I Just Want to Cry!!

S. you are not doing anything wrong. I would encourage you to follow through with the OT evaluation as suggested, but also find a different ped if necessary. Your childs doc should be your partner in his care, not your enemy! You should be able to call on them for anything and be welcomed with a smile and a genuine attempt to help. Now of course, that all takes time, and you need your son to eat now, right? My ped thinks that babies should be on formula/breastmilk until they are 2. I have big fat babies, who want real milk and food by the time they are 1 so I don't do that, but I do let them wean themselves off of the formula. I think that you have both a battle of will going on here, as well as a possible medical issue. Personally, I would go back to the bottle full time. Get him on a very good schedule and re-introduce solids after he forgets this game he has going on with you (a couple days should do it) If you are offering him food (understandably) every hour just to get him to eat, he isn't getting good and hungry, but instead has just enough energy to battle you! Start from scratch...and trust your God given mommy instincts...you aren't going to hurt your baby!

~L.

Forgive me, but I didn't have time to read your whole question, but it sounds like you are still feeding him. Let him eat grown-up food! Also, let him take part in choosing his foods from healthy choices, feed him high fat healthy foods--peatnut butter, enriched smoothies. I'd also give him high calorie drinks in a cup--pediasure or even formula.

Also keep a muffin tray filled with healthy good snacks--boiled egg, cheese, fruit, veggies...ect in your fridge at his level so he can get to it as he chooses. If he likes control, he may like these ideas!!

GL:)

S., I am so sorry for this situation for you, it sounds like crying would be a reasonable response! I have never been in this pickle, but wonder a couple of things. Does he do the same things during the day with his care providers? Has the doctor done anything diagnostic regarding his digestive system? What was he eating/drinking the last time you remember him doing so happily...any idea? Any chance he's teething and really being bothered by that?

If he is happy with a bottle and will drink a good amount, why not start with that and then, when he is satisfied and comfy, give him something small you know he likes in a very non-threatening setting - cheese cubes on a plate on a table he can walk up to...and then let him graze a little bit. If getting him to eat is the goal you might give up on the high chair for a bit and see if you can get him to eat in another setting.

Hope you're able to make some progress with him. Figuring out if kids are just being willful or really have a problem that is physical at this age is tough. I'd want to be sure there isn't something wrong physically, if you can find that out without too many tests I'd pursue that with the doctor.

This sounds like a medical problem. If your pediatrician is not being helpful, insist on a referral to a GI specialist to rule out acid reflux, esophagitis etc. Also, consider having food allergy testing done (not the RAST blood test-it's inaccurate. Ask for the skin prick test) and have a feeding evaluation done by a occupational therapist or speech therapist. I have a 12 month old who refuses solids and has been holding steady at 17 lbs for the past 4 months. He developed a feeding aversion even though he is being treated for acid reflux disease. He behaved just like your son until we finally got the meds right and he is just now beginning to eat a little. There were days when I was celebrating getting 3 tsps of baby food into him for the full day! If your ped doesn't believe you, make a video of your son's mealtime. I found that helpful in convincing my doc to order further testing. I have had to be creative to get more calories into my little guy since he will only take a cup. He doesn't like pediasure (it's too sweet)but after trying a bunch of things we found that he would take the Meijer brand pediasure soy. Try mixing your son's pediasure into the milk/formula he is used to and increase it a bit each time until he takes the pediasure straight. Also, try mixing cereal, vanilla yogurt or baby food fruit into his pediasure or formula to make a smoothie. Start with just a little bit so he doesn't notice the change in flavor. Increase the amount you add slowly! You may have to experiment with amounts and thickness until you find one he will drink. I agree with the other mom who said to stop the solids and go back to the bottle for a little while. You are welcome to email me if you want to. Hang in there! You are not a bad mommy!

try to relax...i know it's a lot easier said that done. if you are doing everything that you can think of, then you need to demand that your doctors step in and help because thats their job!! my kids never liked the "toddler" foods that is pre-made...they went from baby food to "real" food overnight. have you tried making him spajetti (i used rotini noodles and cut them up with a tiny bit of sauce just for flavor) or a peanut butter sandwich on soft bread? could it be that he's breaking some teeth and his mouth is sore? is there anything that he will eat no matter what? does he go to the bathroom regularly? he could have acid reflux that makes his stomach sour and he doesn't feel good when he eats, or he could have bowel cramps if he's getting a little "clogged" up.
not sure if this helps at all, but these are the things that i would check and then just take him to his doctor and demand help...and if they wont or make you feel bad tell them you are seeking a second opinion and get one! i've never met a good doctor that isn't helpful and compassionate (it should be a requirement if you ask me). if you know you are doing all you can, then all you have left is getting a doctor who doesn't blame you, and just tries to help you solve the problem. doctors get paid so much because they are trained to solve these problems...i think they forget sometimes that they know more than moms...sometimes anyway :)

I really feel for you...hang in there and take a deep breath! First I would look for another pediatrician who gives you some advice instead of lecturing you. Also, try not to get uptight when it is meal time. Finally, have you thought of a booster seat right by the table and both of you sit down. My son is 10 and has always been slim. He is a very slow eater and will eat if someone sits there and talks with him (like the French do). If everyone else gets up, he will get up too and be hungry in an hour. So now I make a coffee and sit tehre. He was out of the high chair at 10 months and sitting in a booster with the rest of the family. He also quit the baby food at that time, drank out of a sippy cup and ate whatever we ate (mashed up of course). Hope some of this advice helps!

Did you expalin all this to your ped. Seems like she should be checking him for some other issues rather then just saying feed him better if he is losing that much weight. Is he walking yet. children use a lot of calories around 10 months because they start moving around.

If you are nursing I would be doing that a lot more. maybe try giving him some more high caloric foods so if he eats them he gets the extra ( like advacados)
When did you start table food for him? sometimes it takes babies a while to get used to that.
If you are putting it in a dish maybe just put it on the tray. Allow him to play with food more often to so he gets the feel of it on his hands is ok.

Don't force the issue or you might make every meal time something you and he dread.
I would definately write down everything you give him ( fluids and food) and the times for a week and his reaction and take it to your ped.

If your ped is not willing to help you i would suggest finding one who is interested in working with you to help your son.

You say you work full time and go to school part time. Who is taking care of your son while you are gone? What experiences do they have with feeding him, the same? One year olds can be very fussy eaters. It is not you. You are not a bad mother. Quit fighting with him about eating. I would not feel quilty giving him full bottles at this point. As many as he wants. I would not put him in the highchair for awhile. It would be great to offer him various foods for him to decide to pick up and eat if he chooses. He won't be like this forever. But stop the fighting with him to eat. Enjoy the time you do have with him. If you are more relaxed he will be too.

S.,
I wish I could reach through this computer and give you a huge hug! I know exactly what you are going through because I'm in the same situation with my 14 mo old daughter. She didn't gain weight for 5 months, and was only 16 lbs 3 oz at her one year check up. I felt as if I was running a circus show as I tried every type of food, sippy cup, bottle, baby food, spoon, high chair... nothing worked! I finally sought help through the feeding program at Mary Free Bed. They made me feel terrible, BUT they had some great techniques that are actually working. She is finally eating better and has gained over a pound. I can tell you all about it if you want to email me. There are so many things you can try. Don't give up hope, and don't worry, he WILL get through this.
Sympathetically, L.

Give him a bowl of cheerios (multi-grain., let him eat as much as he wants, that and his bottle will fill his tummy. Maybe he is going to be a fussy eater, or a friends child could not eat anything other than smooth baby food. I believe he had a gag reflex with food. My son is very picky about what he eats. He is now 9. He would not nurse and he now only eats, cereal, plain bread, buns, tortillas, bacon, apple and noodles. He is the same height as his twin brother but his brother weighs 10 lbs. more. He just is a small boned little kid. He eats enough of what he likes and he is filling his tummy. He does take a vitamin. I also tried to put pediasure in his milk and he could tell. He asked me after the first drink what I did to his milk. Hang in there my boys Dr. said that they thrive on so little. So try and get a little in there, find something that he likes and let him eat it allday,to get his weight up. Good luck!

Not sure that I can offer much advice... but that does not sound like a fun situation for anyone... Hang in there... Kids aren't cats... they won't starve themselves, so keep putting stuff out there for him to eat... Maybe you could go to the bookstore and find some of the Cheerios books or some such thing... some sort of different setting for having a little food to eat.
Just hang in there...

First off, you are not a bad mother. Its hard to know what to do when it is your first child. YOu are doing great!

Have you experimented with different types of food. I have found, just through my son and neices and cousins, that at that age, the texture and slimyness (sp?) dictates likes and dislikes. Try to find anything that he will eat. At this point a balanced meal is not a priority. There was a time when my son lived on the Back to Nature graham cracker sticks and a few other things. He just wouldnt eat anything else. Try something like that. I recommend the back to nature brand. Something he can hold in his hand. Do you have one of those snack traps? or just take the top off a sippy cup and fill it with anything hard he likes, ie crackers, cheerios, kix, chex, anything. let him hold the cup (ideally with handles on it) and eat as he pleases and always have it available. maybe he will feel in charge and want to eat then. Have you tried oatmeal? start with the basics like that. Toast is another one that is easy to bite and chew.

