Husband Forgets That Affection Is Part of a Marriage

Has he always been like that? Some people are just not very touchy people. I know my brother is like that. If he's sitting on the couch and his wife cuddles up to him, he tells her to move over and stop crouding him. He's really abrasive and I personally think my sister in law is a saint for being married to him but some people are just like that. Maybe he didn't grow up in a family that was very affectionate. I know my fiance's family is extremely affectionate to the point of smothering you. Maybe you two could reach a happy medium. Try talking to him and explaining that you understand he might not be a very affectionate person but that you are and you'd like to meet in the middle somewhere so that you are both emotionally satisfied. Good luck!

C.,
Your situation reversed is the situation in my home. It's a little embarrassing to say but my husband is much more openly effectionate than I am. Unless we're alone either watching TV, laying in bed,in the car, etc., I don't feel comfortable being very 'touchy.' I don't know if it's because I am doing so many things at once, am busy thinking/worrying about so many things, or feel the burden of new responsibilities that I am already so stimulated that too much tactile (touch) stimulation just annoys me. If I'm tired (which is a lot) my husband knows not to touch me because I feel like he's 'hanging' on me (even though he's not) and I can't stand it. If we're in public he knows not to touch me (aside from an occasional and short hand hold) because I feel like he's being 'clingy' (even though he's not). I'm just LIKE this. I think some people just have different senses of being in their environment. I don't know how this is sounding. I love my husband, I really do enjoy our 'together' moments but many times I just want to walk by him or stand next to him without being touched. Does that sound horrible? It doesn't mean I'm mad at him or upset, just don't want to be touched (especially after a long day of caring for the baby, or work when school's in session). I hope this insight about how I feel helps you to maybe understand a little more about why you and your husband have conflicting feelings about affection.

C. - I would ask him. Occasionally my husband can be the same way...I guess I am too sometime. I think it has a lot to do with working and having kids...your focus tends to be everywhere else..and not being romantic. My guess is he would say he just doesn't feel like he has the energy for it...focusing more on the kids, the job, things at home. Let him know it gets to you and come up with a solution together on how to improve it (i.e. set aside a date night once a month or more often if you can) or set aside a special night every week (after kids are sleeping) just to have couple time (doesn't necessarily mean sex).

I wish ya the best!