18 Mo and Not Eating

J.,

I had a similar problem with my daughter - she was an extremely picky eater and her diet was limited to about 3 things! She was petite and not even on the growth chart, although she did gain weight proportionate to her growth in height. One pediatrician had me going through calorie counts and a number of other things, nothing of which made any difference. We finally decided that I should just let her eat whatever she wanted to and that she would eat when she was hungry. That came down to pasta, macaroni and cheese, applesauce, bananas, potatoes and chicken nuggets! She is now 12 and very healthy, average height and weight, and still eating basically the same diet!

Wow - sounds like you have your hands full at food time. Without knowing many details I would ask if the table is part of the issue. Like a bad trigger. Does she eat out at restaurants and other peoples houses? How about at picnics. Does the table seem to be when attitudes flare? Seems like you have covered the medical side. As long as she isn't underweight terribly I would pray through it. Relax some. Maybe have a picnic with a nice blanket in a different room. Make it a tea party with some stuffed animals. Keep notes and try to notice where she eats and where she doesn't. I had to do this with my daughter. (She is now 5 and eats fine) Her issue was that she didn't want to go to the bathroom. She connected potty training (she also had a hernia which made it difficult) Anyway, she connected food with using the bathroom (because we told her she needs to go to the bathroom to be healthy, etc.) So, she didn't want to eat. And this to shall pass, like I said as long as the doctor's say she is healthy I would try giving her some space, try some new eating areas (maybe let her make her own placemat, etc) and keep good notes to see if you can figure out where the difficulties are coming from. I used to ask my daughter to feed her teddy bears (then I would act like the bear and say I don't want it you try it first, etc. and she would because she was distracted from "eating". They say it takes 21 days to make a habit - your daughter has a habit of not eating consistently. Try something new and have fun. Recreate the habit of eating and I will be praying for the situation. You are a great mom hang in there. You are the woman for the job!

I think children go through stages of eating well and not wanting to eat at all. Does she snack at all during the day? Does she drink alot of milk? She truly may not be hungry at the times you are trying to feed her. At this point, to get the nutrients into her, I would feed her when she is hungry. Obviously, make sure she is getting healthy snacks and drinks, but I think at her age it isn't reasonable to expect her to eat on demand. We don't do that, so why should she? I think too many people are quick to "diagnose" a "problem" child. She is just learning and growing. I applaud you for putting it in her hands. Just continue to do that. I would say if she starts to lose weight, your doctor would be the best advisor on what to do next. I have a 3 year old daughter who eats great at dinner time. My 4 year old son does the gag thing and picks little spice flecks off his food and takes the smallest bites ever. It was a nightly battle that was not going to end and finally we just said that he would eat what he would eat and wasn't allowed any snack food after dinner unless he ate an adequate amount (which was a very small amount). She will continue to test her limits in everything she does, but when it comes to eating - I think they truly do know what they want and need and will ask for it when they are hungry. Good luck.

I have a 2 year old son and he still likes certain foods pureed/mashed up mainly dinners. I think his problem is more to do with the fact he doesn't like meat if he sees it or can separate it from the rest of his meal he will, we find that pureed food prevents him from separating it. Remember your daughter is only 18months! Each child is different and they won't starve themselves.
It helped me to read that it's normal for children between 18months and 3years old have growth spurts and their eating follows that pattern, sometimes they eat a lot and other times not much. As time consuming as pureed food is, if he eats then it's worth my while to do it for a while longer whilst intergrating more larger food items.

Hi J.!

I have 2 boys, 5 and almost 2. Neither one of my kids had issues with any kids of textures but when my oldest was 20 months he stopped eating. It was a struggle and a battle to get him to eat anything and finally I gave in to the doctor's advice "he'll eat when he's hungry". It took a couple months but eventually he started eating like normal again and amazingly he never did lose any weight. My youngest eats constantly through out the day but my oldest will still every once in a while go a month or so with eating. To me it sounds like you have a wondefully normal 18 month old daughter! I know it makes you want to pull your hair out but trust me, if I did I'd be bald by now!

