How Do I Know If He's Ready?

There was a very good article in Parenting this month on this subject -- you may try to find it at the library

How is he in socially interacting with others? How does he do in following instructions and understanding what others say to him? Can he write his own name? Does he know his ABS capital and small? Does he know his numbers 1-20? Can he do simple addition? Does he know the sounds the letters make? If you can say yes to all of these, then I would say he may be ready. If you say no, I would hold him back. JMO

Hi,
I am the mother of two girls, 16 and 18. The 18 year old has a September birthday, the 16 year old, a July. They started school in Oklahoma with a Sept 1 cut off date so my oldest could not start. She was more than ready but we didn't fight it, she just went to a pre-k program. She is now a Senior, number 3 in her class and admitted to 4 great colleges. No harm by not pushing to get her in.

My second daughter is one of the youngest in her class. She has done equally, if not better, in school as her sister. She has done just fine in every way. In Junior High, she did seem a little immature in comparison to her peers, but nothing to horrible. Nearly a third of the sophomore class is older than her. It seems if any boy has a March birthday or later they don't send them, girls the break seems to May.

Since I have had one old for her class and one young let me share what I think you really need to know...

1. Being the youngest in the class during puberty is difficult for a boy...the girls mature so much faster anyway and the young boys feel even more awkward.

2. Almost all of his peers will be a year older, for sports and academics...again more difficult. (Not saying it is right, just the facts)

3. He will be a year younger making college decisions...and he will not even be 18 when he goes to college...a year makes a huge difference in maturity!

4. He will be one the last to drive, another insecurity thing for a boy. Unless he is a natural very strong leader, it is easier to be a follower when you are less mature.

The bottom line, not sending him will not do any harm...sending him may. It is easier to send him to pre-k than do a kinder first. My reasons have nothing to do with how ready he is today...it is his future. Most young Mom's concentrate on today when it is really what happens 10 years later that your decision matters. I think if you ask Junior and High school teachers they will tell you he will be happier if you wait.

My suggestion as a teacher and a sibling of two August babies is to hold him back one year. He may be 'ready' now but the real challenge comes in the third or fourth grade when being six months younger than everyone else really shows up. Especially him being a boy being six months older would be much beneficial in the sports area, if that is something he might be interested in. My two siblings, one a boy and one a girl, really struggled in school even though they are both very intelligent. Eventually they figured things out but things were a struggle. The first part of the year would be tough for them but then by the end of the year they would catch up fine. But why put them through that struggle if just waiting one more year now would be helpful? My brother actually decided at the end of 7th grade to repeat 7th grade even though he didn't need to. It made ALL the difference. He had so much more confidence from then on because he was six months older than the rest rather than six months younger. There are plenty of preschool programs that have a kindergarten prepper program for older four and younger five year olds. GOOD LUCK!!!

T.,
Our son is in Kindergarden now and there are a couple of kids in his class who are not turning 6 until this summer. I am a classroom helper a couple times a month in his room and have seen that these kids seem to be struggling a little more than the others, academically and socially. I wonder if the parents had waited and sent them this coming fall if they would be having a better experience.

It's just my observation. But I think that unless the child is really advanced, academically and (maybe even more important at this early age) socially, they do better waiting.

I've also never talked to a Mom who waited to start her child in Kindergarden who was sorry she did.

What's the hurry!

Good luck with your decision- remember, you know your child best and you know in your heart and gut what is best for them.

-S.

T.,

Remember this is just my opinion. We have pretty much the same situation. My son actually will turn on the 31st of august when it's time for kindergarten. Ultimately it is what you think is best. However, both my sister and I were summer birthday's, while one of my sister's was a December birthday. The one who shared the summer birthday, we both agree, that even though academically she was more then ready, she struggled socially especially later in school, not so much early in school. Where I did not seem to show struggling in both social and academic until about middle school and at that point, it was kind of too late to hold me back. The one born in December, seemed to have no trouble with either.

My suggestion is to hold him back. (however, again, just my opinion based on experience). We already know our little guy is academically way ahead of his age. However, boys do tend to start to have more academic and social skill issues due to maturity issues later on. We are going to send him when he is six. We know that in the meantime, we will have to make sur he does not get bored academically throughout school years, but feel it will give him more of a benefit to guarantee that he has picked up the social skills and other things that can help him when he gets older in school. I think in grade school it does not come out any deficiencies they might have until school continues. Just a thought for consideration. However, I do feel each family needs to make a decision based on what they conclude. I do not think there should be anyone that tends to put pressure on you to do one way or another. After all, you do know you children. My suggestion is if you think there might be doubts on any portion of the development, then may want to hold back. If they are held back now, they will most likely not have it happen later in school when kids can be cruel.

