How Do I Handle Things????

Remember your vows. For better or worse. I wish you all the best luck.

First take a big breathe and calm down. It sounds like you're completely stressed out, a new marraige is stressful, finanacial troubles are stressful, dealing with family is stressful, moving is stressful.

You don't provide much information like how long you've been married, new suggests less than a year. You're still in honeymoon phase, or should be. Do you have children, that fact can make a large impact on your decission? Where is "out here" compared to where you were living, did you move 100 miles or 1,000 miles? Where are you living with his family or in a house or apartment near his family? How much family are you talking about, parents and an in-law or two or a whole clan of in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Why did you move?

Regardless of the answers to any of these questions, the answer is NO - DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND. You made a vow for better or for worse, and now just because things aren't going your way you don't just up and leave.

What should you do, that depends on the answer to all the questions I asked above. Hang in there. Find a job. Make friends. Focus on decorating your home. Go back and visit your old home, family, and friends, or invite someone to visit you. Save money, so after things settle down a bit, you can sit down with hubby and evaluate your situation and decide what direction you want to go in.

You say you "just moved out". Maybe you need to give it more time to settle.
For now, avoid sharing any personal info with family, or between family, and don't involve yourself with their disagreements.
If you behave in a disinterested manner, and change the subject, it might help to diffuse whatever their drama is.
Find other ways to occupy your time. Even if they live next door, it doesn't mean that you need to see them every day. Make other plans.

First, CALM DOWN! Nothing is ever great, and there is always drama. You have a commitment to your husband and you keep it. You didn't specify if you're living with his family but if you are you should work the direction of getting your own place with your husband as quickly as possible. If you have a place of your own already distance yourself from the family, get some friends - go to church or a playgroup (if you have kids) and get to know some people besides family locally. Talk with your husband using "I feel" words and let him know how you feel and what you want to do and what you are willing to do (not what you're unwilling to do). You can't refuse to live with your husband anymore than you can refuse to live with your foot. You have to be nice to your husband's family and be nice to your husband. You are feeding the drama as much as anybody by refusing and threatening. Not what you wanted to hear? Sorry. You have to stick it out and support your husband. See if you can come up with several sincere compliments for your husband and deliver them at appropriate times. Come up with something nice that somebody or each person in his family has done for you or for him and focus on that even if it was small and even if they've been horrible since then. Pray for them, you'll be surprised at the change.

Find ways to make yourself busy and not be available to spend time with them. The less time together, the less conflict. If there is arguing on the phone then you need to end the call and separate yourselves from it. If you and your husband sit down and talk about these things and understand how you each feel and what you want to happen w/the family conflict then it will get easier for you both. You will also be backing each other up or bailing the other out of a bad call so you don't have to deal with it. Good luck.

Hi Honeybaby (fun nick).
You just married, got a new house, move close to your new husband family and maybe even other things are going on now.
All this made turbulence, and you know what is the worst thing to do, try to run.
wait a little so the sand settles down and you are able to see what is the problem who is the drama, etc.
I agree with Rae, don't share many personal info and don't get caught into the drama. Once that everything is settle down a little more and you guys can start saving money (moving can be expensive) you can bring put the subject in the table.
If you don't have the money to move now, is no wort to fight about it, just talk about the possibility to move when you can if things doesn't work out well in there.
Take care

i have the same problem. we live close to my in-laws and my hubby and my MIL are always arguing. She likes to butt in on how we handle parenting it gets annoying. Shes way over protective, always has been. Anyway. keep distant. Not too much of course. Maybe that will help. The best way to avoid drama is not to get involved much. I know its impossible, but like i said, keep a small distant. I have a big family. 60+. Theres always drama. Luckily for the past few years i haven't been involved in any drama because i've kept a low profile. Yes i'm always at family gatherings, i email or phone everyone, every once in a while to say hi, etc etc. But i don't get involved with the gossip or issues because then... its chaos. Good luck

that is why we moved to texas and not colorado. get yourself busy so you don't have to be in thier life create a life of your own without them. be conviently busy. can you move at least an hour a way. that would cut the drama down or 2 hrs would be better. lay low till the drama blows over and they will wonder gee why doesnt she come over and when they ask be point blank and tell them you need to grow up and act your age if you want me in the picture.

This family drama with your husband has been ongoing on for months now, and can't be good for your health and well-being.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I was in your situation, but it was my parents who were all in my business and we did move, 1200 miles away. I look back at it now and think if we would have boundaries in place and not let my parents get to me as much, my son could still see his grandparents more than a couple of times of year. I don't regret moving out here, I have a wonderful life, BUT I do miss not having them around. Talk with your husband about setting boundaries with his family and make him inforce the rules, its his family not yours, not your place, you only look like the "witch" when you do. Stick it out with hubby, its a rough time but you'll get through it. Good luck.

Unless your husband is beating you or messing around on you, I don't think of leaving him as an option. That being said, take a deep breath and try to look at things without the cloud of drama. What exactly is causing the problems? If it's gossip, just nip it. If someone says something in front of you you have 2 options. Say "I'm sorry, I really don't want to get caught up in this" and either leave the room, hang up the phone, or change the subject. The other options is just to keep your mouth shut. Don't agree, don't disagree, just don't say anything. If people can't get you "into it", then they'll stop trying to. If it's that they don't like the way you spend money, quit talking about how you spend money with them. You weren't really specific, so I can't give specific advice, but just stop the drama from your end as much as possible. You can't control them, but you can control how you respond to them!

STICK IT OUT!! You won't regret it in the long run and trust me, if you have the money to leave him you have the money to move. Priorities! Marriage is HARD but it's worth the effort. Good luck and God bless!!

Dear Honeybaby:

Sit down with your husband away from his family and distractions, (maybe a nice lunch or dinner with cell phones off!) and without accusations talk about setting up boundaries and what is bothering you. Use tact, but state the problems. Is it that they drop by without calling first? Do they call with every little problem and expect your husband to drop everything to help them? Do they expect every weekend you both will be at their houses?

Together you and your husband come up with a plan and then he states the rules to his family. Then enforce them together, i.e., if he tells the family no more dropping by, call first, and they break that rule. Politely, but firmly remind them of the rule and tell them you're sorry, but they can't come in and shut the door.

You and your husband must be in agreement and you must be firm. Family might be upset for a while, but this DOES work. Hang in there, and this will at least keep you from losing your mind while you save your money to move.

L. F.

ok living around family there will always be drama. that is something that is never going change. it is part of having in laws etc. you can do two things. one, you can leave your husband. (i don't recommend leaving unless it is something that yall really can't work out. dont let family tear you two apart.)
second, you can suck it up, tell all them to shut their mouths because what goes on between a man and a woman is private. everyone has an opionon and about someone's marriage. believe me when i say i'm stuck right in the middle of it right now. if you love your husband then talk to him. tell him what is on your mind and if there are tears and yelling...well sometimes that happens. i've had my share of crying and hashing things out but in the end it really does help to get everything out in the open.
i don't know the details of your problems but i know i had problems when i first got married. we still have problems but never be afraid to talk to him. oh and a big thing to remember...never say never or never refuse, just try to compromise. if you're living with his family move into a place by yourself with your husband. the hardest thing to do is live with family--trust me, doing it right now and i can't wait to move in a few months. good luck. i you want to talk in private message me. i've been where you are.

Stick it out. Be a team with your hubby. Going through something hard makes your marriage stronger.