep Christmas Alive All Year 'Round", and make sure he understands that Nicholas' goodness was, indeed, spread all year 'round.

He will likely ask you eventually why people of non-Christian faiths do not celebrate Christmas, then. You will want to talk to him about the birth of Jesus and how the church, not knowing exactly when the Christ was born, chose to celebrate that momentous time in the church calendar at a time of year when people were celebrating the winter change of seasons because it was already tied to the winter solstice, a time of sharing and closeness among people. Explain to him that, because it is, basically, a Christian holiday, other faiths have chosen to celebrate that spirit of loving and giving in other ways.

Be sure to let him know he does not have to wait until Christmas to do something nice for someone else but Christmas reminds us that we are connected to something greater and bigger than ourselves and giving to others is one way we can experience that. And that, essentially, is what Santa Claus is all about.

Do remind him that his little brother and other younger children may still believe in Santa Claus as the jolly fat man of The Night Before Christmas, so it might be nice of him not to ruin their fantasy too soon. Point out that, although Santa may not be 'real' the way he is portrayed on television and in movies, Santa is very much alive and well everytime someone says, "Merry Christmas" or puts money in a Salvation Army bucket, or donates clothes or toys to a Christmas charity drive like the Salvation Army Angel Tree, or any of the myriad of possibilities for giving and sharing during the Christmas season.

It can be a crushing experience for a youngster to learn that Santa is not real. This means that, among other things, his parents have been lying to him. That is why it is so important for your son to understand that, while Santa is not a physical reality in the body of one, singular individual, his goodness is very real. Let him know how, accepting this other side of Santa is part of growing up and becoming a grown up. It is a big step for him and how he handles it shows just how grown up he has become.

Consider that this is a double-edged sword in the relationship between your two boys. On the one hand, it is a separation between them because your older son has now moved on to a new, more mature level of life experience. But it can also serve to create an incredible bond between them as your older son begins to preserve his little brother's faith in Santa Claus.

Merry Christmas!

I have always refused to lie to my children and I'm sticking to that. My kids know that it takes me many hours of working my behind off to earn the money to buy them Christmas presents and if I didn't work, there would not be any presents. Nothing is free in life, and that is what I teach my children. I remember learning that Santa wasn't real, and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny...it was all lies, and it was all heart breaking...so, I promised myself that I would never put my children through that. To each their own, but I HATE when other parents try to put me down for telling my kids the truth about things. You have the right to raise your children the way you want, so tell them if you want to, or don't, but don't let anyone, even me, influence your decision...go with your heart.

I may be opening a can of worms here, but I never did understand why parents do the Santa and Tooth Fairy idea. They AREN'T real and so the kids are disappointed or feel stupid when they realize that everyone else knew except them. What is wrong with you being a kind parent and just rewarding them for losing their tooth or just buying them presents at Christmas?? I mean, think about it...it's a lie and do you want to teach your kids that lying is ok??

I realize many people won't agree with me...and that's ok. Please don't jump down my throat on our views...it's just an idea on how you could handle this situation. My daughters have both grown up knowing the truth about Santa, etc and they were grateful.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

is mickey mouse real? well... yes, and no. that's kind of how i look at santa, and explain it to my kids. he's a game that we like to play at christmastime. it's a fun story just like frosty the snowman and rudolf the red-nose reindeer.

i personally like to get the credit for the gifts i give my kids.... i did pick them and wrap them and pay for them after all... so we don't actually give "santa" gifts... and guess what, christmas is still magical and exciting and fun even when the gifts come from mom and dad!

you can teach the history of saint nicholas and explain that he was a real saint, and that he gave money to the poor. do some research about it, maybe get a book from the library, and learn about him with your 7-year old. so, he is a real person in history.

in Italy Baby Jesus (Gesu Bambino) gives the presents. I think that is AWESOME, since Santa competes so much with the real reason for Christmas. although it would be odd to get a new x- box or ipod from baby Jesus, i have to say... :)

I agree with those who say "why lie to your children?" My parents always taught me that Santa was just a fun part of Christmas but that it was mom and dad who brought the gifts. I've had friends tell me that when they found out that Santa wasn't real they wondered what other lies they had been told. I am a believer in "Jesus is the reason for the season" so I've always tried to teach my children that and downplay the Santa part. They've always been just fine with that, as was I. I heard someone say once that when they found out Santa was a lie they wondered if Jesus was a lie too! Just something to consider!

I just received an email from a friend regarding this exact subject. A friend of this friend of mine started a website where you can download a picture of Santa in your house!! Basically you take a picture of anywhere in your house (see examples on the website), upload it to the website, and download a picture of Santa onto the picture. Christmas morning you can display it on your computer and show your kids that Santa was really there! I thought it was such a cute idea!!! Anyway - here's the website...

www.capturethemagic.com

Merry Christmas!

C.,Santa represents the spirit of Christmas. It is not the 7-year old that needs to believe, it is all of us that needs to remember this understanding. I am 64 year old Grandfather and still believe. We as adults think of Santa as just a man that gives gifts and we just recieve them. The Joy and warmth of giving is what Santa represents. If we think of ourselves as Santa, there will always be a Santa Claus and the true meaning of Cristmas. A religious person believes Gods giving of his Son to be the true gift of Cristmas but to others it still can be the intrinsic gift of love. Yes,C. there is a Santa Claus, he can be in all of us

I was also never told much about Santa. Gifts appeared under the tree mysteriously on Christmas morning, but Mom didn't tell me any stories until I asked (after I started first grade in school in 1963-- so figure out how old I am! LOL) She said that Santa Claus was what people had invented to represent the spirit of giving. We did about the same with our kids.

Here's my favorite 'Santa' story:

The Truth About Santa Claus
============================

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma.
I was just a kid.

I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to
her that day because I knew she would be straight with me.

I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me.

"No Santa Claus?" She snorted... "Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor Has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad! Now, put On your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my
second world-famous cinnamon bun.

"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my
mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself.
The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a Few moments I just
stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill,
wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my Friends, my
neighbors, the kids at school, and the people who went to my
church.

I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class.

Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it.
It looked real warm, and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked Kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."

The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a Good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag
fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in
Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa
Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on
secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house,
explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially,
one of Santa's Helpers. Grandma parked down the street from
Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the
present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to
the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited
breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open.
Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent
shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That
night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus
were just what Grandma said they were: Ridiculous.

Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.
I still have grandma's Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside:
$19.95.

To the person who wrote about the kneeling Santa and anyone else: there is a book called "A Special Place for Santa" that goes with the ornament. I believe that it is out of print now, but you can find it at Amazon. It is an excellent book that tells about the "real" St. Nicholas. We read it to our children every Christmas eve. Jesus is the real reason for Christmas, but the feelings are manifested in Santa Claus. This book tells about the love of Christmas and doing good things. In the book Santa give the Baby Jesus his gift every year, it is a record of all the loving things that people do for one another.

