Is It Selfish to Go on Vacation Without the Kids?

Go on that Cruise. My ex-husband and I were supposed to go on a cruise, Our little girl was 18 months old and I was 5 months pregnant. I didn't go because I didn't want to leave our little girl. He took his mom. Like I said my ex-husband. We were going to work on our marriage As well. Things might have been different if I had went.

Honey GO GO GO! Do not let your sister tell you what is best for those kids. My son was only 6 months old when we went away for our anniversary. We left him with my parents and headed out of town. Don't get me wrong you end up missing them bunches but you need to get away sometimes. We went away for four days too. It was so nice just to relax and not have to worry about bottles and baby naps and cleaning the house. So GO GO GO and have some FUN!!!

Remember, she's your sister, not your boss. You are a grown up and are entitled to make your own decisions, same as she. You are not being selfish to want a break from your kids. Do what's best for you and your husband. Plus, happier, relaxed parents result in happier, relaxed children.
It seems your sister is so eager to tell you what to do without helping you. Why doesn't she offer to babysit for you guys if she's that concerned with your children? I would either ignore her or point blank ask her that question. If she refuses, tell her unless she offers to help out with the kids, she should keep her opinions to herself.

T., going on vacation without your kids won't hurt anyone. My husband and I went to Disney World when our daughter was 18 mos old and she could have cared less that we were gone because she was having fun with her nanny. Is it possible that your kids grandparents can stay at your house with the kids? That will be easier on everyone. You need to workout your marital issues so in the long run, your kids will be happy. I really think you and your husband should go. The kids will be fine, you will be fine. Good luck and have a wonderful time!!!

T.,
I would say go and have a great time with your husband and try to work on your problems at the same time. My husband and I got married 2 months before my son turned 1 and we left him with his grandparents for 5 days while we went on a cruise to Cozumel. The first day I was upset thinking I was a bad parent for leaving him, but I got over that quickly. We had a great time and called and talked to him everyday just to let him hear our voice. Do not let you sister make you feel guilty about this. You and your husband have to make the decision, not anyone else. And as far as trying to work out your problems at home.....you will have too much going on with work and your kids to be able to concentrate on working out your problems. If you two get away, you will be able to focus on each other and not have to worry about anything else. Please...just go and have a great time with each other. It is hard to express your feelings toward each other when you have so many other things going on in your life. You need to get away to be able to focus soley on each other.
Good Luck!

I think taking time to work on your marriage is anything but selfish. Letting your marital issues cause your marriage to go to ruin would be far worse than taking time together to work on things. Your kids aren't staying with strangers, they are with grandparents, and they will probably LOVE the vacation they are getting! You sound like you really need this. I believe it's true, when you have children they become your priority and you shouldn't just leave them whenever you please, but I see nothing wrong at all with parents taking a vacation to spend time alone together, to rekindle the romance and work any issues out. That's really important! You seem to really love your children, so go do this. You need it!

T.,

You are obviously a devoted mom - you are concerned more for your children's welfare than your own. What a wonderful thing! I'm sure your children know how very much their mommy loves them - and they are most likely spoiled rotten by their grandparents. :)

Let me share some history -

I am a stay at home mom. When our daughter was 5 months old my husband and had to go away on a youth retreat (we are youth leaders at church) and we left her with my aunt and uncle who adore her. I was nervous about leaving her because she had never been away from me for more than a day and she had some dietary issues. In order to calm my anxiety, I wrote up a schedule that she normally kept to; a "cheat sheet" of things she likes a lot; a list of medical problems, doctor's number, contact info, and a copy of her social security card and insurance card. (as you can tell I over prepare!) However, because I knew my aunt had all the information she could possibly ever need - I was able to relax and enjoy myself!

When our daughter was 11 months old my husband took me to Spain for 8 days and my in-laws kept her for us. I knew she would be loved to death and I didn't have a single worry...but I did a detailed info sheet for them too!