So i guess the gyst of my advice is just to try different things and not to worry about fruits and veggies so much. you can always get a supplement from the drugstore if you are concerned (ask your doctor). Is he drinking whole milk yet? that should help him gain weight also.

PS. how is he sleeping?

It sounds like meal time has become stressful in your home and stress spreads, to your son, his caregivers etc. Try going back to a time when this issue was not so severe. Pediasure tastes bad. I would give him formula to keep his nutrition ontrack, and continue to introduce regular food and use the baby/toddler foods. One is a huge developmental year, younger ones may not have the motor skills to manipulate utensils yet. With work, school, and a one year old you have many responsibilities to juggle and that can be exhausting. Make sure meal time is pleasent, calm, and he will come around. Hang in there, the semester is almost over.

I wouldnt be to worried because i had a 7yrs old daughter that started teething bad at 6months old and she had the hardest time gaining any weight.She was 20 pounds at one if she was lucky and every year we tryed everything .She still at the age of 7yrs old at 50pds and is 47inches tall . I would say hang in there and the weight will come .You can try evrything but they will gain when they are ready .

Hello S.,
I feel your pain - my son was very similar (still at times is) to your son! My son is now 19 months old and only weighs 21 lbs 14 oz. My doctor has never made me feel bad about what my son weighs though - he is just smaller than most his age, but he is happy and healthy and that is all that matters - if I were you I would try to find a new doctor, they should not make you feel that way especially a new mom. Like I said if he is happy and healthy don't stress over it...when you stress your son knows it and that may be why he doesn't eat because he senses that mommy is stressed out and doesn't know why. I will tell you what I did and it may or may not work for you...my son still eats a few jarred baby foods, the ones with a few chunks...he is very picky when it comes to textures of food (he hates those little potato, corn and pea chunks in his food - if it's pureed he's fine eating it), but he does eat a variety of food. He is just not quite ready for our food for his whole meal. One thing that you said you do is give him snacks while you get his dinner ready, I did the same thing and I had to stop because he wouldn't eat either if I gave him snacks first so I stopped and got his dinner ready while he was playing with his toys. Then sometimes I would have to distract him, put on the TV to show he likes or let him have a toy with him on his tray. He would absolutly not eat though when he was getting his teeth. Another thing I noticed a lot now is that he will not eat until he has a drink of milk or water and sometimes in between bites he needs more, if he refuses to eat in the middle of his meal I just give him another sip of his drink then he continues eating. He is getting much better and some of the things he likes are applesauce (I give him the kind not sweetened with sugar), soups (chicken especially, but with little chunks), vegetables (he likes them all), beef stroganoff in the jar and so many others, just a little at a time. Sometimes a baby has to try things over and over and over before they decide if they like it. My son also loves fresh fruit cut up and those little goldfish crackers and preztels and yogurt too!!! One thing that I wouldn't do for my son though was just give him yogurt (or something sweet) because I knew he would eat it without eating anything else, my mother-in-law said that to me and I said absolutely not then he will think he doesn't have to eat his veggies and main meal. He needed to have a healthy balanced diet from the start and if he was hungry he would (usually) eat what he was offered, unless bothered by teething pain. I hope this helps and if you want to talk more let me know. The BIGGEST advice I have though is for you as his mom to stay calm and he will be fine - if he's happy and healthy don't stress. I think it is around the same age my son was when he did that and he is fine. My mother-in-law used to say "is he eating enough" and it was hard for me being ridiculed as a first time mom and I started doubting myself and then I had talked to my mom about what she had said and my mom and dad both laughed a little and jokingly said "yeah he looks real unloved and under nurished" they thought it was ridiculous and my mom reassured me that when he is hungry he will eat. Babies don't know what starving themselves is or overeating - when they are hungry they will eat and when they are full they will stop eating. Just keep offering different foods and eventually he will eat them, he will be fine - he could just be teething too! My son is a little guy for his age, but the happiest baby I know!!!! Good Luck!

Hello S.;

I have not read all the others responses as this is urgent~

I recommend you stress to your pediatrician what you are telling us. It sounds to me as if something more could be going on, medically and she should be looking at that or sending you to see a specialist.

I feel bad that my son barely eats as it is. However; he still has not alarmed the doctor, so apparently he is getting enough of what he needs.

If it is just the texture issue; you may have to let him 'get over it'. When he is hungry enough he will eat it as that is nature's instinct (yet it is scary as can be in your situation right now!).
But there may be more than the 'texture' issue going on?

Until you can pinpoint what is happening, make sure you are introducing him to a variety of fruits and veggies (kid friendly, of course that are for his age.). Another thing I would suggest is maybe the taste? As odd as it sounds, many of us can tell a HUGE difference in the chemically processed foods vs. the organics. I know there is a difference in prices, but I know a few places have been mentioned to me such as Trader Joe's. (and all of this is way better for all of your family anyway!).

Try giving him a 'smoothie'? Blend all of the fruits and a few of the less 'potent' veggies together with milk, juices and yogurt. Add some honey, vanilla or some sugar cane (organic sugar) to it. My son LOVES these and wants them all the time! He thinks of them as desserts and you don't have to feel bad as all the good stuff is in there.

Meanwhile, try to breathe and stay calm as you son can also pickup your frustration with this situation. Something should happen soon with everyone responding! ;)
Best of Luck and I hope these insane peds figure it out for you!!!

S.,
I have an 18 month old and I would want to cry too if she did that all the time. My daughter doesn't like milk so she eats a lot of cheese and yogurt. She loves to feed herself and one of her favorites is a go-gurt. I'll cut it in half so she has one in each hand and she slurps it right down. My daughter also loves popsicles or ice cream cones. You probably don't want a lot of sugar, but you could try a high fat ice-cream cone or bar. She also loves fruit snacks - again sugar, but it is calories. Good luck. Hope this helps. They can sure be difficut at this age. They know what they want. One other thing my doctors have told me is that kids are very good at regulating their hunger and they do go through periods of eating more and less with their growth spurts. So hang in there, keep trying new foods, try not to stress, and remember your a good mom who's baby is lucky to have her!

Good morning S.. Please know that you are not a bad mom! Have you ever thought that he may have food allergies?? I know that my first was not a great eater and was underweight "according to the charts" and it was discovered that he had an allergy to his formula which caused his intestines to be aggravated. It really showed up when we started potty training and his desire was to go on the potty and his diarrhea prevented him from going normally. I sought out doctors advice because of his frustration at not being able to "hold it" til he got to the potty. I can tell you it was eventually resolved and my healthy 22 year old is 5'10" and probably only 140.There may be a medical reason that he won't eat like others. Talk to your doctor or find another that can help you solve this problem. I'll be praying for you and your son, L. S.

S., you are NOT a bad mother as is evidence by how desperately you are trying to solve this issue for your son! I agree with what so many have suggested here.... you need a new pediatrician who will listen to about your son's problem and have a fresh perspective on things. So many good things have been said, I'm not going to repeat them all but give you something else I haven't read yet to think about. My daughter was 12 months when I was breastfeeding almost exclusively. She would pick at toddler food but wouldn't really get any good nutrition from it which wasn't a problem until she suddenly quite nursing cold turkey. She wouldn't take milk in any form, of any kind, at any time and I had no clue as to why! I panicked at first because she wasn't eating table food well either. For me, this didn't last as long as your little guy but I'll tell you that waiting for 3-4 hours for her to get hungry helped her eat more at each meal. I started giving her juice and I noticed that she always ate better when the whole family sat down and ate at the same time and she was at the table with us- not in a separate room like the kitchen or with me sitting there focused on feeding her. She would watch us eat and use spoons and forks and she would try to mimmick us. She had a plateful of food (small/tiny portions so it's not too overwhelming) in which she could choose out of the healthy options whatever it was she liked. There was no forcing (you absolutely cannot force a toddler to eat or you have created more trouble for yourself and trauma for the child). I also noticed that my first baby had reflux and vomiting whenever I gave her fruit with any other food! So... I watched closely and I still to this day, combine her food with these principles... fruit and juice by themselves only (for at least 1 hour before or after eating anything else)- so no fruit or juice served with her meals but only as a snack or breakfast standing alone. Second, meat and veggies together or veggies and starches (like potatoes and bread) together and no mixing of milk with acidic foods like tomato products. This I found to completely prevent reflux and vomiting. So if that ends up being your little guys trouble, you should try it for a while and see if he doesn't improve after he realizes that his tummy isn't going to hurt or his throat feel yucky after he eats. Also, I highly recommend teaching your son sign language so that you can improve your communication together. They pick it up very easily at this age (my first daughter started at 9months!) Kids this age know and understand much more than they can put into words and being able to make gestures helps eliminate (or at least lessen) the frustration they feel and the tantrums that are so common during this stage. HTH give you ideas for a couple more things to try. I would not hesitate to give as much milk right now as your son will drink. Possibly try warming it up for a few seconds and put a tablespoon of Raw Blue Agave Nectar into a bottle/sippy cup. This will add some calories but is low glycemic so his blood sugar won't spike from it. My kids BEG for this and love it!