Hi C.,

Bless your heart. I understand this delema.I struggled with this in the early years. My struggle was more about HOW I was going to go about finally tell the truth. The more I got to know Jesus, the more my thoughts changed about it. I finally told my children the truth, when my kids were 9, 5 and 3. I thought I would regret popping their bubble , but in reality it has been a blessing. My 9 year old was quite upset when she found out I had lied about santa. That was the biggest blow for her, was that I could lie to her. I tried to explain that I was just carrying on the tradition from my parents, but she was still upset about it. The other two readily accepted that there was no santa and didn't blink an eye. I explained that we will still have Christmas, and that all good things they get are gifts from the Lord. It is he who blesses us with abundance.
My kids are now 6, 8, and 12. Strong in faith, and APPRECIATIVE of the good gifts, understanding that they are hard earned and given because they are loved, not just because they are a name on Santa's list.

What is important is what God thinks about it.
He tells us in the Bible that if you follow his decrees and commands you will be blessed in all you do, and if you disobey and follow the way of the world your life will be difficult and full of strife. Yes, it is true, that there are a lot of things that are fun in this world, and a lot of them, in God's definition, are sin. (sin simply means separation from god)God is the opposite of sin, he simply cannot sin, and has no sin in him. That is why, when you sin, you are separated from god. God sent his son Jesus to cleanse you of your sin so that you can be reconciled back to him. Please dont let this turn you off, Sweet C.. I guess I am responding more to the overwhelming response of hearing people say to keep the lie going. Please hear the words of God, below. He will never steer you wrong:

Romans 1:25 " They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the creator- who is forever praised"

Lev 19: Be holy because I am holy. Do not lie. Do not decieve one another. Do not defraud your neigbor

John 8:31 Jesus said " If you hold to my teachings, you really are my disciples, then you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."

Psalm 34:13 Keep your tounge from evil and your lips from spreading lies. Turn from evil and do good.

And about those who inherit the Kingdom of God in Heaven:
Revelations 14: They have the name of the Father written on their forheads. They follow the Lamb (Jesus) No lie was found on their mouths, they are blameless.

Santa does not predate Christianity. He was created in the 19th century as a marketing gimmick. St. Nicolas was a real guy, (16th century?) but that's another story. Christianity dates back 2000 years.

Praying for you to consider an alternative. God loves you so much C..

Love Gail

OK, you've got a million responses, so what's one more? I say lie as long as possible! It's part of the magic of the season. And as far as lying to your kids being wrong, I guess I'm the worst mother in the world, because I lie quite often to my kids! "Daddy and I were naked in bed because our bedroom is too hot." (my daughter walked in on us after having a nightmare!) "Sorry, the store was out of free cookies for kids." "I called Wal-mart to check, and the bathroom is broken so you have to go potty at home." "No, I didn't have a lot of problems in school because I paid attention to my teacher" (my 8 yo HATES his teacher so he doesn't pay attention, and ends up missing information for school and home work). You get the picture. My 8 yo told me that a few of his friends told him the "truth", but he didn't believe them. I lied and said "You really think I'd go to all that trouble to make you believe in some fat guy with reindeer that poop on my front lawn!" He believed me, for now.

Good luck, and have a Merry Christmas!

Hi And Merry Christmas!! I was at the holiday parade yesterday with my scouts. And Santa came up to say hi since we wouldn't see him in the parade.I have a group of boys from the age 5-11 there. I held my breath when Santa came up because I was really afraid of what the boys who didn't believe would say. But to my amazement all of them got really excited and you could tell they still believed. I had a talk with the parents as this was going on and they all said that their boys still believed because Christmas is magic and you don't question magic, if you do it looses it's power. I have learned that kids are believing a lot longer now days. My 12 year old still believes, he has wondered before but I have told him do you really want to question it? And he of coarse says no way. My parents always keep the magic of Christmas alive, Santa still came to our house till we moved out and started our own families. Hope this helped And as for the tooth fairy none of my boys believe in her, sometimes I tell the boys I have to help Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth fairy out because there are just so many kids. So when they catch me doing something then That explains it. I personally think that with this world the way it is, and kids having to grow up so much faster, why not let them believe?

Bless you- I'm so glad, C. that you are more comfortable. Here is my ''' truth'''. Of COURSE there is a ''Santa Claue'' -- Christmas is blessed- it is special- and we allow God to work through us to make it so!. The truth about Santa Claus is that he was a saint of God a long time ago in Germany --- who shined Gods' love on children- and the tradition ''''stuck'''. ( you can look it up on your search engine) I never have seen any need to deny what is true in my heart. Whether I have a chimney or not - I KNOW that the saint who once loved children ( and the child in us) loves us still--- and - to me to deny the reality of that is well -- bot being truthful - Christmas IS magic - Enjoy, dear heart.

J. - aka - Old Mom

I'm quite puzzled by all those who are talking about lying. It's really odd. Santa is not about dishonesty, Santa is about magic!

When I was nine I used logic to figure out that there was no Santa, and I felt grown-up, not betrayed. I totally understood what my parents were doing, and I helped keep the secret for my little sister. My 11 year old son knows, because he figured it out (I would NEVER tell a child, "oh by the way, there is no Santa"), and he would never tell his little brother. When older children figure it out, they do NOT feel that they have been lied to, they feel grown-up, and they enjoy keeping the secret for the younger ones.

I think that when the younger one figures it out, at some point the presents will be from Mom and Dad, instead of some being from Santa, but I haven't decided yet.

Santa is about magic, and wonder, and tradition, and I just love him.

We let our oldest son know the truth about Santa after Christmas last year because he had an inkling... we told him though that with his age and this newly found knowledge comes great responsibility for his siblings. He has a 6 year old brother and a 3 year old brother and another on the way. We told him that if he EVER told anyone the truth about Santa (we told him Santa isn't just one person but the spirit of giving in all) that he would so be in trouble. He has kept mum since, and I think likes the fact that he can be in on the surprise for his siblings.

I am shocked at the responses here of mom's who told their kids there's no Santa! I just don't get it. Childhood is such an amazing wonderful time - and believing in something magical is part of it. Why ruin it so early? My two oldest never ruined it for the younger ones - not ever. And my youngest, age 6, is starting to question. I tell her the same thing I told my other two - "Santa visits the homes of those who believe, it's up to you whether to believe or not." I know my older two played the game of "believing" long after they really believed - but that's part of the fun!
If your 7 year old questions you, just tell him that it's up to him whether to believe or not, but that it's not his job to tell others or his little brother what to believe. If they believe in Santa, then he should let them.

When my now 13 year old wanted to really know, we read a book about the history of santa and the first thing she asked after was, "But if I still want to believe, I still can, can't I?" Of course I said, "Sure!" Enjoy this season of life! Merry Christmas.

Boy, there sure are a lot of responses here and so many different opinions. Everyone is entitled to feel the way they do. I however just can't imagine that anyone would tell a young child there is no Santa because they don't want to lie to their children. I absolutely do not look at it as lying.

Kids are little for such a short amount of time and there are so few magical things to believe in, why would I ever want to take that magic away from my children? There is nothing better than seeing your children's face when they think something "magic" has occurred.

I do understand that some families cannot afford gifts and thus telling about no Santa is a necessity and that is totally different and so very difficult.

I remember when I found out I never thought of it that my parents had been lying to me. I thought about all the effort and time and money they had put into making something special for my brothers and me. It made me appreciate how much they loved me.

When my oldest is big enough to figure it all out, and after I mend my broken heart over it, I'm absolutely going to employ her to help me and make it a fun big game for her to help me with the little ones.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and C. I hope that you figure out works best for your family.