Good luck in you decision.
T.

The social skills are really important. My son misses the cut-off date by 30 days and so he will be in the four year old preschool class while he is five. Educationally he is ready but he doesn't have the listening skills, transitioning skills, things like that. Those are really important for success in school. My daughter's Kindergarten teacher told me she never heard of a parent regretting sending the kid later... only that they sent the kid too soon. Good Luck.

Something to think about... My niece's birthday is August 31, and she started kindergarten either right before or right after her 5th birthday. Although she was a bright kid, she really struggled with school ... so much that her parents and her teacher made the decision together to have her repeat 4th grade, even though she didn't technically fail. It gave her a chance to "catch up", and they have had no regrets since (she's now a sophomore in high school).

Good luck with your decision!

I sent my oldest son who is now in 5th to school when he was 5. Although he turned 5 in March before starting school, I wish now that I would have waited. He was ready academically but his maturity was just not there. They really need to know a lot now a days before they even get into Kindergarden. Almost seems to me what I learned in 1st, they are now trying to teach kindergardners. In my opinion at this age boys mature a little slower than girls do. I do plan on holding my youngest son back for sure. He will be 5 on the 13 of August. (I have a few years) This is my experience. Only you know if your son is ready. Do look at all aspects like is he ready academically and socially (Maturity).

My sons birthday is 8/23 and he went to kindergarten two days after turning 5 looking back I wish I had waited I struggled the decision and changed my mind daily just like you the reason I sent him is because he told me preschool was boring and I did not want to discourage him by sending him another year in retrospect I probably should have just sent him to a different preschool for another year just to make it different. He is in first grade now and is doing great in math but he is reading below grade level and was in a special reading group until recently I am not sure how much this has to do with when we sent him to kindergarten but I guess since it was always a decision I doubted I think that is the reason. Good luck with whatever you decide I think the most important thing to look for with your son is can he tie his own shoes and how strong are his reading skills? Talk to your son see what he feels too.

I am going through the same dilemna with my daughter who actually turns 5 just 2 days after the cut-off. I am having her tested by the school psychologist to see if she can have early enrollment to school. She is in her 2nd year of preschool and as a teacher and her mommy I just feel in my gut she is ready for kindergarten. I had 2 long conferences with her preschool teacher as well to discuss moving on and her teacher also feels my daughter is ready.
I battled and battled with the decision and then realized it really isn't up to me... the test will determine whether or not she is ready socially, academically and developmentally. I personally feel that too many people are holding kids back which is in turn creating a greater gap for those "younger" students. I also feel that districts encourage waiting a year so that the child has an additional year developmentally and thus will score better on state testing.
One thing I did was look on my districts website for kindergarten readiness skills/markers. It was more clear what the expectations were entering kdg and I could better evaluate whether or not I felt my daughter has achieved those skills. Every child is different and you know your son the best.
My two cents is see what the testing shows and let that be your guide. Waiting a year certainly won't hurt. Too bad we didn't have a crystal ball to see how our current decisions will affect our kiddos in the future:) Gotta love this parenting gig! lol:) Good luck!

My son just turned 5 and will start kinder this coming year. His birthday fell after the deadline so that wasn't an issue for me. I will say if I were in your shoes I would send him to kindergarten no matter what and keep him there even if he isn't doing as well as you would like. At the end of the school year keep him in kinder again if you need too. It wouldn't be any different than if you started him a year later except he has already had lots of practice on what he will be doing and will have a better foundation. I have a friend who did this with her son and she is extremely happy with her decision. I just think he will learn so much more in kinder (even if you hold him back) than in preschool. Good Luck!

Hi T....I guess only you can tell if he's ready. My son has a September birthday and he started kindergarten when he was four. He also was in pre-school, and had many "buddies" in his class, they were all starting school at the same time, so that was one of our biggest deciding factors...we didn't want him to be separated from friendships he was already forming. He had no trouble passing the screening for the district, and is a straight A student (now in 5th grade). My son also has always been an "old soul", so maturity was not really a concern. I can tell you however, that now that we live in a district that is very focused on athletics, I find more and more boys who's parents held them back a year for the size advantage...I know it sounds crazy, but it's true! I guess you have to decide what's important to you and go from there. (ps, I also started k-garten when I was four, and the only thing I can remember that bothered me was that I didn't turn 16 until my Junior year, bummer, most of my friends were driving when we were sophmores!)...Good Luck, B. C.

