Kids Are Mean!

Get a babysitter for baby girl and go and sit there the whole time to stop aggressive behavior from the mean kids. If there is not enough supervision to keep the kid safe and happy, then find him somewhere else to go. Its an ugly world out there sometimes and he only has you to protect him.

As a former youth educator, I have seen kids be mean and it's disheartening when it is intentional...as it seems with your son.

I would first, talk to the teacher. If the behavior has been repetitive and nothing has been done then these, 'mean kids' are getting away with 'bad behavior'. When I was working with kids, it helped me to hear from the parents when they were concerned. Honestly, at this age I love seeing kids who can stand up for themselves, and use their words to express when they are being mistreated. It's the kids that are afraid to speak up, that I feel for, as they are picked on and intentionally singled out by others for most of their lives.

My son is 2 years old, and I tell him even today, if someone does anything that makes you uncomfortable or scared or mad you can tell them 'stop it, I don't like that'. I know he's young, but I want to start now telling him that he can come to me about ANYTHING!!! It's funny to watch when Grandma is tickling him, and he tells her 'stop Grandma, I don't like it' when he isn't in the mood. But, it's also empowering as a parent to know that he is going to be able to stick up for himself.

Make sure you have an open dialogue with his teacher, she may not know that this is happening. Ask the teacher, how they deal with discipline issues and what is the best course of action to take if it becomes a persistent issue with the same kids and your son. Usually, schools have escalation paths they take for this kind of stuff, and can help mediate these situations before parents who don't know each duke it out over their kids. If you know the mother, maybe casually ask if you have a chat about your kiddos.

It's worth taking action now, so your son doesn't get put off to school.

Good Luck.

Forgive me if I am repeating what other moms have already stated, but I've not read the other postings. I would highly recommend having an open conversation with his teacher regarding your observations and son's experience. If it's truly a quality school, they should be able to shadow the children more closely and intervene prior to these instances occuring, using it as a teaching opportunity for appropriate behavior of the children. If they are willing to engage as they should in that way, I suspect you'll see a big difference in the dynamics with the children. If this doesn't resolve the issue, you may want to seek out a school with smaller teacher/student ratios. Perhaps the teachers are trying to watch too many students to redirect behavior before it escalates.

I haven't even bothered to read the other advice for this one yet but I wanted to add my two cents.

When I was 6 I used to ride the bus to school. There was a girl on the bus that picked on me to no end. Where ever I was sitting that's the place she had to be and I had to leave. One day she tried again and I just wasn't gonna take it anymore. I punched her so hard she fell down and apparently that was enough for her and I never had a problem (with her) again. The moral of the story is: he will only put up with it for so long. My mom NEVER thought I would react to someone like that and to this day she tells that story with pride (I'm gonna be 30 in a month) ;)

With my kids, we had issues last year and I addressed it with the teacher. My daughter didn't have a clue but I told the teacher that she was having issues with a couple little boys (I named names) and had her just keep an eye on it. In preschool I think it's too young for them to bully but that probably means that those kids have a pretty rough home life if they are treating other kids like that. It's probably not even your sons issue at all, really.

One last story: When my oldest was in Kindergarten there was a little boy that tormented and acted out at the other kids all the time. I heard all kinds of stories about what this kid did all day. "Little Johnny" stepped on my fingers on the reading mat, he used the middle finger at the teacher, etc. At the end of the year all the kids in her class had a scrapbook made of their activities throughout the year. The parents were invited to come and sit with the kids to share their stories. I came and so did my ex. We were at the same table as "Little Johnny", whose parents didn't come. SO I swung around in my chair and told him to show me his scrapbook. I have never seen a child's mood change so drastically! He was delightful and sweet and soft spoken and LOVED showing off his pictures and projects. I think all he wanted was attention and someone to care. Sadly, he moved to a different school the next year.

Good luck with your kiddo!

Hi Jamie, I think you should talk to the teacher about what is going on, knocking blocks over is only normal for a child to do that has not been taught manners and kindness. and kids like your's are easy target for bully's. The not tattaling rule is not a good rule, the rule on tattaling in our home when our kids were growing up was, if what someone is doing can hurt them or someone else you tell. Teachers can't fix something if they don't know it is going on. when my daughter was 4 a boy punched her in the nose at pre school cause he wanted the trycycle she was riding, she didn't the teacher either, oh but I did, I was so angry I could have spit, so you go talk to the teacher before the bulling goes from knocking blocks over to maybe something physical. J. L.