P.S. Thank you to the person who passed along the website where you can show a picture of Santa in your house. I love it and passed it along to several of my friends!

I'm struggling with something similar...I don't WANT to lie to my kids anymore. They are almost 7 and almost 5 and I worry that by lying to them about Santa, when they discover the truth about that, they'll question the reality of Jesus, and that's the last thing I want them to doubt. I never wanted to START the Santa thing, but my husband said we should and I went along with it and I regret it. I feel like I'm misleading them and they will feel like they can't totally trust what I tell them. I'm thinking of spilling the beans after this Christmas. That's not to say they can't go sit on Santa's lap and pretend and play the "game", but I want the focus of Christmas to be where it belongs, on Jesus. If anyone has any thoughts on that, you can respond to me privately...I guess I should've just posted my own separate question, but oh well!

I'm surprised, too, about those who "don't believe".

Here's what my mom always told us...and we tell our kids.
There is a Santa and if you believe in the spirit of Santa there will be nice presents for you...and no matter what the years have held financially we've always had nice Christmases. And we've always been told that just because you ask for something doesn't always mean you'll get it...that's why it's important to have a list of different things to choose from.

Merry Christmas!

Everybody else saw this before I did, and you have some awesome responses. I think what I'm getting from all of them is that it's quite a personal choice for you to make how you handle this dilemma, but the truth has to be a big part of it. As a strong Christian believer, I have always thought of Santa as someone who was a strong Christian gentleman who worships the Lord Jesus too...and he brings the gifts at Christmas to share the joy. I was so excited a few years ago when I found ornaments that depict Santa kneeling at the manger. I have seen several versions, but my favorite is a very 'American' type of Santa. His hat is tucked on the ground under one of his knees, and he has his bald head bowed as he worships the Christ child in the manger. As we put out our decorations this year, I've noticed our 14 month old grandson has chosen my lighted kneeling Santa ornament under the tree as his favorite. I'm not sure whether it's just because of the light (since lights of all kinds have fascinated him since he was tiny) or if it's the figures themselves. I talk with him when I see him looking at it and touching the figures, and keep on telling him Santa is worshiping baby Jesus.

I personally believed in Santa until I was twelve. I had spent several years before that time working on the doubts, and really knew the truth, but wanted to keep the fantasy alive. It was a bit disappointing to give up the myth, but I never felt I had been lied to by my parents. I think that part has a lot to do with how the parents handle the Santa story, and how the child learns the truth. If that's all handled well, the child shouldn't have a lot of problem with it at all.

We sort of look at it like "the spirit of Santa lives on in others." Santa exists, even if it's in a different way than what your 7 year old initially thought he exists.

Kinda like going to Disneyworld. You aren't going to tell them that that Mickey Mouse is just some actor in a mouse suit, right? Yeah, the older one knows - but talk to him and let him see what you're seeing through the younger ones eyes..."see, isn't that great - he thinks that really is Mickey - see how excited he is? That's really fun for him to see Mickey Mouse like that - isn't it?"

We have a nephew that when he was about 6-7 went to see Santa and asked for a computer. My sister told him that she didn't know if Santa could carry that all the way from the North Pole, thinking they didn't have the money to get him a "real computer". We didn't know any of this, and went to the store to get him a gift - my husband saw this "computer" type toy at the RadioShack, and we got that for him. When he opened the present, his jaw hit the floor, his eyes bugged out, and he kept saying, "MOM....MOM....MOM...." and pointing at it until she realized what it was we had gotten him. If that didn't reaffirm his faith in Santa, nothing could have.

It's all about "spin." :)

Good luck!

There is actually a lot of truth behind the concept of Santa. Check out the website www.stnicholascenter.org and you can learn more about the man that became a legend. I'm happy to see that each Christmas, so many people are celebrating and imiating the kind and loving deeds of a person from so many years ago.
Also, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yes,_Virginia,_there_is_a_Sa... This is a wonderful story to share with any "doubters" - child or adult.

Merry Christmas!

There is a lot of good advice here, so I won't go into much except a conversation that my son and I had yesterday (he's 6). He said, "Mom, Some of my friends think Santa is real and he gives them presents - Why do their parents lie to them?" (even though I don't think it's my sons responsibility to keep a lie for adults or anyone, I did tell him to leave it between them and their parents). He also told me that he's so glad that I don't lie to him. "That's why I always tell you the truth too," He said:) It made me feel good that I've set a good example. There are soooo many wonderful miracles our lives and surroundings for children, why make them up?
There is some great information and history in the encyclopedia under christmas, Santa or St. Nicholas that you could share.

My mother filled me in on Santa when I was only 7 and I was so upset that she went & told me such a thing! I still wanted to believe. She told me not to tell my younger siblings and there was no way I was about to tell them anyway, because I was devistated to learn it myself! When my older son was in first grade, he came home and told me that some kids at school were saying there's no Santa. I was not about to let those kids ruin it for my kids, so I told him: "You know what, Honey, some people choose not to believe in Santa. I'm glad we believe." Without any hesitation he responded: "Me too!!!" All was grand for the following four Christmases! Let the kid believe. :)

Leave the older child wondering for as long as possible. I tell one of our children who still believes even though she is nine and most of her friends do not she is just fine! She definitely has her doubts but is a dreamer and loves the "believing" aspect. Amazing enough, there are folks who don't believe in God and you make your own choice about what you want to think. I tell her to believe as long as she wants to about Santa and not to worry about the others. Our oldest son still hasn't whispered a peep about what he knows on Santa and I've told him as long as he's quiet and let's the fantasy continue, he'll still have Santa gifts on Christmas morning too! He's a teenager and still can not figure out where we hide the gifts. I still tell him it's a secret and we just laugh about it. Merry Christmas!!

My brother and I are 5 years apart and I remember when I learned there was no Santa. My mom just told me not to tell my little brother and her and I would be Santa together. She would let me wrap present from Santa for my brother. I never told him...

Ok, girl. This is just ME, and I know many people will disagree with me, but here goes...

We have never told our kids there was a Santa. They know he was an actual Saint who lived many, many years ago. And that he is no longer in the realm of the living! : )
They can sit on 'his' lap at the mall, or whatever, but they know it's just for fun. I don't know that I wouldn't just explain it that way to the younger one. After all, if you don't tell a liel you never have to explain why you did..?? Make sense?

My kids still ahve plenty of fun 'pretending like' with Santa. I don't think they've missed out on a thing!

Merry Christmas!
H.

One thing I think a lot of people are concerned about is their kids feelings when they find out there isn't a "santa" or "tooth fairy" and things like that. It is something fun for the adults to do but it also gives the kids something fun to look forward to. What my mom did for us was "santa" only filled the stockings. B/C When she was little and learned there was no "santa" she was devistated and all of Christmas was pretty much ruined for her. For us, when we stopped "believing" in Santa we weren't so devistated. That is what I am doing with my daughter. After all I believe the same as some of these other responses that "Santa" is like the spirit of Christmas...the spirit of GIVING. I don't think it ever really has to be such a big deal when kids discover that its really mom and dad. Good Luck

I found out when I was in 2nd grade, but my baby sister is 3 years younger than me, my parents told me to believe for my sister and as long as I believed I would get gifts from Santa, but if I stopped believing I would not get the gifts from him. That was good motivation for a 2nd grader.

