How Do I Get My 9 Month Old to Sleep????

I did the same thing with my last baby. She just wouldnt sleep and she was miserable, I was miserable, you understand. I sleep trained her coonsistently by allowing her the opportunity to sooth herself to sleep. It really only took about three days (and even then only the first two naps were bad)and she puts herself to sleep everytime now. The key is being consistent, just like anyting else in parenting.

Best wishes to you.

Try an electric powered swing for naptime. It makes a comforting whitenoise sound that is soothing.

If you do go for CIO, then try to find an item to put in the crib that is a special sleep-time-only comfort item.

My babies would cry for awhile, but sometimes after too long, they are hot and sweaty and they might have a headache by then and they just can't stop. So, I would go in with a cool cloth and calm them down in the crib by wiping their head down and singing to them. By then, if you can calm them down, they will realize how exhausted they are and just doze off.

I personally don't think CIO is cruel - what I think is cruel is depriving yourself and your child of sleep that both of you need...4-5 hours of sleep for a baby at night is simply not enough...13 hours in a 24 hour period is considered good (not that every baby needs that, but it is at least a goal). CIO is not cruel - it does not mean ignore the baby, it is a way to break a bad habit that was formed. If you think that something is wrong with the baby, you check and soothe. Otherwise, you have a crib, which is a safe environment, the room is safe (I hope), and babies are fine...The good news is, soon you and your baby will be getting sleep AND the crying will lessen as this new sleep pattern becomes a habit.

C...
First off let me say "yeah" to your husband coming home!!I think that using the CIO method might just work for you, if it worked once I say try it again. I wouldnt let her cry to long, its more about whats comfortable to you, I know it sucks to listen to them, you feel so bad, but Do Not go in and check on her, it will just prolong the situation. We used it with my 2nd son and it's been awhile but I think I told myself 10min. I could survive 10min. Yes put her to bed at the same time, having the same routine everynite helps. I would try it for atleast a week, hopefully she catches on quickly! I am not sure about naps...I can say that a little crying is harder on us than on them, so try not to feel down on yourself about it!Good luck!

Tell that husband of yours we appreciate him and for heavens sake enjoy him...the muscles...the dogtags...Reminds me of when my husband was still in the ARMY,YUMMY!!

K.

My son had the same issues until he was 9 months also--he always needed to be rocked to sleep, and often when his head hit the crib, he would wake up crying. If by some miracle we got him into the crib without crying, he would invariably wake up just a couple of hours later. We also reached the point of exhaustion and tried a modified waiting approach. The first night, we set an arbitrary time limit at 3 minutes for how long we would leave him in his room crying. Then every 3 minutes that night, we went into his room and soothed him for about 30 seconds without picking him up. This took about an hour, but then he slept through till morning. The next night, we waited 4 minutes, and it took a total of 45 minutes to fall asleep. The next night was 5 minutes, and it took about 30 minutes. By the 4th night, when we were going to wait 6 minutes, he fell asleep before the 6 minutes were up. Now, if he ever happens to wake up (which is rare), we wait 6 minutes before going in to soothe. He now can be put in his crib awake at bedtime, and he doesn't cry at all--he just rolls over and goes to sleep--and he usually won't wake up for at least 10 hours. He's now 17 months and still sleeps great. Good luck.

Hi C.,

Wow you must be really tired and stressed out now. I feel for you. Reading the other advice you have gotten we have some really smart moms on this board (this includes you - coming here and asking for advice). A routine is very important; take a look at what your schedule needs to be for your husband and older daughter and make a plan for you and the baby that fits in with that. Once you've planned out a bed time and two naps add a mini-routine for laying her down. With my boys I sang (still sing) the same song to them when it is time for them to go to bed for a nap or for the night. Each boy has his own special song. For night I add jammies, brush teeth, stories, & then the song.