My daughter was a sweetie when she was is preschool and she had some troubles with the other kids picking on her. Kids who spend long days in preschool and day care are pretty aggressive. They’ve done studies on this and found it’s proportional to how many hours a day they are in there. It’s like being in a large family, mom can’t watch them all time and it’s pretty rough and tumble. That’s true of preschool in general and you can’t keep your child from the general atmosphere found there. If you do, then kindergarten will be quite a shock for him. Your son will have to learn defensive moves and that includes telling them to stop and telling the teacher when it gets to be too much. You can help him decide when to tell the teacher by encouraging his telling you what is happening there. Truth is you will have to walk a fine line as a parent through out his days in school. You don’t want him to have unrealistic expectations of the kid’s behavior but, you always want him to know you will be empathetic and supportive. That you will take over and intervene if it becomes too much for him to handle. Listen to your son for clues, talk it out with him and ask him what he thinks should be done about the situation. It was hard to see my daughter dealing with more aggressive kids getting the better of her often. I put an immediate stop to it when they crossed the line and started pulling her barrettes off her head, hair and all. After that they weren’t allowed to touch her hair. Ask your son’s teacher how he’s doing there compared to the other kids. Sometimes all we get are the complaints, we just hear about the problems, when the majority of the time your son fits in well there. What you described there seems like a normal preschool behavior for the other kids. Stay alert to your sons over all feelings rather than specific ones which may be a passing phase. It that doesn’t seem good after a while pull him out and find another preschool.

okay...OKAY...so this totally breaks my heart for you and it's something I am dreading with my own daughter ( she is almost 3 and in preschool 2 days a week ). I get so mad when I hear this and then I want to punch someone in the face...LOL. Maybe tell the teacher so they can be on top of it?? Definitely tell your son to tell them to stop...( not punch them in the face HA! ...although when I read that I almost spit my coffee out laughing...I SOOOOOOOOOO get that feeling... ) If they won't stop then tell him to walk away? And if they follow he needs to tell a teacher. I think he is young enough to not be tagged as a tattle tale and maybe he will feel empowered /protected if the teacher gets involved? Where is the teacher when this is happening??? This is so hard b/c this is really where teaching him about 'life' begins..know what I mean?? Maybe if it doesn't get resolved you can talk to the parents?? God?? Maybe you'd get some insight into WHY these kids are behaving that way...UGH...

My best suggestion would be to talk to him as well as his teachers. I am in the classroom - granted with older students, but it is NOT possible to monitor everything all the time. Kids are smart - they know when you aren't looking.

I am sure if you let the teacher know you have some concerns, they will be addressed - good preschools readily deal with concerns - so be open and honest with them.

Also - I agree with most of the others - there is a difference between tattling and standing up for yourself. If other children are intentionally being mean - they know it and he knows it. If the situation is not addressed now - those are the kids who become bullys and their behaviors only get worse.

Good luck - I do really think it is best to speak with the teacher, maybe the other parents, and definitly your son. We all want our kids to have a positive school experience, but we also know teachers are human - they are not super heros - there is a reason we choose as parents not to have 15 or 20 children - it would be difficult for us to police everything - just like a classroom can be a challenge as well.

First of all, I wouldn't listen to the last poster, as we all know, as adults, that's not appropriate. Teaching kids ot handle these issues with violence is not good. She's obviously never worked in a kid environment because teachers can't police everything. I don't think your son is in a bad school.

Sounds like pretty typical behavior of kids that age. I think the best thing you can teach your son is to tell them to stop! Use his words. If they don't stop, he needs to tell the teacher. This is not tattling and I agree with the person who said teaching a "no tattling" can get over generalized with kids that age. They have to know that they can go to adults when they are being hurt or harrassed.

Good luck . I also have a 4 year old and am dealing with similar issues with the girls...only they are more verbally mean things.

