I Need Some Parenting Advise, Please!!

The only thing I would suggest would be to wake him up before you go to bed for the night and make him go to the bathroom. Maybe if he goes then he mau sleep the rest of the night.

I would say, if you are not having him go in a potty chair, but in the regular toliet, get the potty chair back out and teach him how to go by him self, that way if he has to get up in the middle of the night, he can use the potty chair. If he doesn't like using the potty chair, maybe it will slow down on getting up every night, to only getting up once in a while.

I just went through this recently with my daughter. Her waking up in the middle of the night to go potty coincided with us moving to a new apartment/starting a new daycare. Once we got settled and into a routine, she stopped getting up in the middle of the night. It took us a couple of weeks but she's finally settled down..

We took my son to the bathroom when WE went to bed in addition to him going when he went to bed. Try that, maybe another "outing" to the bathroom a little later than his bed time might get you the extra few hours of sleep. Another thing to think about is he probably hears the baby in his sleep and awakens him enough to realize he has to go potty. It would be worse if he was getting you up and not really going, right? That is what my son did!!! :) Good luck!

I have read in many parenting articles about potty training that it isn't necessary for you to expect them to be dry through the night and acceptable to allow them to wear diapers until they are closer to four. I don't know if this would be an option to consider, even just until the baby gets into a schedule and the household is getting more sleep. Good luck

Unfortunately you can't have your cake and eat it too! Their bladders are very small, and at that age, it is either pee the bed or get up and use the potty. Your best bet is to first teach your son how to do it himself, then you can explain to him that when he wakes in the night, to go like a big boy and then get back into bed. Good luck!!!

Your sons response system (from the brain) to holding his bladder all the way through the night is not fully developed yet. Try to be thankful for the fact the he actually wants to get out of bed and us the potty. Most children his age sleep so deeply that they don't even realize that they need to go to the bathroom, as a result they wet the bed. This situation will not last forever. Even though he is not waking up at the same time as your other child, he could possibly be getting disturbed in his sleep when you are getting up with the baby, which in turn, could be making him wake up to go potty. Have you noticed how long it takes before he wakes up after you put the baby back down? In my opinion, assisting your son in the bathroom is a lot easier than changing sheets!! It's also good for his self confidence. If he starts to feel that you may be upset at the fact that he is getting up to go potty he may just start wetting the bed. Don't get me wrong, I understand that you need your sleep, but your little boy needs your help. Again, be thankful. Do you have any idea how many parents would prefer to have your situation, than to be changing sheets all the time.

Hey J....what about if you got your son up to go potty at the same time that you are getting up the your little girl. Maybe that would help him bypass the other time in the night. I think that it is great that is getting up to go. I have a friend that says "This too shall pass." I think that praising him when he soes get up to go would be good but maybe talk to him during the day and tell him that you are going to start getting him up when his sister is feeding cuz you need your sleep. Maybe he will understand and go along with it. Good luck. Hope it all works out.

T.

Hi, I'm D. and I am a new member of Mama Source. If I were you I would try maybe two things. I would try to wake him and take him to the bathroom as you and your husband are going to bed. This might help him get through the night. I did this with my kids and they would fall back to sleep no problem. Or I would try giving him a nightlight/flashlight of some sort. Something kind of cool and fun, like a Thomas the tank engine lantern or something. Tell him nightime potty is a secret between him and Thomas, that they can go together without letting anyone else know. Good luck!!

Hi J.,
When I met my husband he had 2 kids ages 4&6. They both were still wearing pull-ups at night. I told him that he should work to get them out of the pull-ups (because lets face it, they are not cheap!). We started by only giving them 1/2 a glass of drink at dinner and they were brought to the potty before bed. We got them up at Midnight to go potty again, and that seemed to be helping. We did that for a period of 2 weeks and they both got in the habit of it that we no longer had any bed wetting. They eventually got out of the habit of the midnight potty runs. They only went just before bed and again when they got up in the morning. I know that it is a hassle it seems to wake them up in the middle of the night, but it's a lot easier to do that than change a whole bed when you are sound asleep! I can totally understand where you are coming from having to go back to work! I did it too, I had a newborn and the other 2 also. I had less sleep than the dog it seems, I lived and hour away from my work place so that limited the sleep even more. Good luck!~S.