For crying it out there are different methods you can use, it really depends on what you're comfortable with. I react very badly to a lack of sleep so at any point if my youngest had an issue with sleeping I'd set the timer for 15 minutes and at 15 minutes decide if the crying was winding down, if so I wouldn't go into the room. If he was still going strong it was time to check to see if he needed a diaper or something else. Regardless, if the tone of the cry changed to let me know that there might be something wrong instead of just wanting me there I was in like a shot.

Regarding naps, some kids sleep well and some do not. At 9 months you can block out an hour in the morning and afternoon for a nap and put her in her crib. If she sleeps, great, if she doesn't sleep and is quiet leave her in her crib for the whole hour.

Good luck!

I didn't see many people address the nap issue, so I'll just say I think it's important to keep routines between bedtime and naptime similar. Not exactly the same because I think it's important that bedtime is a bit different, but if you let her CIO at bedtime, but pick her up when she cries at naptime, she'll figure that out so fast and will keep up the crying at naptime to manipulate you. Babies are so smart! If you are consistent with letting her cry it out (checking on her if she gets too worked up) I don't think it'll take more than a few days. I hope you all start getting better sleep soon! Good luck!!

Let me start by saying I have 3 children - 11 yrs, 2 yrs, and 9 months. None of them slept well until I made them cry it out. My husband was, and still is, against letting them cry; so I have to start the process when he is on graveyard. With my 2 year old I didn't push the subject until he was 11 months old, and I was exhausted to the point that I could not focus long enough to carry on a conversation. Here is how I have always done it: Start with a bedtime routine around the same time each night - story in the rocking chair, brush teeth, nurse, lullaby, etc - then put them in their crib with their blankie or whatever their special thing is, for my daughter it is my shirt (she wants mommy's smell when she goes to sleep). Let them cry for 5 min, check on them but no picking up, and make it less than a minute. Let them cry for 10 min, check on them. Then 15 minutes before you check on them. I always stopped there, and would check on them every 15 minutes there after. It took my first son 2 days before he could soothe himself. It took my second son 5 days - I think because he was so old. My daughter cried for an hour and a half the first night, until I gave her my shirt - then she cried for 3 min and went to sleep. She is pretty good about only crying for a few minutes if at all. I suggest doing the same thing for nap because she will learn to self-soothe faster and the crying will cease sooner. It is hard to listen to your baby cry, but I really believe that it is worth it for them and for you.

Hi, C.. I don't think I can offer any more than what's been said already. We did CIO for both of our kids (now 7 and 5) and they are both great sleepers. Be consistant with the time you put her to bed, with the routine that you do beforehand, and let her develop this skill on her own. It's hard as anything you'll do, but it's one of those things she needs to learn. And it's healthiest for everyone -- she can soothe herself (you won't always be there) and you and your husband can get the sleep you need to be good parents and good for each other.

One thing I'll add... Make sure the crib or wherever you put your child when it's time to sleep, make sure that place is a comfort, safe place. In other words, don't also use the crib for time-outs, for discipline, simple containment, nor anything else but sleep. That way she knows when she's in the crib, it's time to rest and/or sleep. If you use it for other purposes, you might confuse your daughter. She won't know if she's in there because she did something wrong or what.

Good luck and don't second-guess CIO. It's very hard but it works.

C.,

Take a deep breath. Sleep is a wonderful thing. One of the best things you can do for your entire family is set up a routine. Both of your children will thrive. Kids need the predictability of said routine. That's the same reason they ask for the same three or four books all day and why they want to watch the same two or three movies all the time. They can predict what will happen.

First though the cry it out. With my kids I will/did let them cry for about 5 minutes. If during that time the cry changes at all to an "I'm Pissed Off Now" type of cry I go in immediately and comfort. I either rock in the rocking chair or sway from foot to foot right at the side of the crib. Now that my daughter is 19 months old and nearly 30 pounds I usually opt for the rocking chair. My son is now 5 years old and I usually just sit on the side of his bed and hold him.

