Friend Issues for Me (Long, Sorry)

u.

The best thing I can tell you is that you need to tell her how you feel. If gets mad at you because you don't have anything to give her and doesn't want to hear the truth than she isn't a true friend at all. How much of a friend could she possible be if she always asking you for stuff and gets mad when you don't have it. This is probably why she has all the stuff you don't. You have your own family to worry about. I hate to be rude but tell her to get off her but and get a job than she would have to worry about asking for money. This doesn't really sound like a good situation, she has a child for whom there is no food in the house. Those are things that people can get child services called on them for. She is not in a good situation with this guy, tell her so if she doesn't want to listen than the only other thing you can do is wash your hands of her and the situation. It sounds bad but you have your own family to worry about.

D. sorry to here about your situation she is not a freind you are a convience for her. Freinds do not take advantage and thats exactly what is happening! I bet you if the money stops so will your freindship tell her your money is your money to support your family not her man.

You need to cut this girl off, it sounds as if she's using you. Maybe someday if she wises up & ditches this man she's with she'll turn back into the friend she once was.....I don't think you owe her any explanation at all, long time friend or not...take that text message as a blessing in disguise. And what kind of person sends a text message saying "we're no longer friends" she couldn't call you? You don't need this girl, I just feel bad for her kids, maybe you should call children's services for them....

I am so sorry for you. I know exactly how you feel, I had a very similar situation. End the friendship. I let it go for a really long time, and it only led to more problems. I no longer speak to my "friend" and have not for several months. I feel bad about it, we were good friends for a long time, but I know that I am better off this way. It is not an easy thing to do especially if you have been friends for a long time, but you will be better off. I spent so much time devoting my friendship to her that I overlooked some others who turned out to be better friends than I could have imagined.
I really hope this works out for you.

D.
You sound like a great gal you need to get your friend some help, first off the fact that she cant leave her daughter alone with this guy says alot. take her to church with you find a financial class that she can take. My friend teaches one ot Northway Christian community church in wexford. She needs some emotional help..You are not helping her by giving her money. tell her you dont have it. She may have to hit rock bottom before she opens her eyes and when she does you can be there for moral support

Oh, D., I am so sorry to hear this! You seem to have a big heart and it sounds like she is taking full advantage of that. Someone below said it sounds like someone in that household is on drugs and I have to agree - having that much income and still wanting to borrow more money is a real warning sign.

I think it's time you invite this person out to lunch w/out anyone else and ask her what is happening. If she refuses to explain what is going on, tell her you are done being used. Let her know you care but can no longer put her welfare above that of your family's. Tell her she can be as angry as she wants, but her reaction of anger only further underlines the fact that you're making the right decision. If she comes clean and tells you the real reasons she needs so much money, etc. (b/c he makes her ask or whatever), offer to help her remove him from the situation (send him to the store and have your husband change the locks while he is gone and put his belongings out on the street or whatever), but that you will not be a party to enabling her to continue in the same, irresponsible manner.

Good luck, hon. Remember, no matter how long you have known her or how obligated you feel to her, she is taking advantage of you. This relationship has gone from friendship to one where she uses & abuses you. Do not allow it to continue!

This could be the story of my sister and her husband, all except that they are too lazy to even get public assistance. They have taken from everybody they know, including the church. My parents went into debt to help support them.

The only thing that you can do is cut the cord and don't look back. These people are takers. They think that the world owes them a life. They think that all of their problems are somebody else's fault. It is their problem, not yours. I KNOW it's hard to deal with (it's my freaking sister and her two daughters that I cry about regularly), but all in all, it's even harder to continue to stay connected.

People like this exist to sponge off of those who feel bad or guilty about their situation, but you cannot feel that way. Their situation is of their own making. If your friend (my sister) wanted to, she could cut herself loose from this loser, but for whatever reason, she will/does not.

Stop answering the phone and don't look back. Believe me, you are the only one in this situation who cares.

I had a "friend" who used me for a doormat for her kids and her problems. She wanted me to babysit her children every weekend whether it worked for me or not. She would go to an appointment, have me watch them, and then I would be stuck with them for 9 hours because this that or something else "came up." When I told her no, she tried to guilt me into it complaining I was the only one she had. She also tried to spend 2 hours a day on the phone with me telling me how miserable her life was. Guess what? She made it that way.

She wasn't a friend at all, and I had to cut all ties to her for my family's sake. My advice is for you to to do the same. If her behavior changes, you can reconnect. Until then, your family doesn't need the extra stress.

Girl, you need to remove this girl as a friend. She obviously doesn't treat you as a friend and is takin advantage of you waay too much. You have your own family to take of, tell her to get a job or tell her bf to get a job, cuz it aint your job to supoort her.
Be strong or this will never end.

