Nanny Kissed Our Child....

If DH feels weird about it I would keep looking. After all if he loved the applicant and you felt creepy what would you want to do?

I agree with Steph C in that telling you about it seems weird. I was molested so I tend to think in terms of that,but I would like to think more like Riley and the gender differences. Can you contact all her former employers and ask if they had any issues?

I think a kiss on the cheek is sweet but to do it on the first day of meeting a child is a little strange to me.Im not saying that the woman is weird or anything just not the right time to be doing it.Maybe when she gets to know the family better it would be more appropirate.

She most likely told you because she is honest and upfront. How would you feel if, after she left, your son told you that she kissed him?

OMG.
I did daycare and had little babies. I kissed my own kid and kissed the other ones too. On the cheek, on the forehead, on their fingers.
Thank God I didn't have parents who were weird about it.
My older kids wanted hugs and usually kissed ME on the cheek when it was time for them to go home.
To me, it's just a sign of affection.
She didn't try to hide the fact that she kissed your son on the cheek. She readily said so. Your son confirmed what she did.
I know parents have to be careful, but in this case, I think you should be open with her. If I were her, I wouldn't want to be your nanny knowing that your husband wasn't comfortable with the kiss on the cheek. If she has to clean his rear end and everything else, she should be comfortable and your son should be comfortable.
I'd be nervous about parents who didn't like me showing affection. Maybe your husband is just being too precautious. But really, I don't think the kiss is a deal breaker. What would it hurt if your son really adores her?

Best wishes.

I think the reason she told you was to show you that your son felt comfortable enough with her to let her get close.

In my opinion, she wanted to show you that he accepted her.

I'm a kisser, I tend to kiss the cheek of every little one I know. Some people are huggers, some people are kissers, some people are hands off. Its definitely nothing to be weird or uncomfortable about. She sounds like a great lady who loves kids. Your hubby may have a few unresolved issues sounds like.

I have friends who kiss EVERYONE they come into contact with on the cheek. It's a cultural thing. I think nothing of this. Tell your hubby to lighten up and hire the wonderful woman already.

Sounds harmless enough to me. My only thought is that as moms we sometimes have to go with our gut (I expect my hubby to support me when this happens) so although this seems innocent to me do you really want to go against your husband's gut?

Can you meet w/ her again (second interview)? Check references (both personal and professional) and allow your husband a chance to reconsider?

i think you and many others are way over-thinking this. people come in various flavors, and many are tactile and kissing a 4 year old on the cheek, especially a child you might be working with daily, seems completely unremarkable to me. ditto her mentioning it. she was probably doing nothing more sinister than making sure you were aware of everything that happened when she was out of your view, and that's a pattern she will follow if she works for you.
but if your dh has a feeling, that's enough. you can't hire someone you're both not comfortable with.
pity. she sounds great. i suggest you tell other applicants up front about your preference in this regard, though. they really can't be expected to know intuitively that you prefer a hands-off policy.
khairete
S.

I wonder if it is a southern thing, but we are a baby kissing, hugging group of people down here..

We meet someone and many times of the end of the conversation we feel like we have a new best friend..

You automatically hand over your baby to be held by others that are going to be watching your child to see how they act with your child and your child reacts to that person..

We see a new baby and just want to love on them.. It has been hard to get the older folks to understand the whole, disinfectant gel idea before touching a baby.. they think it is ridiculous, sine many of the older folks grew up without plumbing..

If your husband had a strange feeling, I would follow his lead or get him to tell you why it bothered him.. There has to be a reason. May take him a few days, but he will figure it out..

I'm with you.

One of the things I've noticed about fathers (in general) hiring nannies is that many of them want a "professional" kind of demeanor. Serious. No nonsense. And *definitely* no overstepping bounds in a way that might make their wives feel less than, OR their children overly familiar. Actually, nearly whenever I'm around a group of fathers talking about their nannies or au pairs the song from Mary Poppins pops straight into my head. It's over the top, but it highlights a lot of the differences between men and women (in general) when looking for a nanny. The father wants

A British nanny must be a gen'ral!
The future empire lies within her hands
And so the person that we need to mold the breed
Is a nanny who can give commands!