If she is still crying after that five minutes I will go in and comfort unless the fussing is winding down then I'll wait another five minutes. Again, if at any time during this second five minutes the cry changes I go in immediately. Usually, now, the fussing rarely lasts for more than 10 minutes. This is not foolproof and there are the nights when my daughter is sooooooo tired that we have to let her cry for longer, and that tears at my heart. I guess that's why I can only last for about 10 minutes.

As for the schedule it doesn't have to be super involved. My family's daily schedule is more of a guideline for the day than a thing chiseled in stone.

Mon & Wed:
before 7:00am both kids wake up, baby sometimes plays in crib but usually yells for me
7:00am everybody is allowed to be out of bed (I'm not a good morning person and have 2 early birds)
8:00am breakfast and Daddy home
9:00am leave for YMCA
About Noon home from YMCA with at least one sleeping kid
2:00pm wake up Daddy and late lunch for sleeper
3:00pm Mommy back to YMCA to teach
4:30pm Dinner for kids
5:45pm Son's swim lesson
6:30pm head for home from YMCA
7:00pm get home jammies and cuddle time
8:00pm (or whenever they fall asleep) bedtime for kids (and Mommy sometimes)

Tue, Thur, Fri, Weekends:
Mostly the same except no swimming and the kids get the opportunity to get extra sleep if they're tired. Usually my daughter will take a mid morning nap around 11:30, but not always. She will, however, take a nap after lunch if she stays up later in the morning. My son is supposed to have quiet time in the afternoon while my daughter is sleeping but that rarely happens. If my kids are really climbing the walls and driving me nuts I will take them somewhere to run off their energy (usually on a Friday or Saturday).

Sorry this got so long winded,
Hope it helps,
Melissa

First of all C., I can't believe that you've been holding her to fall asleep for 9 months! CIO is NOT a horrible thing but once you start you need to keep it up. Going in to check on them does upset them more so once you put her in her bed, you should leave her alone. You know that she can't get hurt or fall out of bed so don't worry about her. I use to tip-toe in AFTER I was sure they were asleep. It's a good idea to have a set bedtime but that's a really hard thing to do for some Mom's and I don't think it's really that important so either way will work. Letting them CIO for both naps and night time especially if they're use to falling asleep in your arms, may take a week or even two until they figure it out.

book recommendation
"Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child"

I found this to be an excellent resource that discussed all options from co-sleeping to using "cry it out" methods.

Good luck!

Healthy Sleep habit, happy child. Best book! Must have. Got it after 5months of sleepless nights. Made my life so much easier after learning the tricks to putting the baby to sleep at night and naps as well as CIO. Wished someone encourage me to get it much sooner.

Main thing is, to know the sleepy signs of your baby. Routine is good, but don't always have to put them to bed at the same time at night if baby is not tired. That said, after a while, my baby went to sleep by 7pm 99% of time. If she doesn't nap well that day, and she's sleepy by 6pm, I'd put her to sleep by 6:30, etc.

Once you put the tired baby to sleep, it won't take long and less fuss (within 10min). May take a little training at first to see her signs. What ever you do, once you put her to bed, don't feel tempted to go to them until after ~10min.
And if you want to go to them, try not to pick them up.

Easier said than done.

http://www.epinions.com/review/Healthy_Sleep_Habits_Happy...

Best of luck sleeping!

My daughter-in-Law did it i didn't agree but it works it took about two weeks and after that she would lay her down and she goes right to sleep. She is three years old now and all you have to do is tell her it is bed time and she goes right to bed

Hi C.-

I used the cry it out method on all three of my children. They are all really good sleepers. There is a book called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Ferber. This book describes the method in detail. It worked great for our whole family! Good Luck!
Annemarie

C.,

I used the cry it out method with my older daughter and plan to use it with my baby when she is old enough. with Penny I did the cry it out for naps and bedtime. I would put her down, but leave her door open enough that I could peek in without her being able to see me. So I could check and make sure she was o.k. There is not much that can go wrong in a crib, if you follow all the safety rules they have now. It took my daughter about a week to just go to sleep once I put her down. It was hard to do, but it was worth it once she got the hang of it. Hope this helps. Good luck.

