So i have a best friend that i really adore, she's a lovely person and great friend. You know that feeling when you love someone but you dont want to hurt their feelings with your opinion? well thats my situation. She has a boyfriend of 8 years that i havent met after 4 almost 5 years of frienship. I know extremely weird!!!!! So let me tell you where does this feeling i have inside of me comes from; Shes the only one that works, no kids or marry shes 28. She wants kids reaaaalllyyyy bad but apparently he doesn't, because they would be parents by now...she tries to excuse and make up lies why they havent had kids. I always hear her in the phone saying slick comments towards him so he can put two and two together and finally get the picture that she wants to be pregnant. We had drinks together couples months ago and she had a little bit too much and she said to me she was going to try to get her boyfriend extremely drunk to knock her up. I told her that was completely wrong and then she laugh and said; "i was joking". now her boyfriend seem to be a little too comfortable in the relationship. They never ever EVER go out for dinner, movies, mall, shopping, groceries, nothing at all!!! she does it all on her own I mean EVERYTHING!!!! when something breaks down like her car or anything at the house she ask us for help. she has to clean and get food because neither of them cook either. they are both heavy beer drinkers. 4 days out of a week they drink...he sleeps all day and plays video games all night. she works 30 minutes from home and there's times where during her lunch break he calls her and ask her to go home just to buy him cigarrets and beer at 12 am. He cant even walk to the gas station on his own. When we are on the phone I hear babe pass me a beer, babe bring me a glass of water, babe take the dogs out. babe this babe that...I hear on her voice the helpless tone and angry feelings inside of her. But like i said i think she doesnt stand for her ground because of fear of being lonely or alone...Shes also a big girl and I've tried everything to motivate her to work out. she just doing nothing with her life. She has 4 dogs in total getting a new one soon...she just got one on sunday. really expensive dog...the last two she got she spend over 2K in each. and she talks about it like a baby...she even wipes their butt, says that shes waiting for her little girl to take a nap so she can do things around the hosue...that sounds sick if you ask me. My daughter its a special baby, she has Di George syndrome and shes aware of it and aware of my daughter medications like calcium eveyday for instance..so with her last dog she said he had diarreah and he might need calcium. I was like whatsss??? this girls needs help really bad! I have 2 little yorkies myself which I love and spoil with treats and toys like any other dog owner. but lets be real dogs are dogs and they are animals not humans. And I feel like her boyfriend mind screws her so she can be stuck in that lifestyle and her wanting to become a mother so bad and not being able to, makes her act unconscious about her behavior with her dogs and life in general. I dont know if Im seeing it way to deep or im being judgmental which im not at all in a normal basis...im very open minded and I dont really care what people do with their life but i really care about her and it also annoys me she calls me everyday and goes on and on about dogs and HOW HARD IT IS TO BE A M. AND HAVING TO WAKE UP MULTIPLE TIMES AT NIGHT OVER A FREAKING DOG. I dont want to hurt her feelings she has been there for me when i needed her and shes really funny and great friend like i said but for the past 2 years I see her life its going down the hill. please help me ! do I say something to her or let her keep digging a hole for herlself and making a clown of herself in front of others? thanks.
Thanks ladies...I really dont wanna say anything because Im the type of person that believes that a relationship is for 2 and once a third comes around its gets really nasty and you can loose even the frienship... I feel extremely bad for her when she tells me how bad she wants to be a mom and how he takes her for granted and doesnt even shows her the affection us woman need to feel love by our partner. Im glad i have yall opinion because our mutual friends keep telling me to say something because im her best friend but like i said i dont like to get in peoples bussiness and even when she asks me or tells me anything i try to stay neutral and never attack her boyfriend. i really care for her we have a really good friendship, but im not going to lie sometimes it kills me having to bite my tongue and seeing her be mistreated when I know she can be alot happier. I try not to talk about my family so shes doesnt feel sad or anything negative feeling about her situation. thanks again.
"Freaking Dog".....Back off and let her come to you IF, she feels the need for your advice. She might be thinking the same things about you and your "Freaking Kids and husband".....You have something she doesn't have and she has something you DON't have.
If the friendship is REAL, the two of you will have a meeting of the minds.
Blessings.
Does your friend live in Boca? Lol. That's where I'm from and I had a best friend that you just described perfectly. Unfortunately, she got quite depressed (I got married and started a family, which was more than she could handle) and ended the friendship. She did get married, but he never wanted kids...she thought she could change him. Ironically, I found out a few months after she ended the friendship that she got pregnant. I am still sad the friendship ended and I am open to reconciling. Your friend cannot understand your life...and she's trying to draw comparisons with her pets. If she's a good friend, just let it go. Talk about the "freaking dogs" if she wants to!
Is this for real? I couldn't imagine having a "best friend" that has had a bf for 8 years and I've never seen or met him. She has serious low (or NO) self esteem if she would rather live that life with him than be alone and "lonely". She is 28 and if she is stupid enough to stay with him then really there is nothing you can do. Its a hot mess. Good luck.
In my opinion a Best Friend cares enough to tell you the truth even when it hurts. Try for an honest but tactful approach (no attacking the BF, criticizing, blaming, etc.) You may think her boyfriend is an immature loser with a drinking problem. Maybe he is. Probably it is a good thing they don't have any kids. Try focusing on her "You don't seem H. in your relationship." kind of statements. You can't change her and she can't change the boyfriend. If she wants to be H. the changes will have to come from her. You may be honest with her and she won't do anything different. Then it is up to you if you want to stay friends or not (just like it is up to her if she wants to stay in an unhappy relationship or not).
I skimmed your post a little, but the impression I get is that on the one hand your friend feels her clock begin to tick and is having those baby hormones. On the other hand, she's smart enough to know that she and her BF have sort of a party/slacker lifestyle, and that doesn't mix with a baby at all. So she's channeling her baby desires into her dogs. Not a perfect, optimal way to live your life, but it's actually responsible in its own way.
This is my nonconfrontational self speaking, but rather than confronting her, why not try to open a few windows into a healthy lifestyle. Do a "stroller run" with your daughter, and have your friend and her dog come along. Make sugar-free fruit smoothies together. Etc. She sounds like she needs a confidence-boost, not a full-scale intervention, but I'm not a big intervener, so that could just be me.
She's only 28? She's young - she doesn't need to have kids for a long time. She's got her animals to mother - That's enough for her right now. Why the rush? She'll get around to serious relationship/kids when's she's ready.
Her boyfriend not pushing her to have kids is the PERFECT right now. She's not tied to him. She'll be able to get out when she wants and get on with being married/kids if and when she wants in the future. If she had a kid now, it would just be another thing for her to take care of - most likely she wouldn't be able to work, because you said yourself he doesn't help her, then where would she be? In the Welfare line!
Having kids does not prove anything but the fact that you can reproduce.
You should be H. that he's honest in that he doesn't want kids. If she really wants to be a mom, she needs to get out of this relationship and look for a relationship with a future. If she does trick him into getting her pregnant, she'll have no one to blame but herself if she ends up being a single mom with a child whose father has nothing to do with him/her.
As for the way she treats her animals, a lot of people are like that with their dogs and cats. My sister and BIL to name a couple. And they have kids and grandkids and even great grandkids now! They had professional photos taken of their dogs. They tried to give them out like you would give out pics of your kids - we all just politely said "no thank you."
