This Bothers Me, Do You Agree?

I read the other post and commented on it too. The girls request was asking a medical question too and everybody had to make a comment about her age. Had she not posted her age would they have answered it different.
I totally agree with you. I personally didnt have my first child until I was 25. We dont know this girls situation, so why judge her. She could have won the lotto for all we know. I have a friend who is 25 with 4 little kids. They were ALL planned. She has a great husband and is a wonderful mother. Yes, she has her whole life ahead of her, but maybe she wants to spend the later years doing all her traveling etc. Why is everybody so quick to judge?

The beauty of humankind is that we are all capable of different things. So, what may be fine for you might be intolerable to someone else. For example, I could never be a doctor, but thank goodness there are people that can do it. The dark side of humanity is that people cast judgements upon each other for reasons that are not always well-founded. You never know someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Having said that, this is a forum to share opinions, knowledge, experiences, etc. So, we are all here to listen and be heard. You should not be personally offended, rather, you should have joined into the discussion to say , "hey, there are young and responsible women out there that are happy to be mothers". That is why we are here - to share. So, thanks for sharing.

Just wanted to say I agree with you. Although logically I know I wasn't ready for a baby at 16-17-18, sometimes I do think I would have been a better mother if I didn't have an adult life without having kids. And I had my kids "young" by standards around here - I was 25 when I had my first and my ultrasound tech nearly hit the floor at how many "standard" tests she didn't have to do because of my "super young age." I wish you all the best.

The problem is that 9 times out of 10 when a woman get's pregnant young, they tend to treat their children like they are a burden instead of a blessing.
Stereotypes are there for a reason, they are there because most of whatever group it is about behave that way or have behaved that way in the past. If the stereotype is to go away then more people need to stop the behavior that is linked to it.

When they say experience they are referring to life experience not experience as a parent.

I'm one of the moms who thinks you're far too young in this day & age to be married w/ a baby. I'm 40, & I spent my late teens and 20s getting a great education, traveling the world, dating lots of men and having some serious relationships, and really getting to know who I am and what I really want out of life. You may think you know at 18 or 19, but you don't. You've already got the world of responsibility on you now, so I truly hope you remain happy & that your marriage lasts the test of time. It's not that we're stereotyping you, it's just that many of us have 10, 15 & 20+ years of experience more than you, and there is NO substitute for experience! Quite honestly we simply know more about this world and the way things work than you do because we've lived longer! As I said, I hope your marriage works out and you become the exception to the rule, because most couples who get married & have children as young as you do in modern society don't last forever.

The very

Ditto Julie B! Well said.
I had my baby at (G*A*S*P*) 39. I have received my education, independence, travel and more years of life experience than many "young" moms have even been alive!
I wouldn't change a thing.
Lack of education, independence and "getting it out of your system" leads to man-hopping, desperation, shattered dreams and a feeling of missing out. You may not feel these particular things. Now. But in general I think it happens.
At your age, I really don't think you will be able to grasp the wisdom that comes with a decade or two. But you will. Eventually. *Sigh*

Just wanted to add my $.02. I had my son at 32 because that's what life handed me. But all my life, I saw myself settled, married, with children by my early 20's. It's what I wanted. I wanted to be young with my children. My mom was 20 when she had me (married at 19, SAHM, my dad, also 20 worked, they're still happily married.) I wanted to be a young mom, like my mom was. That didn't work out for me, and I'm eternally grateful that I was able to have my son at age 32. But if all had gone as I had dreamed it would, I would have been married with kids by my early 20's. I felt then, and I still feel now - after many years of life experiences - that I would have been absolutely ready for it at 20.

Love your son, and love your husband, and be happy you have a life that is what you want. The heck with what anyone else thinks.

becoming a mom does and should make you more responsible ... but (and I'm not judging you, just generalizing), age and years gives one a better perspective at life. Someone who is 30 and has a baby at 30 can definitely tell you or anyone else that they are probably wiser at 30 than they were at 19. I was going to get married at 22 but decided not to. I got married to someone else at 29. At 29 I felt so much wiser than I did at 22, much less 19. But you've been on your own for two years already, so everybody's experience is different. You may have grown up a lot faster than most of us "older" moms. Who knows. I just wouldn't worry about what others are saying or thinking. If you are doing great than that is all that matters. And congratulations on your son.

I did not comment on the previous post you mentioned (I don't think), but I would hazard a guess that you (being relatively young, married prior to planned conception, and independent and employed) are the exception rather than the rule. Kudos to you for taking charge of your life and having your act together. I would be willing to bet that there are a lot more women at your age who have not yet done so, than those who have. I know that I was not mature enough to be married and a mother at that age. I was self-supporting, but not mature emotionally. I know plenty of younger women (19-22 year olds, kids of friends or acquaintances of ours) who have gotten pregnant accidentally, out of wedlock, with no job and relied or are still relying on their parents to support them and their child. I think it is socially far more acceptable and generally more common these days, than it was when some of us ladies from a slightly older "generation" were in our late teens/early 20's. (I was that age in about 1990).
It is unfortunate that people sometimes have to make assumptions based on limited information, but I don't think it is necessarily rude to voice a concern. I think, generally speaking, that there IS a large portion of the younger generation that are less mature than the same ages in generations prior. I'm sure that every generation probably feels that way about the one that comes after them, but that is just how it seems to me. Not to say that ALL younger people (yourself as an example) fit that description... but today's society has certainly made it easier for young adults to stretch out their adolescence before they must become responsible for themselves. In some states, a parent can still be required to pay child support for a "child" aged 20. Even Obama's healthcare is a testament to the expanded adolescence of our society.... parents policies will cover their children up to age 26!! That is 8 years past being a "minor"! Exactly when will they be required to be responsible... ?

Sorry, now I seem to be the one venting....

There are pros and cons to everything.

Generally speaking, most people are more ready for children when they have had time to mature. Obviously, there are exceptions.

When you are my age, you will look back on yourself now and realize just how young you were.

However, that doesn't mean you're not doing a great job.

Ahhhh... bitter laughter from this quarter.

I was 23 when my son was born and STILL got a ton of flack (and also got blackballed from moms groups etc... granted most mums in my area were late 30's to mid 40's, even some in their early 50's... MY mum got asked to join mom's groups -she watched him one afternoon a week for me... but those same people kept mistaking ME for the nanny and trying to hire me. Seriously, at one point I was asked to leave a MOPs group... because it was for "parents only".). By 23 I'd already served my time in the military, was financially independent/secure/stable, had been published often, was back in school pursuing a double degree, was considering purchasing a house, etc. But apparently I just couldn't be a MOTHER.

I learned to bypass questions about my age like a slippery eel. As long as no one knew how "old" I was, I was included... if anyone found out I was in my early 20's... blackballed. The calls stopped. The "cliques" (especially in K / PTA) turned into circles. If someone overheard a conversation between myself and someone else about parenting they were always *shocked" that I was doing the "right" thing, whatever it was. Or wanted to know if my parents had custody. Sheesh. What am I? Walking around with a needle hanging out of my arm?

Now solidly in my 30's, it's gotten better, because I can actually tell people my age. But the judgement from other moms, especially in the beginning was *awful*. You could see a lot of / people would say a lot of "WHEN *I* was 23/4/5/ whatever I was busy _________ / totally incapable of being a parent / too busy with my social life / too busy establishing my carreer/ fill in the blank." Okay, fine for you. That's neither me, nor my life.