N.

Hi C.,
I don't think you are being cruel for the CIO. It is ok, they need to learn to comfort themselves to sleep. I would do it for nap time as well, because if you don't, it won't work for bed time... be lucky that it only took her max 15 min to fall asleep. I think it will only take a few days or maybe longer, but she will get it, and you and your husband will be very greatful later on down the road that you did this early enough to catch it:) GOod luck, and may you have restful sleep:)

When we did this, we first came in after a few minutes and told her she was okay and a couple soothing words, then walked back out. Then we'd come back after five minutes and do the same thing. Then 10. Then 15. And so on, making the time increment longer each time, until she fell asleep.

It was reassuring to her to know we always came back, and soon she drifted off sooner and with less tears.

Hope you find this helpful.
Good luck! :)

My son did the same thing for naps and bedtime. We started by getting him on a strict bed time routine. Everynight at 7:15ish he would get a bath, then after bath we would take him in his room and we would put on soft light and music and rub on lotion and put on jammies. Then we would have a bottle and read a book...all with really quite voices. By that time he would be wound down and we would put him in his crib. For the first week he would cry...I would let him cry for 30-45 minutes and then go in (never taking him out of the crib) lay him back down and say it's time for bed-I love you...and then leave again. I would repeat this process until he fell asleep. I used the same routine for naps only without the jammies and bath. After about a week or so, he figured it out and has been a good sleeper ever since. You just have to get her on a structured routine and be consistent (even when it's hard)!
Hang in there.

Read "Babywise" by Ezzo and Buckman--the libraries have it. It's really specific and answers a lot of questions--once your baby is on a flexible routine you will all be heathier and happier. My babies have thrived on it, and as a mom I have much more confidence knowing what to expect--don't worry, with a flexible routine you run the routine, the routine doesn't run you--without this structure, there is no flexiblilty, there is only chaos. Sometimes it's inconvenient to make the baby's schedule the priority, but we are always happier when we do. Cranky, tired babies and moms aren't fun for anyone, including themselves! :) Your baby's development depends on healthy daytime and nighttime sleep. Read the book, bite the bullet, and you'll be glad you did. Good luck!

My boys sleep great! As babies I would put them in their bed awake at the same time every night. I would let them cry for 5 minutes, then go in and comfort (without feeding, or even picking them up, just humming or rubbing the bellie/back). As soon as crying stops, leave. If they begin to cry again wait another 5 minutes. I never had to go back more then once! I think some people think that CIO means letting the child cry for hours on end, but it is not about that at all! It is teaching them to self comfort 5 minutes at a time.

We eventually resorted to th CIO method too and I found that was the only thing that helped her sleep better. 10 minutes on the first night is AMAZING!! My baby cried for 40 minutes the first night, the 20, then 10, and then just went to sleep. I didn't do it at nap time unless I couldn't get her to sleep otherwise. We had a routine at night that I followed at nap time too though, so once she stopped crying at night (3-4 nights) I could put her down for naps too without her crying. I just rock her in her room with a bottle and usually she falls asleep. Whether or not she does, I then put her down in her bed. Since it's the same routine at night and during the day, she gets it. At night we feed her dinner, give her a bath and then rock with the bottle and put her down. I think it's important to have a slightly different night-time schedule so that she knows she's down for the night. We feed and bather her at the same time every night unless she's way tired before the appointed time. Then after the bath I give her a little wiggle room. She crawls around for a while and goes to sleep any time between 7-8 depending on how tired she seems to me. I felt really guilty about letting her CIO, but then I realized I was so much more able to take care of her when I was rested AND she was so much happier when she slept well. I think as far as checking on her, you play it by ear. Initially we tried to check on her ever 7 minutes. That worked for several of my friends. My baby would just get more upset though. I'd go in to check on her and she would just get more upset that I wasn't picking her up and helping her. So it just depends on how your baby is. You can try it and see, but where she only cried for 10 minutes I bet tonight she'll only cry for 5!! I'm so excited for you because this is going to make your life 100 percent better. I used to hold mine through naps too, but man it's amazing to have some true free time!! You'll love it. She may lapse back into crying after she stops, but just re-teach her. Good luck!

