Inheritance for a Grandchild

What do you mean "what's the right thing to do?" The right thing to do is whatever the grandfather chooses to do with the money. He can keep it and put it towards his own new hot tub if he wants to do that. He can make paper airplanes with $100 bills and fly them into the fireplace.

The daughter and her son have no say whatsoever. It's not the grandson's "inheritance" until the grandfather passes away and ONLY IF it's in the grandfather's will. If that money is in a bank account in the grandfather's name or a revocable trust in the child's name, that man can do whatever he pleases. He should never have told his daughter about the money in the first place. What a greedy woman she sounds like.

If he's not dead yet? It's his money. He can do with it what he wants with it. It's not an inheritance until he's dead. Right now? It's a GIFT.

He's "using" the money for a relationship. Sorry - money can't buy you love...

Who set aside the money? Sounds like it is the grandfather. If the parson setting the money aside is still alive it is not an inheritance and the money still belongs to him. He has the legal right to do whatever he wants to do with it. He can change his mind.

Under specific investments he may not still be in control but it's unlikely he did that. He would've had to work with an attorney or investment firm to set up a specialized account.

The granddaughter has the right idea. I would not allow someone to control me with threats to withhold money. I'd tell him to keep his money so I could keep my integrity and happiness.

If the same man that saved the money is the same man threatening to keep it away and he only set aside the money without doing some sort of legal steps then it's still his money. He doesn't owe anyone a thing. Sure..maybe with emotions involved it's a bit messed up if he was a horrible person and now expects sort of relationship. But if you know your rights..emotions do not matter.

Like right now I have money set aside for my kids and continue to put aside money every month. No papers are signed. Nothing. If they turn out to be dead beats..they are not getting a dime regardless if it was meant for them.

And I sure as hell wouldn't share the info that I even had the money.....

As Doris Day said..a lawyer should be consulted just in case

Money, power & manipulation....

The father is using his $5000 as a carrot to obtain the response (love) that he should have obtained in other ways (respect, love, understanding, acceptance).
What's the daughters price?
There's your answer.

It's his business to do whatever he wants with his money. He's allowed to change his mind, based on circumstances and new knowledge. Even if the grandfather is a jerk, the grandchild isn't entitled to his money.

No one is entitled to inherit anything from anyone. I look on any inheritance as a lucky gift, but I think people should spend their hard-earned money on themselves, if that's what they choose to do. Or give it to charity. Look at what Warren Buffet chose to do with the bulk of his wealth -- and his kids seem like really wonderful people, probably because he didn't raise them with an attitude of entitlement.

If the grandchild doesn't deserve the money, s/he shouldn't get it. Many or most young people won't be responsible with $5K, so it often should be given to them when they have matured.

I am not a grandparent yet -- but I won't change my mind on this subject. I wouldn't give $5K to a grandchild who didn't deserve it for some reason; I wouldn't even give my own children $5K without very good reason.

I think he shouldn't gift the money.

You don't kiss up for money. If the grandfather and parent had a bad relationship, that's their problem. But the grandfather is holding it against the grandchildren, that's HIS problem. He's going to do what he wants to with the money. So having the kids kiss up to him for it is just bad. If he leaves it to them, let them keep it. If he doesn't, then you can be proud of the fact that you didn't give into manipulative behavior. And that's a lesson that you need for your lifetime.

Until it is gifted to the child the money belongs to the grandfather and he can do with it as he pleases. Just because his original intent was to give it to the child does not mean he has to if the child has not proven responsible or grateful or whatever the Grandfathers stipulations on the money are. This is not, nor never was, the money of the child. The Grandfather has every right to withhold the gift for any reason he sees fit.

free yourself from the control bonds imposed by this unrealistic demand.
it's only money.
khairete
S.

No one should expect to receive an inheritance, and why is this even an issue if he's still alive? It's his money.

I assume the money was never put in the grandchild's name, correct?
No trust or bond or anything?
If that's the case then the money is still the grandfather's and he can do with it whatever he wants. Just because it was originally "meant" to be for his grandchild means nothing, it's his money to spend and/or give as he desires.
I know I wouldn't be thrilled handing over $5K to a relative I didn't even have a relationship with, I'd rather share my wealth with people who are a real part of my life, related or not.

It sounds like Grandfather is/was attempting to control the daughters behavior somewhat.
'You'll get money IF you do as I say' which may or may not be a problem depending on what he's actually asking for.

If it's an inheritance then
1) - did he actually put this in writing into his will?
People change their minds all the time but if it's not in writing then it's like it never happened - it could very well have been an empty promise

2) - he's not dead yet
There are expenses with living a long life.
Maybe he doesn't have an extra $5000 put aside anymore (if he ever did)

3) - there is just something that's sort of icky about vultures (excuse me - I mean relatives) waiting for a relative to drop dead for the purpose of expecting money - it's the entitlement sentiment that just gets nasty.

4) if it was meant for her (the grand daughter) when she was born - really? - well that ship sailed 20 years ago - so like it's really the Mom (the grand daughter's mother) who's fretting about the money and wants the $5k for her own purposes (she wants the money promised for having a child).
Is the grand daughter in college and could use the money for her education?

My general feeling on inheritance is Grandfather should spend it all and have a ball.
If the money is there after he's passed away and it's in his will and it goes to the grand daughter then her Mom has nothing to do with it and should just forget about it.