<grinning> Good thing I don't really care what others think. Although it was infuriating that my son lost out on friends because of others assumptions... the friends he made whose parents didn't give a rip if I was 20 or 40, meant that the parents of those friends tended to not be narrow-minded judgmental people :) Which would be a good thing, overall.

Edited to Add...

I think one of the most important things about parenting is that we're all "new" in the beginning whether we're 15 or 55. A first baby is a major upheaval in anyone's life. <grinning> Hence this board. Feeding, sleeping, parenting methods, family dynamics, physical changes, education, cultural expectations, SAHPs, WAHPs, WPs, childcare, this way? that way? We're all learning. There are about 1000 different ways to parent that are all "right". One of the things I love about this board is that is doesn't matter how old we are, what we look like, how much or how little money we have... none of it matters. Some of us are new mums, some have 5 kids under their belt and grandkids (definitely NOT their first rodeo). Cohort groups (aka what your same age peers are doing) plays into a lot of cultural expectations, as does geography. I had my son in the most "over educated" (I disagree that that's possible) city in the country. Most mums in my area start having kids in their 40s. AKA my abilities were doubted/questioned/and even out and out challenged. Elsewhere I've heard 40 year old mums desperate because everyone in THEIR area is in their 20's and their abilities are doubted/questioned/out and out challenged. My friends range in age from 17 to 62. I know there have been times where I've been envious of my older friends for being more "set up" than I was, and I have friends who have been envious of me for my "youth" (aka perceived extra energy and flexibility... which may be true, I certainly didn't FEEL like I had a lot of energy during the first 2 years... but I'm also not 45 yet, & as far as being flexible - aka because I hadn't lived without children for an extra 20 years... again, I didn't do that, so I have no idea. Maybe my empty nesting will be a gazillion times worse, because by the time my son is grown, I'll have spent half my life and all of my adult life with him. Lord only knows). Regardless of age, their are positives and negatives to having your children young or older. Inherent challenges. AKA it's never easy. But it's usually great fun. :) :) :) The miracle and gift of being able to show a brand new person the world and helping them discover their own place in it.

Here's the number one thing that you learn just by getting older...what everyone else "thinks" doesn't matter so much anymore. There are good examples and bad examples of parents at every age, in every country, in every religions...and there are bigger fish to fry than to worry about what others think of you.

You, yourself, succumbed to a stereotype in your statement, "I honestly think having children young prevents having a child in grade school when you AGE says you should be a grandparent!". What "age" is a grandparent? You're grouping people into a category based on your opinion about their age.

I've met wonderful moms that are every age. My own mom was fairly young when she had us and was a GREAT mom...but even she says that maybe she would have waited another year or two had she knew then what she knows now.

At nearly 35, I have the benefit of a few years of experience. I was VERY put-together and responsible at 19...then there came the chaos years....and now I am back to uber-responsible. Your child may keep you grounded or you may feel trapped like many young mothers that we experienced...the key is you.

Choose your own path. Learn to listento those around you...take what you need...leave the rest.

V.,

I agree with you completely. I am also a young mom, and honest to goodness have been asked if I was the nanny! Here is my take on things...

1. We NOW live in a society that values older moms and living independently on our own. For centuries women were teenagers having babies living with their families. I am not saying we should still be doing this, but the concept of being "more mature" and "more ready" as you age just means that person was never forced to grow up in their 20s and didn't seem to learn until later. To be honest, I think that if most women were forced to "grow up" by having a child in their early 20s, they could do it. They choose not to. (Not saying older moms are immature, just saying I agree with the fact that being an older mom doesn't make you more mature.)

2. Life experiences are all around us every day. Like you, I agree that there is no reason to go out and party your youth away. What did you learn? How does excessive drinking/partying make you more experienced in life? I understand that you may know how to manage your finances better or have made a more solid foundation for yourself, but you can also do that while being a young mom. Again, most of our grandmothers were in their late teens or early 20s when they had our parents, didn't they do a good job? Weren't they able to learn all of those things too?

3. Finally, I think every woman needs to do what is best for them. I think being a young mom is the greatest thing ever! I love everything about it, and honestly, I can't imagine being an older mom (just like you older moms can't imagine being a young one). I figure that whatever floats your boat is what is best for you. There are plenty of young teenage moms doing a ridiculous job (although I think the media makes it worse..."Teenage Mom"), but there are also plenty of older moms doing a ridiculously bad job (the media doesn't seem to go after them). As long as you are doing the best job that YOU can do, don't let anyone else bother you.

P.S. Just remember too that the biggest "benefit" to being a young mom is that you will still be young enough to enjoy your golden years without little feet running around!

I considered myself a young mom, well I was anyways. lol. I had my first when I was 20, and I'll have to say, at 20 I was a dang good mom! Of course I still am...hehe. But no, I think older woman just think they have an advantage over younger ones, like they know more and we are just stupid. I am a way better mom and a lot of people, no matter how old they are and no one can ever take that away from you. If you know what you want, then whos to say you shouldnt do it. I will have to admit, I didnt plan my pregnancy at age 20, but it was the BEST thing thats ever happened to me. And I am very happy to say, I will have my third and final baby a couple years before I turn 30 and Im pretty excited about not being pregnant in my 30's!! Dont let it bother you!

I am speaking as the mom that will be old enough the be a grandparent when the child is in grade school-lol. You just do your thing and ignore what other people say. I will say that, with age, this wisdom will come more naturally. You won't really care what people think. If you are like me, your too tired to care.

I have to respond to this one, as I was a mom at the "young" age of 19!

Do I feel like I missed out on anything? NO WAY!
Do I regret having a baby at 19? Nope!
Do I wish I would have waited? Not in the least!
Was it easy the first year or so? Heck No!
Would I do it the same way again? Probably!

My fiance and I were 18 and 22 when we got pregnant and 19 and 22 when we had our little girl. Were we scared? Totally! When she was born, I was almost finished with my accounting degree (AA degree) and he had about 18 months left before he finished his BS in Software engineer. I moved to CO to be closer to family when I was 3 months pregnant. He stayed in CA for school. I moved back to CA when our little girl was 9 mths old because the distance was more than we wanted. We rented a room from a friend while he finished school. I sat in the stadium with our 18 month old and watched my love walk across the stage to get his COLLEGE degree, knowing that we had NO student loans and we made it that far! Our 18 month old spotted him before I did and cheered for him, our roomate had taught her to scream "Go Dada!" He took a job for a smaller company in the silicon valley and, as they say, the rest is history!

Fast forward to today and here is a look at our lives: We are now 27 and 30. Our daughter is 7 (8 in Dec). He just celebrated his 6 yr anniversary with the company. I work for a private daycare/preschool and have decided to return to school to get a degree in ECE. Our little girl, who should be in 2nd grade, is actually in 3rd grade and still finds the work to be a little on the easy side! She takes Jazz, Cheer, and Acro classes. She is on her 2nd year of choir. She is a well-adjusted, well mannered, and respectful little girl. We make enough to send her to a private school and still be able to live comfortably. In Feb., we will celebrate our 9 yr anniversary, followed by getting legally married next fall. We chose to wait because our focus has always been on our child and this is our gift to ourselves (a plus is that she is old enough to understand what a special day this will be for our family and she can participate in the ceremony!)

