I Will Appreciate Your Suggestions

To be honest, my kids are still young and I haven't been in this situation as a mother, yet. Still, I have worked with teens in a social services setting and have a lot of experience with "Teen Thinking." What your daughter is doing is perfectly normal and age appropriate. Teens don't date the same way as we did. They do things in groups. I wouldn't worry about it. What I would do is encourage you to get to know her friends and this boy in particular. If possible, meet his parents. Treat it just as you would any of her girlfriend and let her know that it is important to you to know who she is spending time with. You can tell her all you want that she's not allowed to have a boyfriend, but if she's got feelings for this boy, there's not much you can to to change that. It's best that you let her know that you're keeping a sharp eye on her and all her "friends." And trust your insticts. If it feels wrong, don't ignore that feeling.
Good luck. I hope this helps.

I don't have kids at this age yet but I do work with youth groups this age. I think your advice to not get serious is very sound. Our faith recommends kids don't get involved in "one on one" relationships until after 16 yrs. old. But I think that her desire to not be alone with this boy shows a fair amount of maturity on her part. Her willingness to take along her younger brothers is admirable. Although at 14, I don't know if I would be comfortable saddling my kid with the responsibility of two not-so-much-younger kids without some nearby adult supervision. I think you are in a difficult situation because you allowed your older boys to date at this age. Maybe it's not too late to assert some ground rules though...like no dating until she's 16 and then allow "group dates". Does she have a curfew? I think it might be wise to sit down with her and discuss some ground rules that you both can be comfortable with and agree upon.

Just a suggestion...good luck! This parenting thing is tougher than it looks and I still lament the fact that none of these cuties come with instruction manuals!

Being a mom is more important then being a friend to any of your kids. Be reasonable though, so what if she gets a broken heart, it's a good experience and lesson. I would support the relationship and make sure that you've had conversations about safe sex, teen pregnancy and relationships in general.
Remember you can't make decisions for your daughter and the more you restrict her, not only the opportunities she has to learn and grow, she may rebel and will find trouble.

mmm, i just read your follow up response, I think you are putting too many what you can't dos. So what if she holds hands or kisses? Kissing and holding hands are special things to do and celebrate love for each other. I again believe that if you control her, she'll sneak around, close down communication, which may result in lying about where she is and who she's with.

try to step back and relax, let her enjoy being a teenager

Hello,

If she is still asking to bring people with her, then it should be ok, don't stress out about it. Also, if she saw you let your boys go then she thinks it should be ok for her. You can't do it one way for the boys and not for her, she will look at you at not beiing fair and use it agaiinst you.

Speaking from experience, if you keep her from seeing this boy it may get worst and she will start lying to see him and it can go from there.

The more you say no, the more they will want to do things. It may not last that long but the more you hold back, the more she will want to just because you say no.

My husband and I learned this early on, don't fight it and she will lose interest or they will break up sooner instead of later.

You still want to give her a curfew and tell her that she still has rules she has to follow but don't hold her back to much.

Good Luck.

Well I don't yet have a teenage daughter (she's only 10mo) but I am the oldest...by 7+ years in my family growing up and therefor the "guinea pig". My parents sheltered me way too much! I was not allowed to have boyfriends or date aside from the date to the occasional highschool dance. I then went on to hide my relationships with boys even when I no longer needed to, and as a result I had no input from my parents about the guys I was getting involved with and I ended up in some abusive and controlling relationships. Seeing that that approach did not work with me, when my little sister was a teenager, they made a point to get to know the boys she was involved with and have him around the house where they could "supervise" a lot of the time they spent together. It also promoted a strong sense of family to her "boyfriends" that will typically discourage the wrong type of guy who tries to separate a girl from their family and friends in a controlling relationship. They also made a point to educate her in a more modern version of the birds and the bees, to include how she should treat and expect to be treated emotionally in any kind of relationship. She is now an adult who is very self assured. She has had very healthy relationships and has a very close relationship with her family. I just know the more you try and hold a teenage girl back from something she wants...especially boys, she will find a way to have it anyway and usually to her detriment. Sit down and talk to her and set mutally agreeable boundaries which will help her learn and keep a strong sense of self respect but without being completely denied what is normal behavior for most teenagers.

