Job Advice: Am I Too Sensitive?

If you were doing costume sizing for a performance, I would cut her some slack. She is probably very, very stressed and just isn't her best. I know when I get stressed, I can have a very short temper. I don't mean to be insensitive, but I'm not as good at being patient.

I've worked for crappy bosses and it just sucks. My method of dealing with it is to remember that its a job not my real life and I'm just there for the money, While its nice to have a friendship with your boss and coworkers its really just about making money so you can do the things you want with your family and friends.

If everyone has been there a long time then she's not use to giving basic directions as to how to do things. You need to be able to stand up for yourself and ask for help when needed or ask for clear directions.

Some people just aren't very warm and fuzzy in their delivery. It would be good for you to respond when she snaps at you "why did you do it that way" with a strong, positive reply such as "this is how I thought it should be done, would you like me to do something different going forward?"
Obviously if her style is something you have a hard time working with you should be actively looking for something else. Feeling respected in the workplace is a big part of job satisfaction.
As far as being sensitive, that's okay, you just need to learn how to separate less than pleasant criticism from a personal attack. Her style is probably not about you at all, especially since she gave you a good review AND a raise.

I think you will need to be more assertive with her. Some women think they have to be brats to be taken seriously as a boss. She might be one of those. I have a boss like that before. I finally stood up for myself and it made a world of difference. I'm not saying for you to say "listen beotch you aren't going to talk to me like that".

When she asked "why would you do it that way"? Answer her as to why you did it that way. You could have said "well, since I was given no direction, I looked over this project and felt this was the best course of action. From now on, I now know you prefer it that way. Lesson learned".

It is difficult being the new woman on the block. Since your review went well, I don't think she is unhappy with you, I just think her management style doesn't mesh with yours. Short of finding a new job or talking to her, not much you can do.

There are definitely better (kinder) ways she could have communicated with you that they way you did the sizing wrong. No doubt about that. This is her way. You don't have to like it, but you would be wise not to take it so personally. You need to chage the way you interpret her words. She criticized the way you sized the costumes. She didn't criticize you as a person.

How do you work with someone who flies off the handle? You calmly step back and say to yourself, "She'll get over it."

I've worked for amazing bosses, and I've worked for pain in the butt bosses. One person I work with right now is a big 'ole pain in the butt. He gets ridiculously mad about really irrelevant things and tries to control everyone around him. It doesn't work! And those of us that work with him all agree that he's the problem. But he's still here, and I have to either accept that or find another job. No job is perfect, and I really like my job (other than him). So when he chooses to be a little poopy-pants baby, I just let him. And then I remind myself that this is his issue, not mine. Either he'll get over it or he won't, but I refuse to lose sleep over it!

Don't get me wrong, I'm only human. There are a couple of times every year that I actually do lose sleep over it. He can get under my skin just like anyone else. But I really do try to keep that attitude. He's not worth it!

i don't know if you're too sensitive in your overall life and personality, but you are certainly too sensitive for this job with this boss.

but take heart. it's fixable.

you had a great review and got a raise, so you know that your work is good and that she has professional regard for you, even if she doesn't express it well.

she clearly doesn't handle stress well or understand how to give instruction, direction and correction to a subordinate. but you can give HER instruction on how to treat you by how you respond.

a great response to her snappy comment over the costume sizing would have been a calm, 'you have a different perspective because this is old hat to you and it's all new to me. if i'm not doing it correctly it's because i need more training, not because i'm stupid. i look forward to us taking the time to go over this thoroughly so we're both confident that i understand it completely.'

90% of the time something like this will rein in the blunt force of a tactless personality and get them to re-evaluate (even if they don't admit it.) and what you want is better treatment, not an apology, right?

practice. give yourself a series of scenarios in which she has treated you poorly and think of better responses. use a mirror, or your bestie. i think you'll be very surprised at how much better your boss interacts with you when you push back courteously but firmly.

and if it doesn't work? she's just a cow and you need a different job.

but i think this is a situation that is custom made to help YOU be more assertive and raise the bar for how you allow yourself to be treated overall, not just with her.

go get her!
khairete
S.

does her moodiness have a pattern? like the week before performance she could be particularly grouchy? or is more monthly in that she is suffering from pms or pmdd and you aren't close enough to her to know that is her issue?
is there a pattern?
you had a good review so you must be doing something right and doing good at it to get a raise. i know i get impatient, and irritable at a certain time of the month. despite being on a pill that cancels my period, i still get moody from it! but only my immediate family ( mom and hubby) know what my deal is, and they will call me out on it too.. but anyone else won't know why i am suddenly short tempered and snappy.

