Need Advice for 4Yr Old Who Has a Fear of Eatting

Updated on May 03, 2009
A.Q. asks from Krum, TX
15 answers

So my 4 yr old has had issues eatting just about since the time she got on solids. She has always been very picky and does have some allergies such as milk and oranges. But lately she has started even crying at meal time. It started that she would just tell us she didn't like it but we've always made her eat it anyway. And when she does eat, she likes most of it! Then she started telling us she has a tummy ache. (but only when its time to eat) We've caught her throwing her food in the trash, even putting it in hr mouth and chewing and then spitting it in the trash.... I'm afraid she's going to become anorexic or bulemic if we don't get this stopped now. I think her recent aversion to food is from Easter when she caught a 24 hr virus that caused her to vomit. Ever since then its lilke pullig teeth to get her to eat anything. She hasn't been to the dr for a weight check recently but she still looks healthy. I just want to get it stopped now before she does start losing weight. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her to eat? How to keep her from crying at every meal?

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J.W.

answers from Dallas on

I was your daughter. The best advice I can give you is to give her some control of what she eats and doesn't. My pediatrician told my mother as long as I am eating carbs, protein, and fats each day then I wasn't going to suffer from malnutrition. One summer all I ate was strawberries and hotdogs. Now my mom did make me take a chewable vitamin and I drank milk with most of my meals so there were some other nutrients going on, but for me having control of what I ate was a very big deal. I am still very fickle but healthy. Try taking her to the store and let her pick out something for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Maybe let her make a menu using pictures. Get some cooking magazines (kraft is one of my free favorites) and just let her pick some things to eat. Don't worry about the nutrition of it at first. Just get her eating again. Then you can expand variety and brand.

I suffered from chronic stomach flu, and anything I threw up I never ate again. There is something maybe your sense of smell that keeps you from being able to control your gag reflex to those foods. Don't dismiss her aversions. Charlotte Mason, an education philosopher made an apt point of saying food that it is eaten must be done with enjoyment otherwise the body doesn't absorb the nutrients. Now it isn't completely true that you won't absorb any nutrients but there is truth that high acidity in the stomach can dissolve nutrients before they are absorbed. I think if you give her a little control you may find that her fear of getting sick again resolves. Also teach her to wash her foods and hands, that is empowering to know where germs come from and how to get rid of them.

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L.C.

answers from Dallas on

Call Our CHildrens HOuse Baylor. They have a feeding program and can help. They should be covered by insurance also.
L.

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M.S.

answers from Dallas on

Do you think she could have some sensory issues? Extreme food aversions are often a sign. Check out the symptoms checklist at http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/
Good luck!

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S.S.

answers from Wichita Falls on

Have her tested for celiac - maybe her stomach really does hurt right after eating. My five year old's did. Maybe she has an ulcer - which causes your stomach to hurt when it's empty. Anorexia in a four year old is not likely related to 'thinking she's fat' as it is to an underlying medical condition. I'd go see a pedi GI were I you - in your shoes, it's exactly what I did.

S.

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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter (3 yo) had the stomach virus Easter weekend and it took her a looong time to eat normally. (She started eating normally this past week.) She would be real hungry but after eating a little, she would get this strange look on her face and would say she was done. My son and I also had it and it took a couple weeks for us to be able to eat without cramping. The virus has never affected me like this one did. Your daughter's stomach may not be back to normal yet.

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M.B.

answers from Dallas on

I think it does relate to the flu. My younger son (13) went through a period where he did not want to eat anything that he ate while he was on abx, because the abx had bothered his stomach, thus he associated particular meals with feeling bad. It took a couple months, but he did get over it. I would NOT push her to eat at all, but maybe offer some healthy snacks and alternatives to what you might be eating. IT is the pushing and YOU trying to control what she eats (and other things) that leads to the eating disorders - they're not so much about food as they are the girl wanting to control and that's the one thing she can easily see that she can control.

Given past allergies, I'm going to suggest something that I think more likely based on my older son's experiences. He got a flu when he was 8 and honestly never got better. He never wanted to eat, always had tummy aches, etc. It turns out that the flu triggered (or made worse) his celiac disease/gluten intolerance. I am most suspicious of this since your daughter also has a problem with dairy as half of all people with celiac cannot tolerate dairy. I can't urge you strongly enough to get her tested. You can do this on your own through enterolab: www.enterolab.com

IF you ask your pedi about this, they may look at you like you have 3 heads. Few are at all knowledgeable and this is the most highly underdiagnosed disorder in the US - 2+ million that have it have yet to be diagnosed. The research around how common this is is quite recent. And, docs don't learn about it at their continuing education classes because there is no drug treatment.