My soon to be 16 year old daughter sounds a lot like your 14 year old.

Although, my daughter has know for years that their is no dating (going out one on one) until she hits that 16 year mark. She is also not allowed to go to boy's houses no matter what with the exception of a party that the parents and lots of other people with be there. As for malls and movies they cannot go alone... they have to have more than one other person with them. I kinda have her believing that I will know if she does not follow the rules.... I have spies that she does not know about. lol

Kids their ages will say they are boyfriend/girlfriend but that is as far as it goes.... most time it is just saying that they are closer then other friends.

Feel free to holler if you want to talk. We can be a support system for each other.

My daughters are 16 and 19 and never really had 'boy' issues with the older one when she was younger partly becasue she was more of a tom boy and never looked at a boy in that way until she was older. But my younger daugter is not the same. She is 16 now and does have a boyfriend and like most teenage relationships only last a few months. She did have a boyfriend at 14 but it was not a very healthy one and we had to help her get out of it. I don't think that she is 'mature' enough to know how to handle a relationship but she does have a boyfriend and the talk we had with them is that we can tell them not to date or have boyfriends or anything like but they are going to do what they are going to do and we would rather them be open with us then sneak around and do this. So they have male friends and do hang out with them and it is good that at least your daughter is not seeing this boy alone and she is always with friends. You seem to have a good relationship with your daughter and I would suggest talking with her and letting her know your concerns and your feelings. But you also have to give her the opportunity to be a teenager with boyfriends and not be so worried. We are all going to worry about our daughters because there is so much out there that can happen to them but especially your daughter with the older brothers and you I am sure that she is very well protected.

I have a 14 yr old son who is doing the same thing, and he as a "girlfriend" but i have seen them together and they act more like close friends even though they say they are "boyfriend/girlfriend". But i also talked to my son (like a friend) to find out where he was with his girlfriend, and about being friends, and waiting til he is older to figure all this "love" stuff out. We had a big long talk, then every month or so i ask again, and see where the so called "relationship" is and see where his thinking still is, and how he feels. Seems to be working pretty well to just keep the lines of communication open, it lets us both aware on what eachother knows. Good Luck!!

I also have a 14 year old daughter. Each family has different ideas for hanging out with boys etc. but for us, we encourage our children not to have boyfriends/girlfriends at this age. We wouldn't let her go to the movie or the mall by herself to be with this boy even with her siblings. We'd go with her. That's just our viewpoint. There is plenty of time for that when they are older and more responsible. At this age, they aren't thinking like adults at all! It seems like children are growing up faster these days but they still need parental guidance even though they do not think so. I'd set down some boundaries and stick to it.

I hope that helps! Good luck!!

I guess my response would be that it's perfectly normal for a girl her age to like boys and want to spend time with a boy she likes. I do think that it's good for them to hang out together in a group. Even acting like a couple in the middle of a group of friends is probably safe. I'm afraid that if you don't let her spend time with a specific boy with her friends or your family, she'll feel the need to sneak around and she'll be more likely to spend time with the boy alone instead of in a group because she doesn't want to get caught. It's a lot safer for her to feel that she can see this boy as long as they're in a group. Also, as far as physical contact goes, instead of telling her that she needs to behave herself because people are watching, I would explain to her that physical love is very special, but only if you keep it that way. If you hold hands and kiss (etc) every boy you like, pretty soon it's not special anymore. Explain to her that 14 is too young to know if you're really in love or not, and she needs to save her love and kisses for that someone in her future who will love her and be committed to her, and not just give them away because everyone else does. I hope I've been some help. Good luck.