Some people are bad at delivering constructive criticism. It's an art.

I assume that's what this is. She gave you a good review.

Remember - she's not going to be warm and fuzzy with you. I think you are bothered by the fact that is closer to others. Don't take that personally - aim for her respect.

ETA: I read back to your other question.

So you have the one administrative job, and the rest are teachers? So they have relationships with her and travel and you have a different kind of position where you take direct orders from her I take it?

You may very well have a different 'feel' to your job. That's been the case at a lot of places I've worked. Those of us in teams became close and it's from working together or sharing work experiences in common.

I think that I wouldn't take that personally. I also think that if your position involves doing things by the book, I wouldn't take offense (especially if you're only 90 days in and kind of on a probationary period that's just ending up). She's still kind of training you.

However, if this office vibe and your boss' vibe is not your cup of tea, look elsewhere.

A.

This isn't the job nor the company for you.

1. Yes, you're being to sensitive. Sorry. But I don't see her comment as nasty. Now, I wasn't there and couldn't hear her tone or pitch, but still, she has a point. Did you not look at the other chart?

2. YOU CAN go on trips. You just CHOOSE not to and use your kids as an excuse. Is your husband not capable of caring for the children?

3. The work relationships can take months to develop. You've been there 3 months, have they asked you to join them on trips? If so? Then you are NOT seeing that they are trying and YOU are the one holding back.

4. She's your boss. She doesn't NEED to be interested in you personally. She hired you to do a job, not be her best friend.

Please, get your resume polished up and get it out there - AGAIN. Figure out what it is you are looking for in your career. What is your dream job? Then find out what companies have that or better yet? Start your own company and be your own boss.

You're not too sensitive in being frustrated that your boss is a terrible supervisor. While it's wonderful to know that she gave you a good review and a raise, all that tells you is that she can, when planning to sit down with someone, organize her thoughts. However, on the fly and under pressure, she is a loose cannon. So she's not a good mentor that way. It might help to realize that, when someone flies off the handle, it's because, deep down, they know they didn't properly prepare an employee or give input. So, frustrated with themselves or maybe embarrassed in front of other people, they lash out at the employee.

So, you might consider getting ahead of this and asking up front if there are guidelines, a file from the past, or any specific directions she wants to give you (or someone else for you to shadow/consult with). You can actually use this example by saying, "Last time, with the costume sizing, you were not happy with the method I used. So, to be most efficient, what guidelines do you want to give me for this next project so we avoid mistakes?" Put that back in her lap but in a positive way for both the efficiency of the company as well as avoided frustration and misdirected efforts for both of you.

Where I do think you might be too sensitive is in the area of the socializing and trips that the others take. You're new, you can't go anyway, yet you seem to want to be invited and included. They don't seem to be welcoming. It's hard to tell if they aren't interested, or if you seem to be disinterested, or if they know you have young kids anyway, or if they are waiting for you to be with the company longer. They may be watching how you handle things with the boss too, so they know your style and also whether you'll be sticking around and can interact well with the boss on a social level (especially given the boss's personality quirks). Their continued employment depends on their ability to keep her happy, and maybe over the years they have mastered this skill. You're still new at it. So I think this part of your post does sound a little bit like the high school you mention - "the popular kids don't like me" vs. "that new girl wants to join our crowd." I think you have to set that aside - you says it's "fine" but it's really not. I think it bothers you, and it shouldn't, at least not this early in the game.

I am sure there is more to it so I can't tell if you are being too sensitive or not.

Next time just make sure you look at the chart for what you are doing it and do it that way even if you think you know a better way to do things. She may just be a difficult person to let people in. If you don't think you can handle her critique I would look for a new job.