Now that your husband is home and you have support at home the cry it out may work. You have to be determined to do it. Some would say do it all at once (naps and night), but you may have to do one first just to keep yourself from listening ot crying all the time. STick to a bedtime and a routine, don't wait until they are showing signs of tiredness for bedtime. I've found it works great for bedtime, but have never gotten into a naptime routine that works 100% of the time.

I use a similar approach, but it's the "silent return". It worked for my older daughter, and now I'm using it on my toddler. Since she will stand up in bed (I assume your child might do that too?) and throw out her lovie and blanket, then CRY. I will go in, lay her down and put her blanket and lovie on her. I usually only have to do it once or twice.

I have regular naptimes for her, so I just put her in her playpen (for naps) and leave. So long as she's not poopy, she eventually goes to sleep. Sometimes she'll play in there for a while.

Good luck!

I do not think the CIO method is cruel if you don't take it to extremes. It work very well for my son after only a few days (I think I cried more than him!). The way I did it, I would have a bedtime routine the same time every night - bath - pajamas - book - bed. He would cry for a few min, and then he was OUT. Now, I would never let him cry for more than 10 - 15 min. I would go in and rub his back or tummy (don't pick her up - no lights on - no talking - NO EYE CONTACT). If he woke in the middle of the night I would go in immediatly (again, no lights,talking, eye contact) and make sure things were OK. Then we would leave and he usually would go right back to sleep. Ever since he has never cried at nap or bedtime. He goes down without a sound. Sometimes he doesn't go right to sleep, but he always stays in bed. I think you just need to establish that you are always there if they are crying, BUT bedtime is bedtime, and there will be no interaction.
It breaks your heart to hear them cry, BUT in a short time she will go down by herself and you will HAVE TIME FOR YOURSELF & YOUR HUSBAND!!
Good luck...

The CIO method works just like you did it. Congratulations. She will cry less every night. Do not give in and hold her one night. Chose what time you want to put them to bed and use it every night.

Do it until she doesn't cry. Don't pick her up--ever. Don't check on her, and make the room as dark as possible by shutting the door and no nightlight.

Let me just start by saying every baby is different and so you must modify the crying it out to suit your child. We tried it with our son and it never did work, unfortunately, so now I sit in his room and read my book until he falls asleep which is getting faster and faster... I never wanted to do the CIO method either, but I was absolutely desperate as my son was not a sleeper either. We tried it for a week at a time and the last time we tried it, he never did get under an hour of crying, which is just horrible, as you know. And this didn't help him sleep through the night, either. He would sleep longer, yes, but not always through the night. I tried it a couple of times for naps and he cried for an hour and a half and I just couldn't take it, so ended up just driving around with him in the back of hte car, parking somewhere and reading for a couple of hours just to get him to nap during the day. At least this gave me guilt-free reading time! In any case, he didn't start sleeping through the night until he was 16 months old. This coincided with his molars coming in fully and now he pretty much goes to bed at 8 and wakes up 11 or 12 hours later. Phew! I'm not holding my breath that it will last forever, but it's been four months of pure bliss! In any case, as for you, it sounds like it's been working for your daughter. The baby should cry less and less each night, theoretically. If she's crying more than half an hour at the end of a week, I would leave it for a couple of weeks and then try again for a week. We went in every 20 minutes or so, but it didn't seem to make a difference in his crying. Sometimes it upset him more when we went in, so we got to the point where we could tell if he was about to drop off and then we wouldn't go in. If he was hysterical after 15 or 20 minutes, then my husband went in to calm him down. (My husband was better at it than me! I was too afraid I would pick him up, so I would let him go in instead). Anyway, you'll figure it out... After you get the nighttime routine down, I would start doing the same thing for naps. I'm of the belief that you shouldn't do it all at once, but some people say to do all sleep times at once. It's really up to you. If you can put up with the bad napping for a bit, maybe just do it at night... Good luck! I really feel for you and I hope it works!

