Here goes...I've never been one to really get into receiving oral sex, just never really did anything for me with anyone that I've been with. My husband brings that to a whole new level. I literally cringe everytime he heads in that direction. He seems to have no idea of what he is doing and it actually gets quite uncomfortable at times. I usually just end up squirming away and redirecting the action. I feel like I should be honest with him and tell him my thoughts, but I never really think about it until we're "in that moment" and that is obviously not the right time. I know a lot of people say to "show him" or "teach him" what I like, but that's the thing, I just don't care for that particular act to begin with. He is an amazing lover otherwise and I have never not been satisfied. I "just deal" with him heading south every now and then because he seems to enjoy it. Any thoughts?
**EDIT** Completely honst...there really is no underlying issue here. I do enjoy stimulation in that area...with pretty much anything (appropriate, lol) other than the mouth. I am very comfortable with myself and have done plenty of "self-exploration" ;) I also am very generous on the giving end, as it is a really big turn on for me. We have always been very open and nonest with each other (with this one exception), and he is even aware that I'm not too keen on it, so it really doesn't even happen that often. We have been together for nearly 8 years and he knows all of the right buttons to push. We are also very open to all sorts of new things and we both agree that our sex life is anything but boring, lol. This really is just an isolated issue, as hard as that may be to believe.
If you're not enjoying it, then when he indicates that that's where he's going, just tell him, "Honey, I'd rather ___." and fill in the blank with what you would prefer. You don't have to tell him, "Honey, you suck at cunnilingus."
Just let him know you appreciate him being willing, but you are really not into that particular sexual action, but you do like.... and you like when he...
Be sure to tell him what does turn you on and what he does that turns you on..
Just be honest,. Sex is too important to a marriage to not enjoy parts of it. and Marriage lasts a lifetime, so you want to know the truth about each other..
Okay, you definitely don’t want to tell him what you told us. No man wants to hear he is clueless about anything especially sex. You do want to tell him how you feel though and that you just don’t like receiving it. There is no reason you should be enduring something you don’t like. The question is do you enjoy performing oral sex on your husband? If you do, reassure him that you will not stop doing what he enjoys. It probably won’t hurt to show him either.
I hate oral sex. I love sex but not oral. I just told my husband flat out. He wasnt insulted and did ask to try and have direction but I just told him I just don't like it. I think he's actually happy to just skip to sex.
I would search yourself as to why you will not allow yourself the immense pleasure and stimulation receiving oral sex gives a woman.
Many women mistakenly think they smell, taste bad, maybe were sexually abused - - many reasons in which women deny themselves the pleasure.
Maybe you and your husband need to explore what is the underlying cause as to why you cannot enjoy this wonderful, intimate and completely women oriented sex act. Then go from there
Men like to KNOW what makes us happy and they dont want to do things that bother or hurt us, they would much rather we were able to brag about their performance rather than complain about it. Tell him what you love that he does. Tell him you just arent comfortable with oral. He probably thnks he can sway you by continuing to practice it... you just have to let him know that you are pretty certain it will never be your thing. The other reason they like to do it is because it helps to turn them on, so he might be doing it for that reason also. Maybe by limiting his time down there he'll still get what he needs from it and you can enjoy knowing that he wont be there long. Tell him to stick to your inner thighs and dont touch the rest of the jewels. I'd have the talk with him over morning coffee or any other time that you might just be sitting alone together and the talk seems appropriate. Dont wait until you are in bed to voice your thoughts about it. You are going to be with this man for the rest of your life, that's a long time. Marriage requires you to continually "communicate" it's part of your overall commitment to each other.
Just be blunt and say it! If you feel like there is never a good time it's just because you don't want to hurt his feelings- that's a good thing :) he might be hurt, but just say you're not into it, but you're really into _________!
I've had to do something similar, and he understood- I bet your hubs will too :)
There are times when I find oral sex to be less than pleasurable also. In that instance, I do not hesitate to say, "do it softly" or "easy, easy" or "slow down a little" or "ouch, that hurts!" if, in fact, it hurts, which it sometimes does! I have found that those kinds of basic directional statements are not taken with any insult whatsoever, and in fact, my guy likes when I verbalize anything, so he acutally likes it when I say things that help him to know what I want. I'd say that if you aren't having it all that often anyhow, if you can just give him some basic direction, then perhaps you might get some enjoyment out of it?