S.,
I am so sorry you are dealing with this! We went through something similar with our first daughter....even at 2 weeks old, she only ate every 6 hours! And didn't eat much. We had to put rice in her bottles, Carnation Instant breakfast in her sippy cups when she was older, and the doctors recommended putting lots of fattening things in her food....butter all over everything, sour cream, etc. It didn't sound healthy to me, but that's what they suggested to get the calories in her. She's 3 1/2 and doing fine. She is only 25 pounds, but doing fine mentally and physically. If she is hungry enough...she'll eat. We stressed out for the first 1+ years, but realized that we were not in control and the more we tried to be in control, the more she would win. We made sure to offer her food several times a day (6-7) and if she ate, great, if not, she would be hungry in the morning. Our youngest daughter just turned 1 and is only 19 pounds. She eats more than me, but seems to have a fast metabolism. The doctor is concerned about her weight and said the same thing "load her up on the calories". We aren't worried too much...this just seems to be in our genes. As the doctor said "kids can control 3 things...eating, voiding and sleeping, and there's not much we can do about it."
I hope things get better soon. You're not a bad mom! Keep us updated!

I am not a doctor just a mom of three and I suggest you go see a pediatric gastro doctor. I have heard of this where the child is in pain when they eat due to reflux and then they don't want to eat at all.
Just a suggestion.

I am so sorry for you, I know how difficult it can be when you know there's something wrong but they cannot tell you what. Have you told your doctor about what is happening. It sounds like maybe he has stomach problems. If you have already talked to your doctor about this and she shrugged it off I would go get another opinion. I would rule out any physical problems before anything else. I hope relief comes soon. Good luck.

Take a deep breath...

My daughter is 13 months old and weighs 19 lbs 6 oz.

Her Pediatrician does not think she is under weight... she is healthy and happy.

We recently have had the same problems with her eating in her high chair as well. luckily ours converts.
The problem seems to have been solved for the most part because we took the arms off of the high chair and have stopped using the tray.

She sits at the table like a big girl, JUST LIKE SHE DOES AT DAYCARE.

Does your son go to daycare? Do they have him in a high chair with a tray or in a chair sitting at the table with everyone else? Kids will eat when they are hungry... they do not intentionally starve themselves. At this age they are more interested in what is around them and what they can play with and do...

Are there too many distractions while he is trying to eat? If so maybe you need to remove the distractions or remove him from them.

Are you stressed out at eating time? If you are, he is too. As long as you stay calm, so will he... he needs to see you are relaxed and enjoying eating. Try eating some cheerios and make them seem VERY tasty... then see if he eats some as well. Leave some in front of him on the table. Try offering him one from your hand... STAY CALM.

Maybe try going 3 hours between eating... when he eats more in one sitting... he will go longer and longer... it used to be every 2 hours eating... then 3 hours... then 4...

Just be patient and try different foods... crackers, cheese, puffs, etc.

Hope this helps!

Has he been checked for acid reflux? Maybe it hurts to eat.

Rule out allergies and reflux problems. He needs to eat when you eat. How is he at daycare? Is daycare provider a family member? Try a small fork or a baby fork . Don't worry about him stabbing himself just keep your eye on him he will catch on. He sounds like he is stubborn and frustrated. You still need to let him feed himself. Let him figure it out on his own maybe that will help. My daughter is stubborn too. I have the same problems with her and she's 20 months. The older they get the pickier they get. My daughter used to eat all kinds of people food now she won't either. So I can relate. Being a single parent is REALLY tough. Is there a possibility you can spend more time with him? I know my daughter gets upset with me when I work a lot. It seems I have more problems with her then too.
Good luck and keep your chin up!

I am so sorry that you are going thru all of this, I know you must be so frustrated. I would be at a complete loss as well. I was wondering if the doctor has done any testing on him, perhaps there is a reason he isn't eating. Maybe it hurts him to eat, maybe there is a problem that they need to fix. I have no idea exactly what to do, but just thought I would mention that. I hope that it all works out soon. I am so sorry that you have to go thru this.

I can see why you are so upset, but just by asking for help and going to the doctor's, you are doing the right thing, so please try not to be hard on yourself!!! You are trying and that's what matters, you can't help that he just won't eat!!!!! I suggest you get a couple of different doctor's opinions. There may be some medical reason why he will not eat, or eat only a little. Somehow, it could be hurting him every time he eats??!!! Also, I have two girls, who eat all the time and many different varieties of food and they are both a little small for their age!! My husband and I are average size, so I don't know why either! All I know is that i take care of them and do what the doctor's tell me, so really, what more can i do?? Keep trying all you can and know that because you do so, you are a good mom! I wish you the best!!!!!

Dear Sam, You poor girl! Hey who watches your son when you work and are in school? Does he do the same thing with them?? Does he seem to only want his bottle and for you to hold him?? It could be something serious...or just that he is set on throwing a fit because he wants his own way or attention. But if he is crying that he is hungry, I would get some medical advise soon. I'm not a Dr. but this does NOT seem normal. There could be problems with him eating in general...Has your Dr. checked all possible things?? Good Luck and god bless...and again, I would NOT let this thing go any longer. Nothing is to good for our childern!! cindy

My daughter turned one two weeks ago she only weights 17 pounds. my doctor said as long as she doesn't lose weight she is ok, she is barley in the 5th percentile.
why don't you try feeding your son food you eat, try bananas, pasta with a lttle bit of sauce (not so much or it gets messy), pretzels, or try french fries tehy may not be healthy but maybe he will eat tehm
there might be something wrong with him try taking him to a specialist maybe in stomachs or something.
don't feel bad everyone goes trhough something that makes tehm feel as if tehy are a bad parent

S., it sounds like eating actually causes your son pain. The fact that he'll do bottles but not solid food makes me think the solid food is hurting something in his mouth, teeth, throat, etc - maybe the motion of chewing hurts. (Ear problem, maybe?) I would have him thoroughly checked out for any physical problems that could be causing pain - and (you've probably already tried this), maybe he would eat ice cream or pudding pops. Ice cream is high in fat and calories, cold, and soft - maybe something he can tolerate. Best of luck to you!

Hi mama, relax a little bit. You're a good mom, you just have a difficult babe. Let's sit back and analyze this a little bit. I see you're single and in school. Where is your son while you're gone? Is he comfortable where he is/who he is with? Does he eat when he's with this person? Babies show distress in different ways. I'm not saying that's what it is, just something to think about. Also, I noticed you give him bottles... try giving him bottles with rice cereal in it. For my son (who is Mr. Picky and lives on chicken nuggets and oranges) I gave him bottles to boost his weight when he lost a bunch from the flu. Don't feel bad that he still needs more formula than other babies. Rice will help bulk him up.

I agree with another mom to have him checked for reflux. Request an upper GI. Is there a particular food that he loves? Something salty? Something sweet? My son is so picky with foods. He doesn't like any of the normal baby things like pastas and taters. The kid wouldn't even eat baby naners. BUT I found he likes chicken nuggets and oranges. So guess what? He gets that every day for lunch. While nuggets aren't the healthiest- I give him 2.5 bottles a day. - so about 20oz of formula (mixed with rice). It sounds like your son in ultra independent- doesn't want mom telling him what to eat. Try giving him a fork and a spoon and some yogurt or pudding (something soft) in a bowl and letting him figure it out. Show him how to aim for his mouth. He may not get much, but then you can sit there and also have a spoon - in between the bites HE's doing, then try to put a bite in there.

I know you have TONS of answers, and I hope some have helped. Hang in there mama!

I see that you work full-time and attend school part-time. Does your son eat while he is at daycare, or is this standard behavior there as well? Have you mentioned this to your caregiver as well? Perhaps you aren't feeding him how he is fed there? Just a thought...

This is just an idea, but perhaps you may want to take your son to a speech or occupational therapist to be evaluated for oral sensory issues? It sounds like he may have some sensory issues in/around his mouth since he seems particular about textures of food. I would also like to suggest you may want to get a new pediatrician because no one should make you feel like you are a bad mother when you are trying everything to get your son to eat. My son (almost 3 now) has some sensory issues as well, he wouldn't touch anything gooey or slimy until the past year or so. He still is uncomfortable eating spaghetti, but at least he'll eat a little of it now, and now he loves gummi fruit snacks, which he wouldn't touch a year ago. He is also in speech and occupational therapy because he has speech and fine motor delays, so I have learned about some of the oral sensory issues just by being around other kids when I take my son to his sessions. But my son has always eaten pretty good even with his sensory issues, so I wonder if your son's problem isn't deeper, like maybe he gets a stomach ache when he eats or something. Did you ask your doctor about anything like that?