My baby sister was born when I was 10 so I believed in Santa for a long time, I was still getting Santa gifts in high school. lol

I will tell my oldest who is in first grade the same and hopefully she won't spill the beans to the twins.

Hi C.,

I see that you already have a lot of responses, but I just want to say that all these responses about lying is disturbing to me.

My 8 year old told me over the summer that a friend of his said that Santa was just your parents. I asked him what he thought and he said he wasn't sure. I said to him that I think that Santa will bring presents to those who believe. So he looks at me and says "oh, I believe then!" I think he knows but still wants to have fun with it. They asked for a wii this year and video games etc. Well, we don't have video games in our house. My 6 year old said to me "well, I am going to get a video game because Santa will bring it to me" I simply told him that Santa knows the house rules and has to abide by them. Besides they can't get everything on their lists and that it is rude to ask for really expensive gifts. They were fine with it.

There are many things about this season to celebrate and this is just one thing and it is fun. If you worry that your kids will expect too much then don't make it that. We have never bought our kids expensive stuff. Keep it simple. I help them make their list too, helping them to remember the things they really like that aren't expensive.

And also remember that this predates Christianity and most of the things we do around the season does as well.

Hope you have a wonderful Holiday.

Without making too light of the situation, I will do what my in-laws did for my husband and his siblings. They told them that Santa was real and if they wanted to get gifts, they had to believe because Santa doesn't bring gifts to kids who don't believe. Santa will know if he tells his little brother there is no Santa and will only bring gifts for the little brother :) My parents always wrapped our gifts from Santa in special paper. Their gifts never had Santa on the paper and they hid the "Santa" paper year-round. Good Luck:)

I have a friend who experienced this. She warned her older children that if they wanted to see presents under the tree for themselves Christmas morning their little sister better not here that Santa isnt real. She said it worked like a charm. Good Luck and Happy Holidays. And just for the record... I dont remember ever being embarassed or feeling stupid for believing in Santa or the tooth fairy, in fact some of my best childhood memories are of when I believed. It's all about the children and family and Santa just makes it more fun!

First, be honest without spoiling the holiday. I told my oldest that Santa does exist, he's just not who my son thought and that dad and I are Santa, and now he, too, gets to be Santa to help make it fun for our younger children. I also told him not to discuss it with his little brothers or I would take his presents back to the store. And not to test me, because I was NOT kidding. He hasn't said a word and really enjoys helping them make their Santa wish list. It probably also helps that we don't label any of our gifts with a "from". We just put on the tag who it's to and leave the "from" blank. The kids just assume it's Santa.

I unfortunatly had to tell Tara about the tooth fairy when I forgot one day and she thought the tooth had been rejected cause it had broken (we were on vacation when it broke, and had put it in a tupperware to bring it home and it broke while waiting for the tooth fairy). She was terribly upset. She had just turned 8 a few months before. About a week later she asked if I was the Easter Bunny or Santa and I said, "don't ask a question you don't want answers to." She said she really didn't want to ask. Then a week after that she said, "I know you and Dad can't be Santa, you aren't THAT good!"

So, here she is at 9 1/2 and still believes completely. There is hope that learning one thing doesn't mean knowing it all.

A lie is a lie is a lie. Think about it.

Hey,

I have one more to throw in there. I have a large age gap with my kids, when my 14 year old was little, the older ones were told "the longer you believe, the longer you recieve". My 14 year old believed in Santa til he was 9. I now have a 2 yr old again and everyone is in on the secret and helping me out with the whole Santa thing. They have parts, one is to remind Anna about cookies and milk, and one will do reindeer food with her, they have been helping me find things for the stockings, and we have been reading stories about Christmas and Santa (all the kids read to her), and all the kids are going with us to get pics with Santa this Friday so Anna will have pics with all the big kids.

Good luck!

I have boys 3 years apart - when my older one figured it out, we told him...if he spoils it for his younger brother there would be NO presents from santa! He didn't say a word.

Also, now that they are older (18 & 15) we have told them in the spirit of Christmas (and for younger kids) If they "believe" in Santa he will always bring them a gift, but a s soon as they ba-humbug on the Santa idea - NO GIFTS. They still play along. Good Luck!

C. - My son, age 6, told me over and over how good he was being so that santa could bring him a Wii. Financially that is NOT going to happen.
So I looked down into his big brown eyes and told him that there was no Santa. I told him about St. Nicholos and then told him about the REAL reason we celebrate Christmas. Jesus' birthday!
My husband was really upset that I told him but I didn't want him to wake up on Christmas morning and think that he misbehaved and that's why he didn't get the Wii or anything else he wanted. I told him that I am always watching him, he is so well behaved, I love him, but that I was Santa and was working hard to make sure he had some good gifts to open. He took it super well.
We still see "santa" and his younger brother, 3, still talks all about santa.
I also told him I am the easter bunny, and toothfairy. He took it all in stride and did not seem to care.
We DID however have the conversation about not telling other kids (the 9 year old that I watch still believes in santa, she will be CRUSHED when she finds out) because it is fun to believe.
Good Luck and Merry Christmas! L.

The first year, when my daughter wasn't sure but really WANTED to believe, I pulled out all the stops to make it possible for her to continue. She wrote a note and left it for Santa on Christmas Eve, and I wrote a response left handed with a different handwriting. When she read it in the morning, the first thing she commented was that it was NOT a familiar handwriting!! That extra hour in the middle of the night paid off in spades!!!!

The second year, I addressed it early in December. I explained that it was a "grownup" secret, expressing love for the children, and now she was in on the "grownup" secret, so she needed to help us as grownups to keep it special for her little brother. It worked well. When both kids were old enough, they had to keep the "grownup" secret for the benefit of their young cousins. Stress the love which is embodied in the Santa story, and the positive values of believing for the younger ones. Equally important, this is a growing up stage, and you are so proud of them and grateful for the love they show by helping to keep the story going.

Good luck!

Hi C.,
Some choose to have their kids believe in Santa and others choose not to; it's personal for everyone. While we chose not too, I sometimes wish my kids had that "magic". A friend of ours gave us a wonderful book when my kids were little called Santa, Are You For Real?. This gives the true story of the person of Saint Nicholas and the legend of the stockings. Saint Nicholas was a Christian who believed in giving anonymously. There lived a man in his village who was very poor and had three daughters.The custom of the culture and the era was that the parents of a young woman to be married were to provide a dowry. Of course, the man was too poor. Saint Nicholas learned that the oldest daughter was to be married, but had no dowry. He hid in the bushes by the open window of the daughter's room and threw in a bag of gold. As it happened, the girl had washed her stockings and they were hanging on her bedpost to dry. The bag of gold landed in the daughter's drying stocking. No one knew where the money had come from and Saint Nicholas wanted to remain unknown. This episode was repeated when the second daughter was to marry, again the gift of gold given in secrecy. But when the third daughter was to be married, Saint Nicholas was caught by the father of the girls. He begged the father not to tell of his secret giving, so he remained anonymous until the rumors of the legend spread into the stories of "Santa Claus" that exist today. The book emphasizes that Saint Nicholas believed in and loved Jesus and followed His teachings of giving. It allows people to make their own decision as to whether you believe in Santa Claus or not. This is what I loved about the book. I hope you are able to find a copy if it would help and enjoy the imagination and wonder of your children.
God Bless,
H. in Connecticut

My oldest figured it out when she was 7 but I told her that to let her brother who is two years younger to find out on his own. He held on to the idea of Santa until he was 11. His older Sister had tried to break the news several times but he refused to accept what she had told him. When he asked me I would ask what do you want to believe? Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny are important for Children to believe in. They represent unconditional giving and love. Developmentally that is how children understand the magic of life. The work that we get paid for is a gift and a blessing. No man is an island and we are all dependent upon the kindness of strangers to give us work to pay for the miracle of Christmas.