A British bank is run with precision
A British home requires nothing less!
Tradition, discipline, and rules must be the tools
Without them - disorder!
Catastrophe! Anarchy! -
In short, we have a ghastly mess!

Meanwhile, in the other corner of the room the mother are talking about their nannies and au pairs and it's very much about bonding, caring, creativity, honesty.

If it's that simple... structure & discipline v affection & caring, it's a pretty easy thing to deal with. Talk with him about a trial period. Ditto if he's concerned that you would be jealous, reassure him you'd be *thrilled* with the person caring for your son to be cared for by him.

BUT...ever notice (most) men need to justify their intuition? They can't just say that they've got a bad feeling, or are jealous, or are scared, or _______, INSTEAD they find whatever spurious reason is close at hand to "justify" their feelings. If the kiss is just that, an excuse for a deeper feeling, you've got trouble. Because he either noticed something subconsciously that you didn't OR he's having some kind of 2nd thoughts or strong emotions about god knows what and it's coming out sideways.

So I would find out if it's honestly the kiss, or if the kiss is cover for something else.

You both as parents should be PLEASED a caregiver for your precious child is willing to show affection. Maybe something's wrong with your husband... most other parents would be pleased at the show of affection for their little one.

I've been a Nanny off and on for 5 years... I ALWAYS treat my charges as I do my own child - which means being stern as well as easily showing my affection. In my opinion and in those of the parents I nannied for - that is what made me the best nanny they could have chosen.

Maybe your husband found the Nanny attractive and was upset she kissed his son instead of him? Your husband's reaction is VERY odd.

I don't have any experience with a nanny, but from my understanding...Isn't that what you want from a nanny? Someone who loves your child and can show them the same care and affection as mommy? I have always thought people have nannies because mom can't be there as much as she'd like, and would like a mom-like figure for their child, as opposed to a group setting in a day care/home sitter. If my understanding is in line with yours, then I would simply explain it that way to your husband. Its better to have a loving person with your son, than a business-like relationship between them. The fact that she told you about it tells me that she probably figured that your son would tell you at some point, and she didn't wnat you to think anything strange about it when he did.
.J. J
www.delaniesdoggy.org

I really don't think there is anything wrong with a little peck on the cheek. She must be an affectionate person. Maybe its how she was brought up. I think its nice and sometimes its hard for some people to resist cute little baby cheeks. :-) My family are all affectionate so this would not bother me and if your toddler was fine with it then I would let it go.

I actually think it's a little weird that she told you about it. Did she just do it to suck up to you guys and wanted to make sure you knew about it? Or was she she just trying to be honest with you in case your son brought it up? I don't know...I guess I would have to know the context of why she even brought it up. But the kiss itself seems perfectly harmless, though perhaps a bit premature. I'm an affectionate person and kiss my friend's kids all the time, as well as my nieces and nephews (and, of course, my own kids) but of course I KNOW these children. But if your hubby has some weird feelings about her, maybe you should consider it. Men have a sort of intuition as well, even if it's inferior to us women. ;-)

I don't see anythingn wrong or wierd about this woman kissing your son on his cheek. I think that is very sweet. What I do find VERY strange is that this woman told you that she kissed your son. Why did she feel a need to tell you that??? Kissing a child that you like is very sweet and normal. Why did she even give it a thought? And why did she take it a step further to tell you? What's the big deal that she kissed your son?? I don't get it. I don't think I would hire her not because she kissed your son, but because she made it a big deal and told you about it. Strange.