I have had a very similar experience and a single mom too! My son weighed 19 lbs at his 2 year old check up. He has been at 0% and.05% on the growth chart for years. I had to do many weigh ins, even have him see a nutritionist to document his daily nutrient intake. I have also been made to feel like a horrible mother. First and formost, don't waist your time and energy feeling like a bad mom. TELL YOUR DOCTOR THEY ARE MAKING YOU FEEL BAD. Once I did that, I felt like all the negativity in their tone went away and sympathy came pouring out. On top of that after 3 years of carefully monitoring my son's weight, nutrition, and testing him for every weight loss related disease known to man my doctor no longer seems concerned. At 4 1/2 he is at 1% on the growth chart and they have stopped monitoring him for a year and a half now. He continues to grow (on his own curve) but they just wanted to make sure they weren't missing a major disease. This is a tough spot to be in and I wish you the best of luck. Be honest with your doctor and ask them to work with you not against you. Take it easy, J..

S.,

I know your situation. When my son was a baby he had the same issues. My pediatrician did not respond well to me either. Another pediatric doctor referred us to the outpatient clinic at Mary Free Bed Hospital. They have a fantastic feeding program that focuses on eatting issues. It sounds alot like my son, refusing textures and sensory issues regarding the feel, smell and touch.
It seems so natural as a mother to want to feed your child and it to be a natural experience, then it turns into a very frustrating ordeal and people don't get you are doing everything possible!
Be your son's advocate! If you don't get the answers from this DR. find another who will work with you. Ask for a referral for an evaluation for feeding concerns and swallowing difficulties. Don't give up.

I understand where your are coming from and will say a prayer it all works out for you!

Hi I can't even imagine how much stress you are undergoing right now.

You are in my prayers and I hope you can get some help here.

I agree with the other moms that if he will drink formula or milk then put him on as much of it as he will take and forget the solids for awhile.

Also get to another doctor and quick, because you should have one that will work with you not just tell you, you need to do more. There are so many out there we really have our pick. You may want to consider one that works out of a hospital, then you can go to one place for everything including referals. I don't know where you're at but my friend swears by the group out of Troy Beaumont. Sorry I don't have the name but I know their offices are in the hospital.

Good Luck and remember our kids pick up on our stress so try and make meals as calm and relaxing as possible ;)

God Bless, YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOTHER! I can feel your love in your request
K.

I am a preschool special education teacher, and have had a student or two like this. I have two thoughts. One is that it could be a sensory issue: he simply does not like the feel of solid foods in his mouth (or particular foods in his mouth). That could also be why he doesn't like to touch slimy things. Me, personally: I can't stand to touch newspaper and I refuse to eat cottage cheese. While I have adapted to my own sensory issues, he may need some help adapting to his. You may want to mention to your doctor that you think he may have some oral sensory issues. (If there are other behaviors that are a concern to you, you could also consider getting a referral for services through your local school district.) The second thought I have is whether or not your son may have some kind of gastrointestinal problems (i.e. acid reflux, etc.) Some kids with severe reflux problems don't eat because it causes them to reflux, which causes them severe pain. The reduction of hunger or enjoyment of food is not nearly enough to overcome the pain, so they stop eating. This is something you'd have to check with your doctor about, however. There are specialists you'd have to see, etc. Just two things that popped into my head because of my background in special ed. Good luck!

S.,
You have received so many replies, so please forgive me if I am repeating anything.
First, get yourself a new pediatrician. You need a doctor who will act as your partner in helping you keep your son well. You do not need somebody to treat you like you are an idiot. I think mothers do enough of that to themselves.

Secondly, have you or anyone else suggested that something else might be going on here? It could be that he is just picky, but consider the possibility that he may be trying to tell you that something else is going on. My eldest son suffers from Sensory Processing Disorder. It is a neurological disorder where the brain and central nervous system do not always communicate with each other properly. It affects children in a variety of ways, one in particular is the inability to tolerate the feel of certain foods on one's hands or in the mouth. I am in no way suggesting that this is what your little guy has, but several things you mention makes me wonder if it is worthwhile looking into having him screened. Check out a book called "The Out of Sync Child" and see if anything else rings a bell with you and your son. You don't have to read the whole thing, just do the quizzes. Through work with a skilled Occupational Therapist, my son is now thriving and eating well.
Good luck to you on your journey. I am so sorry your doctor is making you feel so lousy.

S., I know it is hard - because I share a very similiar experience. But what I have found is that you can't let the doctors make you feel guilty. They are working from charts of averages... not your daily reality. I always took solice in the number of professionals, doctors, nutritionists, etc. who say that children will not starve. They say that if you give them opportunities to eat, they will eat if they are hungry- they regulate what they need. I have a very strong-willed little girl, who at about the same age as your son decided that she didn't want others to feed her anymore. That meant no baby food since she couldn't yet coordinate a spoon. So, I switched her to formula in a sippy cup (Nubby cups are great because the tops are soft like a bottle nipple). I would only give her the "milk" in her highchair, with her meal. I would start with foods I wanted her to eat (fruits, veggies, etc) and give her a good 5-7 minutes with each, staying in the room (her chair is in our kitchen) but working on other things like the dishwasher instead of sitting there watching her (which makes the time seem much slower). We would sing songs about the food (like yummy, yummy, bananas in your tummy) Whatever I could think up (since she loves music) which would keep her in a happy mood. What I found is that if the food was in small peices that she could pick up, then she would eat more. Also, I have found that she can go a week or more eating hardly anything, but then one day eat all day (usually right before she grows a lot). Also, when she has a cold or doesn't feel well she doesn't eat. But in the end, she is getting the nutrition she needs. Another theory of mine is that when she is at daycare, she eats more because the other kids are eating too. So, I keep track of what she eats at daycare, and if she has eaten well there, I don't worry so much about dinner. I have learned over time that breakfast is often her "best" meal of the day. She eats the most then (which I guess is a good thing). She loves pancakes (sometimes it just takes a lot of trial ane error) - so I let her have them all the time, I just mix in other things like blueberries or baby food fruits/veggies so there is more nutrition. I don't put anything on them (so they aren't "sticky"). She used to like canned fruits (I bought the ones in their own juice or in "light syrup") but now she is really into yogurt (she is about 20 months so now she can do a spoon herself). Also the Gerber brand snack foods, like the fruit bars (like a fruit roll up but without the sugar), yogurt snacks, puffs, crackers, etc - she loves them, and they are fortified with extra nutrients. So it changes on a whim... don't get discouraged, just keep trying new things. Sometimes it helps if I pick out two things, and let her "choose" pointing to the one she wants, then she feels empowered that she got to have a say. Sometimes it means you throw out a lot of food, but I just keep telling myself if she is hungry, and I keep giving her new things to try, she won't starve. Also, sometimes if she eats with us- and gets to have what we are having, she will eat more. One last thought is what you and your husband were like as children. Were you underwieght? Did either of you not eat well? I take some solice in that my mother struggled to get me to eat, and I didn't waste away. I think family traits of weight and eating are a better indicator than the doctor's office averages. I hope this helps!

Wow S., I can't imagine being in your shoes, it must really hurt.
My daughter is 15months and started being disinterested in some food she had previously liked so I started putting a little pizza sauce mixed in with them. Like sauted zucchini and yellow squash with pizza sauce, not too much but enough where it changes the flavor. I think her taste was just expanded enough with other stuff she ate that she wanted more flavorful things.

Also have you ever tired feeding him what you are eating off of your plate, like you eat a couple of bites and then see if he wants any, by eating right in front of him?

Hope those help

Start with a thorough exam with a new pediatrician explaining the problem. Sometimes a new doctor will be more interested in what the mom has to say and not just dismiss you as "inexperienced" or hysterical. If there is something wrong with your baby's swallowing or throat, etc.,this should be noted first. As for the amount he does eat when he eats, just congratulate yourself for this small accomplishment--his stomach has no doubt shrunken down to small. It will take a while to increase his intake. You probably have tried all the todler "high interest food. You need to relax of course and maybe he does too. The situation is obviously paramount in your life (as it would be in any good parents life). Also try putting food out in a dish in his play area, to make things more casual- less threatening to him. Try not putting him in his highchair except when you eat and only give him high interest toys. In other words do not require him to eat at that time/place. I am a mom of five. Will be praying for resolution of your problem. Keep us all posted. There will be up days & down days. Try not to rush anything. Good luck.

Dear S.,

How frustrating! In my opinion, a child that young will always search for their basic needs to be met. Food/hunger are basic needs, and if he is hungry and not eating, there is a problem going on, and do you really think it is an attitude? It sounds lkike y u are doing everything possible, so may be it is time to look at your son, not you.
My son was diagosed with a sensory integration disorder, and it did affect the way he eats. Some kids with this can't handle food in their mouth, and as a result they are underweight. In some cases, they can't fell 'full' and are overweight. I suggest you read up on this, google sensory integration disorder/eating, and take it from there. If this does sound like your son, occupational therapy can do wonders, and many times make it manageable and have the symptoms go away. I'm suprised that your doctors aren't looking for a medical problem as to why your son is underweight, perhaps a second opinion with a different pediatrician group could help also. Good luck.