Hi Jamie. I had the same situation happen last year to my daughter when she started a formal preschool. Up until then she had been toa homedaycare her whole life, and to be honest, she and her best buddy Brenden (the daycare providrs son) pretty much ruled the daycare. Then I put her in this new pre=school and the way ours is set up is that kids can start attending when they are 3 1/2. They are in the same classroom with kids that are 3, 4, and 5. The older kids are encouraged to "help" the new youger kids. This came across as bullying to my daughter. SHe was no longer the big fish in the sea. After a few weeks of listenening to her cry and beg not to go to school anymore because she was being bulyed, I set up an appt. with the teacher. We had a conference with the teacher, us and my daughter. We all talked it out, and the teacher didn't go and accuse any of the older kids. SHE did observe what kinds of interactions where going on, and reported them back to me. After a while, it worked out.
Things will get better, and you are doing the right thing. GOod job mom.

HI Jamie...I used to get picked on when I was little. Its because I was shy and not agressive and I had a very hard time sticking up for myself. Even now as an adult, I find myself shying away from confrontation rather than stand up to people. I remember as a child, I used to wonder why my mom didnt stick up for me more, so I told myself when my babies were little that I would never ignore them if and when they came to me and told me they were being picked on. Well it happened when my oldest was in 3rd grade only it wasnt another student, it was the girls mother. It so happened that this girls mother was "helping out" at school all the time and bullying my daughter and her friends. They had all gone to the same slumber party and this girl was sayign my daughter stole a dollar out of her bag. (Now I dont have "mom blinders" on either, I did ask her if she or her friends took it and I know they didn't) Now instead of calling me and handling the situation the adult way, she chose to be immature and go the the school and harass my daughter. I had enough and called the principal, the other parents, her and her mother to meet. Well I now know why this girl has so many issues with other children, her mother cried, threw a fit at this meeting,in front of all of us, we stood there and could not believe what we were seeing, the apple does not fall far from the tree! Well the harassment ended and I think my daughter got a sense that Mom is here for her and as long as she is not doing the bullying I will stick up for her, something I didnt feel as a child... If you need to go the school and talk to the teacher, other parents...whatever it takes, then do it!!! Good Luck, and let us know how it goes!

M.

Your son will need to learn to tell when he is being picked on as he gets older. My son had a similar situation at 4 and 5. He was very sweet, kind and loving and therefore somewhat a target to be picked on. He's not very verbal, and decided on his own (at 7)that the only way to stop the mean people was to beat them up. He was sent to the principles office, and spent a year with the child counselor learning how to tell the teacher what was going on. He also had to learn anger management so that when he felt picked on he could calm himself, think and react appropriately. He's 9 now and sometimes is picked on, but now goes straight to the teacher or principal and tells them who, what where and when. So that it can be dealt with.

BTW I totally understand the no tattling rule with three so close in age the tattling can be never ending. Mine are 9,9 and 10. When they they were little and tattle on each other, I ask them are you trying to get brother in trouble? If so you will be the one in trouble. They now work most of their issues out on their own, before tattling. But its taken years!

Jamie,
When my son was in preschool he was always the biggest guy in school but he was the gentle giant and therefore was shocked to have kids do mean things to him or anyone else. Rather than him hitting back (which I completely feel you on) he would come home and tell me. I went to the head teacher to talk the situation over with her and the mean things stopped. I think by me bring it to her attention help to open her eyes that it wasn't just happening to my son (I am guessing it is not only happening to your son either) and she was able to fix it without the kids becoming tattle-tales.
You did a good job with your son and he absolutely deserves a safe and fun school setting.

Good luck

I have seen your posts before - we have the "same" kids as far as the ages go - lol. My son started preschool a couple months ago also and is also very timid and submissive to anyone besides his sister. I have found that over time he has started to have much more of a "voice" with other kids. In the beginning he would tell me about kids who were not nice and I told him to tell them to stop, and if they didn't then to tell the teacher. He has never had to tell the teacher b/c fortunately him telling them to stop has been enough to stop the behavior so far. You have done a great job raising your son to be kind and play well with others, and sometimes you just have to chalk it up to those bratty kids' parents not doing their job. Sorry if that is offensive to anyone but I think that kids who constantly misbehave are just looking for the attention that they don't get at home. I think it is totally ok at this age to have him tell the teacher if the kid will not stop. Especially the sand thing - thats just so unnecessary. Good luck to you and congrats on your baby! Mine is 9 weeks - it has already gone so fast :(