Hi C.-
you did get alot of good responses, but there was one I didn't see- perhaps I skimmed through some of them. But I have the wonderful opportunity to be a God made dreamer. I know the world is full of folklore and fairy tales, but being able to immerse yourself in those stories and "see the magic" that is all around you is not a negative. Some people have a hard time with that because I am also a Christian and believe in Jesus Christ. The balance I have worked out over the last number of years is this- when the child is old enough to realise that Santa isn't real, explain the myth behind the man, the real reason for the celebration and exchange of gifts, but keep the excitement high. And for the younger ones, let your son help out with their presents and the stories and folklore behind Christmas. Get him involved and maybe it will become more fun for him. Life is full of imagination and creativity. Help him experience this within the realm of reality but encourage his imagination. The stories are there to make magic real so that as we get older, our hope and our joy for the life that surrounds us never fades. The long and short of this (sorry so long)- have your oldest help prepare "santa" for the youngest. You could even buy sleigh bells and have him ring them outside the window late at night. =)
Have fun- you don't have to lie to them- when they ask tell them the truth- but you don't have to eliminate their imagination, either. It's a magical season about the birth of a savior, and depending on your cultural background, there are a number of other things that you can use to excite them. The funny thing about Christmas is that my parents never told us about Santa- we always read the Christmas story from the Bible and were excited that Jesus was coming. But as we aged and my sister had her first son, we all exchange "santa" gifts and the folklore is practically unbreakable. And we are grown adults- I think it's hilarious that my sisters and parents are into this, and we enjoy every minute of the secret presents and the "elf" footprints left around the house. It means that someone spent extra time creating a gift for you and it's more important that you are happy with it than they get credit for it.
Happy CHristmas

I have a 10 year old boy and he still believes. Maybe because of the what we told him about Santa. When he came home and said that some of his friends don't belive anymore and that their parents really did it we told him that everyone is entitiled to their opinion. We explained that an opinion isn't necessarily based in fact just feeling, and that everyone can have an opinion it just may be on the wrong side. Besides, dad and I still believe and we called grandparents too. That helped. Grandparents don't lie right?

Hope he keeps the magic.

When I was told about Santa, my father told me about the SPIRIT. While there is no Santa Claus, there is still the spirit of Christmas and St Nick. He said that Christmas should be focused on the spirit of Jesus, and focus on that instead of a Santa in a red suit who brings presents.

But he also said that my younger sisters were too little to understand this. And it must be kept a secret until they are old enough to understand about "spirits" and can understand the story of Jesus a little better.

Maybe you should think about a unique approach to your 7 yr old, so Christmas is seen as a "different focus" instead of "no Santa"?

Don't worry about it. My son is almost 9 and he still believes because I told him that Santa is the Spirit of Christmas. I explained to him (through all of his worries because of kids his age at school saying that Santa is your parents) that a long time ago there lived a nice man named Kris Kringle and he made toys for all the girls and boys in his village. I let him know that while the man is no longer living, his spirit lives on through all the "Santas" we see in the stores and such. I hope this helps!

My DSS was about 9 when he got in a fight with his friend. His friend told him there was no Santa (I was always raised as a Jesus is the reason type, but had fun just pretending about Santa...but my DSS was raised by his grandma till he was 7, so he was a firm Santa believer). My DSS started arguing with his friend that Santa WAS real....so he came home crying and all upset because they had fought, so we talked with him and asked who was more important, a guy that brings him presents once a year and he has never even met or seen, or his friend, who he plays with every day and sees all the time. He realized how his priorities were messed up, and quickly went to apologize to his friend. They made up, but my husband and I decided it was time to spill the beans about Santa Claus. We also told him that it was a fun tradition and that younger children enjoy it, so please don't tell his younger sister. She is now 7, two years later, and she still believes and he has done a good job respecting our request. I figured another couple years (she was only 6) wouldn't hurt. She is very pragmatic and will probably figure out that Santa is just for pretend, all on her own. The funny part is, DSS still believes in the tooth fairy!

My 7 year old has also recently brought up her doubts about Santa (again). She's a very bright child and has been questioning Santa's existence for quite some time.

I think how one should handle this type of issue is a personal thing.

Here's how I decided to handle the situation:

After my daughter said she thought her dad and I were Santa, I told her: "What? Do I walk around in a red suit and white beard?" and laughed.

Then I gave her a challenge to act and think like a detective (turned it into an educational activity that will hopefully create a few more synapses in her brain) ;).

I told her: "If you are questioning whether or not there is a Santa, how about doing some work to prove or disprove there is a Santa this Christmas? Think about what you can do to find out if he exists."

She's a bright child, and at the age where this sounded like a fun challenge and she sat right down and wrote a private letter to Santa, which she immediately sealed and left near her stocking. She wouldn't let me read it. :)

So, I will find out the contents of that letter on Christmas eve after she's asleep...I have a feeling she asked for a specific present and if she doesn't get the present, she thinks that will be proof enough that Santa doesn't exist. ;)

Nevertheless, she is too smart for me to be able to convince her otherwise at this point...so I think after this Christmas, we'll sit down and have that talk.

She was already questioning the reality of Santa at age 2 when she asked me how he got into the house for Christmas, since we didn't have a chimney. I knew I was in trouble then. ;D LOL I told her he came in the window and it freaked her out. After I said that, I realized her reaction was perfectly understandable and felt guilty about lying to her in the first place.:(Think about it: would you want some stranger coming in your window at night?

Anyway, as I said, the way a parent handles this is a personal thing. We live in a society that is too focused on commercialism anyway, and we too often lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas. :( So I personally don't think it's a bad thing if, should a child finds out the truth early, the parents handle it by telling the truth and redirecting their focus on the true spirit of Christmas.

With the economy the way it is now, most of us will be forced to be less materialistic and less consumer focused anyway, which I feel is a good thing. There are good things that will come out of this difficult economic climate we are experiencing.

My two cents. ;) May the true spirit of Christmas fill your hearts and soul this holiday season!

My daughter was about 10 when she questioned about Santa. I told her to believe in the spirit of Christmas and let her younger brother believe as long as they can. They were 6 and 1 at the time and were about 9 or 10 when they questioned it. Our Grandson just turned 10 and told me he did not believe in Santa anymore. I told him that I still believe in the spirit of Christmas and to not spoil it for his 4 year brother. Most kids are good about this. Unfortunately there are some parents, like my husband's brother & wife who have told their children since young that their is no Santa. They are 8, 5 and 2 and just blurt out to everyone that there is not Santa. We all just ignore it so the other little ones don't stop believing. It is really hard when people have different ways of handling it but you can keep the Spirit alive in your own home.