I think if people would stop looking at age as a way of saying when someone is ready to do something, they would realize more 19 and 20 yr olds are ready and capable of raising children or many other things! Look how young people used to have kids, then the next generation waited a little longer...now people are having babies in their 40's. I have friends that are old enough to be my mother that have kids my daughters age and younger! I feel that people should do what is right for them and their family and quit passing judgement on others. How can we teach our children to accept others when we can't do it ourselves?

I am sorry, i accidentally flowered Denise P....the post just under me.

I had my first daughter at 18 and my 2nd at 19. I have two more and am now 33. I feel like i have enough "wisdom" to speak. I don't regret my having children early. I don't feel like i missed out on anything. I don't "man hopp or feel desperate". I have been with my husband for 16 years. Every year gets better. I know this is not the norm, but for myself and my family it works.

It has absolutley nothing to do with the age you became a mother. It has to do with you maturity....amoung many other things. If you felt that you were ready, that is your choice. Do not feel judged by that. Mothers like us will still be young enough to swing on the swings and enjoy our grandchildren :)

Hi V., I'm with you on this one. While it's hard to be a young mom, it's hard to be a mom period, and us young ones have stamina :) I was in my very early 20's when my son was born, unmarried, and self efficient. I did marry my son's father years later. Most of my friends were going out to the bar and going away on Spring Break vacations and I was breast feeding and changing diapers. I never felt I missed out on anything. I felt I was starting to live life while they were still growing up. Many of my son's friends parents are old enough to be mine. I am super responsible and yet they still talk to me as if I was a child. i have a college degree, work full time, have the most wonderful well behaved child, own a nice home, take care of my own parents (they live with me not vice versa) and still am not included in conversation. I know the post you are referring to and the lady did not ask for advice about if she is too young to have children, yet she got plenty of it. Two generations ago girls were getting married and having babies at 14, not that I agree with that, but the human race survived despite their immaturity. Let the coments roll of your back. You know better then anyone that your a good mom, who cares what they think.
L.

I'm with one of the earlier posters, I'm glad to know you and give you kudos for having it all together, but would like to express my opinion.
I feel that Stereotypes aren't necessarily evil. Unless you are going to walk around explaining your whole life story, i am going to attempt to figure out things about you based on your clothing, hairstyle, age, the car you drive etc, etc. All of the mom's i know that are under 20, aren't finacially independent and rely on other people to help raise their children. I'm glad to hear your story because in my life experience you are an exception. Until, i met enough mom's like you, i'm going to continue to assume that in general mom's under 20, aren't in stable relationships and aren't self-sufficent, qualities in my opinion that go a long way towards making a capable mother.

I had my son at 22. I admit I am a single mom and did not plan on having children at all. Before my son I didn't know where I was going in life. I was in a major that I didn't know what I wanted to do with it (theatre). After my son was born, that gave me a direction. I am in a major that I have endless posibilities and now I also have goals. I know what I want in life. The end. I'm not going to let people say that i was stupid for having sex when I wasn't ready for kids. My life needed my son. I needed that resposibility. I was flowndering and now I am happy. So in the end, I say forget what these overly opinionated people. There are always going to people thinking that younger is not wiser. Older is better. And I agree with Mommee that everyone matures at different rates. I know I was a faster maturing one.

You sound very mature for your age... People mature at different rates & every situation is different. I am actually an older Mom. I didn't have my daughter until I was almost 38. It took me a long time to realize that it doesn't matter what other people think & sometimes I still struggle with it. Hopefully you can learn a little more quickly than I did & realize that the people that do have a problem with your age don't matter... They don't know you...Don't let complete strangers make you feel bad. Be confident in who you are as a person and Mother! Keep up the good work!

As each child is different, every mother is different. Different ages, temperment, health, background, upbringing, etc. I don't like the insults that I see occasionally. I happen to be an older mom, not by choice mind you...LOL. There are advantages of every standpoint. Younger moms have more energy and stamina, usually. On average, older moms have more years under their belt, so at times can use that.
You seem to be in a stable relationship and know what you are doing. Hats off to you! Most women I know at your age are not so clear on what they want. (Me included.) Try not to take others OPINIONS to heart. In the end, that is only what they are. You know better. <3

Well it definitely goes both ways.

I constantly hear younger women boasting about having their babies young and how they cannot imagine having their children at the 'geriatric' age of 35 or older! They usually say things like "you're too old to actually keep up with the kids". At this age, I'm more fit and youthful than I have ever been BUT there's other layers like maturity, experience on the arc of life, finishing my undergrad and graduate degrees and establishing myself in a career without having to quit because I had a baby and start all over from scratch.

Not everybody 'parties' in their 20s. Some people are going to college, getting an education, continuing on in a masters program, advancing and being successful at a career and doing that which they find fulfilling. Sure, some people take this time to be drunk and silly, but I believe many people who make a conscious decision to put off having children do so because they're either waiting to get married or want to be sure that they have the proper education and employment to support a growing family.

And, I have more news for those girls who think I'm old, crusty, and too decrepit to be a capable mother- I'm a much better mother at 35 than I could have ever been at 20! I wasn't ready at 22. I wasn't ready at 25. I didn't even get married until I was 28 and having a child outside of marriage is NOT something that would be acceptable for me. I didn't want to get married and rush into having a baby - I felt it was necessary for my partner and I to enjoy married life and have the identity of 'husband and wife' before adding the identity of 'parent' to the title. I'm so glad we had 6 years of it being 'just us' before adding a baby into the mix. Additionally, we are completely financially stable enough to have a house, pay our bills, AND raise a child without living paycheck to paycheck or worrying about how one of us will go back to school or start up a career - and in doing so, we have eliminated quite a bit of stress that tends to tear apart families when it comes to lack of finances.

At the same time I understand that there are some women who were just born to be mothers and start having their kids young or having a large family. They definitely thrive and are very successful at 'wiving', mothering, and parenting. And to those women I say "more power to you!" because quite honestly, I'm fairly impressed by those women who can be young supermoms to a brood of children. I admire the seemingly effortless way they appear to manage a family.

My parents got married at 20 and had me at 21 (I think maybe my dad was 22)...Anyway, dad had a job, mom was a SAHM, I turned out just fine, as did my sis and bro. Mom and dad are still together (and still in LOVE, they hold hands in public, kiss each other, are very affectionate, seriously, sometimes they need to GET A ROOM!). And the best part is that all their kids were out of the house living their own lives when they were in their late 40's/early 50's. They travel, eat at fancy restaurants, play golf, absolutely dote on their grandkids - in short, they are living the lives I want to live when I'm their age. I didn't have my kids as young as they did (my first was at 26 and my last was at 31), but I think there's absolutely no reason a young person who has their life together can't be a successful parent and family member. I've seen it firsthand. Stereotypes are just that for a reason - it is a generalization based on what the majority does. Therefore, it's easy to say 19 is too young, because for MOST 19yr olds, that's absolutely true. Obviously, in your case, it's not. It's human nature to judge each other...it just happens that being a young mother is your issue, so you see THAT judgement from people. I'm a bit overweight - I bet people judge me when they see me in the checkout line with ice-cream - that's MY issue. Everybody thinks they're being judged for their perceived weakness. The truth is nobody's perfect, nobody. So just go on being the best person you can be and don't worry what people think. And I'll go on buying ice-cream.