I am sorry, I am stepping up on my nanny pedestal for a moment to address something here: A nanny is someone whom you have chosen to come into your home and care for your kid(s) in your absence. You choose that nanny just like you would choose a daycare, you go from your gut, and experience with them. If you can't trust your nanny completely/daycare completely, than don't do it, and look for a family member to watch your kids. People now get so wrapped up in the news and media's perceptions of daycares and nannies, that they forget that good nannies and daycares DO exist! I am a proud nanny for the last 10 years and I think it's mindboggling that parents will do all the research, do the background checks, etc, and still feel that installing a nanny cam is the ONLY way to have total assurance. To the parents that think this is the ONLY way, you shouldn't have hired that person. You don't ask the schools to install a camera so you can check on your child/watch your child everyday. If nanny cams are used as scare tactics for a nanny, you are only sending the message to your nanny that they aren't completely being trusted, and if it were me, I would quit/Not work for your family. Sorry, no dice!

As for the kissing thing, tell your husband that it's not a big deal. Gesh!

Wow...weirded out over a kiss on the cheek? Sorry but I have worked as a Lead teacher at La Petite Academy, I have worked as a private Nanny, I have watched children in my own home...I kiss babies and children. Don't you want someone watching your kids who has love for your child? Kisses boo boos?
I read someone say maybe its a southern thing, well maybe it is...I am all for going with your gut instincts...but I think this was harmless.

We are all culturally different. My grandmother who was Austrian objected to me holding my 5 yr. old brother on my lap. She said he was 5 and should not sit on anyones lap anymore.
I was surprised as my mother's side of the family did a great deal of cuddling with children until they reached puberty.
I don't see anything wrong with a kiss on the cheek. She's probably from one of the affectionate type of families. I lived in Holland and found people there to be very touchy feely and kiss children and one another in greetings. It was a bit much for me to be touched all the time.
As long as your son tells you the truth and confides in you and does not act strange she will very likely be a good nanny for him.

A kiss on the cheek is completley fine. Most dad's are more concerned with acts of affection towards their children, even when it is something so innocent. IMHO. But I know how hard it is to find someone who is so good for your child/children, especially someone who is coming in your home, so I'd try to talk more to your DH about it and come to a mutual agreement. The wrong pick in childcare can make for a long few years! I LOVE that my daycare provider hugs and kisses my kids, mainly my 3 year old because he is there all day. But I LOVE it. It makes it feel like we are dropping him off at a family member's house. And we think of her family as our family, and vice versa. Sounds like you found a winner! Good luck!

Hi!
I think your husband got the wrong vibe. In fact, your child might have been the one who initiated the kiss because he enjoyed her company so much. (I've had that happen to me a lot where my friend's kid (not even a close friend) would "plant a kiss on me." I think it's just a little one's way of saying..."I like you and you're fun."

Seems totally innocent to me but.... hey... I'm a kisser myself and would do it more often if there were'nt so many people like your husband who gets "wierded out about it." (Maybe it has something to do with your upbringing, state or country that you've been raised in, as well.)

I would consider her a likely candidate for the nanny job.... you said she and your son bonded on her first visit. And she's positive and sincere.... wow... lots of great qualities.

Good luck with your decision!

J.

Well, I think she and your son got on well and did an "automatic" kiss just because. He might have been a little shocked by it and that's why she mentioned it to you? It sounds like she's affectionate and when you asked your son about it he was fine with accepting it as well.
I'm trying to think if I would kiss a kid I never met before and I've only spent an interview with...... Honestly, I dont think I would.
She's probably perfect, but since this is bothering your husband you have two choices 1) Have her come back and talk to you and tell her that the kiss has set your husband aback some and you would like to hear more about why she thought it appropriate to kiss your son so soon into the game. 2) Call her and tell her she didnt get the job. If your husband doesnt like her he will feel ill at ease the entire time. Ask him if there is something she can do to convince him otherwise. Just think of it this way, if HE liked her and you had a bad feeling, you wouldnt be writing this, you would have already decided NO, right?