Hang in there!

K. - 30 year old stay at home mom of 2 amazing boys, 5 and 22 months

there are several books out there about making silly food...a lump of mashed potatoes with cheese for hair, etc that might help de-stress the situation. also, my son has a few dump trucks that we put on his tray and put finger food in and he LOVES this. He also cracks up when we let a stuffed animal drink or eat with him...he'll even try new foods when the trucks or animals do first. we make silly glug glug noises or munching noises and it makes food fun. we've also had excellent luck with him making the food! he pours things in the bowl after i measure it for green bean casserole, oatmeal, etc. he can put whole wheat bread in the toaster under my supervision, etc. good luck! i've heard over and over that no toddler ever starved to death with food in the refrigerator. i think they are probably right.

Hi J.

Sounds like you have an 18 mo old alright, they are all picky eaters, fixate on odd foods, sometimes eating only one item for months on end and refusing all else. At 18 mos. saying no and turning her head is not a discipline problem, it is age appropriate behavior. This is an age group where she has noticed she can exert some control over her environment (think about how she plays, she will use smiles, poses and playful behaviors to get you to play)

Be careful not to turn mealtimes or food into a power struggle, it will only result in more difficulties.(she may learn to use negative behaviors to manipulate your activity) Food must always be just food, something to eat or not, depending on hunger. As long as she is getting good nutrition from the purees, I wouldn't worry. By two she will be eating something different.

Does she eat at the same time as the family? If so make sure some of the new food you offer is what you are eating too.

Nanna

I think you're doing the right thing. Is she drinking milk, juice, or other things? If she's drinking, she's getting nutrition. Try different foods that are not too textury (I don't know why some kids don't like textures, but they usually get over it eventually, though sometimes not until they're in school and see things their peers eat). Bananas, well-steamed carrots, other fruits, hot dogs (turkey or chicken are best), pasta, etc. If you give her less attention about it and let her see you and others eat and enjoy food, then she will come around soon. If her weight is higher than the 10 percentile, I wouldn't worry - let her be herself and eat in her own time and way. Later she can learn to eat in a more typical way. She's still very young.

- J.
Mother, grandmother, award-winning child care provider, religious educator http://www.joycedowling.com/

hey J.,you are doing an amazing job with your baby. you are absolutly right you have to get her to eat these regular typs of food,she cannot still only be eating pureed foods when she is 2 or 3 it just isnt appropriate. some times food battles are the worst battles i myself have them every night with my 2 year old and 7 year old. they never go away and they constantly change but they will always be there. just keep doing what you are doing,stick to your guns. when she gets hungry enough she will eat the foods that you have available to her. it's your terms not her's. i have never heard of a child dieing of self impossed starvation!!! she will eventually eat it and then you will get to move onto anouther wonderfull food battle,trust me!!!!!! love abby

Hi Mom,

Grandma here. Unless your daughter is dangerously underweight or shows signs of illness--don't worry. Believe me, self-preservation is inbred in all of us. It sounds like your daughter just isn't hungry and is not suffering from lack of food. If you want her to eat--give her the mashed food if that is all she wants. What difference does it make what form the food is in? She'll grow out of it, honest. Does she drink milk and juices? If so, that may be all she needs right now. If you really want her to eat the regular food, keep offering it to her like you are. Just put it on a plate and give it to her and let her feed herself. SHE WILL EAT WHEN SHE GETS HUNGRY ENOUGH! But please don't force feed her. It will only frustrate you both and cause food to be an unpleasant experience. I'm Italian and eating is, and should be, one of the greatest joys of life. Don't ruin it for her by turning it into a battle. As long as you're not giving her junk food throughout the day, she'll eat when she's hungry, really. Don't worry.