Your story sounds much like mine! Married at 19, son was born at 20. My husband and I decided we wanted another and got pregnant again when I was 21! Looking back, it was a busy few years! I wouldn't trade it for anything. I was given grief because I was a. young and b. had two kids 16 months apart. I still feel confident that the decisions I made were ones I would have made regardless of my age. The hardest thing for us was that all our friends were not doing the same things we were doing. They are just now starting to get married, and we are contemplating a 3rd! :) I felt the same way you do for a long time (still sometimes) but decided they could think what they wanted, but I would prove to them that we are financially responsible, madly in love, and that our kids mean the world to us. They have no room to comment on our marriage or our family - we may be the "black sheep" of our family, but we are probably the most level-headed and responsible ones too. :) I believe I was more ready to have a baby at 20 than my sister was at 25!

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who get pregnant by mistake young and cannot take care of themselves or a baby. Be proud of your life and how well you are living it!

I have seen a few cases where women had babies very young (before age 21), some planned, some not planned that later regretted it and didn't treat the children well. Rather, they treated them like a burden who prevented them from going out and having fun like other women their age. From seeing this, it does make me question whether those who planned it were mature enough when they made the decision to get pregnant. Many may feel ready, be in a loving relationship and have the financial means to do so, but then later end up feeling like they missed out on an important part of their youth.

I also think a lot of very young moms don't have the support that moms have once they are in their mid to late 20s or into their 30s, so it makes motherhood a lot harder. I know for me, making friends with other moms whose kids were the same age as mine was incredibly helpful and important, and helped me get through a very difficult first couple of years of motherhood. If I had been young and not able to form those connections, I think I'd have been in a much worse situation.

I don't mean at all to suggest that you will be one of those women. It certainly sounds like you're in a great place in your life and entered into the pregnancy happily, willingly, and after giving it much thought. I don't think there is anything wrong with your situation.

HI V., You know i think this board is often used to vent out some frustrations, or just to express strong opinions, it is not necessarily to help or support others, or even be respective. I have had experience with people attacking me when I was looking for support for e.g, , at other times I myself expressed strong opinions, so do not take it so seriously and just realize that's a public board where all sorts of things happen. As far your question, I completely agree with you, that when one is responsible, independent, and mature, they can have baby at any age, there are no regulations or "right" age for it. My best friend got her first baby at 19, and she really wanted it, and it turned out to be the most important thing in her life up until now. She devoted herself to her now 3 kids, and found her calling in that! And that's not a small task to raise 3 children, not less important than having career, in my view. So know your heart and mind, and do what you feel is right!

I'm a young mom who is raising both my daughter and my older sister's child. I am flawed and can only do my best. Sometimes I mess up, but I raise my children with enough love to power a city. My pregnancy was not planned and I am not married to my partner (my child's father). We are less financially stable than I would like. However, my children are healthy, confidant (especially considering the circumstances), well adjusted and treated with consistency, attention and love, love, love.

Frankly, no matter your age, you are making mistakes. The mistakes you are making will not necessarily be clear until later. Perfection is unattainable - and thank god. My children will get to see me as a work in progress. I will be able to show, through my actions, what I believe and work for. Hopefully they will live by that example and will be able to fight through any struggles they encounter. They will see their Mother/Auntie as being human. We can only do our best to build up our children, community and selves.

There are benefits to being a younger or older mom. I think it is quite interesting that Mom's in their middle ages would come down on younger Mom's. Especially as they are only basing their opinions on who they were at a younger age, or horror stories that stick with them.

If I was to stereotype older parents I could say it's biologically/genetically dangerous. That all aging parents die when their children aren't ready for the loss. That they are uptight and unable to adjust. That they won't know their grandchildren. As the child of older parents - I know that that is not always accurate. It's a negative stereotype.

We can both sit on opposite sides of this camp. Or we can try to be mothers and support one another. Children make us emotionally grow and develop more quickly. They are a huge source of wisdom, knowledge, frustration (yah, I said it!), inspiration, love, loyalty, etc. Please. Woman were having babies at a young age for generations. Now it's hip to wait. I am not trying to say it is not wise to wait, if that is right for you. But please, let's all hold our judgement as they simply do not serve a purpose. Lets try to figure out how to be kind and supportive to the Mothers around us.

V.,
I got pregnant when I was 14 (obviously not on purpose) lol...... but sooo many people thought that I was ruining my life by having the baby, and all of the "looks" by older mothers and even girls my own age were unreal. Women can be very judgemental.... but they should be SUPPORTIVE! Its definitely a life changing experience, but you know what you're ready for and what you can and can't handle. Everything else will fall into place...... I do have to say this though, when I go back home and "run into" people I knew from back in the day and they see that I am 25, have a beautiful 10 year old daughter and another beautiful 4 year old daughter and I am a RN, and going to pursue my Masters to be a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner..... its priceless... and even though with my struggles I'm doing better for myself than most of them! I have had to work EXTREMELY hard to get to where I am and I am proud of myself. At the end of the day it doesnt matter what other people think. Do what makes you happy!

V.,
I hear what you are saying, and to a degree I agree with you, but I wonder how differently you might feel about this issue after a few years. When I was 19 I was in a stable relationship with the man who would become my husband. We knew we wanted to get married, but we also realized that we were very young, and that it might be in our best interest to wait a bit. Could I have been a mother at 19? Yep. Would I have done a reasonably good job? Yep. But looking back at myself at that time, I am so glad that I waited. The fact is, that despite having my act together, being financially independent, responsible, etc. I was still 19, and I didn't know what I didn't know.
I have another perspective on this issue, that of a child born to a young mother. My parents were 19 and 20 when I was born. They did the best the could do, and had a lot of support, but I can confidently say that they were simply ill-equipped for the job. I spent much of my own childhood picking up the slack my parents left with my 3 younger siblings. By the time I was 18 I had been an adult in most senses of the word for years.
I do agree with you that age in and off itself is no guarantee of maturity, we all know people in their 30s, 40s or 50s who still behave like children most of the time. But in general, people do mature with age. Certainly partying through your 20s doesn't make you a better parent in your 30s, but living through your 20s will teach you things you can't even imagine at this point.
I applaud you for having your life together at such a young age, you sound very responsible. When I say these things I don't mean them as a criticism of you or the life you have chosen. I just wonder how you might feel about all of this in 10 years. I know time has changed my perspective in ways I couldn't have predicted.
All the best to you and your family.

