My Teenage Daughter Wants a Belly Button Ring....???

Been there done that. I don't envy you.
My daughter at 14 wanted one. I told her we would talk about it in a year.

A year came, she didn't forget. I was dead set against it. My problem with her getting a tatoo, piercing, etc. Is that it is permanent. I don't want to be the one she blames, at 35 that she has something she can't get rid of. And the belly button gets infected, and she ends up scarred.

Mine kept bugging me and bugging me. I didn't give in. I stood my ground. As I explained to her. Bugging me will only get me angry, not give in. I also reminded her, that according to state, she will be of legal age at 18, she can then have whatever she chooses. But I don't care what all the other kids and their parents are doing. WE are not doing that. I dont' think it stops at one tatoo or one piercing. I think they will go on and on about it.

First I wouldn't tolerate the bugging. That in itself is not allowed, and let alone, bugging me about something I've already said no to. If you feel that strongly about her not having it done, stick to it. JMO.

I raised my kids, a lot like how I was raised. Dinner every night, never a microwave meal, strict rules of the house. And guess what? My kids are still alive to tell about it.

I would let her know that when she's 18, you'll be happy to take her down and get a piercing. (try to say with a geniune smile and then let it go every time she brings it up)

I would look into state laws - I believe she may need to be 18 OR have a parents permission to get this done.

Hey K., My daughter is 15 too. I would not let her have a piercing for a lot of reasons. I agree it sends a wrong message, too. I don't believe you are making a bigger deal out of it than it is. My question would be why she wants one. What is her motivation? That would be telling. I've told my daughter she can have a blue streak in her hair this summer just for fun. Hair grows out so no permanent or skin piercing involved. Just fun. Her grandparents think we are unwise even to allow a blue streak. But, my daughter's motivation is to do something fun and different, not to be more sexy or on the edge. If that were her motivation, I'd even think about saying no to the blue streak.

Sounds like you are really busy...it may be a cry for one on one time. Just a thought.

I'd be a little careful about telling any child that they can do as they please when they turn 18. Most of the time, they still have to live in your house and you still support them for a time after they're 18. My son is 18 and has the rest of the school year and the summer before he goes to college. My 16 year old daughter will be 18 her entire Senior year. She is NOT going to be doing whatever she legally is allowed to do.

Of course she wants it to look sexy. All girls that age dream of looking sexy, and if a singer or movie star they admire does it, they want to do it. First, ask her to name names. Get the names of all her friends who actually have rings--I'll bet it's only a couple, and likely the ones with the most lenient moms. And out of the ones she names, probably few or none of them are her close friends. If she only names one or two who actually have it, you'll feel more confident saying no, as you'll know other parents said no, too.

If all her close friends DO actually have one, how does she know? Because they're showing it off. So ask her what good it will do her to have it if she's not allowed to show it.

Also, weeks isn't long enough to beg. Point out that this is really an adult type thing, and that she absolutely can't do anything that serious and permanent until she's thought about it carefully and researched it (I liked the video suggestion) and waited long enough for the idea to sink in completely, which is at least six months or until some significant birthday. She'd hate to do it as a passing fad among her friends.

Is it really that big a deal? Well, it really is about sex, even though she probably doesn't understand why. You might say, if she wants it that bad, she has to have a frank discussion with you about sex and images and what boys are looking at and what it says about her when she uses her body to attract a boy instead of her brain. Then, even if you decide to say yes and let her do it (and no, it isn't the end of the world, and not as bad as a tattoo or an eyebrow or nose piercing, since you can't see it)you'll have given her something to think about when it comes to self image and sex and men. So if you decide to give in, get something for it! Make her listen to you as payment for giving in.

I'm now thrilled that all my 14 year old wants is to dye her hair.

As a mother of three daughters, 22,20, and 16, I say absolutely N-O! I believe that children should have limits. My girls got their ears pierced when they were 10, couldn't wear make-up until their first year of high school, couldn't date until they were 16. The oldest daughter got her belly button pierced when she was 18; I told her at that time it was her body if she wanted to "mutilate" it. Have you ever seen a belly button without the jewelry in it?! It's hideous. My second and third daughters say they'll NEVER get their belly buttons pierced, after seeing their sister's.

You're the parent; don't let your child control you. I'm also speaking as a teacher here; kids' behavior in school is a direct reflection of what happens at home. Believe me, someday your daughter will thank you... :)

Sorry, I think there are dangers to belly button rings and who cares if 'every teenager is doing it' I tried that on my parents & it didn't work on them either, LOL.

And yes, having a belly button ring WILL prompt them to show it off. I can't stand seeing these girls wearing shirts that look like they belong to their 1st grade sisters!! Come on girls, cover it up!! But you have to wear those little tops to show off that ring. I mean what's the point in having it if you can't show it off? And frankly, please no one flame me on this, I just think they make girls luck slutty...TOTALLY personal opinion I know but I just hate the look. Guys are SUCH visual creatures and I don't need their visual focused on that part of my daughter!!

I would tell her that when she's out on her own, supporting herself, she can do it then, but not now.

I agree with you. Tell her if she really wants one, when she moves out and gets a job, then she can pay to have one. Also show her pictures of infections from not taking care of it! Also, belly button rings cause horrible scar marks when she is older and has a baby!

You are right to say NO. Stick to your guns. Tell her she can get one when is 21 if she wants to. She will be an adult then and can make her own choice.

