In Love or Not

"I love having sex with you, but I still want to have sex with other people too, if/when I get the chance."

It means "I don't love you, but I want to have sex with you. Put up with it or I'll leave."

I love you, my dog, my friend, my car, my house, my brother, my mother.... I'm IN LOVE with my husband. To me, it's a deeper committed love. There are different levels of love, different types of love. I do not love the husband and children the same. They are different types of love. I certainly don't love my brother the same way I love my husband. I certainly don't love my brother the same way I love my house, lol.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Women AND men use this line. When it's used and what it means really depends on what point the relationship is in. If a friend asks you out and you love them but don't want to date them, you say it. If you sleep with a friend and the friend decides they want more and you don't want to make a commitment, you say it. If you're with someone that you used to feel crazy mad love for, but the "fire" and crazy passion aren't there and you mistake the calmness for falling out of love yet you know you still having caring feelings, you might say it.

Or you're friends with someone and you love them because they're you're friend. Or you love your children. You love your parents and siblings and other family members. You're not "in love" with any of them. You would be in love with the partner you're committed to until you decide you're no longer committed.

I love my best friend and would push her out of the way of a moving vehicle without a second thought of it hitting me. But I'm not in love with her in any way.

A guy can love a girl and not be in love with her, the pitter patter of the heart, the day dreaming of children and a life together, those are things we do when we fall in love.

A mature love doesn't have all that goofy stuff. A mature love will have respect, admiration, caring, and more that puts that person in a place in their heart.

I think that we do miss that gooey feeling we had a long time ago when we were falling in love. We miss that so sometimes we seek out that feeling again just to try and recapture something we feel we're missing.

It goes away just like it always does.

Well, I have been married for 25+ years and can say that I love my husband more than I can say, but that "in love" feeling from when we first met is no longer present every day. You know that feeling when you can't stop thinking about your new love, can't see any of their faults only their wonderful sides, where basically the boundaries between the 2 of you disappear and you feel like one, and cannot be close enough, wanting to spend every minute together whether talking or walking or making breakfast of having sex, it does not matter, you just feel better when you are with your love. I count myself so incredibly lucky to have found him, and am overwhelmed by love for him, and every day I am thankful, but now I definitely need my time apart from him since we have different interests and hobbies and personalities. But instead of those differences driving us apart, we see them as interesting and fun. His enjoyment of watching those car and motorcycle building shows and also those political screaming shows baffle me, but they allow him to unwind. My need to take long walks with music and read books in quiet rooms are not something he enjoys. But we make sure the other has time to do their own thing. This means he has handled the kids when I was about to scream at them for having been with 2 cranky sick girls all day long and told me to go take a walk. It also means I took the girls to the park when he needed some quiet hours home alone to get something done. It means we praise each other for tasks appreciated even if they seem silly (thanks for getting me another cup of tea) and apologize for when stress made us less than polite. I like the Clint Black song where he says "Love is something that we DO" (not fall into, not find, etc.)
http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/black-clint/something-...
That is my opinion for my own situation. But if I was a teenager and heard a boy tell me this I would agree with the Doris Day post below that says he might just be wanting to get into your pants and avoid a long discussion about motives. Good luck sorting it out.

In general, it is a stupid thing guys say when they want to break up with a woman but make it sound like they aren't a bad guy. It is supposed to mean you are such a great person, I love you, but I don't want to be in a relationship with you because I don't have those feelings.

It is a cop up, lame, or as you put it, stupid.

Oh Veruca put it so much better than I did.

T.,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Men aren't the only ones who use this line. I know I've used it.

There is a guy from high school - he's been in love with me since our Freshman year...told me so - I love him - I care for him deeply - but I could NEVER picture a life with him.

I've been married for 17 years...there are times when I am NOT "IN LOVE" with my husband...I want to throw my hands in the air and wave a W. stick to boot him out!! (same goes for him!! we were laughing about this last night) any way - being "IN LOVE" is different for everyone...you aren't always going to have those butterflies in your stomach - but you can still picture a life with him/her...

Love has so many different levels...and I don't know anyone - even my parents who were married for 56 years before she died in September that are ALWAYS "in love"...

Tip of the hat to Veruca and Doris-- I think, from what you are asking, that she nailed it.
If someone is emotionally vulnerable, they will cling to the 'I love you' part (that tiny thread of hope) instead of kicking the jerk to the curb. Sad.

To me loving someone is what you feel for family, you would give them the shirt off your back to make them happy because you love them, but to be "in love" to me has a passionate meaning, a more sexual and primal one, but something that is stronger then just lust.

To me it means they care about the person but they are not in love. It could mean they love them as a friend but not a girl friend or more.

I think Doris and Veruca nailed it.
If O. is going to accept a relationship like that--better have eyes wide OPEN and see it for what it is: Booty call caliber relationship. Settling.
And that's fine.
IF you accept it for what it is.
Otherwise ya start getting into the delusions and myths of "he'll change.." etc.

It's not that complicated, even if it might sometimes feel that way to them. (I'm giving a couple of them the benefit of the doubt, that they're not just straight bullshitting.) It's a way to keep a woman on hold auditioning for his commitment. When a man wants a woman, he goes to get her. He might oversell--making promises that he hopes to fulfill--but he won't undersell his commitment.

"Love" is a trigger word for many women, and men have found a way to use it without actually saying it. Women who fall for it want to believe in it, but they know in their heart of hearts that they are fooling themselves. The "in love" feeling comes well before the "love" feeling when you're looking to want and be wanted. Waiting to fall in love with someone is the exact same thing as keeping busy with this person while waiting for what you really want to show up, and then possibly settling for this person if that doesn't happen.

ETA: Oh, yeah, I agre that it's not just men behind this line. I read the post that you're referring to, though, and that was a dude.

it's clearly an evasion. no one who is thinking logically could twist this into some sort of backhanded protestation of love.
people can deceive themselves in astonishing ways.
khairete
S.