Hi T.,
My son will turn 4 in April and I haven't even started him in preschool yet. He will start this fall and go for 2 years. He will actually be almost 6 1/2 before starting kindergarten. They mature much slower than girls do so we wanted to give him one more year to "grow up" before starting school. It really depends on your child and the patience and the willingness to listen that he has. A friend of mine, her little boy turned 5 about a week before school started. She started him that year anyway. He did fine in kindergarten but he is now struggling with first grade. Not with the academics but with listening and sitting still. My daughter turned 5 in May and I started her right away. If I had to do it over again I would have held her for a year.
Hope this helps.

T.,
I don't know if you have received a response yet or not but here is mine. My daughter is 6 now and is in kindergarten. She turned 5 on Sept. 2, just days befor school started. Her preschool teacher also left the decision up to us. I was always thinking about the fact that every child seems to remember being held back in kindergarten if they just don't make the grades. My husband like the idea that she be put into pre-k first and let her be one of the older children in kindergarten because kids can always use the boost of their own accomplishments of knowing they can read or do just about anything they want. If I may be a bragging mom for just a second, she is very smart and we had no doubt that she could make it as a young kindergartener, but kids are crule. If she were to have felt intimidated at any point having older kids around her, we wern't sure how that might have affected her opinion of school for years. She is now being asked to read to her class mates and we are loving the confidence that is giving her. I also have a friend that kept her son out of kindergarten for an extra year and has not regreted on minute of it. Her son is now in 3rd grade and is doing great. We all want our kids to succeed in everything they do so I now am a believer that slowing down and taking our time at letting our kids grow at their own pace is the best thing we can do for them. You can always move your son up if he really seems to excel in any grade. I don't know about you but I always remember hearing adults talking about "being held back in kindergarten" with a bit of rolling of the eyes. I hope this helps. I know what you are feeling because I was there last year and haven't regreted one minute.

T.,

I recommend the Ohio Virtual Academy. Visit them at www.ohva.org and read the curriculum information. It is terrific. Our 5-year-old started late and is proceeding nicely. They have group outings, and all kinds of great support.

Best wishes,
K.

I will tell you from my experience with my children. I was in the same situation with both my children and my son I went ahead and sent him thinking he would be fine. I struggle on a daily basis with him and his school work. When the time came with my daughter I decided I was going to wait the extra year since I was always told that I might not be having the problems with my son if I would have waited the extra year with my son. My daughter is now 7 and in first grade she LOVES school. I dont have any problems with her and homework is a breeze with her. My 3rd child is going to be 5 this year and I am definatly waiting the extra year. Kids really grow up alot in a years time and it really made a world of difference with mine. I hope that everything works out for you in what ever decision you make for your child. Good Luck

Usually it is better to wait a year. All around kids do better when they are the older not the younger in a classroom. This is especially important when peer pressure starts, it is better to be the leader(hopefully of something good) than the follower

Hello T.. I think you should look to see if your disctric has a young fives class. It is set up like Kindergarten and would give him an extra boost for Kindergarten. Some schools call it Pre-Kindergarten, Cubbies, and Young Fives in my area. Then your little one will have all the bennifits of going to "Kindergarten" this coming year w/o the negative down falls that you are probably wondering about. Good Luck!

i have one son and one daughter that went to school as a young old 4/5 and they have both done great(now in second and sixth grade). I also have one daughter that started later because she missed the birthday deadline by a little-she is in 3rd and also doing great! don't beat yourself up on this decision! my advise was about the testing- some districts really ask questions that are presented in a way they are not familiar with-so no matter how that comes out, do not get discouraged! best of luck!

I have experience that myself my son turned 5 in August also many years ago, I being a first time Mom didnt realize i had a choice not to send him at 5, if i had known i didnt have to, he would of waited till he was 6. He has struggled. Now he is a Senior but i would NOT send your son till he is 6

Well.....I'm not a Kindergarten teacher, but I do teach 5th grade and see and hear a lot, and I am in the same situation with my own son. He will be turning 5 in June, but has also had some delays. Some of the questions I have been asking myself is; Does he still NEED a nap everyday? (our district is all day everyday) Can he do most of the Preschool State Standards with little or no direction? (If you don't have a copy of what preschoolers are "supposed" to know before they enter Kindergarten- ask your preschool teacher, or school district) Is he mature enough? (simply measuring him against other typical 5 year olds would be a fair measure)

Overall, don't be afraid to ask to visit classrooms to observe what happens in a typical day, but don't forget....don't try to picture him in the exact situation you are observing, instead ask yourself the question, "Do I think he will be able to do this in a year from now?" Also, ask around for teacher recommendations from other parents in the neighborhood, most of the time you can request your child be placed into a specific teacher's room if you feel that his/her personality will match your childs better. I hope this helps, it sounds like you are off to a great start. Don't forget read, read, read to your child as much as possible! (Sorry... it's the teacher in me!)