S.,

I see you have a lot of reposnse to your question but I have been thinking about your question for over a day. I want to say just like so many have said that you are not a bad mom. You are seeking advice and bad mom's don't do that. If your baby doctor is not helping you than maybe you need to find a new that will. I almost which I more info how does he eat when he is away form you? Does he doe the same? Is he still on a bottle do you feed that before the meal or after. If so you may want to switch when you give it to him. My son for awhile only wanted to nurse so he would refuse to eat only to beg to nurse 20 minutes after meal time. The doctor had me stop nursing and only offer the bottle he hated bottles and soon began eating again. He was also iron deficient have they check for that. He also may just not like those Gerber graduate none of mine son's like them. I would just start try many different table foods until you find one that he likes. Feed that to him everyday if you have to. Have you tried eggs or even peeling fruit leaving it whole and letting him hold on to it and just eating off it. Like a apple or even banana. I have a daycare child that loves banana but if chop it up and put it small pieces he will not touch it. Give him a chunk he will eat the whole thing. I guess I would say just keeping trying foods and hang in there don't make it battle I did that with my first son and I regret it to this day. He is ten and still every meal is a battle. None of my other kids are like that. (you live and learn). I hope this helps I will keep you in my prays M..

I also wanted to let you know that I use to give my son Boost Breeze. It like the milk based boost but it is juice. My son loved it and helped him a lot. I could only find it at walgreens.com but they would ship to my house for free. They had free shipping on there website. The guy at the store said that if they ever end that just go to the store to order and they will ship to your house for free that.

I think you need to show what you've written to your doctor. And/or switch doctors to one willing to work WITH you, not make you feel bad. And I bet other Moms will have nifty advice for you on the eating front. My daughter is picky, and slim, and the only thing I keep hearing is: don't make it a battlefield. I let her eat whenever she's hungry and ignore all the "always eat at the table" rule. She's fine.
Blessings. M.

Please read this - this is my sister and nephew all over again!! First you're not a bad mom, and if your doctor makes you feel that way without exploring what might be going on, then I'd go doctor shopping.

Second, although it seems behavioral, like a control issue, it's possible it's NOT. He may have reflux and have no way to tell you. My nephew had severe reflux, but it never went past his throat, so they had no way of knowing (in other words, never vomited). He was practically at death's door, and my sister was crying all the time too, when a ER nurse asked if he'd ever been tested for reflux. It comes and goes, so if he didn't have it as an infant that doesn't mean he doesn't have it now. Needless to say, after a couple of operations and months on a feeding tube, he's back to normal (he has other developmental issues, so don't assume your son will need a feeding tube! My nephew just had a really severe case). Find out if it could be physical. I'm assuming you're in the GR area. My pediatrician was Dr.Lirio and he's a good listener. In the meantime, give him whatever he'll take. Could be the bottle is less painful - if indeed it is reflux, it's impossible to know without testing. GOOD LUCK AND HANG IN THERE!!!

Jennifer N.

My daughter has this independance thing she wont let me feed her...try giving him a half of a burger and just let him eat it at his pace. Good luck..also make sure hes not drinking to much juice that will fill him up with sugar, not good. :-)

Ok sweetie just relax...You are doing all of the right things. Was he nursed or bottle fed? What was his birth weight? My youngest was always a little under weight and he is fine...he was always tiny and never ate much now he is 7 and still goes in eating spurts, but is finally growing!!! He is healthy and normal, alot of doctors will tell you that if your son is hungry he will eat. I would probably say this to the doc...ok my son will not eat and now he is losing weight, i wanna know what is going on, can you run some tests, like a CBC and so on this may give some more information should something else be going on. If you ever need to talk i am here!!! I was a single mom of 3 for a long time, i have a man now, but i will never forget those hard years, keep your head up!!!!
J.

I agree you should get allergy testing. Two of my kids have food allergies, and the symptoms can come on gradually and in strange ways. Food allergy Anaphalaxis network has a lot of info. Also, you might want to try a good chiropractor. Having your body out of line can really mess with your system. I didn't go to one until recently, and wish I had. The one I go to helped my son with some issues as well. I wish you the best!

S., It looks like you've gotten some really good advice on feeding your son. I don't have any of that to offer, but I wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and your son. I was a single mom for a while too and know how hard that alone can be. Seek the help of friends and family, even if it's just for support. hang in there. God bless.

I understand being a young mom, I'm 25 and I have a 2 and a half year old and a 13 month old. Have you tried peanut butter sammwhiches, or cinnamon crackers? I know most docs recommend waiting till kids are 3 for peanut butter, but my son loves it and my daughter likes to steal his sammwhiches and eat them. lol ... I understand about the weight loss too, my daughter dropped from 20 pounds to a little over 18 in about 2 and a half weeks, then less than a week after her 1 year check up, she stopped eating and drinking all together and went down to just over 16 pounds ... ended up in the hospital because her electrolytes were all out of wack. Does your son like french fries or ice cream? I know we're supposed to give our kids healthy stuff, but when all else fails, ice cream has milk in it (if you can get breyers or edy's it's healthier) and fries are potatoes after all. Where do you live? Maybe we can get together and let the kids play.
Good luck!

H.

you say that you work full time and go to school part time.. so what happens when other people feed your son>>>

will he eat bettter for a sitter??

have him evaluated by a professional.. he should not lose weight..

My daughter was only 17 pounds at 1 year but she slowly ever so slowly gains weight..

S.
You poor thing! Your not doing anything wrong! It sounds like a you need the web site at the end. My daughter started eating baby food, love the peas one week the next wouldn't take any thing at all. Good thing I was nursing, cause she'd only drink. And at 5 is still very particular. Like humus, she loves it. But it can't be to thick or she choaks, or to thin. She won't even play w/ textures like rice or anything that looks like it. And to top it off she has a sensitive gag reflex, so if she gets to upset over it she pukes everything up. For the longest time she'd only eat mac n cheese and hot doges and soy milk. I just get the best I can, organic nitrate free antibiotic free turkey dogs (skin removed). Are you near a trader joes? They have good for you food, at my kind of prices. I'd make drinkable yogurt, blend organic spinach in some milk, add frozen blue berries, or lots of strawberries and some yogurt, then just enough milk. Add protein powder if I had to. Your going to get through this. My sister (in Canada) knows someone's kid who's in food therapy! There's hope. Hang in there, A. H

www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-di...

MY son is very similar sometimes I wonder how he survives, but what I did is give up on regular dinner and I try new things and give him what he will eat. I am lucky in that my son will eat fruit, hardly any vegtables but he will eat fruit. Mine is now 4. He eats yogurt, pudding, gold fish crackers, strawberries, grapes, and Vanilla Soy milk. He will eat pasta, and I make my own sauce and I put V-8 juice in it since he doesn't eat veggies much. Also does your son drink juice that has the vitiams and calories to help especially the Fusion juices that have veggies in it.?

The one thing you memtioned that I don't have with my son is he is hungry and still doesn't eat. My son may not eat what I want him too, but he will eat when he is hungry, in fact if he didn't eat much one day the next day his appetite is better. Have the doctors checked to make sure that his stomach isn't upset when he eats or there isn't anothe problem? They shouldn't make you feel like a bad mom, you can't force feed him. In fact when I have tried to stand my ground with my son and feed him or say you can't leave the table until you are finished...He is so upset and not wanting to eat that his gag reflex gets going and he will actually throw up if I make him continue to eat if he doesn't want the food or had enough. So all you can do is keep trying, but the doctors should be checking for reasons your son won't eat when he is hungry.

My son may not eat a meat, starch, vegtable type dinner but he eats healthy foods and grazes all day. what ever works. As he gets older I feel I can get a more structured meal in him right now I work with him. Obviously I am not going to let him each junk all day, but we have found heathy food he likes.

Try Vanilla soy milk and see if he likes it. Even Chocolate Ovaltine. Both my kids like that in their soy milk, even thought it is already vanilla.

Unfortunately I don't know any advice to give you because that has never happened to me. What does the doctor suggest to get weight back on him? I just wanted to offer you support because I can imagine you must feel very overwhelmed and worried about your son. I hope things improve for him soon.

S.,

I too have had chubby babies, but they were all BIG milk drinkers (breastmilk for 9 months, formula for 3, then whole milk). All 3 of my children went through picky stages, but if they wouldn't eat for me I would make sure they had a good size bottle. The Ped recommends that you limit the bottle and feed them more table foods, but I just followed my instincts and even though my little ones didn't eat a full meal or picked at meals here and there they always drank a full bottle like 3-4 times a day. My little 20 month old still loves his milk. Does your little one like the whole milk? Have you tried giving him a warm bottle or sippy cup of it? For some reason (probably from the breastmilk) my children always have to have their milk warmed a little. Your baby is prob fine, but I would definitely try to get him to drink more milk (however he'll take it) and then let him nibble on foods through out the day until he is ready to eat a full meal. Most 1 year olds are picky eaters. Just offer him a little bit at a time, but as long as he is getting his bottles he should be gaining weight. By the way- U say you work full time and go to school full time than who is caring for your child? If someone else is caring for your child all day you've got to find out what is going on while he's there.

