Would You Pay a Friend for a "Structured" Playdate When You Don't Need It?

No I would not, unless I were doing it out of charity. I try not to do things out of obligation, as that leads to resentment. If you dont need her service but want to help, maybe you could offer to help in some other way, like telling friends about it, or helping with the marketing or something.

Whoa! That is weird! As a new SAHM, maybe she's trying to start up a business at home and this is her (tactless) way of doing so. Not cool, imo.

I definitely would NOT pay for that. If it was something I was interested in and didn't already have a relationship with the woman I'd consider but that's a little much, If it was me I'd be a little appalled that she even wanted to charge you. If I was hosting something like that and my BFF was interested I definitely would not charge her.. especially for something that's been a standing thing. That's a little weird.

She's calling it a "playdate" but it's really child care. You have child care already, so I'd pass. Kind of makes it awkward going forward for the "real" playdates, doesn't it? If she asks if you're going to do the Pay-to-play, I'd just say, "Well, we have childcare already. But let me know when ________ would like to schedule another playdate. Come to our house this time!"

I'm sorry, I find that really weird! If your kids were playing "before" the flyer, they are obviously friends... My son's friends do playdates all the time... It's a way to have the "kids play and interact", I couldn't IMAGINE charging for it.... We swap houses.... I would be very turned off with that flyer, sorry~

I think this is separate from your children already playing together. It seems that what she is doing is offering a play-date with structured activities instead of just friends getting together. I think it is a great idea honestly, especially since it is once a week. What a great time for moms to get a few things done without the kiddos, or even just time to relax!

I would talk to her though, and verify that this is separate from your children already being friends and playing together. And certainly make sure that if you don't utilize her services that the kids will still be able to play together outside of the designated play-date times.

Personally, I would not be comfortable paying for a playdate like you're talking about, especially if you've already had playdates in each others homes. Although maybe she'll start paying YOU to have playdates with her daughter when she's in your home?!? Sounds odd to me. Good luck.

I wouldn't. And be careful, as here in my state insurance can be a sticky issue if you in another persons home, doing what could be considered unlicensed childcare or operating some sort of business of child care (where parents are not onsite and its a regular arrangement and money is exchanged). If your child got hurt (say they fell on the backyard play area and broke an arm..or fell inside the home on a wet spill in the kitchen and broke the arm). You go to the Dr and mention whats happened. It goes into the file. Your insurance could refuse to pay out on it cuz it happened in anothes home. Her insurance could also refuse to pay on it as it happend while she was conducting a BUSINESS in ehr home (not a personal thing, but a business). It happens all the time as insurance companies are in the business of NOT paying out on claims if they can easily find a loophole. Just a for instance there.

Aside for the potential legal and moral stuff (is she paying taxes on this income she is generating...I am particular about this!!)...I think its a cruddy position to put a friend (on any friendship level) into. To make you feel any pressure to pay for these play dates.

Just my 2 cents!

I don't see that you should feel any obligation to have your daughter attend this pay-to-play date, and no, I wouldn't send my daughter if 1) I already pay a Nanny, and 2) she has playdates outside of this opportunity.

Just my $ .02.

You should feel absolutely no obligation or guilt in this situation.

I think she has come up with a great idea for making some extra money.

Tell her you got the flier and you think it is a great idea and you hope she gets alot of takers. Kindly decline by saying that if you ever need her services that you will hit her up but right now you are already covered for childcare. Keep with the playdate exchanges. Let her know up front that you would like to keep the exchanges going because you enjoy having her daughter over to play.

I think it would actually become very uncomfortable if you did start taking part in her paid playdates. You would be paying her for playdates yet she would be sending her girl over for free.

Keep it a mutual friendship playdate only.

Good luck and best wishes!!

I think it is odd to ask friends to pay for a playdate, regardless of how structured it is. If she is starting a new biz, perhaps she should advertise outside her circle of friends so you don't feel an obligation. Just awkward.

I would not pay. I feel she is taking advantage of your friendship by charging what should be a fun and relaxing situation. Would she want you charging for her DD to come to your house and where would it stop? Would she then charge for just the selected times at her house or expect you to pay other times as well. I would not mix friendships such as yours and a business opportunity.
I think it is great she is trying to supplement and it would be ideal for another SAHM looking to do an afternoon of errands, but not for your situation.

She is not setting up play dates - she is starting a business.
I think you could tactfully decline, and add that you are happy that your children are friends and you will call her soon for arrange to have her daughter over for a regular play date.

I would not pay for a play date, especially since you do not need the childcare services.

Good Luck
God Bless

no I would skip it. I would not mix babysitting into this.

absolutely not obligated at all. If she is your friend already, no way. You have a nanny that can do crafts and activities with your child already. just plan playdate on other days.

I would tell her to skip it. It has been my experience though that anyone who talks about money really doesn't have much . It may be that she is doing this as a way to make some little bit of extra money. If you are doing it out of obligation though your not going to be happy with it. Just say no.

It depends on how much. If it is to pay for craft materials then okay. Actually still kinda strange but acceptable.