Right now I have a 21 yr old son & an 8 yr old daughter. We have always told my son that the second we hear him say that there is no such thing as Santa he will not have anymore presents under the tree from "Santa". To this day he still gets presents from "Santa"! It has always worked for us.

I have a 3yo, and will have another next month. I tell my daughter Santa is pretend, and We celebrate Jesus' Birthday at Christmas. I still take her to see santa at the mall, we do have a few santa decorations, and I don't push it, or be mean about it. Even though I tell her He is pretend, she just thinks I'm wrong, and that he is real. Whatever. My parents told us all at a very young age the meaning of Christmas, but we still all believed in santa for a long time, and I'm sure my kids will too. As a Christian it just makes me sad when the kids see Christmas as a day with Santa and gifts, and are oblivious to the real "gift" of Christmas.

How about renting the movie "Polar Express"?

It's such a great movie and maybe your 7 year old won't question it?? When my daughter was in 5th grade 10 1/2 years old (last year) she asked me "Is Santa real" I said, "What do you think" She said, no..I said well, you are right (She was obviously old enough) I also said that if she ever told her two younger brothers she wouldn't get gifts for Christmas. Also I explained the spirit of Santa is in all of us, and Santa is just a little part of why we celebrate Christmas and that Jesus birthday is the reason for the season - and that Santa just makes it extra Special he isn't called St. Nick for nothing!!! I wish you luck on this and GOOD LUCK!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

I agree with the FEW others who did not want to lie about Santa. That was how it was when I was growing up, too. We never brought it up until we heard it from them...we never said anything about Santa bringing gifts or flew through the air with reindeer on Christmas Eve, etc. When they did ask, or if they hadn't asked by the time they were in pre-school, we told them that the Story about Santa Claus and all that was a fun fairy tale just like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty or the Dwarfs. I also told them that since different families have different beliefs and rules, that they didn't have the right to spoil it for anyone else, as most children really believe that fairy tale. I was always afraid that I couldn't keep the lies straight or I would screw up somehow if I started lying to them.
Unlike my sisters, who lied to their children about Santa,I never had to worry about what was said to which family... So and so doesn't have a chimney so the front door is left unlocked, Santa won't get burnt from the fire we had on Christmas eve because he's magic (or whatever the one sister who had a fireplace told her children)
Also, as a teacher (Pre-school through first grade) you can't believe all the Santa stories I've in the past 25 years. There inlies more conflicts, both at school and at home..."momma, you told me...but Sarah's mom says...too much for me to keep track of...if you're telling the truth, you don't have to try to remember.
We always told our children the REAL story about Christmas and the three or so gifts they received from us represented the gold, frankincense and myrrh, the original gifts baby Jesus received from the wise men.
I know, I know, practically all who read will think I'm a grinch or spoil-sport and how could I rob my children of this rite of passage, but I Do believe...I believe my children are smart enough to not fall for all that, I believe my children are compassionate enough to not spoil it for others, I believe my children know they can always trust me and I believe my children had fun growing up, especially at Christmastime. If you ask them, I'm pretty they'll tell you they don't think they missed out by having parents like us! They are 14, 17 and 20.

Good luck...Like I said, I know I'm in the minority on this issue but like we always told our children, each family has their own rules and beliefs.

My 14 year old started asking question around 7 and I told his Santa brings gifts to those that believe in him so I'm not sure how long he actually believed but he did let on that he didn't till he was about 11. He has two younger brothers and now loves helping us in the secret. He even has helped me on Christmas Eve after the other do are in bed when my husband was deployed.

Wow! you got a lot of great responses. I am glad, because I am in the same boat. Last year my neice told my 8 year old daughter that there was no santa. When she asked me I didn't know how to react because I wanted it to go on forever! but I told her that If she believed in santa, he was real. My favorite Christmas movie is The Polar Express, and we sat down and watched it while we talked about not being able to hear the bells of christmas when you quit believing. She did ask me if I still hear the bells. lol. This year she hasn't said anything about it, but she didn't write a letter to Santa either. I think next year for sure she will be our little Santa helper for her brothers. Thanks for asking the question. Hope all works out.

In my family with 5 brothers (6 kids total), it was always told to whomever figured it out that "if you don't believe then you don't receive." Obviously, we had the talk about the younger kids and how "Santa" is what you believe in your heart. But we also knew that we were not to speak of it...ever. We were all allowed to figure it out in our own time.

I know a couple moms who were "honest" with their children and they were devastated. They wanted to believe no matter what. I heard from a friend that they told their children that as long as they believe, santa will keep coming. When we talked about this her daughter was 18 and had never had the Santa discussion.

I have talked to my kids about it (age 10, 7 and 7) and we've filtered down to there is no "person" santa. At the mall, people play santa more of a tradition rather than the *real* one. But Santa is more a belief than a person. Like God, we believe but we can't see him. It's a feeling rather than something tangible.

They're good with that and that's ok with me.

I'm 64 years old and I still believe in Santa. Santa represents the love of giving and God gave us the greatest gift of all when HE sent us HIS Son Jesus. CHRISTmas stands for giving love and truly when we give not expecting anything in return, we are showing love. Your 7 yr. old if not heard from you, will hear it from other kids and sometimes kids can be cruel. Talk with your child when he/she begins to question and explain the true meaning of CHRISTmas is Jesus and we still worship HIM and give gifts in honor of, not in memory of, because Jesus is alive and well and we bless HIM when we give to others, even if it is our own children, we are still showing love.

I remember so well how disappointed I was when I found out there was no santa, I was about 8 yrs. old, but pretended to believe until I was much older cause I was afraid if I let my parents know that I knew I wouldn't get anything.lol
I never was mad at my parents or even thought about them lying to me. I knew it was all in fun. one of my girls said she pretended to believe for a long time too. But, she did say that she was glad when we knew she was pretending cause she could finally thank US for her gifts!

Hi there,
I'm late responding as usual! Just a little bit of our take on it. We do like Christmas within reason (without all the downsides, of course, like the commercialism, etc). Our children love it , naturally. However, we have never promoted or pushed the idea of Santa. I know that seems very bah humbug of us, but it sure has saved a lot of problems. On top of that, our children know whoever gave them their gifts without the assistance of Santa really, really loves them....and that would be us, their parents! I don't want to mess with other families' traditions, so I tell my children not to argue about Santa/No Santa with any other children. I just tell them everybody has their own way of doing Christmas, and we need to respect their traditions. I know it may be a little late for that for you guys, and you may not want to do that (considering you have already started down that road), but I just wanted to share that with you as our personal experience. We do the tooth fairy thing, however, and someday we'll have to deal with that! In the end, I just would like to say children are much more intuitive than we give them credit for. If they are expressing questions to you about the validity of Santa, then it probably is time to break it to them. Good luck to you and have a wonderful and blessed Christmas.

when my older daughter, then 8 yrs, found out last year (we didn't hide the note to danta well enough and she found it when we moved), we told her the truth- do you really think santa rides on a sleigh and delivers presents to everyone? we told her not to tell her younger sister though until she stopped believing or there wouldn't be presents for her under the tree...i know it's not the best approach, but it's worked! she also has started to want to buy presents for others and has been saving her allowance money for it. i take her to the dolalr store and she ends up getting a few things for whomever she wants- this way she has been understanding that money desn't grow on trees and thinks twice about what to ask "santa" for. and she's even told her sister things are too expensive for santa to but because he has so many other little kids to give presents to!