Hi S., I am sorry you are having such a hard time. As many others have stated please get yourself another pediatrician. I dont know where you live but ask mothers from this website to suggest ones they are happy with in your area. I can suggest one but I dont know if you are in the area of Rochester. Also I noticed that you are working and going to school. Both are very time consuming. Who is feeding him when you are not there? Do they have the same issues?? If so then please have your son go to a new pediatrician for some tests to rule out anything phisical. Then you can find out if it is phisical or mental. If it is not phisical than it may be a behavior? Again with a good pediatrician they can guide you for help either way! Good luck with your struggle and I am sure it is a phase that will end soon. :) J.

Hello, S.! I saw you had many responses to your situation, so I wasn't going to add my input until I read someone's comments--ragging on you about child protective services! Don't take that to heart, please! Everyone has opinions about everything, but I think that was uncalled for. You are not a bad mom; bad moms don't care, and you obviously do. I was inexperienced once, too, but my boyfriend had lots of good ideas to help me through these tricky developmental stages. Here is my advice. It does sound to me like he's being very picky (my youngest is beyond stubborn!). Any medical problems unfound would lead me to advise you to eliminate his bottle and set him up with the food you cook for yourself. I remember not being ready to make those transitions with my baby, but he handled them better than I did. I agree with the other mom who puts her daughter at the table with the family and carrys on with the meal. I do believe what another mom said about the need to thrive, and I don't think he's going to starve himself. Give him the food, and let him decide. Perhaps trying this would give him the variety and independence he seems to need.
I hope it works out for you.

Try eliminating the concept of meal time. I have 3 little girls ages 2, 4, & 6 and they are all picky eaters. What I found was that they didn't like big meals and they didn't like having to stop playing to sit down. I give them snacks (healthy as possible) to munch on while they are playing or watching a movie. They eat a good 6 times a day, just munching here and there. Now granted, you will have to break this habit down the road, but if it helps him eat now, who cares. I myself eat this way, and none of us are overweight or unhealthy.

S. -

Wow! I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I think your Doctors aren't doing their job very well if they don't give you much help and just make you feel like you are not a good parent. It definitely sounds like you are making a worthwhile effort.

First of all, are you giving your son whole milk to drink? If he is not eating and needs to gain weight you definitely need to focus on calories and fat. You might even want to minimize fruit and veggies (which could fill him up, but not provide adequate calories) and serve him mostly high-fat yogurt, cheese, cottage cheese, even good quality ice cream. That way, if he only takes a few bites, it's at least high-calorie bites. High-fat smoothies or milkshakes could be a good way to go, too. If you tried a child's cup with a built-in straw, just the novelty of the exciting new cup might make him finish it.
"
What about trying him in a booster seat at the table? Maybe he is getting fed up with his high-chair.

If these tactics don't work, you may want to try a second Doctor's opinion. You should be getting better advice, and it sounds like there might really be something else wrong with your son. We all know it's very common for toddlers to barely eat and just play all day, but I don't think malnourishment is by any means typical.

Good luck, S..
Dana Suzanne

First off, it's nothing your doing wrong at all. This is just my opinion and thoughts.......you don't have to use it. With my daughter I had to try all sorts of food at one time and at times she wouldn't eat any of it. But that's how we will know what they like and what they don't. She would eat her favorite food and two days later she hates it. They are extremely picky. And did you know that the more active your child the thinner he\she will be. My daughter is 18 months old and only 26 lbs. Everyone will say....she's tiny. My doc says she's tiny but healthy and up to date on everything she does. Do you like your pediatrician??? Mine told us that at that age(meaning one)they will gain and lose because they are reaching so many milestones and because of that they are active and that's why their weight will fluxuate. And everyone, especially a doctor should know that whenever a person(baby or not) gets ill they will lose weight. Dehydration and whatever else does that to you. I maybe would think about seeing(if you can) another pediatrician. Good luck and to me it sounds that for a little bit it will be tough with the food and maybe too much food will be wasted but that will give you the confidence in knowing what your boy likes. Good luck and let me know what you do if you have the time.

just wondering if you were local to me. i'm in Lake Orion area.

Dear S.---I want to empathize with you as seeing your child frustrated and not thriving is making you feel guilty and in a state of panic. Please try to step back when you feel this way. Most likely your son picks up on those feelings and it manifests through his behavior. First, do not give him foods like fruit loops as they offer no nutrition whatsoever and may set up his tastes for eating more healthy foods. Experts suggest that it can take up to 10-14 exposures before a child may accept a new food to eat. Pediasure is not healthy either as it is mostly sugar. I am a wellness educator with a background in Home Economics and have a number of resources avialable to share with you on good healthy food to offer your son and strategies to try and get him to eat. I also can share information on a gummie supplement to offer him that is made with 17 different fruits and vegetables. Doesn't have many calories, but he'll be getting the nutrients found in those foods. It actually helps program their taste buds so that they start to like and crave fruits and veggies. Feel free to contact me. Also, you should visit www.askdrsears.com. Dr. Sears has written over 30 books and contributes to Parent and Baby Talk magazines. He's also been a guest on Dr. Phil.
The other thing I might suggest is that he may have textural sensitivities and may need specialized medical attention to diagnose and to provide therapy for that. Ask your pediatrician and if he/she doesn't cooperate, find a new one. I actually think I would have changed Dr's by now as your current one seems unsympathetic to your plight. It is partly their responsibility to help you find a way to feed your reluctant diner. Good luck and I will keep you in my thoughts. In health, D. ###-###-####

Wow. I am so sorry to hear about this. I am not real familiar with this situation. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Obvioulsy you care and are a wonderful mother if you are reaching out to others and continuing to try to help your son. I met a women in my daughters music class last fall. Her daughter had a very similar problem. I will try to find out her info for you. I remember she found a dr/program in cleveland that she had been investigating.

S.,
I am with the other two ladies about checking your son for other issues and absolutely fight for yourself in this matter. Tell your DR just like you are telling us. There is something going on for your son and it is not bad mothering!!!

Good luck

S., I am so sorry you are going through this. You are obviously a loving, caring, hard-working, diligent mom. Don't second-guess yourself. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to encourage your son to eat. If I were you, I would seek out a second (or 3rd) opinion from a reputable pediatrician. Make sure there is nothing going on in his esophagus, gastric system, etc... it may involve some testing that may be uncomfortable, but knowing for sure what is going on will give you peace. As long as you are still giving him the formula (or breastmilk) that he needs, you are giving him the nutrition he needs to have. In fact, my doctor once told me that babies are just fine with formula or milk alone for the first year of their life. Whatever you decide to do, just be consistent with it, and although it is almost impossible sometimes, try to remain positive and calm so he associates that with eating time. Again, if those things don't help, seek some good medical advice until you get the help you need. Keep your friends and family close to you, as it sounds like you need lots of love and support right now. Take care and I hope this turns out well for you and your sweet boy.
God Bless, J.

Dear S.,
My heart goes out to you and your precious son. I haven't been through what you have ,only have picky eaters. How would you like to learn about a life changing product that has helped many moms. My 3 children are all on this awesome, unique yummy tasting nutrition shake every day..2 of them since in my womb( I started on them when I was pregnant and got unbelievable energy!!). My 2 yr old likes it in his bottle, even otherwise he drinks mostly out of a sippy cup or regular cup. So what... He is getting all the essential nutrients he needs that keep his little organs functioning at their peek level!Even though they didn't eat as the Dr. wanted, their lab values came back fine and we never had a weight issue!It was a God sent!!Thank God..also as a result their immune system has been very strong . So in the last seven yrs. we have only once had to see the Doc for a sick visit. I am a rep for this company/ products and you can't get t in a store. If you wish, I 'll love to help you more. Just call me at ###-###-####.
Blessings, C. W.

First of all-- your pediatrician should be supportive and helping you. Make and apt to talk about your son's eating habits and what you can do to him him eat, and in the meantime what you can do to increase his nutrient intake (keep him on formula, pediasure, for example). If your pediatrician can't do this, find one who will.

Also- some kids are just small. My cousin's son is similar to yours. He is 2 1/2 and is 24 lbs. He has to be chased around to eat, he just has better things to do.

My daughter is 11 months old and has been doing the same thing for about 2 months now. She is also losing weight and is considered underweight for her age. Has your dr suggested having a feeding evaluation done? Maybe there is something wrong with his swallowing or maybe he is having reflux issues. I'm on a waiting list now for the feeding evaluation and our dr has put my daughter on previcid for reflux which actually seems to be helping some. Coughing after meals is a symptom of reflux, they don't have to be spitting up. My daughter has never spit up but she coughs and gags. Your dr is supposed to be helping you through this, not making you feel worse. Maybe it would be worth it to look into a new drs office. Hang in there, I know it's frustrating and I don't have any real answers but at least you know your not alone!

You should definatly do what Courtney suggested. Also, has he been checked for stomach problems like acid reflux? Maybe he's got something going on down there that makes him feel bad when he eats. I hope things improve!

Assuming that you have taken him to the pediatrician and cleared that there is nothing medically wrong, do not worry. There is NO case EVER where a one year old kid has intentionally starved him/herself. Kids go through stages, and I am sure that in a few months, he will be eating you through house and home.

