Is This Fair to a Nanny

I think that if the kids are not at home you should not be paid for not being at work. That said. If you are watching extra kids you should get paid extra per child.

I think it does sound unfair and bottom line, they are using you. If this happens a lot, which it sounds like it does, then yes, it is unfair. I get a playdate now and then and would not have issues with that but to be expected to have extra work time and time again is not fair to the nanny.

I realize you are paid to watch 2 children and sometimes you do get a perk here and there when the children are away but that does not justify the parents using you for the same pay in my book.

It's sad that this was not addressed in the contract. How long have you been their nanny? Can this be readdressed per the contract without causing issues?

I think the parents should respect you enough to at least ask, which in most cases, you would probably say yes.

It is a touchy situation... best of luck working it out.

I do see your point, but I do think it should have been in the job description. I am thinking that if I went to the expense of hiring a nanny over putting a child in day care it is so that the child can have the same benefits a child with a stay at home parent would have. I always fingured a nanny was supposed to do the job of a substitute parent, as opposed to being a babysitter, so that would include entertaining friends. I would think you should be notified if kids are having company, but I am a mom and I am not always notified when kids are having company! To tell you the truth though, I do not find I have more work to do when my kids have friends over. I don't think you are being ridiculous, but I can see the parents side of it.

This is interesting as we've had a nanny for years and have hosted a lot of playdates. I have discussed it with them though and they all seem to feel it's actually easier as the kids then have playmates. Most of the kids are very well behaved too. There's one girl who can be a pain though and I do kind of ask or apologize for having her but like your employers say, the mother of this girl also hosts and gives our nanny time off by doing so. Hosting other kids is also an upfront/interview issue. I make it clear that it will happen and is the nanny ok with that? Everyone has been... At 9 and 11, I'm surprised that it's an issue for you. Don't they just go play? I can see an extra 2 toddlers being hard but at this age, (mine are even younger) having friends over usually means I can do whatever I need to around the house. If it means serving lunch, I try to have something easy for the nanny like pizza to warm up. We also have kids drop by a lot which I don't know about ahead of time but I want kids to come play. You may not be wrong overall but I have to say that it would be a big negative if our nanny started complaining about this. She's there to make our kids happy and if it means hosting playdates, then that's part of the job. If there are some kids who are poorly behaved so it's a constant battle during the playdates, that's different. The ahead of time notice may be your main issue but as a working mom, give her a break. She's working AND planning all the kids stuff. It's a lot and you're there to make her life easier - not to make her have to check in with you as she's juggling all these details... That's my opinion and again, it could be a matter of fit. I don't think we'd be a good fit even though we had one nanny for years and years and she hated to leave us bc we do treat nannies well. Another nanny who shared the job moved a few years ago and is still in touch. So I don't think I'm unrealistic. Oh - is this because you have a fun outing planned and then have to cancel it bc of a playdate? If that's the case, tell them. Otherwise, 9 and 11 year olds are pretty self sufficient so it'd strike me like you were being a bit lazy protesting having some friends over. Caveat to that is if you're not paid well. Our nanny is paid the same as someone watching 3 year old triplets and knows her job is pretty easy since the kids are much older. If you're paid less bc 9 and 11 year olds require way less supervision and entertaining, then you have more of a legit complaint IMO.

I think they can notify you, but I don't think you should be given the opportunity to say no. It's just like working in an office. Sometimes the boss has a surprise project for you that you don't have every day. It's just part of life. And think of it this way, if the kids are having friends over, they are being entertained by someone other than you, and they are 9 and 11, so it's not like you have to keep a constant eye on them. I'm sure they like to do their own thing since they aren't little ones. I think you are making too big a deal of it.

ETA: I think I may have misread your post, so yes, if you are being asked to just do 'child care' for other people and these are not playdates, yes, you should be getting paid extra for them by someone. I was under the impression that you were upset about playdates, but if you are watching other people's kids because the adults all want to go and do something, yes, there should be a different arrangement. For what it's worth, I usually added on $2 an hour per extra child, and then split the bill between the host family and the other family. (So if my base rate was $10 an hour, and two more kids were added, it would be a total of $14 an hour and each family would pay $7 per hour.)

So, yes, you aren't being ridiculous if it's the case that they are having you do care beyond 'friend playtimes'. Otherwise, their friends can get their own babysitters, or pay you.

Original post:

I was a nanny for years and while the kids had playmates from time to time, I never felt the situation was abused by the parents. Part of this was due to flexibility on both our parts (they had to cover days when I was too ill to come into work) and I had to accommodate the reality that kids *come* with their friends.

It was typically the case that the parent would either inform me "so and so has a playdate today from X to Y times" or would ask "So and so would like a playdate with Kiddo-- is there a best time that would work for you?"

Not to knock how you feel or your expertise at your job, but I found that playdates were a lot more work when kids were younger than five or so; older, it was actually less work. Just introduce the house rules, make a healthy snack to put out and check on them from time to time to see how thing were going and also if I needed to let them be or more them along to another activity which would work better for our situation.

