Boyfriend Won't Do Anything with the Kids and I?

Well first of all give him a little bit to adjust to not working. My husband worked for the same company for 23 years and got let go and he was very depressed for a while. They need time. I would call his mom and set a time to go shopping with her and follow up with her on it. You may have to be the one to make the biggest effort. She probably feels closer to the other one since she lives with ther.

1. Why aren't you married? 7 years and 2 kids...and you're just a GF? Sh*t or get off the pot, I say.

2. Why don't you have a license or a car? Get both.

3. Get therapy for your anxiety.

4. If you'd like some extra goodies for your kids, pick up a part time job. Don't get annoyed, take control of your situation.

Best of luck,

C. Lee

I think your first stop needs to be in a therapist's office. Please ask your mom to take you and watch the kids while you go. If she's you're best friend, hopefully she will want to help you with this.

You need to talk to a therapist to address your anxiety issues. Once you've worked on that, hopefully you can get a license, a job, and decide whether or not your really want to have this man in your life. It's a long process, but it starts with getting help controlling your anxiety.

You need to get over the anxiety thing and learn to drive. It would annoy me to no end if I worked all week and had a stay-at-home spouse who then depended on me to entertain and transport him on my day off. Really without transportation you are leaving yourself trapped and dependent. Your whole life's dynamic will change when you can just pack the kids up and go anywhere you want to, when you want to.

And if you have two kids...why haven't you gotten married?

First off, don't be jealous of the other girlfriend. Your boyfriend's mother can decide how she wants to spend her money and who she wants to spend time with and there's nothing you can do about it. She doesn't owe you or your kids anything, your children are YOUR responsibility, and your boyfriend's, not hers. Sure it sucks that sometimes grandparents show favoritism but that's just life.
Unless you get some help for your anxiety I imagine you will always be stuck in the house. Your boyfriend (hopefully) will get another job and then what? You are in control of your destiny. If you want life to be different then start making changes, now. Don't your kids deserve a mom who's in control of her own life? The fact that this guy hasn't married you after seven years should be your first clue that you really are on your own.
So step up momma!

So you have no husband, no family (other than your mother) no friends, no job, no insurance and can't even afford to see a therapist.
And yet, even being fully aware of your mental condition, you chose to have two children.
Brilliant.

Your life is what it is. You can't change anyone else but you can change yourself. I suggest you stop depending on your boyfriend for doing fun things. Get a driver's license or take public transportation and do things with your kids.

I would not allow myself to get into a relationship such as yours but you're in it now and what are you going to do about it. Either find ways to make yourself and your kids happy within this setting or get out.

I get feeling down, angry, frustrated, jealous. For me this would be an indication I needed to change my life. We can't change everything at once. Choose one aspect and take a good look at it. Going out with the kids would be a good one to start with.

Overall change the way you look at things. Focus on positive thoughts. When you see the brother and his girlfriend and child getting what you want remind yourself that you don't know how they feel about it. Be thankful for what you have.

As for shopping with your mil and "sister in law" call and ask to go. They go every weekend. So next weekend call on Friday night or Saturday morning and ask to go. Do it in a friendly manner and accept the answer gracefully if it's no this time. Don't expect them to know what you want or to even cater to you. Be an independent woman who is able to accept a yes or no without whining or showing disappointment.

Perhaps scope out something that would be fun and invite them to go with you. Invite them to your house for dinner and a movie or playing games. Develop a friendship in which they'll enjoy your company.

I go back to getting out with your kids on your own. I suggest that if you feel less trapped at home you'll be a more fun person to be around because you'll be happier.

I would also get out on my own without the kids. Leave the kids at home and go for a walk, daily, as a starter. Develop interests separate from your family. Develop yourself as a person who doesn't need anyone else to make you happy.

After your SWH: See a doctor and get help with your anxiety. There are many good medications that will help you get control of your anxiety and allow you to start living more comfortably.

Your boyfriend is depressed. Medication would help him too.

And.....counseling would also be a big help. Call the county department of mental health and get in touch with a low cost clinic.

How old are you, if I may ask? Why don't you have your own driver's license? That's the very first thing I'd take care of, if I were you. Until then, if there is public transportation in your area, I'd avail myself of it for sure. The boyfriend sitting on the couch all day after being fired is a whole other problem ...

wow, there are red flags all OVER this post.
my dear, you have got to get help for the anxiety and depression. do it for your kids. do it for your relationship. it's hard to say from this if your BF is apathetic because he's worn out from dealing with your fears, or if your fears are exacerbated by having an apathetic BF.
but there is nothing in your situation that speaks of a healthy atmosphere in which to raise 2 children.
it isn't your BF or your MIL's job to entertain you. nor is it her job to shop for your kids. your BF (or YOU!) needs to get a job, and you need to let go of your resentment toward your BF's family.
you are terrified to drive, to get a job, to talk to people, and yet you are climbing the walls being in 24/7. you don't even know if this man, with whom you have borne two children, is interested in marrying you.
get your mom to take you to a social worker. or a qualified clergyperson. or a support group. you need to do whatever you have to do to break out of this anxiety-induced paralysis.
'annoyed' should be an understatement. make big positive changes in your life. do it for your kids. do it for yourself. do it today.
khairete
S.