First of all, don't feel bad! Sometimes with toddlers, it may be the texture of the food, or the location. have you tried feeding him at the table, instead of in a high chair? he might just hate the high chair, which is not uncommon. And he is old enough to have table foods, and may enjoy that independence of feeding himself. Maybe try cut up sandwiches, like grilled cheese. Don't be afraid to try some of the table foods that you are eating, just cut it up and give him smaller portions. He just might surprise you! Also, keep in mind kids don't have as many tastebuds as adults, and it can take a minimum of 15 times being exposed to a food before a child will ever taste it! every baby is different in their food choices, and I'm sure that your son is no different. Pediatricians are great, becuase they look out for your children. however, things to consider are that he has been sick, which affects hunger, and that he might just be smaller/thinner. Obviously, listen to your doctor, but NEVER let them make you feel bad! You are raising a child on your own, going to school, working, and i give you all the credit in the world! You want him to be happy and healthy, which is all you can ask for in life! Hope this helps!

It really REALLY sounds like you are dealing with Sensory Integration Disorder. You need to get in to your 0-3/Birth to Three Program your Doctor can refer you, or just call up your local ISD. He will likely need Occupational therapy to get through this. (HUG) You are not a bad Mommy, your baby just needs some help.

Hello S. B, I have recently been turned on to a new self cure program, it is too lengthy to try to explain here, but I can give you the web address, and you can check it out for yourself. I have found it to work on a few things that I have wrong with myself. Best of luck to you and the little one. Sonny B P.S. the program is called EFT

www.emofree.com

S.,
You are a good mom! Sometimes doctors can be condesending and unfeeling, they don't realize we are trying our best and we are worrying about doing the right thing too.
That said I just wanted you to know I had a similiar experience with my first son (who is 12 now and taller than me!) He would not eat solid foods, he absolutely refused them by clamping that jaw shut and not giving an inch.
This is what we did, (we only started this after he turned a year old) formula was expensive for us so we made our own. We took 4 cups whole milk, 1 cup powdered milk and 1 dropperful of poly-vi-sol vitamins, mixed it up and kept it in the fridge. Then when it was time to eat we would make smoothies we mixed in baby food fruits and veggies or yogurt and usually some baby food cereal too. Then offer them in a bottle. He would only take 2-4 ounces of this at a time and usually every 2-4 hours. I was always so scared he was going to starve.
I never pushed the issue about eating solid food When I ate I would make a big deal abou it "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM This is so good! Yummmmy Want a bite?" and if he refused it, oh well! But every once in awile he would try things and by the time he was 2 it was better.
I hope this helps you I know how stressful it can be, we want our children to be healthy and happy, and it's very upsetting when things aren't going smoothly. I'll be praying for you. God bless!

First of all, never let anyone make you feel like you are a bad mom. I agree, tell your doctors the why they are making you feel. Be up front and honest. My son was 17 pounds at his first year check up. We have gone through some control issues with meals but nothing it sounds like to the extent you are. I agree with Erika, the preschool teacher. I would explore oral sensory issues with him. I use to work at Mary Free Bed Outpatient Pediatric therapy while I went to school. They have a wonderful feeding program that works with children with oral sensory issues. I pushed high calorie foods with my son, which is difficult since I try to keep it healthy. My son really liked the pasta pick ups but I was suprise how few calories they had. So I started feeding him frozen ravoli with sauce and cheese (he loves cheese) to give him more calories. He is now 21 mos and is about 24 pounds which is still small but he's following his own curve. Good luck and keep the faith. It will get better!!

Hi S.,

Some kids are orally defensive and are turned off by different textures. I would try talking to an Occupational Therapist about having a sensory and feeding evaluation. They have different techniques to desensitize the mouth and have actual feeding clinics. I am not sure where you live, but Mary Free Bed in Grand Rapids does this.

I would talk to an OT and then ask your doctor for a prescription for an evaluation. I would hope that insurance would pay for it since he is underweight and it is of medical concern. Hang in there.

C.

I like most of the mom's that have responded have a 4 year old son who doesn't eat a lot. He is very picky.....but he would always eat what he liked, whether it was sweet potatoes and turkey baby food everyday or yogart and fruit when older. I am concerned that your son won't eat anything. Has your doctor examed for acid reflux? My niece had that. 'Or an intestinal problem or maybe a tapeworm some how. Those will make your stomache hurt everytime you eat. I would ask for further testing and if they won't- seek a second opinion. Where do you live? There is a wonderful Doctor in Rochester-Northeast Pediatrics featured in Hour Detroit.

Dear S.,
You are doing a good job by reaching out to the medical professionals and now your mom group - stop and take a minute to think and breathe.

I am an occupational therapist and I highly agree that something is going on in relation to food/textures/sensory processing. I recommend an Occupational Therapy evaluation - I don't know where you live, but in Southeaster Michigan you could call Childrens Hospital or Beaumont Hospital. They will be able to evaluate and provide suggestions to make food more appealing to him and therapy if needed.

Dr. Harvey Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block) says that a parent needs to be able to do two things for their baby - comfort them and feed them! So, it is no wonder that you are so sad!

I also believe your baby is picking up on the stress tension that you are feeling from the doctors, understandably. That is why seeking alternative medical advice like an OT will be a good thing.

I also would give some attention to the whole allergy thing that may be going on too.

One step at a time.

S.,

I would suggest getting a new doctor. Belittling you about a problem isnt solving the issue. They should be trying to help you solve the issue. Have they run any test to see if something is wrong. I wish you much luck. I would try fruits and finger foods, My godson is a great eater but doesn't want to be fed (very independent) so we give him the food a fork and spoon and clean up the mess. If your son seems upset. Put food on tray on walk away. If he makes a mess who cares as long as he is eating. Another suggestion but not a great habit would be to turn on the TV and see if that help.
Hope some these things help.

I know it can be very frustrating to see and hear your child cry and not know what is wrong, especially one that young. You said the Drs. are getting on you because the baby is not eating, but are they doing any tests or anything to try to help you find out what is going on wit him? There could be something wrong with his stomach or bowels. Or, he could be teething (back teeth may be coming in)because it seems like he did okay with the hard stuff like the cheerios and things like that. You did not mention if he had problems teething or with his bowels, but if he is not eating he probably isn't having to many bowel movements. Have you tried finger foods like teething biscuits or something like vienna sausage, french fries(soft), things he can hold himself) just to see if it makes a difference because these are things you may not want to give him everyday but he may not like the type of foods you want him to eat. You also didn't mention what he eats when you are away at work or school, maybe he's not hungry. I know the Drs are good at saying make him do this and make him do that, but if you are not getting anywhere with that you have to do what you have to do so he will eat something. Some kids have a mind of their own at a young age. My son used to be picky like that but when he started going around other kids at the family gatherings, and birthday parties and places like that sitting down at the table and seeing the other kids eating he started eating better too. Now he likes vegetables and milk? (he hated milk after he stopped sucking the bottle), now he eats good. Kids also have growing times, be he is growing he does't eat as much, when he is growing he eats more. I'm thinking maybe you should try another Dr. though if this keeps up.
Good Luck

Did your ped. give you any suggestions, or did she just make you feel bad? Did she check him over to make sure there isn't something physically wrong? (I don't know what might be wrong, but if he's refusing to eat...)

I don't have a lot of advice, but I would just feed him whatever you know he'll eat at this point. If he'll eat cheerios, just give him those. Don't worry about a variety of foods at this point, just feel him what he'll eat.

Also, when it comes to slimy foods, my kids didn't like to pick them either. If you smoosh cheerios (or use powdered formula), you can roll the slimy foods in them and it gives them a coating that makes them less slimy.

I hope that you are able to find some solutions that work! :)

I feel for you! As I read your letter, I was thinking of things and you said all the things I was thinking. My five little ones were eating table food and I put it all there for them. Have you ever tried to let him put it on his plate. I would follow through with doctor visit. But make sure they check him for medical reasons. His belly might hurt, does he have painful bowel movements? This might be bad advice, but I would continue with formula and pedisure, if you have started milk I would flavor it. A doctor would probley flip, but if you could get whole milk down, that would help. He could be feeding into your frustration also. I had a mom bring me her screaming child that would not stop and she was ready to go crazy. Once she was in a neutral place she stopped. Good luck I hope I did not repeat other mom's, I didn't look at their responses. If you tell the doctor's what you told us, and don't give up on how you are just as worried, you will find the right answer.

I remember my mom talking about having a similar problem with my brother when he was a toddler. Her pediatrician at the time told her to leave little plates of food all over the house and let him 'graze' on his own. By the end of the day, the food was usually gone and she didn't have to struggle to get him to sit still and eat a meal.

Put out a variety of foods and make note of what he is and isn't eating. He may be associating the act of sitting down for a meal with stress/anxious feelings, which makes him not want to eat. If you notice that there are certain types of foods that he's not eating, maybe that will help you find out more about what is going on. Perhaps it is a physical problem, although I would think that your ped would have caught it by now. Whatever the case may be, know that you are doing everything you can to raise a happy and healthy child. You are the furthest thing from a bad mom. Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't let those 'white coats' bait you into thinking you are doing something 'wrong'. Hang in there . . . you'll get through this!

