Look Alike

I get this all of the time, considering I am black and my husband is white. When I am out alone with the kids I get all sort of looks and comments. One lady asked me if I was their babysitter taking the kids out for the day. I try to keep a sense of humor about it. I joke with my husband that when I am out with the kids people call in an Amber alert.

I think you are over reacting to people who are just trying to bond with you over a little obvious reality. We have one that looks just like me, and one that could be my husband's clone, and one that looks like my grandmothers side of the family so she looks like neither one of us. We joke this way all the time, and I find it an endearing way for people break the ice or have something to say. Why would you find this something to be defensive about? It is not a jab at you, but an attempt to include you in a coversation.

Yes yes yes!!! I get that ALL the time about my son, who is 12. Some people even go so far as to say, "Sorry, but he doesn't look like you at all." This angers me! It may be true but it's still upsetting to hear. At least my daughter looks a little like me. :)

I hear you! I have gotten the "You sure can tell who his father is"......as if there was ANY question about my hubby being our son's dad. Good grief!
And the ever popular, "Where did your daughter get her curls.....the mailman?" Grrrrrrr!!!!
People do say stupid things without realizing it. I always want to use the quote, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." Haha! Then the offended shoe would be on the other foot! :)

Just a couple of comments to maybe make you feel better about this situation. First, I'd always been told that most babies actually do look like the father for at least the first year. It is nature's way of making sure the father knows it is his child. After all, as you put it, you did birth the child after 34 hours of labor - so YOU know it is yours. I always thought it was nice that my husband had no doubt it in his mind the baby was his. Second, babies can completely change. My niece and my oldest daughter were born around the same time and you could have sworn they were twins - both looked like their fathers, who were brothers. Zoom forward 10 years, and my niece doesn't look a thing like her father any more. She morphed completely into her mother. Looking back at her baby pictures, you'd never know it was the same kid. And just the other day - for the first time ever, someone told me my 10 year old daughter "looks just like me" - we were both shocked ! I'd only ever heard someone say how much she looks like my husband. So take it all in stride if you can.

B., try not to let it get you down...When my husband and I got married I had a 5 year old son from my previous marriage that people always said looked J. like my ex-husband. (Yes, that irritated M. to no end) When my daughter was born everyone told M. she looked sooooo much like her Dad and her brother....hmmmm? (How was THAT possible? I wondered) And now, almost 7 years later, there is NO DOUBT that my kids got the majority of their looks from M.. As a matter of fact, my son went to his Halloween dance last year dressed as a bride. He let M. do his hair and make-up, the works...When he got home he said everyone had the same reaction which was "Dude, you look J. like your Mom" LOL So, try not to sweat it.

I hear you B.!! Although my experience is somewhat different, I get so sick of hearing the same comments over and over from people who think they are original and clever, but don't actually think what they are saying might be offensive. I have wavy brown hair and green eyes. My hubby has straight blond hair and brown eyes. My toddler daughter has insane curly curly bright red hair and blue eyes.

When we are out, just the two of us, and I get the "WHERE did she get that hair?!" its a lot easier to brush off (although annoying, cause it happens EVERYWHERE we go). However, I can't stand it when we are out as a family, and people will literally look from my husband to me, back to my husband and ask it. Like they are possibly insinuating that she is not his. I have seriously had people joke about mailmen, delivery boy etc, or tell my hubby he should check it out, right to our faces!! Who raised these people??!!

My responses varied in the beginning. I would just say " I know, isn't it a trip?" My daughter actually started saying that too =) Or I would say that she got it from my grandfather, which is true, and some people genuinely seemed to want to know. I now use " those irish genes are like kryptonite" which I got from my quick-witted friend. It refocuses their direction, and I think it would work for you too. Just insert your last name in place.

Its funny, I'm sure like me, you realize this type of thing is not the end of the world. We know we should count ourselves lucky that we have healthy, happy amazing kids, but something seemingly so small can get to us so bad. Sorry this note was so long, but it was nice to vent and to realize I'm not the only one who deals constantly with "innocent" comments. Take care girl, hope you figure out a clever response, and just enjoy your handsome hubby and son.

Eh, I don't take it that seriously I guess. Those kind of comments don't bother me. I would laugh it off and probably make a comment like, "Yep, no denying the paternity here." Honestly though, my husband is NOT my oldest's biological father and people still comment that he is his Daddy's (my husband) clone. It's just small talk. They don't mean any harm - maternity is never questioned, people aren't trying to take anything from you. Consider it a compliment - presumably you thought/think your husband or childs father is attractive, and they are saying your kids have some of his dominant traits.

I guess I just feel like there are so many other things to worry about in this world, I wouldn't sweat this. People are just making conversation with you.