Omigosh, you poor thing! Can't imagine the amount of stress you're under right now. I hope this helps.

When my upstairs bathroom was going through a remodel the kids had to use the downstairs one. The idea of my then 3yr old son wondering around the house at night, esp on stairs made me worried so we kinda got my son a chamber pot. Seriously, lol. I bought a cheap potty and put it in his room so he could tinkle at night. I know it sounds primitive but it was in a corner far from his bed.

Another alternative is waking him. I'm not a fan of this unless kids can't wake themselves, but in your case waking him during the baby's feeding may be a good temporary solution until he can go on his own. I'd suggest making his bathroom efforts more independent during the day. Also I've found skipping the whole flush, seat down business at night made it easier for son. PJs choice too... easy off works best. Cold nights he wears sweats, not a one-piece. Warmer nights a T-shirt and undies.

I can't say night time potty runs will end. My son is 5 now and gets up almost every night at 3AM. Weak bladders run in my fam so I too sometimes wake up at night! But allowing him to be responsible for it teaches him independence. So feel no shame in helping into doing things on his own. Praying things get better for you before work starts. Big hugs. ~Pam

Maybe you could try waking him up when you are up with the baby, and take him potty. That way he wouldn't wake up while you are trying to get your rest. Worth a try at least. It will get better, just keep telling yourself that :-)

Your 3 year does not have the bladder control of an adult yet, it is still growing. I would strongly suggest getting up with him when he feels the need to go. Children need to learn to trust the feeling of when they need to go for successful training. I know you are overwhelmed now, but in the long run it will be better to get up and help him. Otherwise you risk regression(they are trained but end up going back to wetting themselves or wearing diapers again). Also do whatever is necessary to help your child go independently at night. Two piece pajama sets. A night light in the bathroom, bedroom hallway. If he is geting up more than 2 times a night and NOT going potty then I would suggest looking deeper into why he is getting up so much and not going potty. Is he having trouble sleeping?
So many kids need to wear pullups at night well past 4 or even 5 before they wake up in the middle of the night to go potty, thank your lucky stars you do not have to buy pullups constantly or deal with soaked bedding.

I think it is wonderful that he is getting up to go to the bathroom at night. It is a good habit to form now. I have a ten year old who sleeps so hard that he does not wake up at all during the night and consequently still wears a pull up to bed. My almost four year old wears a pull up too because he wants to be just like his older brother, but he wakes up to go to the bathroom. We have not had to help him though. Is it too hard for him to take down the PJ's he is wearing by himself? Is he just scared to go into the bathroom by himself at night? I guess you should figure out why he needs help and then see if you can solve those issues before you change anything else. I know you are exhausted now, but in a couple months your baby will not be waking as many times at night and eventually will be sleeping through the night. And I do think it is great that your son wakes up to use the bathroom so maybe you need to think about staying home a little longer until you are getting enough sleep if possible:)

My son did the same thing and we just rode the wave so as not to back track the potty training. He is now nine and still has to get up a few times a night to go. Our pediatrician said it is very common for boys' bladders to grow out of proportion to their bodies so they have to go more often - this is why the highest percentage of tween bedwetters are boys. I was up with a baby just like you while this was going on and I know it's exhausting but like night feedings it will pass. Can your husband get up with your boy and you take care of the baby so you each get some rest? I don't think it's an attention-getting ploy - it would be hard for him to wake up in the middle of the night unless he really did have to go. Good luck and hang in there - they grow up too quickly!!!

You could try waking him to take him to the potty when you go to bed, or when you are up with the baby, that way it isn't a separate waking to deal with him.

My brother always wakes his 3 year old at 11:30 so she can go potty, other wise she doesn't make it through the night.

Good luck!
Jess

Roll with it, don't fight it. Three of my kids started potty training at 3yrs, were doing well, backslid and took an additional 6 mos. to finalize the deal. The worst thing you can do is make a big deal out of it. Be glad he gets up rather than wets the bed. I had one who took until 6 yrs old to stop that behavior. Try to find some other way to get a cat nap for yourself. Fatigue will make you say things at 4am that you will regret. Been there, done that...