I would think she told you bc she kissed him and then maybe thought about him running around saying she kissed him and not being clear that it was just a little kiss on the cheek. Like my son says people are naked when they are showing more skin than before i.e. you have a button up shirt over a tank top, take off the button up shirt and my son will go "hey why are you naked?" So kids don't always express things exactly accurately :D He didn't seem to feel strange about it so I think it is fine and sounds pretty normal. I know men are very protective when it comes to family and this was overly familiar for him so soon it seems. I have a hubby who just gets vibes about stuff and I would say about 90% of the time he is right. It think if it were me I would talk to him some more and make a decision together, it sounds totally harmless to me. On the other hand I would pick you man's brain a little more to see if there are red flags you are missing, you can never be too careful with your kids. Good luck!

My babysitter kisses all over my son. Personally, I think kissing on the lips is weird but she does it - she's also from a different culture where kissing is more prevalent. He ADORES her and she him. I leave it be since she is wonderful in every other way!!! I would much rather have someone be a little overaffectionate with my child than cold! This woman told you about the kiss so that you would know and not be freaked out later on. I think that says a lot about her character. She's going to keep you involved and not hide things from you - definitely give her a chance esp. since your son loved her on the spot!

In quite a few years of babysitting and then working in formal child care I never thought twice about cheek kisses until closer to the end of my time when I would hear about places that did not allow employees to do that, or that in school children have teachers who cannot give them a hug for fear of charges or breaking rules or something. It always made me sad because children naturally bring out physical affection at its best. With my own kids I have had to "wean" them off of lip kissing since that is where they aim first (lips = kissing, right) and am still working on my toddler, but I am never bothered by someone kissing my kids, at least not someone we know or who would be in that position. My kids even kiss our single male friends on the cheek when they head up to bed. I'm not sure about your husband--did he think it was strange that anyone would kiss your child, or did he think it was strange that on the first visit someone would? My 4-year-old seems very smoochable to me, so I can't imagine playing or cuddling with him without wanting to kiss him all over his cheeks. Maybe try talking to him about how important it is for small children to have appropriate physical affections from people who take care of them--it makes them feel loved, appreciated, special, and safe. Those are all characteristics you want. You also know your child can and will tell you what goes on, so if all of your gut feelings are great, references check out, interview questions satisfy you, you can probably trust that your child will also keep you up to speed on things at home, too. Good luck with that!

How about hiring her with a probationary period (thirty days, sixty days, etc). That way your husband has a chance to get to know her & if any other problems come up then you can let her go...

.

If she had been taking care of your child for a long while and gave him a kiss when he had a boo-boo, felt sick, was leaving on vacation, or hello/goodbye, etc, that would be a sign of bonding, affection, and trust between them. For her to kiss him right after she met him seems devisive or even weird to me too. Perhaps she was using that gesture to get the job, or else she is pushy. I am with your husband, it makes me leery of her professionalism for the position.

Its a good sign! She likes your child and feels a connection with him. Tell your husband it was purely innocent-the most important thing is that your son feels comfortable with the nanny-its obvious he does. If he for some reason didn't want the kiss etc, that would be another story-but they found an instant bond-things like that are rare! If hubby is so uncomfortable about it, you could say please stick to just hugs. But I dont think its a big deal at all.
M

if she tried to hide the fact that she kissed him, that is a red flag. If she openly told you, then it sounds like she has nothing to hide. However, always go with your gut instinct. I'd say both of you need to be on board with whomever you hire.

I wouldn't be bothered by the fact she kissed him on the cheek if she had known him a little longer. But the first time? I realize some people are just more friendly and love kids and stuff, but it seemed strange although i wouldn't say its necessarily bad.
However, that being said, I don't know about hiring her if your husband is so uncomfortable. Maybe give a trial period to see if your husband can get comfortable with it. It could create alot of stress in the future if your husband is not happy with the decision. That way if its a trial period, you can just tell her at the end if she is hired or not and then you wouldn't be firing her if it just gets to be too much with the husband not happy or if the kissing thing gets weird or something.

One, I do think it is strange that she felt like she had to tell you. It makes me wonder why she felt like she needed you to know. Two, that sounds like a reason to like her even more. She had a moment with your son and wanted to show him affection. There would be nothing worse than a "hands off" nanny who is only there to make her income.