One last thing - since you would have intermittent phone communication, it is extremely important to leave the caregivers with a medical release form!!! In case any medical attention needed to be administered, the grandparents have to have a form stating you have given them permission to oversee any procedures that are necessary. Not to be morbid - but to be prepared! The more prepared the better! :)

Good luck as you and your husband work things out - best wishes!

Its not wrong to leave your child with their grandparents while going on a vaction.... when my son was 12 days old which was christmas my husband surprised me and took me to the mountains and left our son with his nana... I felt so quilty but every parents needs a break

I actually went on that Cozumel cruise a little while ago with my husband for our anniversary and left my dear baby with his grandparents. He had a ball, was cuddled and spoiled all weekend, had no problems sleeping or eating, and they even kept him (mostly) on his nap schedule that I left behind. Like everyone says, it's only 4 days.

While on the ship our cell phones didn't work and using the ship-to-shore phone was really expensive. I recommend going straight to the internet cafe, signing up for an account, and checking in with your kids every night through email. In an emergency they can call you, but most likely everything will go smoothly and they'll have fun with the grandparents. Have fun in Cozumel!

I say GO FOR IT! If I had family that wanted to watch my daughter for 4 days -- I would jump at the chance to get away!
You are not damaging your children in any way, in fact I feel like you are going to be better for them if you are rested and relaxed from a little vacation!
As women, I feel like we are just wired to feel like we have to handle everything and not ever take a "mommy break".
You mentioned needing to work on your marriage -- do it now. Make that top priority and your family will benefit greatly from those short 4 days you are away from the kids.
GO FOR IT! and have lots of fun!! and a cocktail or two!

It is not selfish!!! Enjoy Cosumel!!! When my daughter was 8 months old, my husband and I went on a four-day camping trip. Cailyn stayed with his parents, and they were all fine when we got back. The only thing I strongly recommend is if you nurse, bring your most powerful pump. I only brought a hand pump and was VERY uncomfortable for much of the trip. Time together is important in your marriage. My husband and I work full time and have very little time to be married adults as opposed to Mommy and Daddy; we hope to go on a cruise this summer.

We have five children, 11 to 1 1/2. Go on that cruise and enjoy yourself! Parents need to regroup and relax sometimes, makes us better parents. My husband and I try to go out, without the kids once a month or every other month. It helps for us to have our time and keep our relationship strong. Your children will always be your children but your husband might not always be your husband, I think it is important to keep your relationship strong! In the end kids need to see happy, healthy relationships! Have fun and your kids WON'T be scarred for life!!!

I don't advocate leaving children, but a happy marriage is much more important. Children can tell if there is tension. HOWEVER, if you don't work out the issues - i.e. really talk about the issues not around them- your problems will be there when you get back, and now your children will feel a little uneasy because they where left, and the marriage will still be tense.
Buy a book about maritail problems and both you and your husband read it before the trip, and then work on your problems while on the trip. That is the only way I would agree to leave your very young children.
But I kinda of agree with your sister. Because you can work on your marriage at home. You can't run away from you problems by going on a cruise. They will still be there when you get back.

Dear T.
Tell your sister to shut her mouth! It is in your best interest and your children to have a happy and healthy marriage. Would she rather you not go and then continue to have issues with your husband, possibly leading to divorce...how can that be better than leaving them for a few days with their loving grandparents?! Your sister is out of her mind and needs to keep her mouth shut, your marriage and your children are none of her business. I would lose contact with her until after your trip.
GO and have a great time, you deserve it, and your children deserve happy parents that love each other!
C.

Does your sister have kids? If so, is she always frazzled? Yes? Take the vacation and tell your sister to back off.

don't let your sister make you feel bad.. if there is ever a time to go away without the kids the age is now.. they are not going to remember it at all and you should not feel guilty.. you two need the time i say go and have fun it is just 4 days it will be fine. my husband and i took a vaction without our son when he was about one and it was great and we just got back from vacation with him and he is almost 3 and it was great too but as young as your children are now you should go enjoy yourselves this will be the last time you problably will be able too..... hope this helps... have fun... tell your sister to go climb a tree...