Old SAHM of seven (23yrs - 16 mos), six of which don't wet the bed, and I've learned to get by on far less sleep. :)

If he is actually going to the potty then grin and bear it...he will grow out of it...

Most children can not hold it in all night until they are about 7. You should feel lucky that at 3 your child knows to get up instead of having accidents. That is a lot of pressure for such a young child. Maybe you should just put him in pull ups at night. Also, with holding liquids is not a healthy way to encourage potty training. I think it would be better to just relax and stop pushing him so hard. He is only 3!

Not exactly sure what to say here, I am torn... I completly understand your frustration with the situation, but at the same Time I find myslef to be very jealous of you because I have two stepsons who live with me who wet the bed until ages 9 and 10 and I would have given anything for them to get up and go to the bathroom. I can tell you from going through the experience of finally finding a program to stop bed wetting that what I discovered through research is that limiting fluids has nothing to do with helping a child stop wetting the bed, so I don't know if it will help to stop your child from needing to wake up and go... in fact the bed wetting program that my children were on to stop wetting had them drink as much water as they could hold before going to bed, I know it sounds crazy, and that was just a portion of the program, but the program worked... another part of that program was that during waking hours when they needed to use the bathroom we had to have them lay down and pretend they were sleeping and see how long they could hold it to help them with bladder control... maybe you could do something like that with him so that he learns to be able to hold it longer and he might not wake up... we made a game out of who could hold it the longest... granted my children were much older.

Congrats on having your son potty trained. Having said that, if I were you I would just ride this out. He isn't doing anything wrong and like you said, it is so great that he is waking up to go instead of wetting the bed. Just keep talking to him about it and limiting fluids at night. He'll get over it. It's just one of those things that we have to go through. I know it's tough to be sleep deprived, but remind yourself that it is only for a time and he is actually doing something really GOOD by waking up at night to go. Hope that's helpful.

I feel really sorry for you and I'll probably be in the same situation soon since I'm prego and have a 2 year old and a 3 year old. My 3 year old will not go at night and bed wets 50% of the time. He is in pullups and I am trying to talk him into getting up and going at night. So I might have actually got some good advice out of your responses. :) I've had no success with waking him since he won't go when I want him to, but maybe I'll try the potty in his room thing or flashlight idea and easier PJ's will be better as soon as spring is here. I want him doing it on his own and not bed wetting before baby arrives and I need to get my 2 year old potty trained. Yikes!

I feel for you. You're sleep is already fragmented with your new baby, and adding another wake-up to the routine is enough to make you tear your hair out. I think you probably have a couple of concurrent things going on here. First, the wake-ups are almost certainly related to new baby. It can sometimes take a few weeks (or a few months) for it to sink in that the baby is STAYINY - so sometimes sibling responses are a little delayed from the big baby homecoming. Your son is also pretty new to potty training - that's a lot of big changes in a fairly short period of time. My suggestion is that you develop a plan with your son so that he can take himself to the bathroom without your help - and then practice that plan during the day, wean him off needing you to be in charge of the potty-going. If he can reach the light, has a step stool and potty seat, there's no reason why he can't do it himself. (And he can call you if he poops and needs a wipe.) Encourage his independence! It'll most certainly happen in steps - he can practice doing the routine all by himself during the day. Then maybe at night, he can come to your bed, say "I have to go potty" and then, having checked in with you, he can go get it all set up by himself, with your promise that he can call you if he needs help. (Or delegate this task to your husband.) I really don't think it will take long for him to get the hang of it and feel comfortable going on his own (although, if it's partly about reassurance, he may need to do the "check in" part for awhile.) I also have to say, and my own mother will back me up here, I have never in my 35 years of life slept through the whole night without getting up to pee. The final stage of potty training for me was teaching me how to wake myself up and use the bathroom myself in the middle of the night. Perhaps your son is like that as well - or perhaps this is baby related - he's sleeping lighter, or when he wakes in the night, as we all do at some point, he needs some reassurance from you. Regardless of the cause, helping him to deal with this independently will make everyone's life easier, and (for a 3 year old) is absolutely achievable. Good luck!

