Inlaws Issues--should My Feelings Be Hurt or Just Get over It?

I would be miffed too, but what is there to do.
My inlaws care that my hubby remembered to give something, not that I remembered to go buy it for him to give.

I would probably send something fun like a candy bouquet or something and have it be from the grandkids.

M.

What a tool. It SHOULD have had everyone's names on the card. But it's over and there's probably nothing productive that can be done now.

I think you need to quit spearheading this and just do your own thing. They are all grown adults and should be able to come up with their own ideas for their own parents. If they want it to be all inclusive let them initiate it and you just participate. You have been part of this family for 20 years, why continue to put yourself through this torture. If you want to do something nice for your in laws then do it, but don't try to include everyone else. Then your feelings won't be hurt.

You've been in this family long enough that you knew on some level that you wouldn't get "credit" for this. Crappy? Absolutely. So, why do you continue to do this and expect to be acknowledged? Next time, just do your own thing and let the chips fall where they may.

I spent 30+ years spearheading every single event given for my MIL. I did this for her, for my husband, & for our children.

My MIL had 6 daughters....all living within 2 hours of her home. Year after year, my MIL spent Mother's Day & most major holidays with us.....because her daughters never, ever did anything for her. There were times when I felt such rage at their callous disregard of their mother! This was not a case of us sucking up all of her time...if we didn't include her in our plans, then she ended up sitting at home alone. Aaaargh.

I consider it part of my legacy that I did this for my MIL. We had many, many happy moments together. My sons have wonderful memories of our times together....& she always rejoiced in their antics. Soooo, keep making life happy for your MIL & your family......& forget all those evil ones!!

I would probably let this one go, but would follow-up with a phone call to your MIL asking if she liked the flowers that "we sent you" and Happy Birthday!

I think your being a little oversensitive, but understand your concern.

Why couldn't it be suggested or switched to

"Happy Birthday from your five kids and their families"

If the MIL is not the type to notice it, then let it go! No need to create drama where none exists. If you really care about her birthday, call her and wish her happy birthday--then she'll know you care whether your name is on the card or not.

I get it! I'd be upset too, but I wouldn't make it into a big deal now. Here's my solution when you call or visit your MIL for her B-day, say "How did you like the flowers we sent? Weren't they beautiful?" That will let her know that it was from everyone! Or give her a card from your husband , you , and the kids and write a little note saying you all hope she loved her flowers!

.

Let it go. Follow up and ask her if she loved the flowers. Any MIL worth her salt knows that when it's signed the 5 Kids she knows it's families included. Next time do something on your own.

I think the card should say "Happy XX Birthday Mom" from your family. If it isn't too late, make the change.

We women get the details, that's why your hubby is blowing it off. Your SILs probably feel that by saying "kids" she knows it means her kids and their families.

I can definitely see why this would be a problem. It would upset me. I don't have an opinion about whether it was intentional. I know how absentminded some of my family can be. But my comeback would be "How about 'Happy Birthday from Your 20 Kids!'" including spouses and grandkids. It would let her know she is leaving out a few people including yourself without having to directly point it out.

Dawn B. said it best again. Send a gift from your own family and that way you KNOW it says what you want.
They are lucky you remind them. My husband's family sees a gift or flowers, then runs to walmart or the gas station to quickly get something.
If I were spiteful, I would deliver a gift at the last minute;0)

I would be upset too. I know that my MIL has said many times how she loves having her whole family together again. She means herself FIL and the two sons. I try not to care about that, that is for my husband to be upset about, but if I was the ringleader in an event like that and was shoved out of the way, that would upset me. Did you let her know that the card makes it sound like the grandkids aren't included? I agree that it should have been from the kids and grandkids, but it sounds like it is too late. Can you do something extra from just your family if it is important to you?

I don't think that anything can be gained from holding a grudge, but it might be easier to avoid next time. If you call your MIL on her birthday, you could say, did you get our flowers? That way she realizes that it is from everyone.

I'd be irritated too, but try and take the high road. It was thoughtful of you to remember your MIL. If it bothers you give her an individual gift next year.

Every year my MIL thanks my husband profusely and effusively for his thoughtful gifts. (the ones I pick out, purchase, and sign from both of us- my husband is a terrible at picking out gifts and hates shopping). I used to feel left out but now I just think it is funny, and I'm happy she likes her gift. She is a nice person overall.

If you want someone to recognize your thoughts and wishes then you should send your own thoughts and wishes (which you ended up doing). Don't ask someone to do something and then expect them to think like you do and do it exactly the way you would do it ... and then complain about it. I hope you haven't been burdening your husband with all of your complaints about his family. Men do not need to hear that.

Is that all she's getting for her "big" bday? One flower arrangement from her 5 kids and grandkids? I guess I would let this go and do something for her from hubby, you and your kids. Why do you all have to go in on something? Just a thought but do something from just you and that will solve that problem. Good luck!

If you've been around for 20 yrs and say they always do this then you shouldn't be surprised. And really, sending flowers for a big birthday. You could have done that for just your family. It's not the "big" gift or idea I thought you were leading up to (not that it isn't sweet, please don't misread). From now on, let them fend for themselves and you take care of you and yours. Then you won't have this issue. :)

I think you DH isn't being sensitive enough. That is totally rude and if I were you I'd be pissed! Especially being part of the family for so long. I would have sent an email letting your SIL know that I was offended too. Another idea would be to get your MIL flowers from just you. Next time you knwo not to try and organize something with them, just do something from you and your DH.

Regardless of how long it's been going on there is no excuse for bad behavior, but unfortunately since you have put up with it for all these years there isn't much you can do about it now other than let it go, but now you know better for next time!

I would be upset too! I actually would've suggested "Happy Birthday from All of Us..." as a sentiment, that way, you are all included. Good luck!

I would just do my own thing. My BIL and SIL never do anything or invite her to come to their homes. She always comes to ours. I usually tell my husband if he wants to invite them let me know if they are coming.

Been married 24 yrs this summer and I am still "just a spouse". They have family business meetings and spouses are not included, etc. I just chalk it up to their ignorance and don't let it hurt me personally anymore. Years ago, I quit doing the "family" thing and just did my own thing. I called them all up and told them I was having a party for her 80th at my place-no discussion.
Do what ever brings peace to you and your children and the rest will go right over you.