I Just Found Out

I would question how an 11 yo got a piercing with out parental consent, which makes me wonder if she or a friend did it. In that case it could get infected. You have 2 ways to go here. The first is take it out, ground her, make her miserable by watching her every move. The second, sit down with her and tell her it's great that she is making grown up decisions about her body. Pretending to be grown is grand and she can continue with this like if she wants a cell phone she can get her own phone plan and pay for it, if she wants cable in her room she can pay for that also. If she wants to be grown and show off her new belly ring then she can be grown and only have what she can afford. See how long she last trying to be a grown up!

Doesn't an 11y need parental permission for a piercing? I would march her back to whomever did the piercing and threaten to call the police.

I went and got my ears double-pierced when I was that age. I felt that I was being SO disobedient and so decadent. Well, I got home and told my mom, and with the most bored look on her face, she said, "They're YOUR ears."

Well.

She took the wind right out of my sails! I had been so prepared for a big fight, and when I got NOTHING... it was the last rebellious thing I ever did. Her response carried across to me so succinctly and so clearly that if I wanted to be an idiot, I was going to have to live with the consequences, not her.

sue whoever gave her the peircing

Make sure when you have it removed it really hurts like the devil.
Hopefully she has no electronics because she sure doesn't deserve any.
And she needs to be watched and babysat, at all times.
I would also take away her door, no privacy, she doesn't deserve that either.
She locks no door or you take off the door handle, including the bathroom.
You are the mom, get tough. She needs you to stand up to her and let her know what she is doing is wrong.

The first thing is look at the piercing and make sure it isn't red or infected looking (if the spot is red, hot, swollen or she is running a fever). Remove the piercing (or have a doctor do it if there are signs of infection). Supervise her cleaning it with rubbing alcohol or another antiseptic at least 2X a day. Ear piercings take about 4 weeks to heal but I'm not sure if belly piercings take the same time or longer to heal.

She needs a serious consequence--probably along the lines of 2-4 weeks grounding with no phone or computer privileges and a lot of supervision and checking up by you. Even after grounding definitely check up on all her social plans making sure there is adult supervision (talk to the other parent) and a way to contact her.

My quick reaction is to grab her back -- but, in thinking on it, I'm not sure that's best. Of course, the belly piercing should be removed. But it sounds like now's the time to start to listen and demonstrate that you understand what she's saying. NOTE: Understanding doesn't mean agreeing or letting her do what she wants. Understand her perspective, show respect for her feelings, demand she respect you, compromise where possible.

My sister used to call certain things "cave" issues. For instance, her son wanted to get his ear pierced when he was 12. Absolutely not allowed in her family! By the time he was 16, though, & still wanted it, she "caved". She allowed him to do certain things she didn't agree with and thereby increased her chance that he'd listen when it was really important. Her respect for his wishes translated into his respect and compliance when it counted. Now, he's in his early 30s, put himself through grad school & will soon be married -- and he's just an all-around good guy to be around.

I'm not saying you should let her pierce her navel at 11 -- but remember when she was little and you used to look for things to say "yes" to after saying "no" all day? Same idea. Conversation. Communication. Clear and consistent rules & boundaries. Give respect where possible. Demand respect always. And remember to find reasons to laugh and to say yes. Because tearing your hair out and screaming NO happens all too often for all of us!

Hang in there! You can do this!

How the hell did she manage that? She needs to be at least 18, otherwise they need parental permission to have it done professionally. Is this something she tried to do herself, or get someone else to do for her?

I don't really have any simple answers here, except to start talking with her more, and make it clear what your expectations are for her behavior. She also needs to realize how dangerous it is to try to be trying to get a piercing done without appropriate measures being taken (infection, etc.). Get her checked out at the doctor, if the piercing is still there get it removed, and get her on antibiotics if necessary.

If she can't adhere to the rules of the house, then it is time to start stripping her bedroom of everything in it except the bed itself - nothing on the walls, no decorations, no toys or other personal items, no cell phone AT ALL, no ipod, no TV or computer time. She gets plain white sheets on the bed, a plain blanket, and you take out all her clothes except what she needs to wear each day. No time left unsupervised. Make her earn back her privileges with consistently better behavior. Take the door of her room off the hinges. Impress upon her that you can't trust her to do the right thing, so you are going to have to start treating her like a 2 year old until she proves she can be responsible and you can start trusting her again.