This may sound.... weird, but that fact that you are worrying about it at all and feeling guilty shows how much you care for and love your children. As much as I love being with my little girl all the time I need a break once in awhile (husband or no husband). Just to let you know, my husband is stationed in Sicily right now and expected to come back next summer. And when that time comes I'll be going over there to help him move and I won't be bringing my little girl. It's just for the best. I'll feel terrible but I don't want to put her through the long plane ride and my husband and I could probably use some time alone. So, when that time comes and I'm freaking out about leaving my baby with the grandparents give me a virtual slap on the face and tell me to get over it :)

It's only 4 days. Don't feel selfish. You and your husband need time together. I'm a firm believer in husbands and wives spending time alone together to keep not only their relationships strong but also their sanity. Yes, you chose to have children but that doesn't mean you don't need a break from them as well. I have two children, they are 4 and 3 soon to be 5 and 4 and my husband and I are taking a trip in December to Opryland, it's only for a night because his mother can't watch them longer than that or she'll go nuts..hehe, but anyway I do not feel guilty because we do all kinds of things with our girls. Your sister should not be making you feel bad for going, she's your sister she shouldn't make you feel bad at all. Please don't feel guilty. Go and enjoy your trip with your husband. My husband and I believe we should have a date night at least once a month because time alone is necessary. You can call your kids every day or night as well, and let them know your still around and your thinking about them, and you will be home soon. Let the guilt go and enjoy your trip. I know it's hard leaving the kids because I have trouble sometimes too but you need alone time with your husband, we all do. So have fun and let us know how it goes.

Personally, I think if you are confident in who you are leaving the kids with then you should have no doubt in going.
Every couple should have some fun and alone time without the kids. Right now I would love some alone time, but we are away from home and will be for several more months. I dont know anyone, therefore i have noone to trust to leave my kids with.
Take advantage of it while you can. It could also be just the thing to solve your marital issues. Good luck on what ever you decide.

4 days is not that long, as long as you leave them with someone you trust. What you have to remember is that you married your husband so you will be with him for the rest of your life. Your children are gonna grow up and move out but you and your husband will still be together. If you are having problems you deserve to get away. Being a parent is a lot of work. I have been to cozemel and it is the most beautiful place i have ever seen in my life. Your sister sounds like she is jelous or has some issues of her own. Go on a romantic getaway. When u have problems with your husband it affects the kids. So anything you can do to mend your relationship with your husband will benefit the entire family....

You are going for four days! That is not bad at all. Think about it - you already explained why it is a good idea in your email - you will be a better mother when you get back because you are fresh and happy and excited to be with your children. Most of all, you and your husband will be closer together and stronger mentally and emotionally if you take advantage of the time away to build your relationship.

In order for you to be good for those around you, you must be strong enough. In order to be strong enough - you have to take care of yourself. Your little one is young, but she will be okay, I do believe. If you don't pay attention to your marriage - will she be better off missing you for four days or dealing with parents who are not happy or possibly (in the extreme)separate. I don't know if you are a Christian - but, in the bible God sends his prophets off all the time to prepare themselves, take care of themselves, gain strength to do His work. As a parent, you are doing His work too by raising your children.

Hope this helps. ____@____.com

I guess I'm going to go out on my own this this, but I would never leave a child under two for more than a day. There's so much bonding and your little one isn't old enough to understand that mommy WILL be back. I'm sorry, I have to agree with your sister on this one.

SAHM to 18 m/o Ryan

We have a 16 mo. old son and it was hard for us to leave our son starting at one year of age with the only grandparents he knows just so we could go to dinner for a couple of hours. It was hard leaving him because he would cry as we were leaving. But, when we came back he would cry with joy to see us. He has such a great time with his grandparents and really lights up when he sees them but anytime we leave him he still desires his daddy and mommy. GO ON VACATION NOW while they are young and not in school. The older they get the harder it is to leave them because then they really have an opinion and will make you feel guilty with their emotions. It's o.k. for you to want to go away. Your children will be fine! I promise! It's especially helpful that you trust your parents. Vacations are far and few in-between once they get older and start school even just because of schedules. Please please please go. Have a good time and know your children will be so excited to see you when you return.