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T.T.

answers from Dallas on

I agree with Amber as well. Dont push the issue...dont talk about it at all! If she is hungry she will eat - just keep making meals and if she eats good if not let it go. If your worried about nutrition...give her ensure to drink. She will think it is choc. milk or strawberry milk.

If you push the issue and force her to eat she might rebell and start to fight you more on the subject because she is the only one who can control if she eats or not. A prob with women who have anorexia or bulemia is that they feel as if they have no contol over their life and that this is the only way they do have control.

She will eat when she is ready. If she does start to loose too much weight then talk to your ped.

Dont give snacks this might help her be hungry enough to eat at dinner. A few days of not eatting and I am sure you will see her clean her plate.

My 16 month old stopped eating after having surgery. She would eat only one slice of deli turkey and that was it. I didnt push it...I would offer her different foods and if she ate good if not ok. During that time in order to make sure she was getting enough nutrients...I gave her formula instead of milk. She did loose some weight but not too much and in a few months she was eatting normaly again.

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A.

answers from Dallas on

Stop talking to her about it all together. If she does not want to eat, fine. It will be there when she does. She is not likely headed to an eating disorder, she has a fear based on circumstance, and a need to control her environment. Combine that with a natural need for added attention and you have a fun situation on your hands:) So, I say, end the conversation. Make meals she can eat if she wants. DO NOT offer her snacks at other times, she needs to eat when you all do. I bet within a few months this will be a distant memory. If it continues, then I would seek further counseling, but for now, I can assure you, she wont starve herself to death. ~A.~

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D.M.

answers from Dallas on

First of all, let me assure you that a child WILL stave themselves. The idea that they will eat when they are huingry enough is false. If there is something that is keeping them from eating, they will not eat.

I'm a speech pathologist with a specialty in feeding therapy. My clinic follows a great program to help problem eaters. If you let me know where you are located, I can help you find a program near you that follows this program. There are feeding programs that force feed, which I dont agree with. SO make sure you investigate the program before you start, if you do start one. They are NOT all the same. That said..

Eating is fun. If she doesn't want to eat, there is almost certainly a reason for it. On day one, you should leave the clinic having a plan of action to help get this under control.

Off the top of my head (and there are tons of things that could be going on, so this is basically a shot in the dark)she could be having reflux, and it is possible that smelling food may cause this to kick in meaning that her tummy really DOES start to hurt at dinner time. (Typically breakfast and lunch dont "smell" as much as dinner) And if she has reflux and has some esophageal erosion, then swallowing food might hurt making her not want to swallow. Did she vomit so much that she has some erosion on her esophagus? Possibly that hasn't healed? If eating hurts, she could have a tummy ache caused by anxiety surrounding eating. Even if it has healed, anxiety could still be there. Anxiety turns off appetite. We would have to see her eat to see what might be going on. There are so many step to eating and if something is "off" in any of those steps, it can be so difficult!

I really hope you live near someone with a good feeding program that works to identify the problem and then ease the child back into eating and not force them into it! It is such an important enjoyable, social (in addition to being physically necessary) part of our lives and it can cause so much stress in the family when feeding issues aren't under control!

Simply not making her eat if she doesn't want to might ease the stress, but it isn't a long-term fix. People eat a variety of foods. And parents shoudl be teaching their kids this as a nutritional and social necessity. But it doesn't sound like your daughter is a picky eater..eating only foods she likes (which usually has a physical reason, too) It sounds like shes avoiding all food. So not letting her eat if she doesn't want to might result in malnutrition. Kids are little. It doesn't take too long for them to starve. And if there is a physical reason she isn't eating, hunger wont necessarily change that.

Let me know if I can help!

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S.T.

answers from Dallas on

Over emotionalizing food will cause problems in the future. It sounds like you are already making her emotionalize food by forcing her to eat things she didn't want to. Not sure what you can do other than deescalate the situation by stopping badgering her. Stop putting so much pressure on her to eat. Most kids don't eat much and will usually avoid foods that make their stomach ache unless the parent bullies them into eating. Change what you are doing and allow her to have some control other wise she will use food as a weapon later in life instead of a way to provide nutrients.