Some people are kissers. I have a friend that mouth kissed almost everyone. and I have some family members that kissed my newborns right on the mouth. Yes, that was weird for me- But I know their personalities. I know that they couldn't help themselves. I am not a kisser, but I can appreciate someone who loves on my children.

Some families are more demonstrative than others. As a nanny or manny (male nanny), it won’t take you long to tell if you are working for a family that hugs and kisses their kids a lot or not. Even if you work for a physically demonstrative family, are the parents comfortable with you hugging and kissing their kids?

It’s best to ask the parents what their boundaries are. Most parents, even those who are not very demonstrative, find it acceptable for a nanny or manny to hug and kiss (on the cheek) the kids. A pat on the seat of the pants may be an acceptable sign of affection as well.

Some parents may experience hesitancy when first hiring a nanny or manny; however, this should fade as the parents get to know the nanny or manny well. Mannies work with some negative cultural stereotypes such that they may be less able to be demonstrative with the kids in their care, but, again, this should fade as the parents get to know the manny well. If parents initially experience hesitancy, you should honor their boundaries and revisit the issue at a later date.

Even if you disagree with the boundaries provided, you... http://blog.nannies4hire.com/hugskisses/563

I honestly don't know how I would feel about it. It does seem a little odd that she kissed him on the first day but how old is she? And especially in this world today, I teach in Sunday school and they are always reminding us the appropriate ways to get a hug, etc. If your husband has any doubts its going to be difficult for him every day. That will always be in the back of his mind. This is a hard one. I would check all her references.

If you would like information on an affordable option for childcare check out my website at : http://mterlecki.aupairnews.com/

Good luck.
M.

I think you got the answers you were looking for, but I just wanted to trendiest the idea that you are looking for somebody who will bond with your child, and they will feel connected to eachother. If your son was uncomfortable with the kiss, then that's a different story, but it sounds like he wasn't so there's your answer!
Our pediatrician kissed our son when he was just a baby. We had just switched to him because our previous doc, because she told ME not to kiss my baby!! (?). I figured, I can't resist kissing him, how could anybody else!
Good luck with Rosie!!

I don't think it is strange that she kissed him after all you want someone loving to take care of your kids but on the other hand we have been given feelings and if your husband isn't comfortable I think that might be a sign. First I would ask him why he feels it is strange then go from there. It doesn't hurt to be carefull and to search a little further. Did she give your a list of her past Nanny Job's if so have you called them to check her out? I always go with my gut feeling and it is always right. Good Luck in your search.

I am a nanny and have been for almost 8 years. I have kissed the children I worked for, but only after knowing them for a while.
Honestly, I wouldn't be to concerned, maybe she is just super affectionate. Also, I know that hispanics are really touchy-feely sometimes and its nothing weird, just part of their culture. I know this, because my father is from Latin America and that is how our family is.
Just double check her references or run a background check, if you haven't already, to be double check that its not something else. This may help your husband feel better about it all too.
Best of luck

~Loving Nanny

I love kissing babies/children. I also think it could be a cultural thing, as certain cultures are more affectionate. As long as it was a cheek kiss and not a lip kiss, I wouldn't think anything of it.

I would be more concerned if she denied the little kiss. If daddy is really uncomfortable with it, talk with her about it. A good nanny would completely understand. Daddy probably feels weird about it because she is a new person, not involved in your lives before, and she is entering on personal ground.

Nothing wrong with it....

i think that's sweet!! tell your husband to relax a little! you have taught your child well! he knows what she did was appropriate and knows that he can talk to you about whatever. i think you shoudl really talk with him and try to find the root of his feelings and let him know that you want to hire her and find out how he feels about that! good luck.