I agree with the previous posters...just tell him, but be at the ready with all the things that DO pleasure you. In my experience, men not only need but WANT direction. Not saying they want it choreographed, but they want a reaction out of you. They want to know what they are doing "right".
You might find that you'll desire it on occassion if he is redirecting his efforts elsewhere on occasion.
Just be honest with him about your feelings, but may I suggest giving him the chance to improve his technique before you blow off the entire idea of ever enjoying oral sex. My hubby was not exactly skilled in that area at first and like you, I thought that I just didn't enjoy the act itself. Turns out I was wrong. Way wrong, but happily so :)
Buy him a copy of She Comes First by Ian Kerner and read it together. I'm guessing he can learn to do what will make you happy.
Oh man I know how you feel. I met my ex-husband when I was young, and I was just uncomfortable with myself back then (and didn't have a lot of experience with it). That issue on top of him just being horrible at giving it literally made me want to scream and run away! I never could bring myself to tell him, but I seriously feel for his new girl friends lol.
My poor BF now had to reverse the damage done by my ex, and it took a few years before I was comfortable again!
Have you tried something else if he wants to go south. Like maybe he uses a small toy and just kisses you rather then the usual stuff? Oh doesn't even head south, just uses his hands on you? If nothing helps I would just be honest and tell him you're not feeling it (not literally but like you're not in the mood for it anymore). Good luck!
This may be TMI...
Do you climax on your own by stimulating your clit? A massager may help stimulate you and open you up to that? Not saying you should force yourself to do something that you don't enjoy. However, If done right it is just as pleasurable as penetration (IMO). I think there is more going on here though. This seems like a question you may need to ask yourself first before you have an open discussion with your husband. Maybe you should experiment on your own to find out what you do like/ prefer and then you can have a very sensual time with your husband in return. I certainly do not want you to be offended, just suggestions :) Good luck and if nothing else be honest. You don't have to make it seem as though he doesn't know what he is doing, just that you don't prefer the southern stimulation.
Different strokes for different folks. I would just be honest when sex is not involved and I think you might be surprised.
C.
ah man, that sucks, i've been in that situation before. if it's uncomfortable, he's probably going too fast or hard or maybe in the wrong spot. maybe you could say, 'ooh that hurts'. i know that sounds obvious/stupid, but i think if he thought he hurt you (even if it's just uncomfortable, he'd lighten up, if that's even the prob). and get that pocket rocket or massager thing & masturbate a little in front of him and show him where it feels good, in circles, up and down, slow/fast, etc...probably awkward to do after 8 yrs, but worth a shot. he likes doing it and i'm sure you'd like to enjoy it, too, right! it probly turns him on just like it turns you on when you do it to him. also, before he even goes down there, put a halt to it and try the massager thing & empty your brain of any bad outcomes you've had in the past b/c that'll just stay w/you & you'll never enjoy it! men have told me what feels good, and they've been different things they like, it doesn't bother me. so i bet if you got that pocket rocket, and be like, hey wait babe, this feels great so maybe you could do this to me?...
idk girl, it's worth a shot. sorry you're in that situation, it's def awkward but i'm so glad he likes doing it! all women deserve to enjoy that type of pleasure! so...remember 1.) empty your brain of how bad he sucks down there & then 2.) try the massager thing...i think it'll work. good luck hot momma! :)
You and I have a lot in common. I've never liked oral sex and believe me, it's not that nobody has ever done it right. I just don't care for it. I had to be honest with my husband a long time ago - it's not the way you're doing it, I just don't like it. He will still do a little once in a while and I don't mind it, but he knows it's just not what I want. I love everything else he does and I think we're both very happy with our sex life but he had to learn that it just wasn't something I was into. Be honest - he'll thank you if you say it in the right way. Really - do all men have a burning desire to do that all the time anyway?