So, saying this as a longtime nanny who developed some extensive and meaningful, good relationships with the families I worked for: how do you want to go forward? If the family is a good one, if you feel like you are being reasonably paid for your work (and really-- I have NEVER charged extra for playdates-- this is **part of the job**, not an exception)--if you value this placement, proceed with caution. I certainly charged for 'shared care' situations (where two families or more ask me if I will care for all of their kids at once as an official care arrangement), but I wouldn't have dreamed of telling parents "you have to ask me before every playdate, because it's more work for me". They'd have looked at me funny. If it's a big deal because of a conflict of plans-- and then, again, flexibility, you could say "Hey, I was wanting to take the kids to X, do you think we could coordinate so that we don't schedule a playdate for that day?" Otherwise, let it go or find another job-- and include it in your contract, if it matters so much to you.

Maybe I'm projecting our situation onto yours... Our nanny was told upfront she'd host playdates and was fine with it. Everyone I interviewed was as we all agreed after a certain age (5ish) it's mainly easier to have friends bc the kids just go play. 9 and 11 I'd think are a breeze to have friends over. We pay our nanny going rate as well despite older kids who are in school a lot, take care of many of their own needs at this point when home, aren't in potential danger all the time like a toddler etc. As well, our hosting versus our kids' friends hosting is about 50/50 so the nanny is getting about the same amount of paid time off when our kids are at friends' houses. So if our nanny was to complain that I wasn't ASKING her ahead of time when we're paying her good money to be there just as a SAHM would be, I would find a new nanny. Scheduling all these playdates is a huge pain in the neck already. Having to then check if it was "ok" with our nanny would be a deal breaker. My boss certainly doesn't check with me all the time! Again, maybe i"m projecting our situation onto you. Are you hosting 15 kids a week while your kids are only out of the house once every two weeks? Do you have to prepare extra dinners for these kids? I'm surprised you say you have to "entertain" kids. Don't they come over bc they want to go play with each other? As with any job, what you will and won't deal with is up to you. But I'd need more specifics as to how often this happens and if these stray kids (versus friends) are bratty and demanding before I fully conclude that I think you're being ridiculous. Basing my opinion on what seems likely - a couple of playdates a week with 9 and 11 year olds off in their rooms half the time - I have to say this wouldn't fly with me. And I've had very long term nanny situations. No one has ever quit on me or complained. In general I try to be very considerate. But as someone said, I'm going to the trouble of paying way more than aftercare at school so my kids have a more SAHM experience. I guess some SAHM's wont host playdates... But I would and do so expect that of our nanny as well. We did discuss upfront however. If you didn't, decide if you want to stay hung up on that point or if the job is worth keeping bc the good outweighs the bad. If it's just a matter of principal/professional respect, I'd get over it bc otherwise if I were these parents, I'd be po'd and find a new nanny. If the kids coming over are really difficult and more work bc they're constantly asking for food, expect you to dance on table to entertain them, then discuss it bc that's a different issue.

Are these play dates? Like 1 or 2 kids coming over for two hours after school? If so, then yes, it's part of your job responsibilities. I would think that the mom would at least give you the schedule in the AM.

If you are watching someone elses kid(s) all day - let's say mom had to unexpectedly go somewhere so she said- hey, can I have your nanny help out - then they should ask you and you should be paid extra by the other mom. I've done that before with a friend's nanny (who said yes, it's ok).

I'd almost expect that if you had to bring your kids to a play date that you would stay there to help watch your own charges.

Hope that helps.

I don't think it's an unreasonable request for them to give you the courtesy of notifying you when the situation arises. Would you say no? Probably not. It's a respect issue, more than anything else, so I don't think you're being ridiculous at all.

I guess it depends how often this happens.

I am also a nanny and I would definitely expect to be asked or at the very least notified ahead of time.

I know that you've tried talking to them before but I think you should try again. Just sit down and tell them that you need to be notified ahead of time if an extra child is coming over. Say that a majority of the time you will not have a problem with it, but also explain that there may be some days where you just aren't feeling up to having extra kids around - Maybe you are a little sick, or you got hurt and are very sore... Who knows? The point is they need to notify you ahead of time and if you say no, they need to respect that.

I think you are right. You are not responsible for watching other people's kids. Although it is true that you get unexpected time off, that's like saying, I pay for preschool and if I let my kids stay home, the preschool ought to reimburse me. If I take my kid out and they don't use the school's services for that day, I have taken it out of my own pocket to allow my kids to go elsewhere. The same is true for you since this is pure business no matter how much you like the kids. The parents should treat it as a business transaction. I think you watching neighbor kids once in a while, like all things that happen, is okay but they should not take advantage of it and if you have different ideas on it, it may be time to rewrite the contract. Maybe add a clause that for every day the children do leave, they are allowed to invite more kids over. Use a counter system somewhere in the house. That way no one feels being overused or underused. We do this sort of stuff for our kids (tv time, homework...etc). There's no reason why it can't be implemented in the work environment.