If you feel uncomfortable with it, then I'd say you should stick your ground. Anytime my daughter (11) comes at me with the everyonge else has one, or but (insert name here)'s mom lets her. I just kindly remind her that I'm not (insert name here)'s mother and that when she turns 18 she can do what she wants. Examples of this conversations are any piercings, tattoos... things like that. Good luck!

K., sometimes parents have to do what parents have to do. There's nothing new under the sun. Yes, we all probably, echo some of our parents sayings; good and bad. However, it does not change the fact that you have to be the parent and make decisions based on your own principles and such. Read up on the image projected in the minds of males about teenage girls with belly buttons and such. We can not control a person's thought process. But just know, there is universal mind and energy. I would say 15 years old is too early for this. You already know what you know and feel. Go for that. Yes, it may seem harsh to your daughter or you may feel uncertain. Come on, we know parenting is tough sometimes, with decisions we have to make. Encourage your daughter on independent thought process outside of the crowd. Be strong in her self-esteem and who she is.

.

Hi K., I was just like your daughter at that age. My mom always told me when I was 18 I could do what ever I wanted.....so I did. But it was kinda like the drink alcohol at 21 thing. It wasn't as fun when I was allowed to do it.
Anyway, I had it in until I was pregnant with my daughter at 24...long time with no problems. Keep you ground and remind her she can do what she wants to when she is grown....I know it will be hard, teenage daughters can wear on there mommas (I know I did), but before you know it this like every other stage in her life will pass....and all to fast...
Good luck, and be strong...
T.

Firstly, congratulations that she's asking and not going to do it anyway... I don't have a teenager, but I have worked with enough of them and done plenty of research to back up some thoughts that may help ease the tention and allow her to make a "good" and informed decision.

This is the normal age that the kids want to be part of the group and how that group acts/dresses becomes their identity. Maybe this would be a good time to set up exploring how to make right decisions rather the parental black and white arguments, that they will throw back in your face. So, the object of conversation becomes not the belly button ring, but on how to making a choice that will affect her long-term.

Here's a thought... Set a reasonable amount of time, like a month. In this time allow both of you to stew over it. For example, look at different prices, the pros/cons, what could happen if the piercing is bad. What are the long term effects. Talk to some older folks (older than 25) who have one and see what their thoughts are... like would you do it again. do you still have yours, is it still the cool thing to do. Here's the kicker.... She has to do all the homework. If she hasn't done ALL of it, according to your satisfaction (maybe you want a written checklist/contract to help facilenforce this) by the set time then the answer is a no. No arguments, no discussions. Then again, if she has done it, then it's let her do it (and I know you'll be grinding your teeth through the whole ordeal). In anycase, it puts the ball totally in HER court and she has to prove that she really wants it.

Above all, the issue is NOT about a belly button ring, its about being part of a group and establishing an identity. And it's also about making decisions that will effect her all her life. So, hang in there, keep being tough!

rlw

NO WAY! This modern society has lost sight of what beauty and purity is and a 15 year old girl should be. A belly button ring is not pure and beautiful. You are a great Mom to tell her NO. It definately sends a message of- hey look at me- and not in a good way. Put your foot down Mom and tell your daughter that she is a beautiful, intelligent, valuable creation that you must protect like a fine work of art. The Mona Lisa wouldn't be as valuable with a lip ring- now would she?

Good Morning Kim
OK I want you to sit down with a cup of tea away from the yellsssssssss of Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm She******!!!!!!!!!
and realize your not crazy just burning the candel at more ends then you have places for and also realize that there is some Validity to your point.
Maybe if you took a littel time four yourself or got somemore sleep you wouldnt be so easily warn down bye her
Dont give into her demands
A Littel about Myself I am 45 with two teenage daughters and a step son and I am back In bible college to become a pastor

You should base your decision on your daughter's maturity level. Will she take care of it? Is she just doing it because she thinks it will make her cool to some guy or because she's really thought it through? Does she wear a bikini in the summer- if so, why are you worried about her lifting up her shirt when people will see it anyway?

I personally don't think it's a big deal if your daughter is a good kid and earns the right to do something like that. If you keep telling her NO NO NO she's going to go get it done in somebody's dirty basement.

I have piercings and tattoos, and 2 beautiful, polite kids, and I get pissed when people stereotype me. I have always told myself that I would not freak out on my daughters if they wanted to get a piercing or dye their hair because it's not permanent and it's not worth the drama. A tattoo is different because what you think is cool when you're 16 will no longer be cool when you're 30 and you can't change it.

In summary- if your daughter isn't a follower and earns the money herself I say let her do it. Are her ears pierced? What's the difference?

my 16 year old daughter asked me for one and i said yes i got my piercing when i was 15 and she knew about it so she always used that excuse "if you got one why cant i" so i decided she could get one and she only shows it to her friends she isnt allowed to get a tattoo EVER! but i dont think its that bad. of course this is what i think and what i did but if you dont want her to get one dont let her until you decide she can get one
good luck!

I teach in the middle school, and I cannot tell you how many bellybuttons and tatoos I see daily. From an adult point of view, it sends a horrible message to me about the type of parents who allow this for middle school girls. Also, I listen to the girls/boys talk about the girls with belly piercings and tongue rings. The boys assume this is a sign of sexual maturity and the girls who don't have them, look down on the girls who do. It's not so much the piercings, but what they represent to both the person who gets it and those who see it.