She sounds out of control and you need to take the control back!

There's no way that an 11 year old can do things "her way" unless you are giving her too much freedom. You need to get control of this child before it really is out of your hands. Make sure you know where she is 100% of the time and make sure it's safely at home for at least the next few weeks. Find out from her teachers who her friends are and then speak with their parents. Get more involved in her life, in her comings and goings. Tighten the leash, so to speak, until there is not a THING she can manage to do that will surprise you.

Oh, and take the damn ring out of her belly. Tell her that you will be checking on a weekly basis from now until she's eighteen so unless she wants to go through the pain of having herself pierced again only to have it be removed AGAIN, she should simply wait until she's older.

Make her take it out and go to family counseling before things get out of hand!

She may need a Tetanus shot and a stitch or stitches to repair the area if it was not done correctly.. And Yes, I am going to guess she got a friend to do this for her.. She is really testing you.

You will have to really explain that this was too far.
You will pick her up from school, no weekend plans, no special events for her. I would say until the piercing heals. She also better not show any attitude or you will make sure these punishments continue until her attitude changes. If you have to continue taking things away till all she has is her bed and bed linens, than that will be her fault..

I am sending you strength.

I have a feeling that she had a friend do it. I would take it out and put some medicine on there. She is going to get infected. Oh boy, you are in trouble in the teenage years if she is already doing this :(

ps. she may even need antibiotics....

i just read mrs m's post. i obviously agree!

If she's acting out like this and you have 5 kids, is it possible she is crying out for attention? I wonder if she would benefit from some one-on-one time with Mom. At that age she must have a thousand questions about who she is and what her body is doing, etc. I would see if you couldn't find a way to spend more quality time with her and really build a better relationship. That will go a long way towards better behavior.

Take it out. Tell her she can have it when she's sixteen if she does well in school.

And yeah, I., I agree with other moms that you need to take control NOW. This is not a good sign. If you don't take charge now, you are in for a lot of trouble in three years.

Jennifer, above, has a good point too.

Just an FYI: NEVER Put Alcohol on a BODY PIERCING. its different from a 'regular' ear piercing. I would ask her where the shop was that would pierce an underage child. they should no longer be in business! I would make her take it out, but she may just put another one in when she's not home. Either way its going to leave a black hole on her young beautiful skin ~ She'll regret that !

i agree with rachel y. do exactly what she suggests. and i see no reason you shouldn't be able to control an 11 year old, with proper motivation. is getting her belly pierced going to do it for you? if you don't now, just wait until she's driving and earning her own money.

Well when my sister was 16 she got her belly button pierced after my parents had to told her no. So when she came home with it her and my parents got in a pretty big fight. Her argument was that it's her body blah blah blah. So finally my parents said, "Your right it's your body but we are still your parents and have a say in what you do." So they told her it's her choice she could keep it in but as long as she did that she didn't have a car anymore. They had bought her car for her 16th birthday. So yeah she lasted about 2 or 3 days of having to rely on friends or my parents to take her to work and school then she decided the piercing wasn't worth it and she took it out. So you should do something similar. give her a choice but make the other option something she would hate not having. Like take her phone away or tell her because she disobeyed you she can't be trusted to go out without you. No more alone time with friends. she'll break :)

I'm not familiar with your history or problems with your dtr but based on your question, it sounds like she may have done the piercing herself or by a friend etc.

I would be extremely concerned about the potential for infection. I would be inclined to take her to the doctor just to be safe. I wouldn't be surprised if they started her on some antibiotics.

Well she is 11...TAKE IT OUT!!! If you continue to allow her to do whatever she wants she will take it one step further each time...No way that would be one of my kids because there is a reaction for every action...this is life or at least how I lived it and raised my kids to be.

if its been less than a week make her take it out it will heal up :)

Hi I.,

How does your 11 year old daughter have enough freedom to get her belly button pierced? Where did she get the money to pierce her belly button? Where did she get it pierced -most states require that you are 18 and/or have a parent/guardian sign a consent form.... you need to look into this.

Who watches her? It seems like she has a lot of freedom based on this post and your last - is there some adult who can spend more time with her?