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L.W.

answers from Dallas on

We have been having some eating issues with our 6 year old and discovered that there is an eating disorders clinic at Children's in Dallas (http://www.childrens.com/specialties/template.cfm?groupid.... I would call them and talk with them. They specialize in this stuff. Through my research I discovered that they are actually diagnosing eating disorders such as anorexia as early as 4 now. It's quite scary.

A child who hides food or holds it in her mouth to later throw out is in the "danger zone" in my view. I would take it very seriously and try to nip it in the bud, so to speak.

I'm sure that the virus played a strong role in this happening. However, since it is not working itself out you sound like you need some additional resources.

Good luck!

C.R.

answers from Dallas on

A.,
I agree with Amber.
C. ")

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I've always gotten put down for my opinions on picky eaters, but this post assures me that I'm not wrong. My son is very picky, too. My husband and I do not make him eat anything he doesn't like and we do not make him try new foods. I only buy healthy foods so I know what he does eat is good for him. I always put a spoon of what we are having for dinner on his plate and something I know he will eat that is quick and easy for me to make like cheese and crackers or peanutbutter and pretzels and fruit. We always have a pleasent meal as a family and that is what is most important. So, I guess I'm saying let her eat what she enjoys as long as it is healthy and don't push her to eat foods she doesn't want. Make dinnertime enjoyable and don't say a word about what she eats or how much. If she starts to cry then just tell her that no one will get upset with her for not eating. It is her decision. She won't starve. She will eat when she is hungry. Good luck to you all!

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

Having a virus that causes you to vomit and feel horrible when you even think about food even causes me to not want to eat for a while, *SMILE*. My son as well is a very picky eater, but when he says he's not hungry, he just doesn't eat. We only put food in front of him at meal-times and a snack every now and again. We tried to force him to eat his food, ya know, made him sit at the table till it was all gone thing, which only made things worse and caused a lot of stress especially at dinner. We then realized that he's not going to starve himself, he'll eat when he gets hungry enough and we only supply healthy meals. He's almost four and thriving with a good weight, tall and lean with great, happy energy. Remember, our relationship with food starts very young in life. Let her lead you with her eating, but remember you're still in control when she eats as the family eats together unless its snack time. She'll get it after a while. Trust me, she won't starve. Good Luck and God Bless.

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M.A.

answers from Dallas on

I agree with Amber and TT, but give her Pediasure, not Ensure. The Pediasure is specially formulated for children and is perfect for situations like this one. I would offer her a full meal at every mealtime, 3 times a day. If she chooses not to eat it, don't push her. Let her not eat it. It is detrimental to children's diets and healthy eating habits to force them to eat. After she doesn't eat, wait an hour and ask her is she would like to eat the leftovers from the meal at that time. If she says no, say, "well would you like some chocolate milk? She will most certainly say yes. When she does, go pour some pediasure in a cup for her to drink. Granted in your household at this point all of your girls are going to want some chocolate milke like the 4 year old is having! So give them some Pediasure too if you want. It won't hurt them. If you don't want to give them that, you could make Ovaltine for them. That is healthier than Chocolate syrup, but not quite as nutrient packed as the Pediasure. Do not force her to eat the meal, but I would still have her sit at the mealtable with the family at every meal, even if she chooses not to eat. Don't let her get up until the other children are done and they get up. I would definitely let her drink regular milk during mealtimes. I think I would even suggest that you give her whole milk at mealtimes with her food until she eats more. That way she is getting healthy fats. She can have her food and white whole milk at her meal. If she does not want to eat her food, say "that's okay, we will keep it for you in the refirdgerator for you to eat later if you would like, just drink your milk while we eat. Give her a crazy stray or something to drink it with, maybe that will help. Also, offer her really healthy snacks, but don't make her sit at the table to eat them! Example, between breakfast and lunch say "hey, you want to have a special treat? I will let you eat strawberries in the living room while you watch cartoons!" That will make her feel like it is a special treat (even though it is healthy fruit!) and it will take some pressure off. It may be the pressure of the table/meal experience that she doesn't like.

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