Hi J.,

I agree with what the others have said. Your little one sounds just like a normal 18 month old. My daughter is now 3 1/2 and still has texture issues, but her problem is a sensory integration problem. We're working with her though. Now for your little one, just keep offering the food you want her to have and eventually she'll get the idea that it is the norm. Don't battle with her, she'll eat when she is hungry enough. Don't offer her other food unless you feel that she needs it. Kids know how to push your buttons even at 18 months old. They want to see how strong you are and how long you'll stick to what you say before giving in. As long as she is getting enough fluids she'll be just fine and she'll eat when she's hungry. Just offer her the food at breakfast and if she doesn't eat it, then tell her that is what she's getting for lunch. If she still doesn't eat it, then offer it for dinner. She'll get the idea. She won't starve. Just be consistent and patient and you'll be fine. Good Luck and if you need to talk, just shoot me an e-mail. I have two picky eaters and my youngest is about to turn 18 months old soon.

Have you tried those melt-in-your-mouth baby snacks (in the baby food aisle)? Most kids love to shovel those in. I know this is no good for meal time, but maybe getting her used to feeding herself at other times will help? Also, if there is one true thing about kids, it is that they ALWAYS change. Try not to worry.

You might try giving her some purees with more solid food and still let her do the work if she uses the spoon or her fingers it shouldn't matter. Let her have some fun with her food and then just make sure that you are getting enough wet and poopy diapers for a child her age. I would not worry too much. A lot of toddlers are too busy to be bothered to eat a lot. A serving of food is I believe 1 tablespoon per year. So she doesn't need a lot at her age. She will learn to eat eventually I would not make that the battle. If she needs help with speech already I would focus on that instead. I have had several children go to speech therapy. I would try to keep speech work and eating fun.

Hi J.,
Is she sitting in a high chair or a child seat at the big family table with everyone else? The mind of a almost 2 year old is a wonderful thing. I remember my Mom getting us to eat things making us think it was just for the adults but this one time she would let us try some. Strange as it may seem it worked.
It is also a texture thing for some kids and you just have to see if some foods they like better raw and some cooked.
Good luck

Dear J.
Forcing is definitely not the way to go, it would cause too much of a power struggle. It should be a slow progression where you slowly add texture and take away puree. Is she playing with textures (playdoh? shaving cream, fingerpaint?) putting things on her face? putting toys in her mouth? Is she is doing this, then you could dip the toys into various foods to allow her to experience the taste without swallowing. Are you able to consult an occupational therapist? feeding specialist?

I think you are on the right track with putting eating in her hands. Kids can be more interested in winning the battle than eating. You should check out the website of Ellyn Satter. She is a dietitian and clinical psycohologist with lots of experience working with eating disorders. She has a practical approach to eating.

http://www.ellynsatter.com/

In particular, these pages will help you create an action plan:

http://www.ellynsatter.com$spindb.query.memo.kelcyview.14.7

and

http://www.ellynsatter.com/

Good luck.
A.

my son is almost 4 and still prefers most food pureed...what's the big deal as long as they are eating??? my 9 month old barely touches pureed food and only wants finger food....I am 27 and often like pureed foods (soups, smoothies etc) Be happy they eat and don't make a big deal about it :)

Hello J.. My daughter was a big challenge to feed at that age, due to reflux and perhaps discipline problems, and she also would often gag on new food or things she didn't want. It was very stressful. I tried to "make" her eat, but that really backfired in terms of giving her a negative attitude toward eating. We went through testing and consultations with Dr. Bennie Kurzner of Children's Hospital (head of the gastro. unit); he was very helpful. Our daughter (now 5) is now, thank goodness, a good eater, and I've learned that at least with her, after we took a good look at medical issues, it really helped to back off and let her take the lead with eating. She was slower than average to delve into textured foods, but made the transition in her own time. Good luck!