Our oldest 2 don't believe in Santa, but the younger 4 still do. We let the older ones do 'the Santa thing' with us on Christmas Eve now, and we explained why it's important to carry-on the magic and the spirit of Christmas. They're great kids, so they love making it fun for their younger siblings.

I wouldn't say anything until he comes to you and asks, unless you hear him saying things to other kids that believe.

But I told my kids that we can't afford the stuff they get, but every Christmas they get what they want. So there has to be some kind of santa Miracle. So if you don't believe you don't have that santa miracle happen.
I still believe in that santa miralce myself. Because Christmas always happens, and some how it's always great.

Please tell him not to ruin it for others that believe. My son is 8 and found out from a big mouthed girl at church, I hate those parents that don't talk to their kids about keeping a secret for those that believe, but they tell their kids at an early age, for some dumb reason. I believed in santa till 10 and I'm okay. So I don't think anyone else would have issues with it at that age or later. Just tell him that Christmas is funnier when you believe in santa, so please don't ruin it for others. And if someone asks him then he needs to simply say you shouldn't ask kids you need to ask your parents. Good luck the more up front you are with him then he will understand that he can ask you other things. But it makes me mad that someone else had to ruin it for us. Have a great Christmas.

J.

My feeling on this is that it is an extremely personal path to travel. THere seems to be a couple of different strongly held view points in your responces you have gotten so far. While I am not a parent yet (but that youngun is making his/her presence known!) my husband and I have discussed this topic quite at bit. We do not exchange presents among our family currently. We do not feel that that is where the focus should be on Christmas. Instead, we spend christmas eve in church and christmas day volunteering to help others in need. Then we come home and have birthday cake (we write happy birthday Jesus on it). We are able to have fun, have family time, and help others. I think that these are the vital parts of the holiday. We choose to not have a Christmas tree or stockings, but the nativity scene and advent wreath. Your family has unique traditions too, and it is important to encourage your child to embrace those traditions, regardless of if they involve santa or not. Our traditions do not involve santa, and we will keep it that way for our children. If you do involve santa in your traditions, that explain the relavence to the tradition of santa to your children and they will see that it is worth keeping alive even if they know the truth.

These traditions will effect your children for their life times. My brothers are both athesists and still embrace the commercialized side of christmas (santa, ect) that my parents exposed them to for many years. To me, people getting trampled to death at walmart in order to duke it out for the perfect gift is reason enough to find more meaningful ways to celebrate this holiday. But these are all personal choices in which we have to decide what is best for our family, and it will be different for every family and that is ok.

Having said all of that, ignore me and everyone else on this discussion and talk to your husband about what is important to you as a family. When you decide what you value the most about this holiday, then have a conversation with your son about what is important and why (and that may or may not include santa - that is up to you and your husband) and then he will be able to help you present a unified belief to your younger son.

I tell my kids that I still believe and I still do, I believe in the magic of feeling that you can get what you want just by believing. I also tell them that it's when you stop believing that the presents stop coming, so my kids are 26, 24 and 16 and still believe in the magic of the season. They are planning on telling their children the same thing when they ask. I don't think any of them ever spoiled it for any of the other kids and they never voiced their disbelief to me. Also remember that you don't always get what you want, but what you need (sometimes the best presents are the ones you didn't know you wanted). Don't you believe?

I did not read all the responses so this might have been said.
I told my daughter if she ever told my son or anyone for that matter, Santa will stop bringing gifts. Reminding her that she gets gifts from Santa too but if she ruins it for her little brother then Santa is done. I reminded her how fun it was to believe and said you would only get 1 present from us if you tell. She was 7 too. My son was 3.
She never told and she played along and made it lots of fun for him making tents in her room they could both sleep in Christmas Eve night(you know to make sure he did not sneak down) its a time they cherise and talk about. Now 21 and 17 and very close, they have fond memories of Christmas Eves.
However I always said if my kids ask me outright I will tell them- I did not want them to think I lie and being a Christian I did not want to confuse them. My son asked me the summer he was 7-just said mom I don't think Santa is real-is he? I said "no"-my daughter was devestated.

Wow...hot topic! You are wise to think about how & when to "spill the beans". The personality of the child is a factor in the mix, too. I think I was about 8 when I indignantly told my mom that my friends had been teasing me but I KNEW my mom wouldn't lie to me. I was devistated when I found out she had! Perhaps it would have been better had she talked about the spirit of Christmas as so many have described so well. Or perhaps she should have told me sooner. I'll never know. But I think it is important to think this over very carefully. On a lighter note...when my niece began questioning my sister tried to give a vague answer, hoping to carry the magic one more year. My niece exclaimed, "Mom. I NEED to know!" "Why", my sister. My niece replied, "If parents are really Santa & I don't know it, when I grow up my kids won't get any presents!" Needless to say, she got her answer :)

Hi C.. My daughter didn't find out until almost 9 or 10. I reiterate every year how Magical Santa is and how I believe in the magic of Santa and Christmas. I truely do, but I also told my daughter that she isn't allowed to talk like that. My son still believes and I do to and she would be ruining it for us. And if she didn't believe in Santa then I guess most of her presents wouldn't be there. She clammed up quickly. She is 13 and doesn't say anything. She'll start to kidding around and I just look at her and she stops. I hope it works oput for you. Set an example that they can follow!

I have four kids and when our oldest figured out who was really Santa we told him to keep it our secret. The joy of playing Santa with us every year has helped him play along. Now he really enjoys helping us wrap and set everything up the night before and seeing the happy faces of his siblings in the morning.

i know you have had many responces.. but i still would like to add mine..i have a 25yr old 21yr old and a 6yr old..i had always told my older girls when they started to ask about santa that he does exist but that all the ones at the stores a look a likes just to be able to allow the real santa to stay at the north pole to watch over the toy making and to get ready. and that he can only deliver the toys and things to kids that were in the single digit age range..once you become 10 and over the parents do the gifts becuase santa is so busy he would never make it to every single house otherwise..my too older one are passing that down to the 6yr old..what every you choose or have choosen is what you feel is best for you and your family..either way enjoy the holiday season. take care...ra

First, wait until he really is sure. He may have questions, but not be ready to give up on the magic, which happened with my son.
We had downplayed Santa (he filled the stockings and brought one or two gifts--often something silly), but big gifts came from us. This was partially from a question from him when we were buying a gift for a toy drive at church, and he asked, "Won't Santa bring toys to these children?"
When he had worked it out on his own but wanted confirmation, I explained that Santa was the spirit of giving without expecting anything in return (as we had done in the toy drive at church) and that he was now old enough to do this with people he knew, such as his younger sister.