First of all, your bf should NOT be going fishing or to the park! You have two children to support. Where are you getting your income these days?

To be honest, if he's always been this way, to me it would mean that he's not really happy in the home life you have. Sorry, but I think you may have been premature having children with your bf who doesn't go anywhere with you and apparently doesn't have much of a work ethic.

His mother must be so darned proud!

My SO was raised by his grandmother because his mother had anxiety problems. She rarely ever sees the grandchildren because she is afraid she won't be able to handle them for long. I tell him all the time that SHE is the one that lost/is losing out.
Remember that you are a mother and the kids are going to look up to you. Dad as well, but you first.
Get a bike, go for walks, invite other people over etc-as other responses suggested. Push yourself.
Losing your job is stressful-especially when you have a family to support. Having the burden of constantly driving your SO everywhere and entertain them wouldn't help. I'm NOT making excuses for him-but maybe if he gets a little space and sees you enjoying time with the kids he will join in.
As far as MIL and SIL-let that go. If you want to be invited-ask. Otherwise, that's a silly thing to be resentful over.

Welcome to Mamapedia!

Few questions? Why don;t you have a liscense? Since he is laid off, let him be with the kids, and you get a job? Maybe it is a money thing, he wants to save since there is no income comming in?

You are the girlfriend, but you call his mom mother in law?

Being stuck in the house can be frustrating. Can you walk to the park? there should be one near the house.
Comparing yourself to others is never good. It does no one anygood. All should work themeselves out.

Good luck

This post is all over the place. It starts off about your BF not wanting to do things with you guys, then that he's just too darn lazy to do anything with you guys (controlling, really), and then to your jealousy of your BF's brother, his wife, and their child.

A few things:

- Why in the world has it been 7 years and 2 kids and you aren't married? I don't get it. He is still your boyfriend? If he were my boyfriend, he would be on the street and I'd be living with my mom. Sorry, but he isn't stepping up to the plate.

- I really think there is no excuse for you to not drive. You say you have mental issues? Get help for them! You are in control of your own life and what happens is a direct result of the choices you make, so do something about it. Go to therapy, get the help you need to be able to drive.

- Why are neither of you working? He lost his job...and if you don't work either, the money flow is going to stop if it hasn't already. So both of you sitting at home is a non-option. Honestly, if my husband lost his job I'd be freaking out and not wanting to go anywhere (it costs money to drive).

Why can't your mom do other things with you? Do you have any friends? But really, I'd get annoyed if I had to drive someone all the time.

You are responsible for the situation you are in. Fix it and move on.

I hear that you are lonely and overwhelmed and jealous, and full of fears and anxiety. I understand and can relate. with that being said, you choose your next move. You can continue in this life as you are and continue to be unhappy or you can choose to make some changes. First you can take control of when and how you get out of the house. There are buses and public transportation, which can be scary to do, but once you have done it a few times, you realize it is easier than you thought. It can be a fun adventure for the kids too. Get outside and go for walks around your neighborhood, say hello to neighbors, or at least smile at people you see. The fresh air and outdoors will be good for you and the kids, even if it is just around the block. Find a therapist. There are always therapists to see who take any insurance. If you do not have insurance then get down to the welfare office and apply for state coverage. There are lots of good therapists who accepts medicaid. There are lots of steps but slowly you can yourself out. Take a walk around the block, do a search for local bus stops, and find your bus schedule. Make a bus trip to the local park. Apply for insurance, there should be buses that will get you close to the welfare office to apply if you don't have any. Find a therapist who will help you with more options, and give you more resources. I do not believe you need a car or license unless you live in the country, in which case it would be necessary to work through your anxiety and get a a license. I could not parallel park for many years after I got my license. Was never quite sure how they even gave it to me. But you learn with time. And don't worry about what your MIL does with her other sons and their gf's. That will just make you crazy. try not to compare, and try your best to be grateful for what you do have. As for your bf, I am not sure what to make of that situation. Can't tell if he is overwhelmed or what is going on with him. But I would say don't worry about him or rely on him for your happiness. Take control of your life. We are responsible for our own happiness.