The CIO method is not abusive, it is simply teaching your child how to fall asleep on her own. It's not going to cause long term mental health issues or any of the other rumors that are currently spreading, in fact you're doing her a favor. Best advice READ 'Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child' and you'll feel reassured and relieved!!!!!!!!!!! I too am SAHM mom and my husband's in the ARMY currently gone for training, hang in there and don't worry, everything will work out.

You've received lots of input so I'll keep this short. I avoided doing this, but really, it is not cruel. It's definitely hard as a mommy to listen to, but one of the most important things you can do for your child is teach them healthy sleep habits.

We didn't really have to do this with our first, but did with our second. I'm fairly certain that I read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" which I saw recommended on this site by many. It was great! Go buy it. Very easy to read. You don't have to read the whole thing. Read the background and the age that pertains to you.

You are doing the right thing by teaching your daughter to sleep. The whole family will be much better off when you all are getting the sleep you need.

Good luck!

We were recommended the CIO method by our second pediatrician, who was a mom herself. (Our first pediatrician was a man, no kids, who did not have any recommendations for us on this, well...he had no personal experience.) We were tired and exhausted and unable to move our child to his own crib from co-sleeping...we thought it was impossible. Let me tell you, we were wrong! The pediatrician told us to pick a long weekend where we could go without a little sleep...she said it would take approximately three days to get our little one trained, but most people give up by day #2. Again, she was correct! We let him CIO for night #1-3, by night #4 he was able to go to sleep on his own amazingly! Now, every kid IS different and I have always had good sleepers, but we also employed this method with our younger two kids and it also worked for them. Of course we have bedtime routines which make it easier for them to settle in, i.e. toothbrushing, fresh diaper, story time, snuggle time, kisses, fluff the blankie (we do this like a big parachute over them, they love it!), prayers, etc. That seems to help the transition to sleeping as well.

I know it's hard to hear your child crying, but you can do it! Best of luck to you!

I read Dr. Ferber's book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" and used his recommended method. It's more of a progressive CIO method, so you are still checking in on them and reassuring them, but also teaching them to go to sleep on their own (although it always makes my daughter more upset when I leave the room after comforting her). Overall, it's worked great for us!

Wow. Everyone else has pretty well covered it. Healthy Sleep Healthy Child is GREAT. The No Cry Sleep Solution is also good for ideas and approach - you don't have to take it all as gospel - just adopt ideas that work for you.

My nine month old has never been the best sleeper, but after we got a handle on naps (huge thanks to daycare and a read of HSHC), she at least would go down at a consistent time with a relatively consistent routine of bath, books, and nurse or pacifier if still awake. She's just been introduced to her crib and while getting to sleep is sometimes trickier, she sleeps MUCH better and MUCH longer. We don't go to her after putting her down unless her crying is clearly distressed (this is after a few CIO nights where admittedly it's always distressed), except for one night nurse.

Based on my experience, work on the naps first (after reading at least HSHC). Pick your routine, steel yourself for some crying/fussing, and commit prioritizing naps for a couple of weeks. Once napping is going well, the nighttime routine will probably fall into place more easily that you expect.

Good luck (and congratulations on your husband's safe return!).