This is a great question. I tell you, I have my belly button pierced and this would be even a more difficult request to have to say "no" to. But I will. The reason I will explain is that I am not trying to be mean, but there are very real and logical reasons for the law that she needs to be 18 to be able to get these on her own. And that is to be able to make an informed decision. At 15 years old, she does not yet fully understand all the implications that body piercing and tattoos have. First, is the outward appearance and influence it has on those around her. This includes teachers, friends, and even those that don't even know her. It's important for her to realize that body piercing comes with a certain stereotype that you (and she) don't want. If she gets this stereotype associated, it can make it harder for her in difficult situations. You can give some examples of where being associated with the wrong crowd or being classified as "loose" might be a disadvantage. It is also a good opportunity to challenge her maturity level. By accepting no on this decision, she is showing you her maturity level that can and will affect your ability to make decisions for some of her other requests that she will have over the next few years. Let you know that you understand her frustration. These teenage years are tough because society exposes them to so many adult situations and they aren't yet really ready for them. It's your job to protect her and teach her over the next three years so that she will be ready when she has to take full accoutability for her actions.

I hope this helps!

L.

This is a really tough one. But here is what I have for you. I got my belly button pierced when I was 15 or 16. My reasons were that some of my friends had them and honestly, I thought it was sexy. It is going to get shown off, there is no point in having one if no one can see it. Those were my thoughts back then anyway. About a year later I got tired of it, a lot of people had them and they weren't the "cool" thing anymore. I took it out and it left this weird looking scar. I decided that I didn't like the scar at all so I went and got my belly button repierced. That time the only reason was that I didn't like how the scar looked. I kept it in until I was 22, I was pregnant and my belly was starting to stretch out. The hole is closed but there is still a scar and I am pretty sure there always will be. I guess that I think it is just a phase. It might be kind of a long phase but still just a phase. I don't regret doing it, I have a live and learn attitude. Hope my story helped you.

This may sound slightly rediculous, BUT....tell her you think it's a great idea. A woman I work with had the same issue and it's what I suggested to her. Her daughter immediately changed her mind! I was a rebellious teen and the second my parents told me NOT to do something, I absolutely had to do it. If I thought I was rebelling and they supported it; well, where's the fun in that. So the twist is what if she actually goes through with it, right? A belly ring isn't the end of the world. Yes, it reeks of Brittney Spears and the likes, but if you show her that you are open to her choices and the fact that she is becoming responsible for her body, she may respect her body a little more, and you too while she's at it. Probably not what you were hoping to hear, but good luck no matter what you decide.

Kim, do not do it. Put your foot down and let your daughter know how you feel about the belly ring. I think girls that get their belly button pierced are trying to be sexy and show off their stomach. Don't think that she's not gonna want her piercing to show. Boys are going to find it attractive and one thing leads to another. If she wants a belly ring let her wait until she is grown and out of your house. For now; you should tell her no. We have to raise our girls showing them what's right and how to be ladies. When they get older they won't part from it. Good luck.

K.,I say stick with what you have said, and you are right, if they have nothing in their belly button they have nothing to show, otherwise... they do. Also if you say yes to this.. MORE WILL COME and the fuss will be longer and louder...
I have learned a few things and trust me it is only a matter of time unless you set the boundaries now.

I am a 43 yr old mom of a 19 yr old son and a 5 yr old daughter, somethings I have learned the hard way... but if you stick to what you have said and not give in, they respect you more in the long run, now that doesn't mean she won't be happy that is a given. :)

You are a good mom, do what is best for you and your family.

Hi K.!
I am in total agreement that the only thing a belly ring does is to send the kind of messages that no 15 year old girl should be sending. Too often we (as a society) let those around us influence our decisions. Our kids are trying to grow up too quickly and they are having to deal with adult consequences long before they are prepared to handle them. Your instincts are right on! Don't let yourself be swayed by your daughters pleading. Stand you ground or you and your daughter may soon find yourselves having to make much harder decisions. We need to take our kids back and allow them to be kids. Keep up the good work!
In God's Love,
T.

I can tell you from experience they hurt and can get infected real easily. I'm not a teenager, I got mine in my late 20s. I think your right she doesn't neede one right now.

My cousin found a way to get it done without parental consent. That was at least a decade ago and things now are more strict but she may just find a way without you.

We come from a very strict, very old fashioned Italian family. My mom, being the more modern of the bunch comprimised and let me have a clip on.

It's really no different, no one knew unless I told them and I was happy with it. Then I grew out of the phase. Now I don't have an ugly scar or a hole and I still got to have my belly ring.

Perhaps maybe you can convince her to give a clip on a try? You can tell her to see how she likes it and then when she's 18 she can decide if she wants to put a hole in her belly.

I got mine at a store called Hot Topic. (that was also a decade ago) Not sure if you have one...I lived in MI at the time. You can probably find one at Claire's or any store like it...that pertains to the younger teen/pre-teen crowd.

The beauty of the clip on was that I could stick it on my belly button, or my ear, or even my eyebrow (as scary as that is). She'll be getting the experience without permanent damage to her body. There are also all kinds of risks with an actual piercing and lets face it...teens aren't exactly responsible. There is a lot of maintenence involved and she may not want to have to deal with puss coming out of her belly button.

A good idea would be to look up on the web potential risks and show her pictures. That'll really drive it home and she may be the one asking for a clip on!

Good luck! I hope she goes for whatever decision you make!

I would say don't let her do it. I was the same way when I was that age. I think I may have been about a year or so older. I kept begging my parents to have it done also and of course they said no and wouldn't let me get it done. I would think she just wants it done b/c everyone is has it done. And I think its ridiculous that 12 yrs old to 16 yrs old have anything pierced. They are still kids and aren't old enough to make those kinds of decisions. When I turned 18 is when I got mine, and then my parents couldn't say no. I would definately tell her no and have her wait, at least until she's old enough to get it done on her own.