This is very much a cultural thing, people from different countries or even different regions or families ex[press their affection physically or not depending on what is "normal" to their culture. I dislike huggin strangers and getting hugged by strangers, but it is totally normal and acceptable to many people so I put up with it on occasion. I have patted a child on the head and then found out that that was a big no-no for the culture of the child's parents, it was embarassing but it was not my intention to do anything wrong and they understood. I think you are reading way too much into a kiss on the cheek, for pete's sake that's a greeting between casual aquaintences in some cultures!

She told you she kissed him, so she wan't hiding anything. Tell hubs to chill a bit, hire the nanny and if hubs wants to hang around a bit till he is comfortable then he should. How many times do you walk with your abby in a stroller and strangers want to touch your kid, because they are preciouos babies, to me it the same thing, harmless.

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Our nanny asked us how we felt about kissing prior to doing it and I said it was OK but that I was only comfortable w/ her kissing my children on the head or cheeks. You do want your child loved during the day... but appropriately so :) .
Just set the expectations w/ her about where you are comfortable having her kiss him.

I glanced through answers and wanted to add my input...as a child care provider, I have seen that kids NEED physical affection (and not in a dirty, sexual way.) Most of my kids give me a hug when coming in and won't leave until they hug me...I love them and have no problem showing them (and their parents)...and as a parent myself, I would feel reassured to know the person who would be caring for my child is going to love them like I do. Just another perspective! Good to see you are being cautious! Sounds like you guys will make the right decision for your family.

I don't think it's strange at all but I do think you both need to agree on the person you higher

Hum, I bet it was innocent, but I would be a little weirded out too. Although, she did tell you about it. If she had something to hide, she wouldn't have said anything.

IMO, if your hubby fields weird about it, I wouldn't hire her. You both need to feel comfortable. How would you feel if he dismissed your feelings and hired someone you weren't sure about?

I would be a lot more worried if the nanny DIDN'T kiss my sweet child. I'd be worried she didn't like my child or was perhaps a cold person. Now, I wouldn't want my 6th grader's teacher kissing my kid, but a small child? Hugs and kisses are very reassuring for them. And for me as a parent.

she didn't french kiss the kid, she told you what she did (honestly dont' understand how that would even come up in conversation). I wouldn't freak about it honestly. Some cultures are just more kissey then others. I know there were some babies that I just can't help but kiss when they start at my daycare.

I worked in child care years ago and I don't think it is acceptable to kiss a child when you are working for the family. I have only kissed my own children and nieces/nephews. I think this is creepy. Did you hire her? If you have or want to I would just tell her you don't feel comfortable with her kissing your child.

I would not put too much thought behind the kiss. In many cultures it is very common to kiss a child or even an adult on the first time meeting. See if she has a strong ethnic background, if so I'd be willing to put money on it that it was a sincere sign of affection for your child and you are lucky to have found someone with a kind heart to take care of your little man. Call her up for a second interview ask her about her personal background (small talk) and then perhaps you DH will then have a better feel of who she is and hopefully a better comfort level. Best wishes and the best of luck, I understand it is very hard to find good people period, let alone a good person to watch over your children.

It didn't seem too bad. She didn't kiss him in the "mouth" or any other body part. Being a nanny, do you should some kind of positive affection to children? Tell your husband, to be open to trying her out for a couple of months or so, and see what happens and how your child feels about her. Children get good and bad vibes too.

It would bother me a tad since they just met.... but with any nanny in my home, I would install a nanny cam to watch what was going on.

As another woman, I just think it is a sweet thing that women do when they really enjoy a kid. They are just so precious that we want to share it. She didn't hide it from you and she kissed him on the cheek. I tend to kiss on the top of the head kids that I care about. I wouldn't think anything of it. Maybe your DH is uncomfortable since it seems faster than he would have expected and so he's worried that she's going to be come too important? Not sure, but I don't think that there is anything to it except that she is a loving person and will be great with kids.

I reckon sometimes we read to much into actions with all the media etc and rightly so too!!!!!! But If you like this person and are comfortable with leaving your son with her that is your call. You also need for both of you to agree on somebody for peace of mind on both parties though. You could keep tabs on things and take it from there. Hope it works out for you!!