We used CIO with our son, now 1 year old, and it worked so well. We had to let him cry at naps and bedtime for it to work. We let him cry for 5 - 7 minutes, then go in and hug him, soothe him, but not get him out of his crib. We go in every 5 -7 minutes until he falls asleep. We only had to let him cry for about 10 days before he started being a champion napper and slept through the night. For the first few days it was really hard and he cried so hard, but after he realized that bed time means bed time, he goes to sleep with no problem. Now he is down to one nap, usually about 2 hours, in the afternoon and sleeps from 9 pm to 8 am every night. It was very hard and made me cry most days while we were doing it, but we reminded ourselves that babies have to learn to sleep just like they have to learn everything else. I am glad we did it, even though it was hard. I hope this helps! Good luck!

Our son is 4 months old and we just let him CIO a couple weeks ago for night sleeping and it has worked really well. We haven't done it during the day yet for naps (which are still challenging) and this doesn't seem to have affected the night sleep. When we did let him CIO, he lasted 50 minutes on night one, then we went in an soothed him, and then 10 minutes on night two. Now 90% of the time he goes down without any crying at all, but sometimes cries for a couple minutes.

my son only goes to sleep about 1 time out of 10 WITHOUT crying. i read that some babies need to cry to block out the world and let their nervous systems calm down. our boy will not be rocked or cuddled to sleep, he crys really hard a squirms around to get out of your arms. we started by letting him cry for 10 minutes and then going in and soothing him by rubbing his back and head and saying shhhhh. for the first couple of nights we had to go in a 2nd time after 10 minutes. and for about a week we only had to go in once. and then he would only cry for about 5 minutes. now it's maybe one minute and he's out. he sleeps for 10-12 hours and wakes up so happy and refreshed. we bathe him and put him down at the same time every night. we have to let him cry for naps also. he will never fall asleep in my arms. i just put him down for his morning nap and he cried for 10 seconds. he's 10 months old and we've been doing this since he was about 4 months old. if your baby is like ours, she may always cry herself to sleep. i've been told that he may go on like this for several more months. it was heartbreaking for us at first and we are very protective because he was a preemie. now i know it's just his way and he really needs his sleep. good luck.

Hi C.,
You have gotten a lot of responses so I wasn't able to see if this information was given to you, but my pediatrician gave me a handout about letting babies learn to put themselves to sleep. It said that once you lay them down, if they cry, go check on them after 5 minutes. Give them a pacifier (if that's what they like), make sure that they are dry and don't need changing, and if you fed and burped them, you know they aren't hungry. Once you know that your baby is OK, then you leave the room and if they cry again you should wait 10 minutes. After 10 minutes go back in a repeat. You do this until the baby falls asleep (within reason). My experience trying this was that I only had to go in twice. My doc said it was about reassuring the baby that their needs will be met but they need to understand how to fall asleep without being fed or rocked to do so.

Hope that helps you. You might try asking your pediatrician if they have any recommendations.

we let ours cry out for as long as it took for them to realize that they had to go to bed adn we always make sure they would go to bed at teh same time every night... usually they would cry for about an hour until they would just fall asleep... you just have to stay consistent... and it isn't mean to let them cry it out... cus if you keep going and soothing them to put them to sleep then they know all they have to do is cry long enough and they will get what they want... sooner or later it gets better.. don't worry it shouldn't take too long for they baby to figure out how to self soothe....

