Leaving Children for Vacation

I would have to most definately agree with Laura K! Even though I strongly believe you and your dh need time alone together I don't see the benefit of leaving an 8 month old for that long. Each child is different though. My 2 year old is in no way ready (nor am i) to be separated from me for even a night. I think the biggest issue for me is who would be influencing my children! One day at my mom's house and my 4 year old has picked up way too many bad things from my 13 yo sister. No one will raise your kids the way you want and they have many years to be influenced by the world so in our family we delay that as much as possible.

I think it is a good thing for you and your kids.
But begin to leave them with the grandparents now...for one night, for two nights...they have to get used to it.
And you will learn to enjoy the time you have for yourself.
At the time when the cruise is due you are relaxed and sure that the kids will have a great time.

We left our son for about a week while we went to NYC -- when he was 2 yrs old. He never fussed or cried for mommy -- I really don't think he realized we were gone that long. Children at that age don't have a good concept of time. It was good to call in - at the most, once a day - to see how things were going or to see if my Mom had a question. But everything went great and it was good to see my son bonding with his Memaw!

And you and your husband need time to bond alone, too! This is crucial for your marriage --- and ultimately builds a stronger foundation for your family. A parent's greatest gift to their child is a good example of a good, healthy marriage. We try to get away twice a year -- even if we're short on funds -- we'll at least go to a bed-and-breakfast just outside of the metroplex for a long weekend -- so nice to have that -- to remember that we are a husband and wife first and then mommy/daddy second.

Also: I would recommend nixing the sleeping with the kids thing. Your kids need to build self-confidence and independence -- and that starts in small doses - like sleeping in their own beds....plus, it'll help in the transition when you guys go on your trip. Plus, do you guys have any alone, wife-husband intimate time that way?? Plus, it'll also be good for you to wean yourself off so you won't be in shock when you're not sleeping with them on your trip ... you'll be able to better relax and enjoy the trip, if you've already establish a routine of not sleeping with the kids.

Like another comment posting, I would also start leaving the kiddos in small doses with the grandparents or other family members so they get used to that idea... one night here...two nights there. My son spends the night at least once a month with his cousins or his aunt/uncle or grandparents. So he never really has separation anxiety and loves the change in routine. It's a new adventure for him and he loves it.

Good luck planning your trip!
-A.

We actually left our daughter (who was 20 months at the time) for 12 days with her grandparents while my husband & I went on an anniversary trip. We totally trusted them & she was excited to have special time with her grandparents since they live in another state. She was happy when we got home but they all did fine. It did help that they came to our house so she was in familiar surroundings.

I go on at least one girls trip, my husband goes on at least one guys trip & we go on at least an overnight (or more) together each year. We now have two kiddos - 3-1/2 and 10 months and it gives everyone the time they need to remain "sane." My kids seem to appreciate Mommy or Daddy more when we return & usually have made us cute things to tell us they remember us. The last trip I went on I made a "While I'm Away Box" and left a small "present" for my older daughter that she could open each day. Of course she loved the presents & knew that even though I was away I was still thinking of her.

Good luck!

My belief is that children need to learn that even though mom and dad leave for a few days things will get back to normal when they come back. Especially since they will be with loving grandparents. They need to experience this so that they could deal with an emergency type of situation when they might have to be separated from you under dire circumstances. Believe me it will be harder on you than the children; but you and your husband need to have some adult time in order to be the best parents you can be.

You are training your children to meet the world and all kinds of situations. That's your job. You are equipping them to be able to handle different situations that arise. The best you can do is tell yourself this will be good for them, too. Yes, they might be a little clingy for a few days after you return...but the next time you have to leave them it will be much easier for you and for them, too.

The best we can do for our children is to lovingly teach them they can be independent thinkers and doers. The entire time they are with us we need to be guiding them through experiences that show them how to handle the world around them. Giving them insight into other people and different ways to look at things. My children still come back to me for advice as young adults...but for the most part, they can handle life for themselves through what they've learned and a strong faith. We sometimes have to learn to appreciate each other and the conveniences we have by making mistakes and being apart. They know you love them and you both will survive. What a wonderful gift for a couple to give each other.