I see your point. I believe it is very possible to have your life together where your in a good place to become a mother at 19. Its all in what you want out of it. Some 30 year olds do not need to be mothering a child as they act like a child themselves. It's different with each person and situation. Kudos to you for being mature and taking care of you and yours :)

V.,

You seem very independent and mature for your age. You must be a first child :-) Anyway, you are offended because you are not the "typical" 19yr old. You are the exception and it is great that you have all this going for you. Experience and age are two separate things. So is responsibility and maturity. Right now you are VERY responsible, but as you age, you will realize that the responsibility gets OLD and you just want to stop being responsible for anyone and anything and just LIVE...I think that is why those who are older feel that it is too young to start your journey taking on so much...When you get to 25 and have been doing all this for years, you are going to get tired and wish you started later...and so it is at 35, 45, etc...then you will want to evaluate YOUR life and see what you missed out on in your life doing things for others so early (your child, your husband, etc). If you are pursuing the right career in school and comfortable with that, then you can safely say you are on the right track. Let's hope you don't get tired of your husband and child at 35 and start acting like a 19yr old again feeling like you "missed" out on something. I think that is what the stereotypers are trying to get at. All the best in your endeavors.

I got married when I was 20 and had a baby when I was 21. I have a sister who got married at 18 and had her first at 21 and another sister who got married when she was in her late 20's and had her first when she was 35(when I had my 3rd!) I was always calling up my first sister and asking her advice, now my oldest sister(the one who had her baby at 35)calls me up to ask me advice! :)
It's true though, when you look or are young, people look at you different. For some reason, my family always looks young- so I have always gotten a lot of comments on how young I am to have so many kids. I think 6 by age 32 isn't that unbelievable. But I remember when I was 25 and had 3 and there were people who thought I was 16! heheh! I didn't think it was so funny then.
I think different people are ready for different things at different stages in their lives. It used to be more common to be married and setting up your own household at 18 and I think most people are perfectly capable of doing so if they wanted to. But now there are so many other options that getting married at 18 is thrown to the back burner and almost classified as "a waste"- which I think is wrong. I think waking up at 25 and realizing you havent' really done anything with your life for the past 5 years is a waste!
I think you are doing a great job! Don't worry much about what others say- you will always get that- just learn to let it slide!
~C.

I got pregnant at 18 had my first daugher at 19, and I was 21 when I had my second. I don't care if your 18, 28, 38, or 48, when you have your forst child it is SCARY. And NO ONE in this world can re "ready" for that, ya so what some of the "older" moms may have read books but if books were SO great why do we have sites like this? because childern cant be raised by a book! We learn WITH our childern and we also GROW with our children. I have absolutly NO regrets about having my girls early and its no ones business of my situation at the time. V. don't feel like you have to explian yourself or your choices to anyone. as long as you know in your heart you are doing right by yourself, your child and husband, who cares what "everyone" else is saying.

I am 19 and guess what I have 2 kids :) I myself have a great job, go to school full time and have tons of time with both my little girls. I grew up when I was 14 and though some people make horrible judgements about me they dont know my story. I married my high school sweet heart a little early bc I got pregnant my senior year (I was also taking care of myself finacially and emotionally) we got married the minute I turned 18. My husband works full time and we spend all out time with our girls and each other. He is the light of my world (so our my girls), but to make my point People grow at different times (and though I dont condone a girl getting pregnant in HS) I know it is possible to make a life for yourself and STILL enjoy your younger years. If ya want send me a message and we can talk. :)

Hi V.,
Thank you so much for your post. I whole-heartily agree with you. I'm all for teenaged pregnancies...for young women who are married. I think people wait way too long to marry today. I think that we, as a society, delay maturity and responsibility too long. I know plenty of young ladies who are way more ready at 19 to be wives and mothers than most of society are at 30.

Stereotyping will always be with us and will never go away. I'm sure you are guilty of it as well.
When you are in the decade of your 20's many things that you believe right now will change. It is a decade of maturity. Those of us who may have responded to the post you are talking about are probably all speaking from experience knowing how much we changed ourselves between the age of 19 and even 25.
Mark my words. You will see. And you will understand where we are coming from when you get old and wise enough to understand.

I have 3 children, my first was born when I was 21, no doubt in my mind that I love him to pieces or that I was /still am the best mom I could be but I have gone on to have two other children my most recent being when I was 32 and I have to say I KNOW I am a much better mom NOW than I was when I was 21...it has nothing to do with not wanting to be a mom, I Wanted very badly to be a mom at 21...but life experience and of course maturity makes me a much better mom now...not to say this is true for all young women, but I think most mature older moms would agree that being a little older can only help. I am not trying to be insulting at all, I am merely saying this has been my experience. I have also worked as a daycare provider and seen many younger moms and they have warped priorities and they do not even see it in themselves. I think as with anything that it depends on the person and obviously some people are better suited to be parents than others, really age is just a number and everyone is their own person.
I think when you are on a site like this you will run into very opinionated or even judgmental people because we are passionate about our children and our beliefs as to what is right regarding bringing up kids, I do not see that it is ok to not be supportive or to be insulting, I really do believe if you don't have anything nice to say that saying it through the anonymity of the internet does not just make it ok.

You sound much like me when I was 19. You should stay confident in your abilities and try not to take the comments personally. The odds are against you being a responsible parent the younger you are, it's just math. People will make assumptions. It sounds like you have beaten the odds.

you sound very responcibl and I'm glad that life is going how you planned but.....im sure you know some women at your age that you went to school with that if you heard they were preggos you would think wow, what a trainwreck.

keep doing what your doing it, it seams to be working for your family and that is what's important.

I was married at 28 and had my first child at 29. I waited because I personally and financially wasn't ready for a child. I don't think it's the whole "age" part that matters but rather the situation you are in. I think you and your husband seemed ready for a child and I think you'll be just fine!!

I was a teenage mom, I wasnt ready but I was willing. And even though I was a teenager I still put myself through school and college. I had another child to. I had 2 children by the age of 20. I was strugling, no car, took the bus everywhere. But I did it. And yes I got looked down on, even some of my family didnt want me around. So So sad..they were....I wish I did things different so my kids could of had more. But we were together, we were never hungry or dirty, always kept up on everything a mother is suppose to. We even had family day on sunday, I would spend the whole day playing, going swimming, skating, parks, something different every sunday, That was my day off and I made it special every week. So now I am a young grandma of 2, and I love it. I will be able to see my great grandkids to.....how special............you go girl and dont listen to what people say. I never did, I didnt have a husband to help but thats the way I wanted it...we are all just fine now...oh I did have a 3rd child 11 years after my others and when she grew up I adopted a boy.....its great to be a mom.....

If you want to have a baby and you and your husband feel ready, then do it. I got pregnant at 19, but my husband and I both had jobs, we own a house, never late on payments....etc, etc. My son is now 20 months and I am 30 wks pregnant with a girl now. I just turned 22, and we are doing just fine financially. I know where your coming from though. My friends that don't have kids don't understand why I never want to party or why I cant drink every night. It gets old. Kids come before things like that. Your best bet is to ignore what people think. I think people will always look at young mothers with disapproval but sometimes it takes having a baby to mature.

Everyone is different, Every situation is different, what is right for one person may not be right for the next.

