Kinda JFF: What Are You an Alien?

I dont think she is thinking of you as a freak. I think she is worried that you may have regrets. I am not saying you will have regrets, but I was READY to close the factory down at 26 as well.
At 26, I had a little girl, and a little boy. I was DONE. Then, WHOOPS!! At 28 I got pregnant with my 3rd baby. I didnt want a third baby, but now that shes here, 10 months old and AMAZING, I honestly do think I would regret not having a third child.

I think she is just worried for you, because you are young and she doesnt want you to do anything permanent, yet, that you may regret.

I'm thinking that, quite possibly, the best person to make the decision as to how many kids/when to have them is YOU.
She is not you and you are not her.

Your factory - not hers. Who cares what she says?

I came from the opposite background - never wanted kids. Came very close to closing my factory several times. Mom kept telling me to wait...just in case.

Then I met my wife. She was the only woman I had ever met that I could see being a mother to my children. We're now planning a pretty big family - and yes, I will be rearing kids past my (early) retirement - but that's ok for me/us.

I guess my point is - I support closing the factory, or keeping it open. Your body, your choice. But please don't let your friend (or anyone) have free rent in your head. Your friend certainly isn't still thinking about it - and you shouldn't either. :)

I have to say, I think it's hilarious that people tend to look at mothers with more than 6 children as freaks and mothers with only 1 or none as freaks. If you don't have 2 or even three you're weird!

I have four and I have so many people telling me that it's too many (that's probably why hardly anyone knows I want another one!)

If a woman knows what she wants (as far as the number of children), then who are we to judge her?

If you want to shut down your baby factory, and you know that you don't want anymore...go for it!

That's funny, I don't feel like society thinks that....in fact a lot of people protest and view people having multiple children as being selfish and using up resources. Ultimately I think you should have as many children as you can take care of and raise to be responsible and contributing members of society. For some that's 3, for some that's 1 and for others that is none.

your mistake wasn't in telling your friend about your decision (why shouldn't we share this sort of thing with friends?), it's for allowing this one over-the-top reaction from a pretty rude person to bug you.
everyone has a 'perfect' number for how many kids they should have. they don't get to dictate it to anyone else. either tell her (politely) to zip it, or smile and change the subject.
khairete
S.

I get the same thing. I have one daughter, she is three and a half. I am 31. Years ago I told my husband that I didn't want any children after 31. I will be 32 in May, and that opinion really hasn't changed.

I get told all the time that I an cruel that my daughter is an only. I should have another baby so she could have a sibling. I tell them, look having a sibling is not some magic thing that will make her have a friend for life. I know plenty of siblings that can barely stand each other. I do not see the sibling thing as a valid reason.

I think that if you have two kids, then society will give you a nod of approval. If you have three, then you're still ok, but you shouldn't have any more.
Four or more and people start asking you if you know what causes pregnancy.
An only child, well you are selfish for only having one.

Sigh....stupid society. :)

My only thought is to wait - you mention being divorced - what if you remarry and your new hubby desperately wants a child? Yes - you have your son - but it's very common for second marriages to want a "child" that is theirs collectively.

Plus 30 is really young to make that decision - I didn't have my first until I was 30 - lol - but I know everyone has their own cut off - mine was 35.

Good luck but please give it a little more thought before taking action - I always said NO WAY to a second child but lo and behold we had a second that was very planned and very wanted - you never know what hte future holds.

I stopped having kids at 30, that was my "limit", too. Had I had only one or the four I got, I still would have stopped at 30. I want a LIFE without littles by the time I am 50. Don't worry about what people think :)

By the time I was your age I was pretty sure I was done for most of the same reasons as you are considering. I had my first two at 20 and 22. Damn if they weren't the best kids so at 31 and 33 I had two more.

What you are considering isn't insane or alien, it is normal. Even though I love all four dearly there are times when I think if I had stopped with two I would be living the life. Then again more times than that I consider if I had just had them two years apart my youngest would be 18 this year and I would still be living the life. :p

Can't go back and change things and you don't know what the future really holds. :)

She was simply judging you, as if to say "I can make better decisions than you". You will meet plenty of women like that for the rest of your life. Why are women like that? Because they have successfully brought forth another human being, therefore, they are smarter than anyone else on the planet, plain and simple.

I have no idea why we are looked at as freaks - I am a "one and done" mamma. I am 30 with a 5yr old and I do not think I could go back to having an infant personally.

I was unsure for a very long time, then decided (husband and I) to have one and be done. We figured that was all we could afford and be able to give them a decent life.
Life had other plans. Two eggs were ready, two eggs fetilized, two babies were born. Can't imagine life without either...wait, yes I can! When the fighting and screaming and hair pulling, pinching, etc. start, I think,"Why did I do this?" I sometimes miss being able to eat out instead of pinching pennies, miss being able to go on a spur of the moment road trip to the beach instead of the park to 'swing and slide', etc.
BUT- I love them with all my heart, never want to be without them (for real-except for a Mommy break with grown up friends every so often) and am terrified that something will happen to one or both of them and the heartache it would cause to their twin and me!
Daddy and I are now separated and things are harder than ever, but life goes on.
I know women who had children because they were irresponsible, because they wanted them all their life, thought they were supposed to because they were capable of creating life, etc.

Do what you think will make you happy and if life or God have other plans (however you believe), it will happen the way it is supposed to!

I get where you are coming from. I have an only daughter (17) by choice and no regrets and I STILL get grief for having an only.

Yes, I've been told I was selfish to not give her a sibling.

I've replied that no I am not selfish, I am responsible because I am doing my job as parent to raise her well, put her through college with no debt, travel with her, and be able to give her life experiences and a stable, secure family.

So many others (not all) just pop out babies to have them because they can then leave them to fend for themselves when it is time for college, drown themselves in debt and have older children raise the younger ones. What kind of life is that?

@ Angela, I cannot imagine the pain and how you were able to get through the loss of your child. I am so sorry to hear that. I know, it is a chance we all take when we choose to to only have 1 child.

Everybody is different. I did not have my DD til I was 31 (just after my birthday). My grandmother also had her first at 30 and that seems to be a family trend. If I had my first at 19 and was divorced by 26 instead of just getting married, I might have felt differently at 30. I think you know your own limits but I would not make any permanent decisions right now. My DH and I married and had DD and I feel very lucky that the VR worked. He changed his mind because I'm not his ex and we are a different couple. There was also a point where I felt I was fine with kids by proxy but later that changed. I don't think you're an alien, but I'd wait and see what your future holds. There are long term birth controls while you go one with life.

I think it's your choice. I have childless friends who permanently closed the factory. I have friends with one that closed the factory, too. All seem happy with their decision. However, I have countless friends who married young, had kids, and thought they were completely done. Then they got divorced, got remarried, and had more kids in their mid-thirties with the new husband. You just never know what circumstances life might bring.