Tell your sister to take a hike! Nobody should make you feel guilty for taking a break! If we could afford it, and had grandparents nearby, my husband and I would take a LONG vacation. Go, relax, mend your marriage. You'll be so much better for your kids if you feel good.

I think you should go on your cruise. I baby sit for a wonderful family and they take 2 vacations a year 1 for the family and 1 parents only. They took a parents trip to California this year and I stayed at their house to watch the kids. The kids were 8, 6 and 8 months and all of them were fine while there parents were gone. The older 2 know that mom and dad need a vacation alone and the baby was her happy wonderful self while they were gone. My husband and his ex split up before she had the baby so we got lucky only in that while she was little we could leave her with her mom if we needed time alone. P. P.

Dont let your sisters comments ruin this for you. YOu wsaid you trust the grandparents, you know they will be safe. All parents need a break and need some alone time. You mentioned some issues in your marriage. You need this time alone, take it and ignore your sister. You dont answer to her. You shouldnt feel guilty!

Your sister needs to mind her own business and you should probably tell her that. You have already bonded with both your children. Your son will cry no matter if you leave him for one hour or 4 days. He is at that separation anxiety age - it is healthy and expected. Your daughter may cry a little at first, but she will enjoy her grandparents taking care of her. It's not that she won't care, but more often than not, it is out of sight, out of mind at that age. You and your husband need some time alone to work out your problems. You will both come back happier and you will be a better parent to your kids because of it. Once you have children, they are and should be very important to you, but if you and your spouse aren't happy, then the children will not be happy. You are your first priority. Go on vacation, enjoy and come back with a better perspective.

It's only 4 days! Go enjoy yourselves! You absolutely need the vacation! Do not worry about the kids! You will miss them more then they'll miss you! You will be better parents after the vacation, being all rested and relaxed. Ignore your sister (maybe she's a tiny bit jealous that you are going and she's trying to guilt you out of it)! Enjoy!

Hi T.,

If you had to out of town for work for 4 days would you go? This is a different kind of work. When my boys were small (2 1/2 and 1), I had to go out of town for 4 days for work. When I worked (helping a friend with a small business), I took the boys with me, but they couldn't go to this training seminar. Because of my husband's work schedule, the boys couldn't stay at home with him so, I left them with my parents, whom they adore. Everything was great. I called them and talked to them and promised to bring them each a prize. Now, they are almost 5 and 3 1/2, they don't even remember it.

If your sister is so worried about the kids, have her help your parents with them while you're gone. They'll love all the extra attention.

If you're going to do it, now is not a bad time. You have to take care of yourself, too. Good luck in whatever you decide.

no its not selfish to go vaction with out your kids.

First, in order to not feel guilty you have to decide what YOU feel right about. It sounds like your sister is making you doubt your decision. IF you are confident in your decision you won't feel the guilt, noone can "make" you feel guilty. So maybe you are not sure this is right. If that is the case it is entirely possible you will not enjoy yourself 100%. So you really need to examine this yourself. Either make changes now or change your thinking so you are confident in your decision.

2nd before I say what I would do let me say that my sister and I are very different in our parenting styles and sounds like yuo and yours are too. My sister would gladly leave her kids of that age and wouldn't think twice and would thoroughly enjoy herself. And I can understand her being able to do that, her kids are used to being babysat, my parents are wonderful and I can see fully trusting them to handle (and spoil) the kids for that time. Just b/c what I would do is different than what she would do does not mean I should make her feel bad about her decision or badger her on it. This is what it sounds like your sister is doing and really, in my opinion that is pretty rude of her to be so judgmental.