We've already baked in some of our answers so when it happens we've already got thing in place to make it less of a blow.
My son has a habit of putting things on his wish list that just aren't going to happen. They're too expensive or we can't find them..like they aren't made (like the year he asked for marbles that looked like planets-we internet searched and everything and turned up nothing. He'd seen them in a cartoon he told us later). We told him that Santa does not get him everything on his list. He picks the most special things and then looks for a few special things you didn't think of as well.
Santa is also like the faeries. You can not see him with your eyes, you see him with your heart. He's magical. He also has lots of helpers. It's a big job for one person.
The other thing is when he figures it out it will be made very clear that he does not ruin it for other people because it will hurt their feelings.

My mom and dad had 5 of us all 2 years apart. As each of us was old enough to "figure" out about Santa we got to be "Santa's helper" that year. We got to get up and help put presents under the tree --- BUT no one was allowed to say "there is no Santa" or they wouldn't get a present.

My oldest daughter started asking questions when she was 9 or 10. I was going to use the same approach with her but when I went to talk to her about it she said STOP I DON"T WANT TO KNOW. To this day (she is 22) she and her sister (18) have never admitted they don't believe in Santa so there are always presents under the tree from Santa.

If he is ready he will say something to you. Until then let it ride -- unless he is asking questions in front of the little ones that could spoil it for them.

Lucky number 83! My take on it is simple. Santa always had the same writing as my mom. It wasn't hard to figure out but it was still fun. I got presents from Santa until I was about 16 and was disappointed the first year I didn't get one from "him", eventhough I was 17 and knew full well what the deal was :). My attitude was that my mom was mom and dad so why not Santa too! You can also say that Santa is SO busy that parents become "Santa's helpers" and that your older son now has a job and that is to keep it magical for the little one :)

Merry Christmas!

When my oldest found out about Santa at about the same age, we told her how important it was to keep the magic alive for her little sister. She actually seems to enjoy knowing a secret that only the grown ups know. Whenever my youngest mentions Santa, my oldest will give me a little sly smile and play along. So maybe your oldest child will also feel like a grown up by keeping the secret.

Well girls, I am a grandma, 54 yrs old. I was very much against Santa when my now son of 32 was little. He went and spoiled it for other kids. So, 5 years later when my next one arrived, actually when she was 2/3, I decided I would just play along with whatever she chose to believe. My son was old enough to play along with it. So she believed in Santa.
Now, here's the sad part. I have a 3 1/2 yr granddaughter, I do not get to celebrate Christmas with her cause of her mom's "new found" religious belief's. Out of respect, I don't say much of anything. I do have my house decorated and so on. But it's hard with my baby girl, who is my world here. So all that to say this; Santa isn't real, but it's fun to play along with the surprise of it. Celebrate the true reason, which is the birth of Christ, but enjoy the sparkle children get out of all the other things. Let them believe, just be prepared for the sadness they experience when they come to the sad realization of the truth of Santa. But do remember, St. Nic was a real fellow. Google his story and work with that too!! Give them the best of both worlds. Enjoy the magic and intrigue, and the sparkle in their little eyes.
Now, I am done and will get off of my soap box!!!!!!
Deb

This is very late, sorry.
I CANNOT BELIEVE people called those of US who allow the tradition** of Santa liars. Seriously??? Childhood is about fantasy, imagination, and innocence. Leave it at that. I'm at that crossroads, too. I held my daughter tightly, wondering how soon the wonderous belief will end =(

I know this is a little late....but here is what I did...there is 10 yrs between my oldest and youngest. My oldest son was about 12 or so when he stopped believing in Santa, and I informed him if he ruined it for his younger brothers I would be very upset. To this day he hasn't said a word and as a matter of fact for the whole year he pretends he is an informer for Santa to tell Santa if his younger brothers have been naughty or nice. My 11 yr old I think is now starting to not believe in Santa. But I still get Santa and Mrs. Claus and Elf presents under my parents tree.

My 12yr old son still believes in Santa! He is starting to have his doubts, and my 7yr old is as well. When they ask, what I tell them is tell me what you think. My oldest usually says "I think he's real because there's no way you or dad could afford to buy me those presents." My daughter tells me she thinks he's real, but people tell her no. To me, believing in Santa is a privledge just as having an imaginary friend or a gigantic imagination as a child. Unless it were to become a problem, such as them not deciphering(sp) between real and make believe, I will continue to tell them if you believe in him, then he is real to you. I still wrap presents to my husband and the kids that are from Santa, and some from mommy and daddy!

Here is what my Mom and Dad did for me. Mom said if I didn't believe in Santa, he'd quit coming. Santa came right up until I got married. :) And he comes every year, like he did for my kids, and now my grandkids. I'll never forget the year I got a '66 Mustang from Santa. Yes I knew but my Mom believed in the magic of believing and so do I. And yes, we're Baptists, Christian, and we know the difference. God is real. But I believe imagination is important in a childs life also. Just make sure they know the difference.

I am in my late 20's early 30's i now the truth but there is something about still beliveing that makes the seasons feel good. My one son who is 9 has asked me and i told him that santa is real and he was happy about that. I told him that let the other kids belive what they want and we belive in what we want to.

So many diffent religons and belives any more. What dose it hurt for the kids to have something magic to look forward to.

My son stopped believing.. but I asked him if it was fun to believe.. he said YES. So I asked him not to tell others or else that would spoil it for them... also asked that he play with the idea of Santa so his little sister could believe... he is now 12 and still talks about Santa.. so little kids don't get upset. He says its still fun to talk about Santa and see the little kids get so excited... Just ask you son to play along for the benefits of others...

My son is almost 9 and on the fence about Santa we told him to keep his adult opinions about it to himself and not to say anything in front of his sister. If he wanted to ask us about it we will discuss it.

I see that you have already "said what happened", but I wanted to add my 2 cents worth (remember, you get what you pay for!!)

I fully go along with the "what do you think" crowd, and answer along those lines. I can tell my 8 & 9 year old girls are really questioning Santa to themselves, but they still want to believe. I remember being about the same age, and really wanting to believe. I think Santa represents love, kindness and hope. If I am right about that, then why now let them think it is possible. After all, I want to believe too.

I haven't had to deal with it yet luckily. I have been very careful making sure the kids don't see the wrapping paper and make a conscious effort to remember what kids was used by Santa every year. I have a almost 8 yr and 5 yr, when is the right time to tell them? I think I was third grade when I found out. Both kids still believe in the other fairy things (tooth fairy, Easter bunny). I want them to have their innocence to last as long as possible. I love watching the kids as Christmas time gets closer, they get so excited. This year Santa talked to them for about 15 minutes and he was super great, they got the kids names beforehand so that way it was as if he knew who they were.

My kids do understand that Santa has Santa helpers so I'm safe there. I don't have any suggestions just my input from what I'm still going through with them.

Hi!
My daughter also found out about Santa at 7, So after we talked about how much fun was waiting for Santa on Christmas Day, and remembering and talking about the good and "positive" things, I asked her that now it was her job to let her little sister enjoy until she'd found out. Christmas is a magic time and we all have to feel the Joy of the season in giving and believing. That's what Christmas was all about! My young one is 5 and my oldest 10, and she still celebrated it like if she was 5!!!!!
Merry Christmas!!!!!!

Jess

I have found that the older ones have no problem also keeping secret but only has long as you explain to them that is a secret good luck