I just wanted to share my situation with you. I graduated early at 17, immediately enrolled in college, graduated, and was working in the medical field at 18. I then advanced at age 21 into teaching my trade. I was horribly stereotyped at every job I had for my age. Skip forward to age 26. I had been married, got divorced, made money, lost money, I cared for my ill parents, I went out only after I finished my responsibilities for the week and I got pregnant with my boyfriend who is 35. Now here's a little fact before I say what I am going to say...I had a good mixed age of students in every class I taught. Some very old, some very young, and every age in between. Some classes would have more of one age group then the others.
When I got pregnant, and announced it to my class (sort of had to because I would throw up non-stop), they were all shocked that this was my first child. I got numerous comments about "why did you wait till you were so old?" "how sad, you will be old when your kid graduates." and so on.
Wowzers......I never thought 26 was old. I feel like I have been on both sides of the fence regarding your post. I too felt that stereotyping regarding age, but I also was bashed for being "old" for having a baby at 26! I personally think this was the perfect age to get pregnant..*for me*. Maybe not for anyone else, but for me. Would I have wanted to do it when I was younger, no. I was focused on too many other things, mainly my sick parents, working full time, and having a stressful/overwhelming job..oh and a bad marriage, and honestly it wouldn't have been fair to have a child then.
I am glad I waited until 26 (well technically I had turned 27) to have my baby. I don't feel it was too old, or too young. It was just right *for me*. Did those years give me a better prescpetive on life, yes. I went through a lot. Did I gain life experience yes. Do I feel I am a better mom for having experienced those things, yes. But those are my personal experiences. Maybe you have your own at your age.
Whatever you feel works for you, works for you. You will get backlash for anything in life, having a child at your age included, have a child at my age included. Just like anything else....ignore it and live your life how you want to. =)
ADDED: I forgot to say I have no clue which post you're talking about. I do hope whoever it was got some help for whatever it was they were posting about.

You are the very tiny minority of teenagers that have their act and finances together to have a child or children.

The story of teenagers who get pregnant USUALLY is the story of an unplanned pregnancy, not married, unfinished education with no bright prospects in the near future because they are going to have to work extra hard to accomplish their goals.

The women who post answers that you object to so strongly are just suggesting that it may be easier to have children when you are older because a person does have more experience and likely more education. Their prospects of a solid relationship and their financial picture is more likely brighter.

It's great that you are committed to your child and husband. It's great that it is working out for you. Being a mother is extremely challenging whatever age one gets to experience it.

The opinions you are reading that you object too are just that opinions. They have lived longer; their opinions have the weight of time and experience with them. You will understand this when you are older.

I personally am glad that I waited to have children until I was in my thirties. My husband and I are graduates of college, own two houses, we can afford to have me stay home and our children attend private schools. All this is possible BECAUSE we waited to have children and worked our butts off when we were younger.

Oh for goodness sakes! Why is it wrong to be on WIC? Because WIC is using OTHER people's money. Why populate the world with children you can't afford? WIC should only be for mothers who find themselves in need but didn't think they would need it. If you are purposely having baby after baby and saying 'oh well, the government will take care of me...it's irresponsible!"

I got married when I was twenty four. The first thing my step mother in law said to me was to ask when I was going to have a baby. My husband and I told her that it would be after we finished our post graduate programs, after we had good paying jobs and after we bought a house. She said we were selfish. I then told her that I wanted to be able to pay for braces and whatever else my children needed, not wanted but needed. Guess what? My ten year did just need braces and my seven year old needed speech and OT. Kids are expensive and I shouldn't depend on others to fund their needs since I decided to have them.

I am sadden by your negative opinions of my feelings mainly because you think I don't think you are a loving parent. I have never said anything about you or a young mother's ability to LOVE their child. Of course, you love your child. All I am saying, is that one should want to have the most resources they can have in order to help their child reach adulthood. Teenagers tend not to have these resources and again it is harder to obtain them.

You original question said that we could disagree with your viewpoint, but by your eye rolling and sarcasm, I have found that to be a lie.
Good luck.

I don't know if it's a matter of age so much as level of maturity and sense of responsibility. You sound like a very mature level-headed young woman. You got some job skills, you are married, and are planning on having a child...this is different from someone who is 16 , 17, 18, very confused, no plans for the future, trying to be with someone who is barely an adult themselves, and finds themselves getting pregnant by accident - sometimes more than once.

I have many friends and family members in my life that got married and had children at a relatively young age - and they are all doing fine. I think what worked for them was still getting a college education, and coming from really strong supportive families. They had a good "blue print" to work from when it came to raising their own families.

Obviously this does not work out this way for everyone. My husband got married to his ex-wife when she was 19 and he was 22. They thought they were getting married for the right reasons, but really they were not. Basically, she just wanted to be able to live apart from her parents and have her own life where they could not tell her what to do. She didn't bother getting an education beyond high school because she felt she did not need it. She started pushing to have kids 3 years later, mostly because she felt like their marriage was not working out well and having kids would fix it. Big mistake. They had their son, then another son by surprise a year later. She loves her children more than life itself and she will tell you that they are the best thing that came out of their marriage, but even she will admit that they had kids for the wrong reasons. They were married 9 years when they separated and ended up divorcing. She was 29 and had decided she wanted something different out of life. She's a good person and a good mom, but her life is not what she pictured it to be. Maybe if she had waited, had not gotten married, had gone to college and gotten an education for herself, her life would have turned out different. Sometimes what you want at 19 is not what you want at 29.

It took me 7 years of college (including veterinary school) before I graduated and spent a number of years getting my career established before I met my husband and got married. I didn't have my daughter until I was 35. And I have no regrets - I know I did what was best for me. I had not yet met my husband when I was 25, and we were not yet married when I was 30 and I was not having a child before I was married. We wanted to be married a few years at least before trying for a child of our own. I've had my years of fun and living for myself and now I am ready to be a mom. If something happened to my husband, I know that I could at least support us financially and I would not have to rely on him. In the end, I think everyone needs to do what is right for them and not worry so much about what other people think.

V.,
I think the best age for you to have a baby is an age when YOU feel ready, that includes, physically, emotionally and of course financially. At 19 you are already an adult, and you know how to live your life, there will always be others' input, and judgement, but ultimately who cares! whatever makes you happy will make those who truly love you happy too.
I was 23 when I had my first baby, and even though I was already married, I wasn't ready yet, and it was, still is difficult.
I am happy for what I have today, and still miss the single life freedom I had before, but like you, I would rather be a mom than do many things single people my age do. I totally side with you.

V.:

Like noses or backsides - everyone has opinions.

No one can know for sure what the advice would be for someone off a few words or reading a blog. Knowing the person helps.

I know a young W. who had a baby at 18 and was more mature than a 30 year old W. I knew. It all depends upon your life and your maturity level.

My best friend was a grandmother at 40. It freaked her out. Now she's got two grandbabies and they are the love of her life.

I haven't walked in your shoes. I don't know your financial situation. Kids especially babies are expensive. If you can do it without living off WICA, foodstamps and welfare - GO FOR IT!!! But if you have to depend on WICA, food stamps or welfare - you are NOT ready to have a baby. This is MY opinion.

In regards to the question you are referencing:
I just wonder how everyone would feel if the situation was reversed. If a 39 y/o woman had just miscarried and wished to conceive, and the response was, "You should take it as a sign", or, "Your body is just not supposed to", wouldn't it be offensive?

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and being young has its advantages. I'm sure you have much more energy than I do, but experience and age also has benefits. My aunt married young and had 3 kids by the time she was 24...she and her husband were married 50+ years and all 3 kids turned out great. But, being young your perspective is different. I remember being your age and thinking I knew so much...now that I am older, I feel I know less and less everyday! I don't think I have changed that much and I am not sure where the last 20 years went, but I do know that when you look back in 20 years, you might have some different insight than you have now.