My 3 daughters are three years old and younger, but I completely agree with you.

If you have an 8-month-old, then your daughter probably wants your attention and is getting it by nagging you about this belly button ring. Sounds a lot like my 2.5-year-old wanted my attention when my twins were newborns. She knows that this is a high-stakes issue for you.

I know another mom who had a baby when her oldest daughter was 12, and because the daughter was in middle school (hormone-stricken preteens everywhere), she was mortified that her friends would know. Maybe your 15-year-old is feeling the same mortification that her mom could be having a baby (even though the baby's already here).

Tell her that she must wait until she has a high-school diploma or a drivers license without restrictions or her baby brother is two (or another version of some delay), whichever you think will go over better.

I hope you succeed. I may be dealing with this wish in 12 years, and I don't think that a belly ring should be as commonplace as earrings! Thanks!!

Navel piercings can get infected extremely easily. I've known several young women who have had infections from an improperly taken care of navel piercing.

I think 15 is too young, and I think that as her mom you have every right to tell her no way, no how. Stick to your guns, and she'll probably thank you down the line. She might rethink the idea in a few years, she might not, but at least she'll be a little more mature at 18 and more likely to take proper care of a piercing.

There are plenty of young girls out there with their belly pierced. I agree with you though about it sending the wrong message. Most piercings do not heal over once you are tired of having them. I have a hole where my ring used to be and I have not worn it in 4 years. Maybe if you let her know that it is stuck with her forever she will be more willing to acept waiting until she is 18.

First off, you are the parent and she is the child. I also tell them I don't care if other parents don't care enough about their children to set boundries.(This is what I tell my kids when I get the everyone else is doing it speech) Therefore, there would be no argument. When I tell my 13 year old daughter no, she knows I mean it. I sometimes will give her an explanation of why I feel that way, but for the most part, if I so no, that's it. All three of my children, including a 15 and 11 year old boy, know that when my husband and I tell them no or that they can not do something, we don't have to explain. When they turn 18, pay their own bills, and are living their own lives, then they can make those decisions. A couple of teenagers at my daughters middle school got their belly buttons pierced and they were allergic to the earrings. Their belly buttons actually looked like they were rotting. It was gross.

Hi
I had my belly button pierced while I was in college with the permission of both of my parents. I honestly think they only agreed because they thought I was just joking. It is a very bad idea to let your daughter start piercing her body anywhere other than the ears. It DEFINITELY sends the wrong message. She will thank you in the long run. You know all the freakish looking people you see at the late night run at Wal-Mart with the 50 facial piercings and 98 tatoos? They all started with something small like the belly ring. Then it escalates to the tongue ring, (which I did also and almost gave my mom a heart attach) then eyebrow ring, etc. Believe it or not it will cause negative side affects in her attitude. I'm sure you don't need that since she's 15. The negative attitude should be plentiful without any other influences. Ask her to look at most of the other people who have their bellies pierced. Are they the kind of people she wants to be like or look like? How are they perceived and treated. Does she want the same treatment? Does she want to give the same perception? I don't care what she says she'll be percieved as a naughty girl by other adults and a sexual freak by the boys. Please be strong and stand your ground. I hope that she won't go against your wishes and try to have it done. It should be illegal in this state to get it done without parental consent. I'm not from here so I would urge you to check out what the law says about that for minors. Did I forget to mention that my mom was a sunday school teacher and my step dad is a minister? Talk about embarrassing your parents!! Did I also forget to mention that I hate the fact that I got those piercings?!? They encourage you to show off your body, attract the wrong kind of attentin and lost focus on what's important: God, family, and education. I know some people will say it's no difference in getting ears pierced, but it is. Please stay sttrong and stand your ground. Remeber whatever you allow her to do the younger kids will want the same thing. GOd bless you.

You have already said no, right? If you give in now, it will be a future of knowing that if she whines enough she will wear you down. I am 28 and pierced my own (cause my smart parents would never have allowed) when I was 16. I think that navel rings look cheap and trashy, and I hope that doesn't offend anyone (some of my own friends still have them). Your a good mom with the right instincts. Let your no mean no, thats more important.

Maybe you should let her. Sometime as parents we have to let our kids be their own person. just let her know what not to do. and if she doesnt listen then have it taken out. your only waisting about 20. goodluck.

Ok, I know my daughter is only 10 months old and I have a LONG time until I have to deal with this (thank goodness). But being the Youth director at my church I get to deal with a lot of teen nagging. My advice is to stand strong with this. I have seen so many get infected b/c the girl didn't take care of it appropriately. Plus, if she still wants one when she's 18, then it will be her decision to make.

Choose your battles. You don't want to be saying no to everything, and not letting her have any fun, but you can't let do everything she wants either, keeping her safe is most important. I can't answer to how you feel morally about piercings, but to me that is such a minor thing, even if I didn't like the idea, I wouldn't stand in her way. holes do close up when unused, unlike tattoes which don't fade over time. A tattoo, I would object to, at that age, or something else with serious long term consequences, like prematital sex, but not just a piercing, no matter where they wanted to get pierced. I have 4 grown daughters (& 3 sons) One had her belly button pierced around that age. After about one month, she decided it wasn't a good idea, because the zipper of her jeans kept getting caught in it. So, she learned by her own experience, I wasn't the big bad mom who never lets her do anything. However, if I had been morally opposed to piercings, I would not have given in, "just because everyone else had one". My kids knew that arguement didn't work in our house!
Hope that helps.