J.

hello S. my daughter is now 6 years old same thing diff. circumstances Dr. do not know everthing you may be young but still it sounds like you know your baby needs more of something , anyway my situation was my baby developed hives at a year old they had me so scared they took her off of all foods no wheat no citrus no milk no dairy no gluten no dies no cheeses no eggs practically nothing they did tell me to give her all the meat and potatoes she would eat she hardly had a tooth in her mouth so I bought a baby feeder at toys r us and after the 7 week perios of reintroducing foods back to her she became picky I at that point gave her what ever she would eat icecream fruit snacks jello cambell soup chicken noodle of course chicken with rice anything that was soft and tasty even if you have to give him juice in a cup 3 or 4 times a day give it to him to build him up make sure you introduce brushing his little teeth every day make it a game my little girl is fine now still picky but she eats now sometimes alot of junk but it's something she's right where she should be and also find a new DR. first try to help him gain weight your his mother you have control give him junk give him good things also you'll do fine just keep trying some kids are reluctant to try new things good luck also remember his tummy is so tiny he really doesn't require alot at one time as time goes on he'll eat more at a setting he'll like new foods if he learns to dip it he'll eat it please respond to me I know you and he will do fine good luck sweet heart

I think you have some great advice here. If you don't find anything medically wrong, I would quit feeding him. I had a child that would not drink milk for me. She just wanted juice. However she would drink at the sitters. Since it was my first child, I took the advice of others, to just leave the milk there where she could reach it and stopped giving it to her. I would put some cereal or other snacks your son will eat at his level (end table or counter) and let him take control of his own eating. I also have a nephew who is about this small and he is a picky eater and for him it is a control factor. Let your son gain control and see if that works.

Hi S.,

First of all, know that you're a good mom and you're doing the best you can for your son. I am sure that this will turn out okay. This is a trying time for you right now, but it will pass.

Just a shot in the dark: my husband's cousin's son (about the same age as yours) wasn't eating either. Turns out he had something wrong with his tooth. They had it taken care of, and then he was eating like normal!

Good luck to you.

A.

S.,
Wow! My heart goes out to you. Okay, consider this: he may have a vitamin B deficiency.
And I say that based on personal experiences. Getting a B vitamin shot often stimulates the appetite.
So you may want to have a nutritionist (note that I didn't say a doctor!) counsel you. Maybe a quick-before-he-starves-himself blood work up. And then let a doctor administer a vitamin B shot. If that should be the case, okay? It's a possibility.
And on the light side, there's a second plus in this. Getting a shot might show your little controller that MOM means business and control has now been transferred to you!

But seriously, this could be an organic problem. Nothing to do with organic food, but with the body. There might be a minor inner thing that is the root of not eating. Get to the root of the trouble.

Just a thought....Can he smell? This could be a possibility. Has he been tested for that? Another idea, as far as the Dr....print the letter you wrote, so he/she can see in black & white what you are trying! Best wishes!

Have you tried letting him feed himself but not in the highchair. My liitle one enjoys (sometimes) eating off the trunk in front of the tv. She also refused to eat those pasta pickups. She likes regular pasta with no filling, Vienna sausages, etc. The point is I wasted a lot of money on Gerber when I could have been giving her regular food. She also likes to eat when we eat. Kids are picky, its not your fault. My other advice is to seek a new pediatrician. Any good kids doctor should know that it us not your fault. I used to babysit for a kid that would only eat chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs from he tim he was two until he was five! He slowly grew out of it. I hope you feel better about this. I pray that your little guy eats and grows. Good luck.

We have been dealing with this issue somewhat also with our 1 year old. We have found with him that he is not ready for things like the pasta pick-ups and other "bigger baby" foods. We went back to some of the 3rds and he much prefers them. This last week he has made great progress in eating the chunkier foods, though we're still not at the "graduates" stage with him. I think he just wasn't quite ready when I was.

Also, by the sound of your situation, your Dr. isn't giving you help or suggestions. If this is the case, you should really seek out someone who will HELP you with the issue. I am surprised they haven't had you put him on the stage 2 formulas for older babies to give him more essential nutrients.

I also agree with the suggestion that there could be an actual physical/medical condition causing his refusal to eat. I would be questioning the Dr. about it. This seems to be way beyond a control issue and it sounds like your Dr. isn't being much help. You may need to look to another Dr for support and suggestions. Best of luck to you.

What about things like crackers and cheese cubes or something that is more fingerfoods? Is he at an age where he can handle digesting more table foods?

It sounds to me like it could be a tummy problem. I am no doctor, but you'd think that after a while your child would WANT to eat. Hunger eventually takes over and they'll eat anything. In this case I'm wondering if his tummy hurts, or like another mom said, an acid reflux issue. I would also try giving him whole milk too. But definitly go back to the doctor and have him checked for any other issues. Hang in there. It's not easy being a single mom. This too shall pass.

Hi S.,

Let me start out by saying you are not alone. Many parents go through this. I have a 15 month old who is 17lbs and has been so for about 3 months now, (she is number two, my first was a huge child, good eater, she was a shock). She has always been a fussy eater, from the get go. She has never drank more than 3-4oz of milk at any time. She refused to eat off a spoon so it was not until she finger fed that she actually got any food and even that is still minimal, even to this day. I have had her tested for a number of digestive issues such as her ability to absorb nutrients etc, and it came back normal. However that has not stopped my worry, mentally I just think she can not survive on her intake, but she does and she is happy and fine.

One big thing is, is he sleeping through the night? My daughter was and our pead, said that if children were really hungry (starving) then sleeping through the night would not happen. This is a big indicator apparently for child health.

So with that in mind I did definately give it my go at getting her to eat. Somethings I did:

1. I got her on infant vitamins that contained L-Lysine, this vitamin increases appetite. It worked a bit for her it started her on her way.

2. I would bulk up her milk with a table spoon of rice/oat baby cereal. Obviously this is not something you want to do permanently (i did it for maybe two months) as food in bottles is not recommended (and something i never thought i would do), but it did help with the weight gain initially.

3. We eat together as a family, her food goes straight on her tray, then we basically ignore her until the meal is done. She tends to eat when we are not watching her. Then when we are finished we ask her if she is done, and if she indicates she is she gets let out from the high chair. If she doesn't eat, she doesn't eat.

4. I always serve her one thing i know she would eat (cheese Squares initially) and then everything else we eat chopped up.

5. instead of offering juice(i despise the stuff for children) and sometimes even water i would continually offer bottles of milk (and still do, the complete opposite to my son who had only water between milk feeds), it has the water in it but also the calories an under weight child needs. even a mouthful every now and then can add needed calories.

But she is happy and healthy so I have just let her run her own appetite, she is just going to be petite and that is ok. If you continue to offer healthy choices all day and he grazes all day, or doesn't, that is ok. You can't force a child to eat, your job is to ensure they always have access to healty food, their job is to eat it.

Good luck.

First of all, you are not doing anything wrong. The doctors shouldn't be making you feel bad. Instead, they should be doing more investigation to the root.

I went through this with my second son. Same thing, at 1 year, he was barely 19lbs. He refused most things or gagged and threw up when I tried to force it. I totally understand where you are. I forced my doctor to refer me to a nutrionist (had HMO at the time). She helped me to figure out how to measure his caloric intake and some strategies. First, you cannot make him eat. If he is willing to drink milk, give it to him. It's a good way for him to get the nutrients and calories. Just always offer food first.

Here is what I learned.

1. Some kids have a problem with texture, look, and smell. I can tell you that my son had all of it. Unfortunately, it's trial and error to discover what works and doesn't.
2. Some kids have to be taught how to chew and swallow the different textures. Seriously, they literally don't know what to do with anything non-liquid.
3. Write down everything he eats and add up the calories to make sure he is getting the correct intake. He just may be slower in taking up solid food.

Good Luck! My son still only eats about 5 things and is VERY picky. I stick with what works and try to introduce new things as much as possible.

Try giving him plastic silverware to use, it worked with my son. He made a game out of getting the food to his mouth.

Also, a friend of mine is having a simmilar problem with her child, the doctors actually found that she's missing hairs that line her intestinal track and it is painful for her to eat solid foods. Maybe it's time for your docs to look for different causes to your son's problem.

Hang in there, you're doing EVERYTHING you can.

I do not have many good suggestions. I know for quite awhile I had to feed my daughter with a singing toy on her tray or she would refuse to eat. I have been pretty lucky that she is a good eater. Have they checked his mouth for thrush? That can make a child refuse to eat, because of how sore it makes their mouth. I would talk to the dr and ask them what do you want me to do, because he will not eat. If your dr does not listen and help you to find a way to get your son to eat, find a different dr. I would even video tape an attempt to feed him and show the dr what happens.

S.,
have you tried the Ensure stuff. My grandson is still underweight and is 11 y/o, he weighs 64#. We've given him Ensure flavored drinks and he really likes them and maybe you could try them. Best of luck to you, I was a single mom as well and know how hard it is. Hang in there and remember your son will grow it might just take time.

take care,
D.