I don't think you should try to change his behavior of getting up in the middle of the night to use the potty. I think what you should work on is having him do this on his own so that he does not need to wake you up every night to go. I think if you try to train him not to get up at night to use the potty you will regret it further down the road. Good Luck!

I wish I were in your shoes! We've been to sleep therapy, bed wetting therapy, taken meds, used an alarm, woken them every two hours, cut off liquids after 3 PM; we've tried it all! We can't get our kids to get up in the night and use the bathroom. And we have 5 in Goodnights at the moment and one still in diapers. Our first one was never dry a single night until he was 12. I'd like to know how to get my kids to get up in the night. Professionals all give up on them and say it's hereditary, wait it out. That hurts the budget.

I have two ideas for you. Praise him for getting up, and teach him to not need assistance. At least it won't be several years.

Focus on getting the little one to sleep throught the night because I know you need your sleep! It sounds like what you're asking for is better sleep. Once the baby has doubled her birth weight, she won't need a night feeding anymore. We taught all ours to sleep through the night at 2 months. The book Babywise is a great resource for this.

Can you leave a potty chair in his room by his bed? He should beable to do that without any help at all.

Hello - How about having your dear hubby do the nightime bathroom break with your son since you are doing the nighttime feeding with your daughter - at least until she starts sleeping through the night? I am sure he is awakend as well so maybe he could pitch in for the short term! Then you could roll back over and get your much needed rest!! Good luck! M.

Does he actually go and does he go alot or just a few drops?
I would talk to your pediatrician about this next time you go.
It sounds like he wants some "me" time and now he has realized that you get up with him and he doesn't have to have little sister around. Not a doctor, but sounds like attention getter and I know you give him attention and love him dearly. It's amazing what happens when a little brother/sister comes along. My kids are all grown and now I have two grandchildren, I have forgotten what having little ones around is like. Hang in there, it will get better.

My husband and I used a "PASS" for our son after his sister was born. He could only get up once each night after being tucked in (between 8:00PM and 6:00AM). Within a few weeks (2-3) he was not using the PASS and we were all sleeping a little better.

You should try waking up your son some when you get up with the baby and have him try to go the bathroom. This has worked quite well for other mommies that I know. I hope this helps.

I have a three year old son too, and he gets up most of the time to potty, about once a month we have a bed time accident. Don't stop the bed time drinks, also don't wake him up either. He has learned how it "feels" when he has to go potty and if you start messing with that then you will start to see more daytime accidents. I have two older childern ,15 and 12 and my 12 when potty training would have daytime accidents because she was so wraped up in play she would ignore the "feeling" so she could keep playing. Give him tools that he needs to go with out you in the middle of the night. Step stool, I have one of Sponge Bob because that is his favoret right night, turn on the bathroom light when you go to bed or when you get up with baby before he gets up, and make sure that he can pull up and down his night cloths. Don't get him the one piece until he has better bed time control of his bladder. Now I get to start this all over again because I have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter. Just keep praising him, he will get it.

Hi J.,

Maybe my idea will help. My son had a thing for 3:30 am since he was an infant. First it was crying at that time & then when he began to talk he would shout out "MOM!" - always at 3:30am. So putting my pysch & education degrees to use, I went and bought a sound making machine. It was a simple thing that plugged into the wall and had quite a few "noise" selections. I picked the ocean waves. I wanted to condition my son to the sound; a sound that would keep going through the night & be soothing. Well, whether it worked or he grew out of it or a combination of both, I found alot of relief in that little machine that cost about $20.

Hope this helps & you find some more sleep!

D. S.

We are dealing with a similar situation. We have recently gotten our son to get up by himself and go back to bed. I don't know if you can get him to not get up but find a way to make him more independent when he does get up. Sometimes there can be a delay in his adjustment with a new sibling.

J.,

This is just a part of the maturing process. You are going to have to wait it out. There are some things you can do to speed up the process, however.

1. Get him independently using the potty as soon as possible. Teach him to get his pajamas on and off by himself or teach him to pee standing up. Once he is independent, teach him not to wake you up when he has to go.