I think some women are just judgemental and think things should work a certain way, but I think the bigger reason for all of the responses on the previous post has to do with moms themselves feeling like they missed out on something, and are trying to save someone else from making the same mistake.

Once you have a child, your freedom (financially and physically) is definitely restricted! It's just a fact, and I think some moms would look at an 18 year old and think, wow, WHY would you take on this HUGE responsibility, when you have the opportunity to travel, get an education, and enjoy your freedom, and you still have YEARS to have a child while you are still young.

I got pregnant with my first at 26 and I felt very young....I had only been married 10 months when we had our son. In some ways I do feel like we didn't get to experience "us" for long enough, and we certainly don't have the money or time to travel and live extravagantly and go out dancing or dining! But I LOVE LOVE LOVE my life and my children, and I figure we can get to all of that once they are grown :) Life takes you where it's supposed to and you have to live in the moment with no regrets.

But I do think a lot of women are trying to help when they say "you are too young"....? Maybe :) Or they are just witchy and jealous of youth haha.

K

From the sounds of it you are very mature for your age and I'm sure you are a loving parent. Besides you planned it, regardless of age you wanted this and prepared for it.

My parents and sister both had kids young, starting around your age. While you may be young and will possibly struggle financially from time to time, you will be young with them for a long time. When they are grown you will still be able to connect and go out and physically do things. We do with my parents (when we visit, we live 2 states away).

My husband and I on the other hand waited until our mid 30's to have kids. We have the careers in place, a home, financial stability, etc. But we are looking at the long term and when our kids are in their mid 30's we will be 70. My husband went through this with his parents. They both passed at age 70, 3 and 7 years ago. We are too young to not have his parents around. It scares us that this could happen with our kids and we want to be their friends/companions and do things with them with out health issues.

We originally were going to have kids a few years sooner but his parents health took priority for a while.

Don't worry about what others think. There are 19 year olds that I personally know that dumped their unexpected kids on their parents for their parents to raise so yes there is that mentality and stereotype. From your post, you sound like one of the few in your age range with a strong head on your shoulders and you two know what you want in life and marriage. Enjoy yourself and your family and don't let what others think affect you.

I am a late responder and a late life mom (started at age 39), but I think I would have done fine at 18. Not so much at 25. But if I had started parenting at 18, then I wouldn't have been who I was at 25!

This is so dependent on the individual. And as for what you "miss", well, I didn't miss ANY of it, and honestly, and the ONLY parts that I think were WORTH doing were these: dancing and going out to hear great music and going to art openings whenever I wanted. The rest wasted as much time as TV. The other things that I like to do (paint & write) that I can't do much of now that I have kids could be done at 40 just as well as at 20.

Anyway - all this is just MY opinion. I am certainly more patient now than I would have been then. But I would have had more energy to play then. So it's half and half, you know?

I wish you the best. And know that while many olders moms know WE are better parents than we may have been at 22, we don't all think YOU would be. The 2 BEST Moms I know are in their 20s.

p.s. I have ALSO heard people say it's irresponsible to get pregnant older than 35. SO...you know, people can judge in any direction, if they are so inclined.

I think you sound like you've got a great point:). I was on my own at 18, married the love of my life 7 1/2 years ago at age 20, and had our first child right after I turned 22. I wasn't quite as young as you are, but the sentiment is still there. Honestly, I'd rather play with my kids than go party...I don't even like alcohol:).

I got married at 22 and we had our first child at my age of 25. Honstly it was hard! Having a child, going to school, maintaining a house and being a wife. But that's just how I feel about it. Obviously you are a very mature 19 year old. I feel that it does depend on the person. If you feel like you are ready for that type of responsibility, it's up to that person! There are some 30 year olds who are not ready for that type of commitment! Now that I am in my 30's, and I look back on those earlier years, I wouldn't take them back. But I would tweak them here or there! You are 19, commited, responsible and have a lot of room for error and to grow. Having a family makes it sometimes harder but that's life. Its hard at any age!!! Good luck to you and your husband at your early start! Sometimes if you are mature enough then the earlier the better!!!

I think woman of all ages can be great mothers, and woman of all ages can be bad mothers. I think maybe the reason some say it is best to wait is either because they wish they had, or they know that they themselves would not have been ready. I waited until I was 25. I had been married for 5 years when I got pregnant with my first, and I am so glad we waited, but that is me. It does not mean I think you will be a bad mom because you are 19, I would have been as good of a mom at 19 as I was at 25, I just would have missed out on a lot of things I got to experience because I did not have kids earlier. We were stationed in Okinawa Japan, and spent our time scuba diving and sleeping on the beach under the stars, we could not have done that with a baby. If we had stayed stateside than our choice to wait may have been different, who knows :)

i had my daughter at 21, i was responsible enough but most arent. stereotypes are partially based on fact, everyone has to fight a stereotype or 3 no matter who they are. Im texan so i must be a beef loving, republican, damsel in distress with raw wood furniture, and a cow in my yard.........none of which is accurate

just like you dont party all night and pawn your kid off on your parents, but you will have to fight that young mom stereotype

Most 19 year olds arent financially or mentally ready for a baby these days................its awesome that you are, i was mature and set in life early too, but thats not usually the case.

I applaud you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Don't be upset because it's there right. I'm close to forty and when I had my child everyone was commenting as if it was so wrong to wait. Certain people were very offensive to my husband and I, but we chose to wait because it was our decision. We heard stuff like your not going to have the energy to play with your child. ( But I do!) When your child is 5 you will be.... and so on and so on. So basically whether you have a child early or late, certain people are still going to make comments. So your darned if you do and darned if you don't. Everyone have the right to make their own decisions on how they want to live there life.

I agree with everything you're saying. I believe it's the person, not the age that matters. No one's really "ready" for a child...nothing can really prepare you for something so life-changing. I got pregnant with my daughter my senior year and of course I heard alllll about it. I'm 22 now and I feel I'm pretty mature for my age....most girl's my age, like you said, would be partying, drinking, and all that. The problem I see with young people having children is that sometime's they're still in that "party stage". Some pawn their children off on their parents/grandparents so they can still have their childhood. I don't think people should judge on age...but rather the personality.

Updated

I agree with everything you're saying. I believe it's the person, not the age that matters. No one's really "ready" for a child...nothing can really prepare you for something so life-changing. I got pregnant with my daughter my senior year and of course I heard alllll about it. I'm 22 now and I feel I'm pretty mature for my age....most girl's my age, like you said, would be partying, drinking, and all that. The problem I see with young people having children is that sometime's they're still in that "party stage". Some pawn their children off on their parents/grandparents so they can still have their childhood. I don't think people should judge on age...but rather the personality.

k well I agree and disagree with you. Yes i do believe that some woman are ready for motherhood sooner than others and you shouldn't really judge them just by how old they are. Like in your situation it seems that you and your hubby thought things through and are headed in the right direction in life which is great. However there are other girls out there who are very young and get pregnant and don't have their priorities right. Like for example I have a cousin who is 19 has an 8 month baby and she just gave him to her sister to raise cause she is out parting every night. And her sister lives in a different state so it's not like she can still see her child at all. So when I heard about this yes I thought, "she's so young and has her priorities all mixed up...her son should come first not her drinking." And yes woman in their 30's and 40's also walk away from their children but most people believe that as we get older and we have spent more time in the world that we have more experiences and therefore learn more and can make better choices. I mean it's the same reason we have laws like can't drive until 16 or vote until 18 or drink until 21. It's because those are major decisions and shouldn't be made until we are older. I don't know about you but I don't care how matcher a 12 year old is I would never trust them to drive my kids around. You know what I mean? And it's the same for having kids. I got my period at 11 years old but just cause at the time I COULD get pregnant doesn't mean I SHOULD. That's the same for girls of all ages. And you know as well as I do that there are a lot of girls out there around the age of 18, 19 and 20 that are in no way ready for a baby.