I got one when I was 20. I had wanted one for years and for the same reason you said - to look sexy. By the time I got mine, I was engaged and the only person I was concerned about looking sexy for was my (now) husband.

My parents used the "when you are 18 you can do what you want" line. They let me pierce my ears as much as I wanted though. I had 4 in my left and 3 in my right.

Something I was thinking about today:
My baby almost climbed onto our wooden back deck today. She is constantly trying to do that. I stop her every time. Would it be horrible for her to go out there? No. But it wouldn't be best for her. She doesn't realize that yet, so I have to put my foot down until she learns better, or is old enough or capable to make her own choices.

I refused to let my daughter do this as well. I used the saying 'as long as you are in my house...' and it worked. Since then she did get one within the first 3 weeks of going to college.
Nothing I could do about it.

When she decided to leave college, and move back in the house, the belly button stayed. But, I would not let her in the door unless she removed the tongue piercing, and gave me the piece that was in her tongue. It has now grown closed, and she promises that it will not be discussed or asked to be returned.

Good luck, and hold on to your belief that it is not something to be done at 16. Once a parent has set down rules, it should not be argued about. With having younger siblings, she (16yr. old) needs to be a better role model for her other sister.

Hang in there, and be strong.

C. in NC

Kim...stick to your guns on your decision. I agree with you that the belly button ring is just a way to show off the abdomin. My 16 yr old daughter wanted one a while back, but I refused. Ask your daughter if she'll promise not to show anyone and see what kind of reaction you get. lol You mentioned the tatoo, my daughter wanted one too...but NO! When you are on your own and can pay for it then decide. The only defense I have for the ring vs tatoo is that the ring can be removed. Another thought for her...what if it gets infected? My neighbor girl had hers professionly pierced but it never healed properly, always hurt, and got infected. She had to have it removed and it left an ugly scar. I know you will do what is right for you and your daughter, just don't let her pressure you into changing your mind. If you do...lord knows what else is next.

Other than the fact that I think they look cheap and tacky...

Have her research exactly HOW they go about peircing the naval and the possible effects of not caring for it properly. (If you can find a video of this, it'd be lovely, especially if she's squemish.) If she can prove to you that she understands the amout of care involved in a naval peircing...if she's prepared for the pain of the peircing itself (I've been told that it hurts A LOT) and that it can take up to a year to completely heal...let her have one for her 16th birthday. But warn her, the first time it gets infected, or you feel that she's showing it off inappropriatly, that it's coming out.

NO NO NO! Please do not allow her to do this. I to went thru it and after much discuiing it, found that more teens get very sick and the risk of infection is very high. One young girl even got her inside infected and had to be hospilized!! The risks r not worth the pain. Please dont let her do this.

I would have to tell her no. If she still wants one when she is 18 she will probably get one. I had one until I got pregnant with my son and I regret it now. Not that it would happen to everyone but mine closed when I took it out while I was pregnant and there is a stretch mark from the top of hole to the bottom of the hole. Sure I thought it was cute while I had it but I would rather not have the stretch mark or the appearance of a peircing that is no longer there.

This is ironic that my husband and I just recently had this conversation about what if . . . Our daughter is 10, but we were talking about the difference between tatoos and piercings. A tatoo is permanent and can only be removed by surgery. A piercing will grow back, I think. However, their bodies are not a Christmas tree to be decorated as they wish. Even though my daughter is 10, we don't allow her to wear clothing that exposes her belly and will not allow her to as she grows older. Hopefully, you are the same way. Is it hard these days to find clothing for her? You bet! But there is clothing out there that does not portray a teenager as a prostitute. Whatever you decide, your 11 year old daughter will follow suit and as we all know, may be worse. Be wise in your decision because right now she is still a "child" under your care until she moves out. I would tell her that when she turns 18 or 21 AND moves out, she can do what she pleases, but until then, God has placed her under your care and you cannot allow such a desecration of her body.

Yes, K., it is a big deal. And not every other teenager in the world have them. Most don't. There is no reason on the world that a 15 year old needs one. You are right in thinking that the "purpose" of a navel ring is to look "sexy". And you are right in telling her that just because "everyone else is doing it" does not mean she should. Our mothers used the jumping off a brige analogy because it's fitting. I've used it too. It's not easy to be a parent but when you feel something is not right for your child, you have to be the bad guy and just stand up and say no. If you have told her no and told her why, then the next thing to tell her is the subject is closed.
Good luck!
J.

Hi K.,

I totally relate to the fact it is hard raising children, working full time and going to school full time. I am a single mom with a 14 y/o son, I work full time, go to school full time and volunteer at a domestic violence center as well. So our busy and hetic life styles can get us down. I personally do not see anything wrong with the belly button ring. I do believe that your daughter should have good reasons why she wants one besides the fact that all of her friends have one. They are very easily to get infected if not properly cared for and the maturity of your daughter I believe should play a role in your decision. But ultimately you have the last say so, so you have to do what you feel is right and do not let her nagging you about it to wear you down. If you honestly do not want her to have one then tell her no and if you are asked one more time about it, you will take something away from her for awhile just for the nagging. That has worked for me in the past with my son. He wanted a tattoo, of course he is only 14 (just turned 14), his older half brother (19) has tattoo's and so does his half sister (16). I did tell him no on that for the mere fact that it is permanent and no way of taking it off once it is there and if he wants one down the road, then we will see. But he kept nagging about it as well, so I started taking things away each time he did, he eventually got to the point to where he doesn't nag about it no more. His reasons for wanting one was his brother and sister has one, well for me that wasnt a good reason. I hope this has helped and good luck in this diffcult situation. Also, have you prayed about it, ask for God's guidance and direction and have your daughter do the same. Also, what does your husband say about his daughter wanting one?