If she is doing this as a form of income then she should call it like it is, child care, kids afternoon out, or whatever. I think she is calling it a play date to try to be different and not to deceive. Still it is not a play date your child is invited to.

I just read your what happened: it is not going to be just your child there so it is not a real play date. I don't see why you think you already suggested this. I don't get why you don't just say I don't need your services how about the kids get together another day as a real play date.

This is not a playdate. She is charging for childcare, or a crafts class -- neither of which has anything to do with your needs. If her husband has family money, they are not impoverished, so this isn't a charity case.

I would say to her that you see she is starting a new business and you wish her well with it. You might add " I don't need childcare as I already pay for a nanny, but if you still have time for some regular playdates outside of your new business -- we'd love to see you and make some plans."

Just make it clear that you see a distinction between the two.

This is very strange. I think i would do the same thing your gonna do. I would be really offended but being the person i am i would still pay. I wonder what was going through her head when she decided to come up with this idea.

No way would I pay for it since you have had her over 3 times.
I bet no one else does either.

I might send my child now and then if she wanted to play with the other girl, but not necessarily during the structured time. That turns their friendship into a business arrangement.

Maybe they have debts you do not see, and that's why she comments on finances.

What she is doing is odd. I would hope that as friends you would exchange playdates for the sake of the kids' friendship. Any kind of fun or crafty thing should be for fun if anyone is generous enough or just feels like offering it. But I would not expect it, nor would I pay for it. I'd just say "no thanks"

I can see both perspectives. She's trying to be creative and make a little extra money. It's actually a very good idea but at the same time I can see why you'd be a little annoyed. She's trying to make money off something you guys are already doing for free. I'd let it go. I don't know if I'd pay for it or not. It would depend on our finances and if I really wanted to or not. I'd either just say no thank you, with no apologies or explanations, or I'd pay for one play date just to help out and show support. But I probably wouldn't continue to pay, in fact, I know I wouldn't. =) Good luck to you!!

I would pay if I take my child on that day, but I would not feel obligated to do that day either. I would just keep setting up normal play dates like you already do.

Jo is absolutely right. This is not a playdate, and she shouldn't be wording it this way. No, you shouldn't feel obligated. I do know of someone who does something like this. Not sure what she calls it. But she takes home 5 or so kids and takes care of them in addition to her own two children. She charges $5.

I wouldn't pay unless it was tax deductible...not wanted to sound brash. I can see if the money was to go towards arts and crafts materials and snacks like once a month..but..if your child already has other stuff going on, why are you even considering taking your child there in the first place?

I could see if they were down on their luck and needed the extra help...but you shouldn't have to pay for their bigger house and it's NOT your responsibility. Attending a friend's yard sale is a duty and responsibility.

Obligation? LOL..sorry but I have learned that doing something out of obligation only causes more stress and the only one who ends up miserable is you. I'd pass. The simple fact that you are not settled with this situation should tell you something....don't do it.

I agree with what everyone else says. I would just keep on asking for playdates with her child and see if she reciprocates without asking for a fee. If she is running a business that is a semi-day care, she probably needs insurance and I'm assuming she hasn't purchased that. Seems odd. A business is one thing but odd to charge for a playdate...

She is basically running a daycare of sorts. I would not do it because I felt
obligated. Why should you pay to have your child play with another!!!!!
Now if you need her services for an afternoon due to doctors appt. etc.
that is different. Very weird.

My sister pays to take her son to "play dates". It's considered a club/membership fee no different then you would pay for girl/boy scouts or gymnastics or Y membership. For the one group she is in it works out to be about 20 dollars a "date". For her it is important and worth it. For me . . . not so much.

So your paying your Nanny to sit and watch your daughter have a paid play date? I've never heard of this kinds thing.

I would not pay for it. You watch her kids too. I would not ask a friend to pay. I am about being honest with people. I would talk to her about it. She maybe going through some ruff times, however you shouldn't have to pay for it.

Don't feel obligated. If she is charging for a drop off daycare, and you don't have a need for daycare because you have a nanny, then don't use her service. If you normally reciprocate playdates, then this should continue. she shouldn't charge her daughter's friends to come over and play. That should be separate from her daycare business.

is it going to be like an inhome preschool, when you just drop the kids off?i do not think u will be needing it since u already have a nanny.

Is this a playdate or is it a crafts class? I wouldn't pay for the first, I would for the second. You say she's a friend. So talk to her and hash it out.

Are you required to be there during this playdate? It sounds as if she is offering a baby-sitting service(?) I would think that is independent of you having a playdate with her and therefore I wouldn't feel obligated unless you needed her, especially being you already have a nanny.

I know this was posted a long time ago.. But I saw it and thought I would give my two cents :)

It is really strange that you have to pay for your daughters to have a playdate. I can understand that you feel obligated to pay..But you shouldn't. You are already paying a nanny and you shouldn't have to pay for a playdate in the first place. If there are crafts involved, I could understand her asking fo ryou to pay for the supplies that your daughter would be using, but even then... Not so much. Is there a reason she can't go back to work? If she cant afford to be a SAHM, then she shouldn't be.

So, did you ned up paying her for the playdates?

I hope all worked out well :)