I have heard from other moms who have left their children that the children weren't mad when they got back but were actually very clingy. They went thru a phase where they thought they would be left again whenever someone came over. I think this would affect your son more than daughter as he will only be a year old and won't quite understand. He and your daughter though will be ok although they will probably get a little spoiled at Camp Grandma!

As for going on a cruise if you decide to not take the children...make sure you understand from the cruise line the procedures for getting phone calls (in the event of emergency) on the ship. Phone calls on and off the ship are expensive. If I remember correctly it was about $10 just to make a call off the ship and that didn't include per minute charges. I don't remember what the rate was to receive calls. Also email charges are expensive but you can usually buy a weekly plan that will let you have unlimited internet/emails. Don't assume your cell phone will work even if it does have international roaming capabilities. My cell phone was a world phone but some of the places we went to and definitely on a ship there are no cell towers. We didn't have kids when we went on a cruise, but we did leave all contact numbers in case of emergency so that we could be contacted on the ship. Needless to say for 7 straight days the only family my husband and I talked to was each other.

The longest that we've left our son, who is almost 3, is two nights. But I started with night away and was so nervous about that. We totally trusted our friend whom he stayed with, so that wasn't the problem. It was just me, being away from my child that was hard. But I also had a great time, and had a great time on the two nights we were away. My son did fine. Cried a little bit at night for us. But she kept him busy and he loves her so it's okay for him to be a little sad with someone he trusts. Know what I mean?
A couple of thoughts -

Can the grandparents come to your house?

Have your kids ever not slept in your bed? If not, then I would think that they might run into some sleeping problems if expected to sleep alone the whole time you are gone. Are their grandparents comfortable co=sleeping? My son is a challenging sleeper and still wakes up several times a night. When we leave, I just have our friend sleep with him if that's easier for her. And it's more reassuring for him.

Ah, got to end my thoughts prematurely as I'm being called for!!
Best of luck!

You have to TRUST YOUR GUT - it's there for a reason. Don't let anyone tell you that your children will not become independent because you don't leave them alone or let them sleep in your bed. Research has shown that "attached" younger children grow into secure, independent older children, teens and adults. As for the lack of "intimate couple time" - cosleeping makes you be more creative and, IMO, creates a fun and exciting intimate relationship. Back to the kids, though - YOU know your kiddos best - take some time ALONE to really think about the trip. Write your thoughts down, if you need to. Go with what you think needs to happen - the grandparents along for the trip is a great compromise - you have someone built in to watch them, but would be able to enjoy yourself more if they were close. At least that's what it sounds like from your post. Who wants to go on a honeymoon and spend the entire time all stressed out? To answer your questions, I know plenty of people who have gone on vacations without their children - some of the parents/children were ready and some were not. Honestly, the ones that were not ready should not have gone - the kids "got over" (more like accepted the fact that they couldn't do much about not having mom/dad) it, but the parents (even dad) didn't have as good a time as they thought they would. Listen to your gut - moms know what is best for their little ones. If they didn't, we wouldn't have survived this long as a people!

I'll weigh in on the other side of this discussion. I have plenty of friends who have left children the ages that you are talking about (and younger) for a week or so with no problems. But that is not something that our family is comfortable with. The earliest any of our boys have been away from both of us at the same time overnight is 3 yrs, and we waited until around 6 yr before letting one of them be gone for a week.

I think our society tends to overly freak out about children being too dependent on their parents, and we push them towards independence too rapidly. I believe that can backfire, and lead to a child who is instead more clingy, or who doesn't connect well with their parents. Though we do sometimes get grief from friends about our choices, I believe it has served our children well. They are extremely outgoing and very comfortable in a number of situations, both with and without us.

That's not to say that you shouldn't go if it's what your family is comfortable with. Try having them spend a night or two with the grandparents and see how everyone does if you want. But if you're concerned that it's not time yet, don't let pressure from others make you feel like it's something that you should do. Little ones grow up quickly, and there will be plenty of time for long trips later. In the meantime, you just have to be more creative. For example - when our oldest was about 15 months we went on a week long trip to Colorado and took both grandmothers with us. They babysat during the day while we went skiing and had time together, and then we were all together in the evening. Everyone had a great time, and I'm glad we did things that way.

Good luck!