How to Teach My 3Yr Old to Be More Patient

Simple: Ignore, ignore, ignore. You explain ONE time. "When you throw a tantrum you will not get what you are asking for."
This is hard for some parents and the 3s are difficult. But you have to stop this now otherwise it will only get worse.
The tantrums will still happen in the beginning, but give it a week and they will be gone.
When she begins the tantrum say "I'm sorry you're angry but I will not answer you or give you what you want when you act this way."
I tell my little one (now 4) that acting out equals what? and she responds "nothing, you get nothing".
So far, so good.
Good luck and BE STRONG MOM! :)

You can do a couple of things. You can teach her to set a timer for one or two minutes and when the timer goes off, you do what she needs. However, if she's only doing it with mom, dad or grandma, then it sounds like she does understand when it's someone else - or she at least understands that tantrums are not acceptable with others. Teach her that tantrums are not acceptable with you. If she asks for something, lets say it's a popsicle, and you tell her that you will get it in a minute when you are done folding the wash, and she has a tantrum, then no popsicle. If she has the tantrum, she does not get the thing that she asked for, at all.
Couple of other suggestions. I'm not sure how you are phrasing what you're telling her. If you are saying, "Give mommy a minute and she will get it for you," then stop. Don't refer to yourself as if you are someone else. They learn that you have needs by speaking of yourself in the first person, "I will get the popsicle for you when I am done folding the laundry."
As for the arrival of the baby (congrats!) ... My daughter did not have tantrums when she didn't get her way fast enough, but I did have concerns about how she'd feel about having a needy baby around. She was four when her brother was born. If the baby just started fussing (not really crying hard), I would say, "You have to wait a minute. I am busy coloring a picture with K--------" Of course the baby did not understand, but the 4 year old heard loud and clear that at that moment, she came first for me and the baby would just have to wait. Also, think about your daughter before you get busy with the baby. You'll no sooner sit down to feed the baby when she'll start announcing that she needs a drink, something to eat, help putting on shoes. When you know it's getting time for the baby to eat, or before you start his bath, get her anything that she needs. Good luck!

It sounds like she understands if she cooperates for "others." She probably knows she can get Mommy, Daddy and Grandma to move quickly by throwing a fit.

It's painful, but if it were me I'd make her wait and not get her way. If she throws a massive tantrum I'd probably make her wait until she is totally calm before I responded to her, and on my terms.

Three-year-olds are still working things through, and a minute seems like a year to them. She's old enough to be aware that the household is changing with the impending arrival of her brother, though she may not be able to talk about her feelings, and she may be saying, "I want to make sure I'm important around here!" (And this method may also have become a habit with her.)

However, her way of persuading you to do what she wants is not an acceptable one. She knows better ways of responding, since she singles out certain people for her hissy fit.

Here's an idea: You might start by letting her know that, from now on, crying for what she wants will not work - that when she cries you will NOT give her what she asks for. (Ask Daddy and Grandma to do this as well. Try to be all on the same team.)

Of course, she will test this to see if you mean it, and you'll have to mean it.

Instead, when she fusses, say, in your sternest (but not mad) voice, "Sit down RIGHT THERE." If she happens to do that, then finish up what you're doing for a few seconds; then sit her down on your lap, and say (more or less), "Did I tell you that if you fussed, you wouldn't get what you wanted?" Make sure she nods or says yes. "Did you fuss?" Same response. "And I'm not getting it for you, am I? That's the way it will be. You know the good way of asking, and when you ask that way, *sometimes* I will say no, but sometimes I might say yes. Would you like to try that way now?"

If she does, let her try. Then you can say in your best affected voice, "Ohhhhh, what a delightful way to ask me to help you! I would be enchanted to do what you request!" Make it funny.

The next time she rages, have her sit again, talk with her again, and set the timer for thirty seconds before she may ask you again the right way.

When Little Brother arrives, if you are working with him when Big Sister wants you, quickly find a way she can help, even if you have to make up something. She can hand you a clean diaper or bring the teddy bear or whatever. Talk to her about what you're doing, and what she was like when she was a new baby. Talking to your daughter while you're tending to the baby brings her into your circle, as it were, and she does have some of your attention.

So, you want her to hurry up and become patient by October? :-)

Maybe you could try just saying yes, and don't tell her about the minute wait, even if you do finish what you're doing first. Do you really only make her wait 1 minute? That's something to think about, if you say a minute but really it's like 10 or an hour, or sometimes you don't come through at all...then everytime you say wait a minute, she will freak with frustration.

Or, try saying yes, then give her a little string of comments of what you're finishing, like, pouring my coffee, stirring it up, and Here's your juice!

I think that kids learn patience, over time, when developmentally ready, and through experiencing the benefits of being treated with patience. So, the more you are patient with her, the more opportunities she has to learn about it, see it in action, etc.

The most important thing to do is not give in to what she wants when she throws a fit. Tell her that you will be there in 1 minute. Make sure that you attend to her very quickly in the beginning since 1 minute can feel like an eternity, especially if she is not sure if you are really coming and when. If she starts freaking out then tell her calmly that if she acts like that you wont come at all. And then don't. You can validate her feelings and tell her to go do something or get something to get her mind off waiting in the very beginning since this is a hard habit to break. Also, while things are calm and you are cuddling, explain to her that sometimes you are busy and you are happy to help her but sometimes she must wait. That way, she has time to process your clear expectations of her. When she is patient, praise her and hug her. If all else fails, you will have to punish her for carrying on. Although I rarely have to resort to it, I have told my son that he can either go sit on the coach and calm down or he can sit on the "Bad boy chair". He has 2 choices and that is it. I probably have to do this a couple time a year.

In my experience it takes until closer to 3 1/2 for them to grasp 'in a minute'. When I say it now my son says..."then you will play with me?"...before his response was similiar to your daughter.

Best thing I can say is sometimes you need to drop what you are doing, drop to her level and say-I know you are frustrated, but let Mommy finish XXX and then I can XX...OR, Mommy has to finish XXX...want to help me...

A lot of times they just need acknowledgement that you hear them and know that they are frustrated-and the tantrum is the only way they know to express it at that age.

Fits are not tolerated in our home. If she throws a fit, she gets time out. She will learn what a few minutes are in time out. You tell her to wait, she starts her fit, you pick her up without saying a word, put her in time out, finish what you were doing, get her out of time out and explain we don't do that, start over.

I think it's also about being sure you're consistently teaching her to do it and not showing with your body that you're rushing to help her. I'm pretty good about teaching our 2 yo to be patient, but I do let other things go and realize her ability to be successful is usually related to how much I focus on that skill. I would just continue with the uphill battle. It comes and goes with the toddler frustration, but just stay on it. Be quick to praise her when she is patient even if she didn't consciously wait. My daughter started helping more when I called her a super helper. She just loves it, even if she only helps for a small part of the clean up. I agree that time is hard to grasp at this stage, but learning not to insist can improve. Another mom also suggested pre-teaching- telling your child what you would like them to do before you enter a store or before you give them water to walk around, etc. It definitely doesn't work all of the time for our little one, but does work wonders over time. Hope this helps!