Different people mature at very different ages. I know 35 year olds who are still too childish & selfish to be parents. You sound very responsible.

I had my first child when I was 25, but sometimes I think I should have waited, because you lose a lot of freedom when you become a parent. At the same time, I don't think I could have waited another second for my little boy!

i got pregnant at 18, and i was not ready in any way shape or form! i had my high school diploma and a job, i was in the middle of my party'n and fun. but i must admit that getting pregnant was the best thing that ever happened to me. i was 11 when my little sister was born, and as a big sister i helped mom with her, maybe this is what saved me, remembering everything from when she was smaller. but when i found out i was preggo, i stopped the party'n and drinkin and all the other things we do when were younger, i swallowed my pride and moved back in with my mom and step dad. im so glad they were there for me, i love them for everything they did. my mom helped me alot after the baby was born (he had colic and i had post partum very bad). Any way, i dont feel as if i have lossed my youth bc i was younge and had fun, but having a loving family means more to me than anything else. i am 22 now and pregnant with my second child, and there is a big difference in who i am now verses being 19 and delivering a baby. most people my age are worried about which bar there going to. i wonder which baby store has the best items? lol it doesnt matter how old you are, it depends on YOU and how you choose to raise your child. some people are 40 and are horrible parents. but when im 50 i dont want to be raising a pre-teen (like my mom will be doing). when im 50, me and my husband will be making plans for our retirement. making sure we are still in the right direction as far as early retirement goes. im proud to be a younge mother, it has made me more responsible at an earlier age, and had helped me with who i am and who i want to be :) best wishes for the two of you and a new baby :)

I think what some people are trying to say is you don't know if you'll regret your choices until you're older. No one can. Most teenage moms aren't ready for motherhood like you seem to be and certainly aren't ready to take care of themselves financially. You are in the minority. There are moms(and dads) of all ages that are bad parents, but I do believe that the more life experience(all experiences and mistakes, not just those that involve children) a parent has will help them be a better parent. That is why most grandparents are so awesome with their grandkids. They've had a lifetime of knowing what works and what doesn't, what to stress over and what to let go, when to step in and when to let kids make their own mistakes. Good luck to you and your family.

Im 20 with a one and a half year old daughter. No matter where I go or what I do im being judged because of my age. I did not plan on having children this young but it happened and I don't believe in killing an unborn child. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and he has a stable full time job where he makes over $17 an hour which is enough to support us and our daughter. I also do part time in home caregiving where I can bring my daughter with so that helps us too. Having my daughter made me realize what is important in life, and made me a better person. I no longer think about myself everything I do is for my daughter. Being a mother this young gives me time be a stay at home mom, when she starts school thats when i'll have time to do things. I love being a young mom. Most of the moms I know that are my age pawn their children off to friends and family and still think about themselves but we are the exception. No matter my age im stil a great mom. I cook fun, healthy meals, we go to toddler story time every week, we do crafts for the different seasons, we take nature walks, have play dates with kids the same age, go to the playgrounds, read read read!!My daughter can already count to nine (up to 6 in spanish), she knows the first 3 letters of her name, she knows her age (even holds up a finger), knows and says all the colors of the rainbow, talks in sentences, says please and thank you, says sorry if she accidently bumbs someone, says all of her body parts including chin elbow and ankle, she listens well and has been potty trained for 2 months now with no accidents. She is very smart even though she has a twenty year old as a mom. :p

I am so embarrassed...just posted something to your other question and did not mean to insinuate that 18 or 19 is too young (I didn't know that you were until I read this)...I think parents just are worried about their kids at this point...yes, everyone grows up at different rates and you definitely are on the ball and ready for everything that you have...but they just may not be ready to let go "so soon". In my case I didn't get married until I was 37 and had my baby at almost 38...my parents had way too long to worry about me. UGH

dont let it bother you. if you know you are being a good mom, then what everyone else thinks doesnt matter. if they arent judging you based on your age, it will be based on something else. thats just how people are. age is an easy one, most teenagers truly are too immature and selfish. but i know plenty of 40 somethings that are also. being defensive about it will only make people assume you have something to be defensive about. you sound really smart to me, dont worry about what everyone else thinks. also, you should realize that some people who you think are putting you down are probably really just speaking from experience, both as a mom who knows how hard it is and as someone who was your age once and knows how they were at that age (myself included, i was way too self involved and naive at that age).... but it doesnt mean you are. just like all the advice you will be getting, realize that you can learn from people no matter how old you are. some people are just nasty/jealous/oblivious, and some really do have something to offer. take what you need and leave the rest. best of luck to you.

you're right, it all depends.. young or old, like the mom earlier said, you can be a good mom or a bad one at any age. I am 27 and i have an 11 month old. Our pregnancy was not planned... I too partied through out my 20s , traveled, finished school and always had money to buy myself whatever i wanted. My son and being married changed my life, but exactly how i knew it would. I became the mom that i always made fun of... the over protective one. My tolerance level went sky high, which i had no idea could happen. My husband and I have no nearby family where we live, so finding a babysitter for a night out is out of the question. Do i miss it? No. Did my partying help me not miss it? WHO KNOWS. Would I have been ready in my early 20s to have a child? Maybe. I'm still the same person. I never did anything out there or never became "well known" around town. My partying was always mellow, I was always working and going to school. I guess i'm trying to say I've always been more mature than most girls at that age. And yeah, someone will always judge. But don't worry... a lot of parents and grandparents/great grandparents got married and or had children very young. Especially back then. It hasn't stopped.

HI,
I was ready at 18 to have a child, but I had no job, no money and I was in college. So I had a baby at 32, when I could afford him. And yes I wish I had him 10 years early! So I could enjoy him early, but I had a great life and now I have it even better.
It is every bodies choice and no one should be questioned!
I do agree with you, there is time when you should be a grandmother not a mother.

Maybe the tone you sense is worry or genuine concern that is just not being expressed very well. I think most mothers nurture not only their own child...But others around them. Once you start mothering it can be hard not to mother everyone and everything whether they asked for it or not. = )

So perhaps just assume good intentions and gently turn someone's perceived negativity around by saying, "I appreciate your concern but I really have a lot of great things going for me and my family. I am blessed to have an education and a supportive husband -- They help me be the best mommy I can be."

BTW -- Got married at 28 after being together 4 yrs and had our 1st at 30 and our 2nd at 34. And while we are doing a great job at the marriage-child-work thing...I know I will be even more supremely awesome at it next year and even better at it the year after that. Practice makes perfect ain't just a sayin'.