Will getting a belly ring change who she is? If she is a good girl now why would that change? I know a lot of people that have belly rings it did not turn them into sluts. I don't think you have anything to fear from a belly ring.

K., Stick to your guns!!! You said "No!" Keep it No.
You have 2 younger children below your 13 year old. They are counting on you to protect them from wrong choices. Also, they will always say"You let her get a belly ring so why can't I get(WHO KNOWS WHAT IT MAY BE BY THEN)...and believe me THEY WILL BRING THIS TO YOUR MEMORY!!!
Also, there are some Real health risks to belly piercing! The bowel is just underneath her skin...it could and has been pierced in many young people!!! Many become sick and don't catch it(because they don't think to tell their doctor they had one) until it is at the dangerous/near fatal stage.
PLEASE...she is just wearing you down!!! Tell her this,"Yes, You may have a belly ring! Honey, in 5 years you will be 18 and may get you belly pierced. Until then, you may begin purchasing belly botton rings with your own money you have worked for (babysitting, extra house cleaning for the neighbors and she must tell them what she intends buying, with their money).I will not allow you to use my money, when I say "No." Remind her, anything worth working for is worth waiting for..and vise versa."
Stay Tough!!!! "No" means No!!!! ALSO...all girls do NOT have their belly pierced. Mine tried this with me and guess what? All grown now! They still don't!!! LaDonna

I didn't read all of the responses just because there were so many...but the ones that I did read all seem to say no.

I'm a 27 yr old mom who never had my belly button pierced, but I'm going to play devil's advocate.

Most everyone it seems thinks that it's about sex, and it could be. But have you talked to your daughter about the real reason she wants it? If the best she can come up with "everyone else has it" then I agree that she should wait.

I do have several piercings and am tattooed and I can honestly say that for me, all of them are self expression. Yes, when I first got the piercings, and when I first got a tattoo, I was excited about it and wanted to show them off. It's only natural to want to share something that has become a part of you.

After a few weeks or months (depending on piercing or tatt), the newness wore off. I don't always wear jewelry in all of my piercings and people only see my tatts if I choose for them to. For me, each tatt or piercing represents a particularly influential time in my life.

My advice is to tell your daughter that for now, there will be no discussion about it as you are uncomfortable with it and feel she is too young. Then, show her a measure of respect (and also teach her the value of compromise) by agreeing to discuss it again in a year if it's something she still wants. Don't bring it up in a year, let her do that - trust me, she won't forget after a year if she really wants it. Once she brings it up, DO discuss it and consider it based on the discussion. Does she want it because she thinks they're pretty? Because she really likes piercing? Because boys like it? Because her friends have it? Depending on her answers, decide if at 16 she is ready and mature enough for it. If not, tell her you'll discuss it again in another year. At 18, she can get it regardless of what the reason is. Hopefully the discussions will make her really think about why she wants it and will help her be sure that she really does want it.

I wish you the best of luck!

WOW!! My daughter is ten. I can only imagine what lies ahead. I think you need to try and make a logical argument with your daughter on why she should wait until she is older to get a body piercing. Making it into a power struggle will only make her more determined to get her own way. You didn't say what state you live in, but I'm pretty sure it's standard that you must be an adult to have a body piercing or have your parent's signature. You do have this option as a last resort - just refuse to sign. The question is whether she will then go to a "less than sterile" place to have this done. Several things can go wrong on a medical standpoint as far as infections, etc. Has she thought about that? Does she know a reputable place to go? Will she be responsible enough to take care of the piercing? A friend of mine had this done on a whim (she was 35!) and afterwards it hurt so bad that she had to wear the same pair of pants for two weeks! They were the only pair she had that didn't "rub" up against the piercing which really hurt. Also, is she planning on getting a permanent one or one she can remove? People are having trouble getting through security at the airport with piercings they cannot remove. Also when you are pregnant (hopefully this will be far off) it has to be removed or it will rip you belly button out. (No joke, my mom's a nurse.) Also, has she thought about what her younger sister might think? I'm sure she looks up to her and thinks of her as a role model. have you seen any of her friends piercings? I find it hard to believe that everyone else has one. I'd call their moms to see where they had theirs done. Hopefully, when she sees that you have real concerns about her health and this is not about control, she may be willing to see your side of it. Personally, I would make her wait until she is 18 - tell her you'll take her for her birthday.
Good luck!

Stick to your guns. There are physical dangers, as well as moral/sexual. This is not an earlobe we're talking about.

Your question brought to mind something that my high school psychology teacher said that really stuck with me (and I just now looked it up to be sure): The common sense area of the brain doesn't fully develop until a person's early-to-mid 20's. That's why teenagers can be so, well, stupid, and at the same time think they know everything. Here's one article I found:
http://www.abanet.org/crimjust/juvjus/Adolescence.pdf
I didn't read the legal stuff, just the scientific stuff, but if you want the gist of it, it says that when a person hits adolescence their brain (mainly the frontal lobe, where emotions and reasoning are 'kept') undergoes major reconstruction that lasts into their early 20s. That's why children can be so sweet and trusting when they're young and then as soon as puberty hits--BAM! It's like they've lost their mind! Anyway, no matter what your decision, I just wanted you to keep in mind that you (and all other mothers of teenagers out there) are taking care of someone who simply does not have the capabilities of much common sense. Don't ever feel bad about making tough decisions for her, and don't let her inability to see things rationally change your morals. God Bless!