Well I can't tell you what to do either.. here is what we are doing. My daughter 4 (5 in July) went to preschool this year. We are doing the PreK class like most the parents at the school (we just found out). We figured she has the choice and I watched my niece go at 5 and struggle with kindergarden and I know how different it is now then when we went. I don't think my daughter is really ready for it. My niece is in 1st grade this year and had to write a 5 page report! My daughter can write her name but that is it. My niece started reading in kindergarden. My daughter can't read anything! I figure I rather have that extra time.
Ok so thats what I am doing.. lol I hope you figure out what you want to do. How are you getting your son tested.. My 3 yr old son has some problems with speech and they told us (doctor) to get the school to test him. Well my daughter goes to a private preschool and I have no idea how to do that.. lol thanks!
K.

My daughter turned 5 two after the cut off. The school told us we could have her tested but suggested we wait. We decided to wait the extra year. When we went the following year I ran into a mom who put her son in the year before, when he had just turned five . She told me it was awful for him. He was not ready emotionally and the other kids picked at him. He was ok to learn the lessons the teacher was teaching but the social part was very trying on him. We are half way through the school year and Jenna has done very well. She gets along with everyone and loves school. I don't know how big your school is but we live in a small community. If you live in a large school I suggest you wait. I the extra year will not hurt and why make them hate school from the get go.Good luck.

I am dealing with the same decision. My little one will be 5 in June. His preschool teacher said that espically with boys it is better to keep the back a year. That way they are more mature and ready for Kindergarten. We are enrolling him in a 5 day next year (hes in a 3 day this year) so he gets used to going every day. I think its better for them to have that extra time to grow up a little more -- and its nice for mommy too!! good luck!

Hello!! I have a daughter who turned 5 on July 29th.. We enrolled her into Kindergarten, she started a couple weeks later.. I honestly wish we had waited.. She struggled to catch up with the rest of the class emotionally and with the class work.. I feel like we pushed her before she was ready.. We were never offered the options to have her tested to see if she was ready.. We thought that she was turning 5 and needed to be registered for school.. We were never told we had the option to wait till the following year.. The only way we even found out we could have waited is when her teacher told us she could have waited till next year to be enrolled.. My daughter is now 8 yrs old and struggles for ever grade she gets.. She is a very hard worker and has to work twice as hard as anyone else, she has finally reached above grade level for reading.. I am extemely proud of her and the things that she has overcame.. It was really hard, and it takes ALOT of patiences and a few tears along the way.. So please for any reason you feel in your heart just the slightest doubt go with your heart and gut, I wish that I had..

I struggled with the same delema for my daughter who turned five at the very end of August. She is a very bright and quiet child. Most people that I talked to told me I should send her b/c she is a girl and they mature quicker than boys, etc. etc.
The best piece of advice anyone gave me was that you can never have a child over ready to learn, this piece of advice came from a teacher. The same teacher also told me that in her almost 35 years of teaching her "bright" students were never the youngest, not that the youngest were not as smart or anything along those lines, but the youngest always seemed to have to work harder to do as well.
I ended up keeping my daughter back and starting her the next year (she's in kindergarden this year) and I am so glad that I did. I went back and forth on what to do, and once I made my decision I had so many people tell me that they were really surprised, but it has been the best decision for her.
I went through school always being the youngest (I graduated at 17 and started college at 17) I always wished that I had been the same age as everyone else...I couldn't drive when all my friends did, etc.
You have to decide what you think is best for him. At this time he might seem just fine to start, but keep in mind that boys do mature slower than girls and that might catch up to him in 2nd, 3rd, or 4th grades if he doesn't mature as quickly school can become quite difficult. My personal idea is that I'd rather have my child over-ready then have to hold them back later in school. (I'm not saying that your son would have to be held back later, but just some things to think about.)
Good luck and know that as his mother what ever you decide you are doing from your heart and you are only doing what you think is best!

Hi T.! I had the same problem w/my son. He turned 5 August 5th and all his buddies in the neighborhood were going to kindergarten. He struggled then and he struggles now. I remember at the end of his kindergarten year when we had a meeting w/the teachers because we needed to decide if we would pass him on to 1st grade most of the teachers agreed that they think if the childs birthday is that late it's better to hold them off a year. They told me most of the "young" kindergarteners struggle. Now that's not to say some don't. I'm sure there's acceptions. But from my experience if you can get him into a pre-K class you would probly be better off.

S.