2. Help him strengthen his muscles and his bladder. You can do this by encouraging him to hold his potty for a little while during the day or to play "stop and go" at the toilet. When those muscles are strong and the bladder is larger, he will stop needing to get up at night. This could take a while - months or years - so if you want a quick fix, teach him to go potty without your help.

Good luck,
S.

Sounds like he's good at potty training, however, the night wakings are on his schedule. I believe you might have to stop the night waking clock in his body much like you would a baby who gets up alot during the nights. Slowly, you shorten the times between the wakings, and eventually,...slowly, but surely, you will be able to eliminate them entirely. Or, you could encourage him to go to the potty on his own. Give him a flashlight, or leave the hall light or bathroom light on for him so he can help himself in the middle of the night. The latter options is probably what I'd do. The other is too much work and it's a good habit for him to be able to go potty in the middle of the night incase he has to. It's good practice. It might take him a while to get the idea to go on his own, but if you help him like normal the first couple nights, then, stand in the hallway and let him do everything else for a couple nights, then...stand in your bedroom for a night or 2, then, stay in bed for a night or 2, then...stay laying down for a night or 2, etc. Until pretty soon, he understands that he doesn't need to wake you at all because he'll have been pretty much been doing it all along by himself anyway. Good luck.

Don't discount that your 3 year old could be responding to baby adjustment. 5 weeks is a long time in your world, but he may just be internalizing that baby is here to stay. I have a 2 year old and a 10 week old. She has been fabulous with the entire transition - almost no signs of stress. Until....she developed infections in both ears last week and when we tended to her in the middle of the night she discovered her sister snuggled in tight in Mommy's bed (sister has reflux and needs to be held at night). Suddenly, our terrific little sleeper began screaming and night and refusing to go to bed anywhere but 'Mommy's bed.' We've gone back to letting her cry it out, checking on her and tending to her, and after 5 or 6 nights things are normalizing again. SHE has never connected this to her sister but we've been advised by her doctor and others that it is likely a transition issue. Not sure how to advise you to fix it - but time may do the job. Good luck!

J.,

Sounds like he is reacting to the baby (even at 5 weeks!). He is getting the attention from you that you give the baby. I have 2 suggestions. First, put the potty by your bed so he can go there. This may help you so you don't have to get up, walk around and have trouble with sleep. The second is to wake him up when the baby wakes and have him go potty then.

As far as attention...you may want to love him up a little more. He is craving attention and the potty seems to be working for him. Find another way for him to get the attention he craves through reading to him or playing a little extra with him.

L. :)

Hi J.,

I feel for you! You are a new mommy to a five week old and a mommy to a three year old! That is most rewarding and challenging. I wish I could send you a night nurse for a week so you could get some much needed sleep!

My thoughts, take them or leave them as you like:
things work differently for every child.
Our son was potty trained and slept through the night w/o accidents at around 3 y.o. Our daughter was potty trained and has never slept through the night- wakes up every night to potty at least once per night- sometimes twice- she's three now, and needs help every time from me (mommy!). I am thrilled that she finally wakes up to potty and therefore I no longer have to change the sheets in the middle of the night anymore :) and no more pullups for night :)

Questions for you:
does he have a UTI? (urinary tract infection)
does he have any other symptoms?
if nothing physically wrong with him, then perhaps he has a smaller bladder or perhaps he is needing additional attention... have you offered him rewards if he stays in bed and dry all night long? or if he needs to go, can he by himself? a nightlight in the bathroom? A sticker chart to earn bigger rewards?

I did sticker charts with our son- they worked really well for incentives- sticker immediately the next am, and worked up to a bigger reward.

Hope these ideas help.

Blessings to you,
G. H.

I know you have cut back on the drinks in evening, but our
pediatrician told us that 80% of what a person EATS becomes
liquid, so after 3 nights of no food or water after 6PM it resolved itself. Yes, I felt like a cruel person but I think we all felt better once everyone got more sleep

I wish I had some advice for you. I think it's really just part of being a parent. If he gets up and does go potty and goes right back to bed, then I don't think you'd want to dicourage him, praise him for going and go back to sleep. I know this is a pain, but if you just let him do his thing I think it will pass.