People comment all the time on how much our son looks like my husband and how much my daughter looks like me - neither my husband nor I see it.

My father is full-blooded Italian. My sisters and I all look Italian. When my oldest sister had her first child, he was blond, blue eyed and looked exactly like her sister-in-law. People used to ask her all the time if she (my sister) was the aunt. I think she learned to blow it off.

Now that our son has gotten old (4 in June), his coloring has changed, his face is thinning, and more of my attributes are beginning to come-out.

Surprisingly, it doesn't bother me. Though my daughter my have my face, she has my husband's body, and that worries me much more! :)

My son is a carbon copy of my husband! In every way - looks, mannerisms, and some habits that my husband has. People tell me how much he looks like his dad all the time. Even my mom says he looks nothing like me. It doesn't really bother me though. The funny thing is that when I am out with him by myself with people who don't know my husband a lot of them will tell me how much he looks like me. My initial reply was "Really???" Now I just say "Thank you!!!" with a huge smile. I think people will pick up on the features that are the most obvious, but will also see the more subtle ones when Dad is not present. As they change and grow some of your features may become more prevalent. And if somebody tells you he looks like you, enjoy it, because you are in there it just may be a little harder to see.

I do! My DH's side only thinks my kids look like their dad...not me. But that is sooo NOT the case! My DH has 2 boys from a previous marriage and they say how much ALL the boys look alike...even though his oldest 2 have his dark hair and their mothers face shape and mine clearly have my hair color which is dishwater blonde and my face shape...they all have dad's amazing dimples only my oldest has them the most defined...thankfully my 2 boys do NOT have their dad's ginormous nose but his oldest both do...and if they ever really looked they would see that my kids all have my eye shape (which I got from my dad) which is very almond shaped and is very pronounced...if you cared to actually look!! Basically they just have his dimples...but that is enough for his family to think they only see their Dad...and I have been told straight out by more than one member of his family that they "don't see you at all". It makes me angry and defensive for some reason but I have tried to let it go...I don't think anyone tries to do it to be mean...my family is the same way with this stuff "like that is clearly us"!!

Now what really pisses me off is that all my kids got his blood type! I come from a VERY long line of woman who have ONeg blood and my only daughter broke this streak...so sad!

My situation is quite the opposite. I always get how my daughters look just like me and nothing like their dad. I have even had one of his family members say they didn't look like a (insert our last name). It really annoys me. Also he has a nephew that I admit he is a cute little boy and looks alot like my husband but it really annoys me when they constantly say it. In fact my husband's grandmother said there will never be another child that looks as much like my husband as he does. That infuriated me. I know it is petty but that is not his child. It is his sister's child. My girls look like their dad in small ways but they just don't want to notice that they do. Well we are having a son in July so we shall see who he looks like. Just try not to let it get you down. I just try to shrug it off but sometimes it is hard.

I don't understand why it would be so bothersome. People are just being kind.

Were you expecting a little "you". Things change are they grow up.

Hang in there and be glad you have this sweet baby with your hubby! How would he feel if he realized that you didn't like the fact that your baby resembled him?

Don't sweat the small stuff.............there's a lot more coming at you down the road as that baby grows up. They grow up TOO fast. Enjoy it while you can.

I actually think they are saying it to be nice. They just don't know that EVERYONE else has said it. I remember telling a coworker how much her boys looked like her, and she was thanking me sooo much because everyone told her that they looked like her husband. (I didn't know what he looked like.)

My husband's mother constantly says that my son looks like me, and I know that that annoys my husband. To be honest though, I don't have a lot of pictures of my husband as a baby, so I don't see the resemblance, but my baby pictures look amazingly like my son.

Yes, it annoys me when everyone says that he looks like my husband, annoys my husband when everyone says he looks like me, and annoys both of us when everyone asks where he got all the blond hair. (I actually just found a picture of myself this morning, and it is from me. :) )

My husband does. My youngest totally looks like me except for her coloring. None of our kids really look like him. I sometimes have to remind him that they do have his toes or his lips or whatever little piece. It can put you on the defense when they bring it up in such a way as though the child is not yours. That really gets his back up.

I get this all the time, I have two boys who look like their dad. Depending on how well I know the person making the comment, I have 2 standard responses: 1) thank God! It made me realize I didn't need to go on Maury to determine who the father was! 2) They may look like their dad, but they have my sparkling personality!

As my boys get older though, their looks have changed some and I know see more of me in them, but at first glance they look like dad.

I saw smile, you chose to have kids with him for a reason, and he's probably handsome, so it's a compliment.

No one is trying to imply it is not your child, obviously. If this is the most annoying thing you hear from people, I think you should be thankful. :) I really don't get what the big deal is. People are just trying to find something to say to be friendly.