Original question:

inheritance for a grandchild

so here is the story.....
A father set aside money 20 yrs ago for a 1st grandchild born.
Over the 20 yrs, they have not had a good relationship. Both
at fault for it, but mostly the father made a lot of problems with
the daughter which carried to the grandchild. So now it has
come time to give the money to the grandchild....but they don't
have a relationship so the father refuses to give it too the grandchild.
The grandchild does not care and prob doesn't want anything from him.

But the father is holding out until they have respect and a relationship
until they give it too her...... What is right ?
give it away as a donation in the grandchilds name ?
give it too them anyway.
don't give it too them.

is it unrealistic to give the money only if they have a relationship?
I mean it was meant for them when they were born regardless....
and we are talking about $5k btw.
would love to hear from grandparents on this subject ??
how you would
feel......

The man has no obligation to give his money to his grandchild. It is his money and he can do whatever he wants with it.

I find it very sad that the grandchild's relationship has suffered because the father and daughter could not get along.

Money causes so many problems. Grandparents think they can have some control over their child & grandchild by dangling this money, the kids & grandkids get upset wanting it for themselves or their child, etc. Of course, this is not always the case - but is frequently. I'm guessing you're the mom of the grandchild and we're talking about your dad.

You said your child didn't care about the money - he's got the most healthy approach to the dilemma - it's $5K - not a million - it won't change anyone's life. the grandfather gets to choose what he does with his money. Free him to do that and he may just decided to give it to your son afterall. I'm assuming your dad is oldernow - maybe crotchedy and wanted to use this money as a string connecting him to his family. Mayve he's just ornery and wants to be loved but doesn't know how to express it.

I hav a feeling once the money is ou of the way the relationship can begin to build. I urge your child to develop a relationship with your dad. Older people have more physical pain, they're in the Autumn of their life and are often dealing iwth depression &/or anxiety... My advice, forget the money, pretend it was never there. the discord is not worth the money.

Grandpa wanted it to go to grand kid, it goes to grand kid. End of story. It is NOT the father's money, and not his decision. (Reading it the first time I was under the assumption that Grandpa had passed, and he grandkid's dad was withholding the money...)

ETA. IF the father IS the grandpa in this story, then it's his money to do with what he wants. Hold onto it for another grand kid, wait for a better relationship with current grand kid, or blow it on frivolous junk. It is his money and his decision.

I find you post very confusing.

It's the grandfather's money to do as he pleases. Is the grandfather living? If yes, it's his money to do as he pleases. If he's deceased then the money should go to the grandchild as his was his wishes.

Unless the money is in the grand child's name, which sounds like it is not, then the money still belongs to the grandparents.

The grandparents do not " owe" this child any funds unless it's explicitly documented somewhere.

You're not talking about a lot if money so I wonder who's really interested in this because it sounds as if the grandchild could care less.

It's certainly not enough $$ in my book to break up a family.

did he die yet? If not then it is not an inheritance until the grandfather dies and then it is an inheritance. Sounds like he is still alive? Your post is confusing to me. This is what I am getting out of it

A father and his daughter/son do not get along but father said that he would leave $5000 to his grandchild when he (the grandfather died) grandfather is not getting along with the daughter/son and is now not going to give money to grandchild when he (the grandfather) dies. is that what your asking?

my opinion is that money belongs to whoever earned it until they die at which time they will leave a will saying who gets the money. and if he / she dies and leaves money to a grandchild it will go to the grandchild. regardless of whether grandfather was getting along with his daughter/son.

I think it is up to the father/grandfather to do whatever the heck he wants with it since it is HIS money! No one has a right to it no matter what was said or "promised."

I am assuming you are the daughter in the middle. If so, you have absolutely no say in the matter. It is the father's to do with as he sees fit.
If you are the father, personally, I would give it to the grandchild. There was never a guarantee that the child would bond to you when he was born. It was intended for that grandchild, regardless of the child's parental relationship with you.

The money is his to do with as his pleases. Just because he said he'd give it to them all those years ago there's no reason he really "has" to give it to anyone unless there was a written statement that was notarized and made legally binding.

If it were a large amount of money they it would matter. This doesn't matter at all. 5K won't even make a down payment on a car hardly.

The grandchild needs to move on and go their way. They don't even have a relationship with this person.

I think that a lawyer needs to be consulted to see if there is a legal obligation. If a trust was named that has tax implications, there is definitely a legal issue involved and the father could get in trouble with the IRS...

Money, death, and inheritance can really wreck families. I thank God I have only one child. My sisters and I are estranged today due to this very reason.

The grandfather is kind of being a jerk in this situation. He should either put the money in trust so that it goes directly to the child at a certain age or just decide to change his mind and keep the money. To keep holding this over his child's head that 'your kid can't have this money because we don't have a good relationship' is stupid and childish.

Personally , I have 4 grandchildren and I love each and every one of them. I choose to do things with them now so that they will have great memories of spending time with their gram. While the money is nice the memories are what matter most of all. It's a shame that the Grandfather hasn't figured that out.

Um... Why involve the father, at all?

Give it directly to the grandchild.

Even if the grandchild wasnt an adult, it's easy to put money in trust until x age. (18, 20, 26, marriage, college grad, whatever).

As the grandchild IS an adult, you don't even need a trust.
Jst give it to them.