I don't think it's really fair if it's a routine thing, no. If the kids attended after-school daycare, the parents wouldn't invite other children for a playdate there. Just because the after-school daycare takes place in the family's home doesn't make it any less inappropriate, because you are a paid care provider contracted to care for 2 children.

That being said, if the kids have friends over only once in a while, it's probably okay (that's the benefit of having a nanny vs a daycare - it IS in the family's home), BUT the parents should notify you as soon as they are aware that the kids will have friends over, as in: "Betsy will be having Katie over to play next Tuesday after school. Katie's mom will drop her off at 3, and will pick her up at 5. Please plan to feed them a snack. Katie is allergic to walnuts." You know, the kind of information a care provider needs in order to be prepared for these types of things! Surprise kids wandering home from school with the kids you're watching would make me nervous if I were the nanny. (Do their parents know they're there? Do they have allergies? Are you supposed to help them with their homework? Feed them? Do you have emergency contact info for the parents??)

At the very least, they should let you know as far in advance as they know, and if it's happening all the time, you should be compensated for watching extra kids.

If it were an occassional thing, like once every 3 months, I would say that it's rude, but fair. If it's a 'lets go grab lunch, nanny can watch your kids while we're out', every few days, then no, it's not fair, and they should be paying you for the extra work.

Just because they have you locked in for caring for their kids, doesn't mean that you are locked in at that price for caring for the neighborhood.

M.

Hi, J.:
You have a job description?

This job description is your guide to be paid for services rendered.

If there is no job description, you make one up.

Create a calendar that includes pay for additional children to be watched.
Outline all scenarios and the pay scale.
Your job is a Nanny, not a babysitter.
Good luck.
D.

It doesn't seem fair to me. Is this just for an hour or two? or all day?

While I kind of "get" that you get unexpected time off if the kids go somewhere else, I think the fluidity of the children's time needs to be addressed. If you show up and all of a sudden have extra kids, maybe you can't do an activity you planned. If the kids stay through dinner, does that mean you feed them, too? Do you get to hold the line that 2 friends (one each) is OK but 4 is too many? Does this happen often and how long do they stay?

I would never assume that my child's caregiver wanted to deal with extra kids. I don't see why they can't talk to you about it. Just like they'd presumably discuss with you any other activities the kids are doing. The flip side is how do they handle when the kids are not home? Are you allowed to leave? Or are you still "on call" in case a kid comes home before the expected time or has an injury, etc.? Where does your responsibility end?

If this happens quite often, you may have to consider how much you like their POV or if you want another position. Or you may need to keep track and point out to them, "2 times this month one or both of the children went to a friend's house for an hour or two to play but 9 times this month there were extra children at your home for one or more hours. I need to revisit this with you, because the time off is not equal to the extra work."

I'm trying to think back to when we had an au pair....I don't think the kids ever had a friend over, though they sometimes when somewhere else. SD was only 7 so her ability to see friends during the week was more limited than SS who was 11 and might stop in on the way home to a friend's house where there was a parent present. The au pair was mostly for SD as she was not legally able to be a latchkey kid.

I think it is not asking too much to give you a head's up or ask. They may say, "It is really important to Suzy so I need you to pick Monday or Wednesday" but at least that would be communication.

You need double what you're currently earning-that IS FAIR. They're taking advantage of you and your good nature and love for their children. Occasionally having friends over is one thing-and a the last minute is ok-but this sounds unfair-and as the children get older-it will only increase. Good luck.

No, you are right. Out of respect for you, they should ask you if it would be ok for the kids to have friends over. I would never expect my babysitter to do that at all. And I think that if this were the case, I would probably pay her more, if
it is more trouble. Or at least give her a little thanks of some sort.

Completely NOT fair to you at all! That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard! When my nanny is in my house, she's responsible for my two children only. Neighborhood parents know that while I'm at work, their children may NOT play at my house. Alternatively, my children may not play at other kids houses because I'm already paying someone to watch them. It may seem strict, but it's completely fair. I have younger children (2 and 5) and they love their nanny time so it's not like they rather be playing with the nighborhood kids anyway.

No. For sure you should not be surprised with extra kids under your care!!

It is NOT ok for them to do this. Write it down in an email and say you are not comfortable with this and its not in your contract. You do have a contract right? They are forcing you to watch more kids than you are being paid for---not ok. Hope you get this worked out. Be firm and strong about this! Sending you positive prayers....I know its hard~

if it's an occasional "hey can Tommy come play after school" that's one thing but if it's "x" will be here every night this week" that is different. you should not be penalized be cause their child has a playdate. that is a choice the parent makes. you are contracted for those hours.

if you are not comfortable taking care of the other children say no. they should ask you. I say no more often than I say yes to the children I nanny for. but that's because I usually have activities planned.

Find a new fmaily and make sure that this IS/IS NOT a part of your duties.

I just can't understand how a family invites a nanny in and then treats her badly--SHE COOKS FOR YOU>>>enough said????