I hear this all the time. My daughter does look exactly like my husband. I mean exactly, I have a pic of him at 2 and the only difference is his hair was white blonde and DD is a bit darker. I think it does annoy DH because he hopes she doesn't look exactly like him as an adult because he wouldn't make a very attractive woman really!

Hi B., I know exactly how you feel. Im asian and my husband is a red headed caucasian. When my daughter was born everyone kept commenting on how much she looks like my husband. She is very fair and does not look at all like she came from me. No hint of asian in her what so ever. Obviously my husbands genes dominated. It use to bother me when my all my inlaws and even my own family would say how much she looked like my husband. My daughter is alomost 7 months and I don't let it bother me anymore.

My eldest two looked more like my husband as babies and our eldest is starting to look more like my sister & I did at her age....BUT our youngest, whole different story...since birth she has looked like my father!!! I have to laugh b/c I have always been told I look like my dad (but a WHOLE lot cuter lol). I personally don't get annoyed b/c I have said in the past "cant deny them can ya" jokingly and his response is "nope they are mine and everyone knows it"

long story short it really doesn't bother me b/c kids looks change as they age and I like to see different family members all having the same traits or similarities.

OMG I hate it when people so "Oh she looks just like your husband", first off she looks just like me and a little like him, she is a girl after all!!! I typically respond "Do you think? Most people say she is a mini-me and I always tell them well thank goodness she looks just like me, she is a pretty little girl after all".

Not that my husband is unattractive but he is boy and my daughter is a girl.. I hope we have a son one day and he looks just like his dad but this little bundle of joy that I gave birth to oh-natural looks like me GD it!

I would make a slightly different point, while agreeing that those who makes those comments generally have no ill intent and are just making small talk. I am sure they have no idea how offensive you find the remarks. I mean, in the absence of baggage, why is it offensive if your kids look like your hubby?

Anyway, I had read that from an evolutionary standpoint, human children look like their Dads early on because otherwise the Dads have NO reassurance that the kid is theirs - while the Mom ALWAYS know that the child is hers (vis a vis the 34 hrs labor you reference). I believe there's some controversy around this but it's an interesting idea that might bring you some comfort, although it doesn't solve the problem of people mentioning it to you.

Anyway, my own personal experience is that while I think my daughter looks exactly like me a that age, his family thinks she looks just like him. And we don't look alike, so this is clearly very subjective. In answer to your question about if anyone else feels like you do when people ask this stuff - I really don't let it bother me at all. I think often people see what they want to see.

B., this is funny. My ex and I have 2 kids. My son looks exactly like me and somewhat like his dad (dark curly hair, which we both have). My daughter however looks like neither of us. She is blond. Even when she was 3 she would think she needed new parents that had "white" hair like hers. But people would say things all the time like, "where did you get her" and "where did she come from". Its so rude really. So we would just say all kinds of stupid things like she just showed up in the neighborhood and we took her in or we color her hair on purpose so she can be a blond, we would just come up with all kinds of dumb stuff and make them feel bad and we would think it was funny. So I understand what you're saying.

HA! People say this to me all the time. One woman at the park recently asked me if I was my daughter's nanny. You're not alone!

i don't think people try to bother you is just small talk i have a 14 months twins with curly very curly hair and we don't have curly hair people always question me why they have this curly hair ,at first it bothers me but now i let it go.

Yes!!! That frustrates me to no end!!!!

When my daughter was born all of my husbands family said she looked just like him. Then, when my son was born everybody said he looks just like him.

Daughter-olive skin, thin, dark brown hair, tiny features
Son-pale white skin, red hair, chunky and stocky

I'm not sure how both can look like him....but even if they did those comments frustrate me to no end! And if they think he/she looks like the husband then tell the husband, not me.

I think I annoy my mother in law because I always say, "that kid doesn't look anything like me". She always tries to tell me the hair and eyes are mine. The hair is the same color of hair we both had as children, but not my color now. The eyes are the same color and that is it. The shape of her eyes are his. Everyone always tells us she looks just like him. She even sleeps like him.

I think it is great we pick up features like our parents.

YES! The crazy thing is my son looks just like me, but because i am dark complected and his father is light...people automatically say he looks just like his dad because they are the same complexion. Oh well, i'm glad he looks like one of us...No Maury Povich for us

People just say that. It may or may not be true or obvious, but people like to start conversations with things like that. We have adopted, and many people say he or she look like my husband, or they have your smile...I just smile and accept it for the compliment that it is intended to be...since both of my kids are much more darkly complected than either of us :) The same people will ask if the kids are brother and sister ? (I can either defensively say of course they are, or smile and say they are now, but have unrelated birth parents) These questions seem far more probing, but are really just showing signs of interest.