My son also had a hard time eating solid foods until he was about 18 months. He also hated to eat baby foods and would not even consider the chunky ones. He ate a lot yougrt and cheeses during those first few months. I would just give him extra milk on the days that he would not eat. He is now 26 months and eats a variety of foods such as pizza, lasanga and chicken. I don't think your daughter will starve herself, although I have thought that about my son on several occasions. Hang in there, she will eat eventually.

Hi J.,

I really feel for you... My son had very similar problems. He couldn't make the switch to more textured foods. Stage 3 w/ textures, Cheerios, a piece of shredded cheese... anything. He would gag and throw up. I also had him see a speech therapist and found he wasn't lateralizng the food in his mouth. (No other developmental issues... just food). After working w/ the therapist, he began to be able to eat these foods but also did not really want to. He particularly struggled with most "New" foods". I really think it scared him to try new things. Anyhow, he has been a particularly picky eater. I spoke to the pediatrician about it, and he said that if he is hungry he will eat. Well, it was amazing that he still wouldn't eat time and time again if I only offered him the same things we ate. After moving to Chesapeake I spoke to his new pedicatrician about it and he said that the battle over food is not a battle that we were likely to win. He said to let him eat what he would (PB & J) and continue to offer new foods. Well here we are at almost 4. He has finally started to eat meats (only hamburger) and he has tried pasta. We are slowly but surely getting there. He still is very reluctant to try new foods but is starting to try.

Things we tried back then were offering a banana (letting her help you peel and "eat like a monkey", when feeding the puree dip the bottom of the spoon in crushed up graham cracker. Then when she takes a bite she will still get a crunch to get some auditory feedback while eating. Try things like yogart, regular applesauce, oatmeal (thin). We also were gradually able to get him to try toast - which we were able to then add in other breakfast foods - bagels, waffles, pancakes, etc. When I was able to try Peanut Butter, and he was allergic, he started PB& j Sandwiches. At least that gave him some protein. Try to keep meal times short and very positive. Try not to make it a battle. I think it really makes it worse and will stay with her. I wish you the best of luck!!!

J.,

If you live in the Richmond area, Children's Hospital as a children's feeding program that is reputed to be terrific. You might consider taking your little one in for an evaluation there, to see what their take on it is. I am of the mind that an 18 month old refusing to eat is not an issue of discipline at all. Seekin second and third opinions might give you some options that jive with your instincts so that you can move forward in a way that feels right for you and your little one.

Here's a web page that might get you started from Children's Hospital:

http://tinyurl.com/2oeads

There's also a phone number for the feeding program:
###-###-####.

I hope you'll give an update once you have one up the road.

The best of luck to you, Mama.
Warmly,
JennyC

i promise you she will not be eating pureed foods only when she's 16.
offer her some of what she likes and slowly ADD some of what you want her to eat. allow her to reject it. don't do somersaults if she tries it. don't fuss at her. don't force her.
some of the responses talk about ongoing daily food fights with older kids as if it's inevitable. it's not.
trust your baby.
khaire
S.

My daughter was in the less than 3rd percentile for weight at that age. The doctor was doing labs and sending us to a nutritionist, etc. I felt a LOT of pressure to get her to eat. All said and done there was nothing medically wrong with her and the nutritionist determined she was getting MORE than enough calories. The problem was that she went from eating everything I put in front of her to not eating hardly anything at all. This was all because mealtime became a high stress environment and she probably hated it. I feel horrible looking back at it but I was trying to force her to eat. She's 3 now and still only weighs 30 lbs on a good day but that's just her!! What I'm trying to advise is to just relax. Hard as it may be (and I know) she is really the only one with any control here. You are in control over what you offer her but she'll decide what and how much she eats. I'm certainly not a dr. but my thoughts would be to give her what she'll eat so she's comfortable at mealtime but also include what you want her to eat. Even at relaxed mealtimes it may take her 10-15 times to accept a new food so maybe even longer since the pressure is on her. And just remember that all things considered, I've yet to see a big kid taking puree's to school with him. Chances are good that she'll grow out of it! And of course this is assuming she's been medically cleared.