What would I do though? I personally couldnt do it. I did leave my oldest when she was just over 2 to stay with my parents while we came up her househunting for 2 nights. My daughter had an absolute blast and barely noticed I was gone. But that daughter was highly accustomed to Nana and her babysitting This was trusted family who raised me so I knew they would do everything I asked and could be trusted. And this daughter did not have any seperation issues (at least not with Nana). But I have always been a SAHM and after we moved here Nana was no longer close so my subsequent kids were not used to being left (we do not leave them with anyone outside the family until they are old enough to speak well and even then it is rare). To them it would have been an issue to be left at 2. So for them I probably couldnt leave them more than a night until age 4. But even still I personally couldn't leave a child under 2 overnight. So I personally wouldnt do it but that is my style and just b/c my style is one way it does not mean everyone elses should be.

You need to buy some earplugs and put them in when your sister decides to share her unasked opinion. There is nothing wrong with going on vacation without your children. You and your husband were together before you had children, and will be the ones together after your children leave and if you do not work on your relationship where will you be in 20 years when your kids are grown and have their own families. I think it is unhealthy to spend all your time with your children and to make sure that they are being catered to at all times, they are not the center of the universe and they need to know that. Yes they are important, but they are not the center. With you and your husband having some problems you need to get away and focus on each other. Don't talk about the kids while on your cruise, stay up late, spend time flirting and getting reaquainted with each other. If you and your husband can bond and develop a stronger relationship it will do your entire family good. The kids need their parents strong, and united and loving each other more than anything. It shows them a proper relationship so they can carry that on when they get married. I say go on your cruise, enjoy your trip. Buy the kids some gifts and have a blast.

T.,

Go and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! You will be better parents with a break. My husband and I did this when our first daughter was young, but not so much with our 2nd. (I wish we had done more together alone) We ended up having marital problems and we are trying to work them out. We've been talking about taking an extended week-end also. Remember that the kids will not even remember that you were gone once you are back for a while since they are so young.

Remember that you still need grown-up time or else you will have marital problems. Your kids will be in great hands next to you. If anything, you bonding with your hubby again will make the kid's lives better too because they will sense the relaxation from the two of you and not the stress.

You need to tell your sister that you appreciate where's she's coming from, but that you feel differently about this and have to do what's best for your entire family and that's working on your marriage at this time.

Good-luck to you and your husband. Enjoy yourselves because the 4 days will go by so fast!!!

S.

NO, NO, NO!!! It is not selfish of you to want to go on a vacation without your children. I think all parents, no matter what the ages of their children are, deserve time to themselves. I also know, after having 3 children and being married for 9 years, there have been times that we have left our children, if even just for us to come home, and them to stay with family. It sounds like your sister is jealous that she is not going on a vacation. You and your husband go on this fantastic trip, and enjoy yourselves!!!

No way. Its selfish not to. (how's that for logic?) If you don't focus on your marriage then problems and stress can build. how would that be for your kids? Besides maybe the kids want a vacation away from you ;) I'm sure they'll miss you and you'll miss them but you'll all have a GREAT time and be super happy to see each other when you get back. Pack up and have fun. BTW, tell your sister to butt out. If you are ready for a vacation enough to plan it before you talked to her it will all be great.

*******PLEASE READ THIS REPLY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!!*********

Dear T.,
My husband and I have been married for 15 years, and have NEVER had a vacation all to ourselves! OF COURSE YOU SHOULD HAVE A VACATION FOR THE TWO OF YOU!! Our lives revolve around our children as mothers, but we need time to ourselves, too. Be thankful that you have wonderful parents that understand and are willing to help! Go and enjoy your time with you husband because if you aren't happy, the kids won't be happy, and children have a way of knowing when Mommy and Daddy are not happy. Saving your marriage means saving your family. You have to heal yourself before you can heal anyone else. It's just for a few days. Let their grandparents enjoy the children and don't worry. Your sister should be glad that you're trying to work things out unless she has a problem with your husband. Let me remind you of something Heavenly Father said; I can't remember exactly where it is in the Bible, but any pastor can tell you. I apologize that it's not word for word, but I think you'll get the idea. "When a man takes a wife, she shall leave her family behind and cleave unto her husband." When everyone else is gone T., let your husband be your rock, and you have to be his. No one else's opinion should matter. Your marriage is a union between you, your husband and God. Have a wonderful vacation, and don't let ANYONE talk you out of it!! Be Blessed!!