I feel for you. People like that can bleed you dry if you don't say "no". You didn't mention - does she ever pay this money back to you? I guess it's irrelevant anyway - as many others have said, you've got to put your foot down and say no. Don't feel guilty - you guys work hard for that money and you're under no obligation to loan it or give it away! Even if you had all the things you've ever dreamed of having, you shouldn't give money to people like that - you're enabling her. Stop the insanity! Maybe if everyone stops giving her money and sympathy, she'll wake up to what a mistake this guy is.

Best of luck,
K. E

My suggestion is to end this "friendship". There has to be some balance for a relationship to work. Unfortunately this sounds completely one-sided. I have often found that the anxiety leading up to a confrontation is worse than the aftermath - especially when you are doing it to preserve something valuable such as your sanity and your family's well-being. I think once you get everything out in the open you will feel a lot of relief for not having to deal with her.

If I were in your situation I would confront her the next time she calls for money. I'd tell her that I am having trouble making ends meet and that I cannot continue to lend her money, that my responsibiities are to my family. When she tries to guilt me into it I would tell her that I've put a lot of thought into this and my mind is made up. I would then tell her I want to end our relationship and why. Who knows, it might give her a wakeup call. Good luck!

This is simply my opinion since I've never had this happen. But just from what you said.... A true friend would not ask you to put you and your family in a situation that would put you in a financial bind, if she knows about what you do without to make ends meet she should know that it is a burden to you to ask for money. And to get angry when you don't give it makes it seem like you are just being used for the times you do say yes. There are too many people out there who milk the system and take advantage of those of us who work. It seems like she is expecting sympathy from you because she is on welfare- but unless she has extenuating (sp?) circumstances there is no reason she couldn't get a job. And she could certainly adjust her lifestyle to go without just like you do. Don't let someone take advantage of you or make you feel bad when you won't let them. You have to look out for your family and if that means losing a friend who really isn't a very good one than your probably better off.

I know this is very hard to do but, you must be honest with her. Her family has the right idea. It is called tough love. This guy obiously needs to go, and while you can still be her friend you must tell her that you feel she is not doing right by herself or her child. Also tell her the truth about the money. Tell her she and her man make as much or more then you do and you can just barely make ends meet yourself. You just honestly do not have the money to spare. Start with you know (her name) I love you like a sister but I must be honest with you... She may get mad but, you have been a good friend and if she doesn't know how to be one to you then you will have to move on.

Hi D.,

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It sounds to me that the best thing for you to do is to end your friendship with this person. She is only hurting you. You should not feel guilty at all. Hopefully someday she will realize what she has done and you can make amends - but until then, I think you need to sever all ties.

Good luck!
J.

Hi D.,
Unfortunately, I've been in a similar situation. Although my "friend" had never asked for money or such, she was (and still is mind you) with a complete LOSER! She had completely changed her "friendship" status w/me since she's been w/him. I mean, we were BEST friends-stuck at the hip! She even got married (by the JP) and had a very small ceremony and didn't even tell me let alone invite me!!! I thought I was part of her family, but I guess I wasn't. Well, to make a VERY LONG story short, after a few years of this so called "friendship" that was dwindling away, I had decided to confront her. Instead of trying to talk to her, (b/c she never lets you get a word in edgewise) I decided to write her a very long, heartfelt letter. I was able to get my point across in what she had done, what was still doing and how much she had changed over the years. At that point, I had decided to put the ball in her court and let her take it for what it's worth....Unfortunately, at this point, we are very distant acquaintences (sp?), but at least I can say proudly that I didn't "give up" on my friend (so to speak) and I did try. Goodluck in whatever you decide to do, I know this is a very hard situation.........

Long ago I heard a story of a metaphorical person on his way to great things when suddenly tied to a person who decides to jump off a bridge. The bridge jumper refuses to pull himself up or do anything to help his situation. The bridge jumper tells the person on his way to great thing that he must stay there with him or surely he will die. The choice- tie yourself to someone who refuses to help himself, or move on to the great things. I've kept this story in my mind as i run into bridge jumpers in my life. I will offer a line and advice to help (in your case advice on saving money and keeping a budget, perhaps a number for financial counseling), but I will not tie myself (and my family) to any bridge jumpers!

if i was u i would tell her that u dont hate her but to stop asking you for money u cant afford it

How good of a friend is she? You would think she would listen to your advice and dump the loser boyfriend. He seems to be bringing her down. I know it will be hard, but stop giving her money and hopefully she will realize what this is doing to your friendship and if she is really a true friend she will understand and come back around. Good luck.