I'd say no way. Do I think having a belly ring at 15 is a huge deal? Not really, but if she gets a belly ring at 15, then she could want a tongue piercing at 16, a nose piercing at 17, and then of course at 18 she can get a tattoo if she chooses. I've had 12 year old students who have their bellies pierced already, and I just wonder what they'll be doing by the time they hit high school. I just don't think it's a good habit to start so early when their decision making isn't really based on logic...it's based on what their friends (or boys)think.

I personally hate belly rings. I am not a piercing kind of girl to begin with, but the belly ring leaves such an ugly scar. If she ever plans on having children, then she'll need to take it out,and let me tell you...it's isn't pretty (see here: http://www.aafp.org/afp/20051115/2029_f4.jpg). Of course, at age 15 she'll probably just say she doesn't ever want kids, but eventually she probably will, and she'll regret that belly ring then.

My mom was pretty lenient with these things. I had my ears pierced as soon as I was old enough to ask for them. I had them pierced a second time when I was in 4th grade, and then my mom and I both had ours pierced a third time together when I was 15. (My parents were actually very strict, but when it came to these things my mom was fairly lenient...she's a hair stylist, so she's a little eclectic). I have regretted getting those second and third ear piercings for many years...and I'm only 28 now, so basically since shortly after I got them done. I wish so badly that my mom had been as careful about those kinds of things as she was about who I hung out with and when I came home at night.

So...don't do it! Put an end to the discussion. Tell her that you don't want her to mess up her perfect belly or that you think they're tacky or that you want her to wait until she's basing her decisions on logic....something, but don't let her do it!

Hey K..
I agree with those who say stick to your guns. Besides I think it's so sad the way our society is forcing our girls to "grow up" and look "sexy". Why should a 15 year old look sexy? Whatever happened to enjoying your childhood? I remember being at an amusement park several years ago. I was waiting for my hubby by the exit of a water ride when a group of girls passed by. They couldn't have been more than 13-14. They were all wearing string bikinis. On the other side of the path was a group of guys ranging from 20-30. When these girls passed the guys, all of the guys stopped and stared at the girls. And they weren't the nice kind of stares if you know what I mean. I was sickened by the look on those guys' faces. what good parent wants their daughter to be stared at like that?

Stick to your guns. Set limits and don't back down. I had a strict mother and I didn't understand why she said no at the time. But now that I'm a mom, I understand why she said no when she did and I bless her for it. Your daughter will understand in time. Just keep hanging in there.

Stick to your guns! If she really STILL wants a belly ring by the time she is 18, she can get one without your permission. I have 2 daughters, 22 & 17. I would say that I am pretty conservative when it comes to piercings & tattoos. I asked my daughters "why would you want to draw attention to your stomach? That is not your best feature."
Have you ever seen how the belly ring scar looks on someone after having a baby? Not attractive. This could definitely be something she would one day regret. It also show through clothes in pictures if you wear something fitted. I also have a 17 yr. old step daughter that got her navel pierced at 15. Her mom lets her do anything she wants (like drinking) because she wants to be her "friend". Her navel is already stretched out & hanging loose. She is not a big girl at all (about a size 6), but put that with a beer belly, short soffes or blue jean shorts, and imagine the message it sends. When my youngest daughter saw her in a swim suit with a large martini glass hanging off of her belly, she told me that she never wanted to look like that & she thought it was trashy. Remember, whatever you allow your 15 yr old to do will affect the 11 yr old. Your 11 yr. old daughter is watching very closely. Good luck & remember (most) moms know best!

I have had the same argument with my 14yr old and my 15 yr old. I told my girls that they are not every other teenager in the world and that as long as they are living under my roof with me paying all the bills and supporting them they will do as I say not as they choose and that when they get a fulltime job and pay their own bills then they can do what they want as far s piercings,My 14 yr old also wants her tongue pierced and her eyebrow pierced. They got mad but are now over the piercing thing and are now on the kick of crazy hair styles which i have allowed them to do at least the hair will grow back and colors will fade . Good luck with the battle.

My 27 yr old niece had her belly button pierced when she was 19. It didn't last long. She complained that her clothes would get caught in it all the time and pull on the ring or stud. She gained a little weight and it made it worse, so she just took it out and kept it out, hasn't worn anything in it since. She also told me that it was the dumbest thing she ever did, surprisingly enough.

You are right to refuse. I really don't see anything wrong with the bellybutton ring, however, I think that as long as they are in high school, they are not old enough or responsible enough to make the 'right' choice. And you are right about showing it off. She will be pulling her shirt up or wanting to wear short shirts to show it off. At that age, hormones are running ramped with the boys and the girls. She doesn't need to get herself into a situation where she is afraid to say no and then let things get too far.
Set the limit with her and tell her that after she graduates that if she still wants one, then she can go get it done and pay for it herself. First of all, they don't numb it. They push that very thick needle through without being numbed. It is hard to take care of and gets infected in many people. So.... tell her that she can have it for graduation as a graduation present from herself when she is old enough to sign the consent for herself but you aren't signing it for her.
Don't doubt yourself. Stick to your guns!

I would ask her why she wants one? just to be "unique" like everyone else? That's a sad reason for doing anything.

I would also refuse to pay for it. If she wants to pay for it and all of the medications and cleaning supplies, consider it. It's not allowed at schools though....well, at least the one I teach at and if a student is caught with a visible belly button ring, they are asked to take it out no matter if it will grow shut or not. So if you can't show it off, what's the point of having one? maybe she'll see that it's a waste of money.

I believe you are doing the right thing. There is no reason to have a belly button ring unless you want to show it off to people. I have seen many teenagers after getting a belly button ring begin wearing mid-drifts and such. It is just a phase and will pass.

I wanted one when I was 18 and my father told me that if I got one he would rip it out. Now he really wouldn't have, but the thought scared me enough not to get it.

I think you make your rules for your children and if you don't feel comfortable with this then you should stick to your guns. If she still feels the same way when she's 18 then she can do it at her expense. The flip side is at least the piercing is not permanent like a tattoo.

Good luck

After letting my son pierce his ears when he was 16 and he ended up "gauging" them, I've told my other three kids no body piercings until they're 18. My daughter can have double pierced ears and maybe another piercing in her ear but nothing else anywhere else on her body. There is time enough in their life to make those kinds of decisions when they're an adult. Stick to your guns mom, you're right, there is no reason for a belly button piercing except to show it off and I certainly don't want my daughter showing off her belly.
S.

I have a teenage son so I have not experienced all that girly stuff yet because my girl is only 4 months. But if I would have even asked my mother something like this when I was that age I would have been in so much trouble, and I did not dare to say anything like all the other kids are doing it. I definitely feel the same way as my mother did. She is only 15 and has not business with a belly button ring, cause the only time her tummy needs to be out is when she is taking a shower(LOL). The only piercing my daughter is going to have is her ears but when she leaves my house and start taking care of herself she can get all the piercings she wants(hopefully she won't get crazy with it. I do know that when i was younger I saw kids with things I wanted so it is normal for you teen to feel this way, but don't give into it. Cause you are the parent and she is the child what you say should go no matter how much she cries about it. Make date with her and you to go get a pedicure or something. Just let her know if she keeps asking you about after you have already said no a trillion times she can get grounded, cause that gets so annoying after a while.. Good Luck hun...

I would talk to her about it calmly and rationally. Tell her what you said, that you don't want her sending the wrong message an you think she is too young. Find some way to compromise. Maybe if there is something else she has been wanting that you said no to, tell her you will give her that. Tell her when she is 18 or so she can do it. Or anything. Just try to TALK to her, no fight with her, about it and see things from each other's shoes. You remember being a teenager, so think of it from her perspective. But talk to her so that she can see it from yours. Good luck!

K.,

Belly button piercing DOES have some pretty big risks associated with it. Both you and your daughter should check out this women's health link:

http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/body-piercing.html

Good luck!

I was raised in church, by a single mom and very close to my grandparents -- all pretty old-fashioned. I somehow convinced my mom to let me get mine done when I was twelve.
I took it out at 14.
I never wanted it to look "sexy." I wanted it because all of my friends had it and I thought it was cool. Eventually it got old, I grew out of that phase and realized it wasn't for me, so I took it out. I have a tiny pinpoint-like scar that you can only see if you know what you're looking for.

On the other hand, the girl I went with to have it done still has hers, and so do a few others. It depends on your kid. Raise her right, give her morals and that will be what's important.. Whether she has piercings or not.

I would check the laws on piercings of that nature. You may have to be 18 to have it done anyway. My stepdaughter did want a tattoo at that age, but of course couldn't get it that young. We told her that if she still wanted it at 18 we would take her to get it. Just be prepared, at 18 she still did want one and I ended up taking her and getting my first tattoo at the same time. Stand firm with your decision. I don't think any 15 year old needs their belly button pierced - I'd like to hear her reasonings. Good luck!

This is what I did when my now 17yrs old wanted to pierce his ear at 8yrs old & 10yrs.No its not done.He also beg and pleaded to have it done...for weeks..drove me crazy.So I said okay fine you can get it done(his father wasnt pleased about this) for his birthday which was still appr 2mnths away if he didnt bug me about it.He quit asking me knowing it would be his birthday present.Well his birthday came and went with no ear ring..it took appr 4mnth before he remembered he was supposed to get it.When he said something to me about it I said well lets go do it.The answer..NO THANKS I'll think about it..this happened on both his birthday.Neither time did he get it done and to this day he doesnt either.

So tell okay fine you can get it done in 2mnths say or what ever works for you..if she stops asking about it.Take her mind off it.When those two mnths are up..dont say a word to her unless she brings its up.Yes if she still wants it at that time then follow through and have her see what she will go through to get one,what she has to do afterward to not get infection they arent easy to take care of..no piercing is.You just might fined that once she 'gets' what she want she will forget about it and I bet not very many of her frineds do have belly button rings either...good luck..
S. B

Hi K.. I don't have a teenage daughter. That will be a few years down the road and it's scary to think about what kind of world my 2 children are having to grow up in. And it's only gonna get worse! But my opinion of body piercings is that the only place a female is meant to have their body pierced is their ear lobes. And once at that! I would stick to my guns if I were you. No way is my daughter going to have anything but her ears pierced at 15 years old! She is going to have to live by my rules until she is old enough to be on her own, then and only then will she have a say so about something like that! I do not believe that God intended for us to pierce up our bodies like that! Our bodies are God's temples, after all. And we should treat them as such. The only reason she could possibly have for wanting her belly button pierced is why, because it's suppossed to be sexy? She certainly doesn't need to be showing off her belly button! What next? Nipples? No, I don't think you are making a bigger deal than you should. Just my thoughts on the subject.