Hi C.,
Good for you! I always figure there's a difference between "crying" and "fussing". Crying means there's something wrong, fussing means that the baby just doesn't like what's happening. This applies to myriad situations---cooking dinner, baby is fussing bc you can't pick her up---it's time to take a bath, baby is fussing bc she wants to read a book or put her shoes in the bathtub instead---and usually, the bedtime or naptime stuff is fussiness, not crying. I ALWAYS have bedtime at the same time if at all possible---there have been maybe 5-6 nights in my almost-2yearold's life when she has stayed up later than 7:30. Summer, winter, it doesn't matter bc she's so used to it. If she's not actually ready to sleep, she'll chat to herself in bed and play with her dolly before she falls asleep. Occasionally there's some fussing but not more than once every 2-3 mos. And I feel free to move bedtime up if she's acting tired or has missed a nap. AND I pretty much insist that she sleep until 7:15 am. On the rare occasion that she wakes up earlier than that, I give her some milk (it used to be a bottle but now a sippy cup) and let her drink it and fall back to sleep or entertain herself until it's time to wake up. I'm a single mother, so I've been maybe a little more attached to my routine than a couple would have to be, but I know that my child is well-rested and well-fed, and as long as that is true, we're all as happy as possible. It also helps in setting the boundaries that children so thrive with, and that they will testtesttest as they get older. The earlier they learn that boundaries exist and that they are not in charge, the easier it is when they really start having ideas of their own that might not always be possible or appropriate.
I'm getting off on a tangent here, sorry.
I think you're really on the right track. Experiment with it and don't be afraid to try things to see if she responds better to one routine than another.
Happy sleeping for everyone, especially you!

I see you have gotten tons of great advice, and I really hope you get some sleep!

The only thing I would suggest, is that before you do cry it out, since you say your daughter has never been a good sleeper, rule out anything medical. In specific I mean, does she have any other symptoms that would indicate GERD (acid reflux), spitting up, reluctance to eat, etc.? Our daughter had it, and as soon as she started sleeping on a wedge, it was like magic! So, if that is even a possibility, you want to rule it out, before crying it out...otherwise there will be a lot of pain for her.

Good luck, and congrats on your dh's return!
K.

CIO only works if you are consistant. Same thing every night, but you can wait until you know they are tired. Everyday is different. You can use CIO for naps too. If your baby is tired then she is tired. The only way for you to help her sleep is to put her in a quiet dark room. It can take 2-6 days,rarely more. Don't check on them. It makes it worse. They expect you to "rescue" them and then you don't.
For right now, just put your daughter to bed whenever you can tell she is tired. She is sleep deprived right now. You will soon notice her fall into a pattern... morning nap, afternoon nap and sometimes a teeny tiny nap (45 minutes) before a wake time before bed.
This is what I would say to myself as I listened to my children CIO...
1. Do I know they are tired? Yes. Would getting her up help her sleep? No.
2. Will she be happy to see me in the morning? Yes (They were always happy to see me in the morning.)
3. Has my oldest daughter been "damaged" form CIO? Definitely NOT! She is a great sleeper and a cheerful kid BECAUSE she sleeps.
4. If she was crying for a penny to suck on or a knife to play with, would I 'give in'? No.
5. Is she is pain? no. She is just unhappy.
6. Sometimes I would have to have my sister (with NO kids) listen and I would go where I couldn't hear.

Am I glad that I used the CIO? YES!!!

Hang in there! She will always be happy to see you in the morning. I promise.

I highly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. If you live in the Kent, WA area, you can borrow mine.

Hi C.,
My heart goes out to you. I too had a little girl who slept horribly. HOWEVER, take heart in knowing that it wont last. I was at the point of insanity by the time I decided to do the CIO method. I also didn't agree with it wholeheartedly and it was so hard for me to do. I just had to do something for my mental health. This is what I did...at the SAME time every night, I held her for a few minutes talking softly to her (saying prayers and telling her how much I loved her). I then put her in her crib and told her I love her and left. She is 15 months old now and to this day, she still cries most nights for 5 minutes (which seems forever) and then silence. As for naps, I held her for a bit longer but didnt talk to her - just rocked for 5-10 minutes, then placed her in the crib and left. I made it a personal rule to not go check on her. Sometimes she cried and never went to sleep and sometimes she didnt and did go to sleep. If she didnt go to sleep within 30 minutes, I would go get her and try again at the next nap (hard since I really think that the better they nap, the better they sleep at night). I dont know why naps are so different than nighttime - she fought it more. Now, I hold her for about 1-2 minutes and put her in her crib, she falls asleep easily at naptime. There were times that I thought it would never get better but then there were more times that I remembered what it was like with my son and realized that it would pass. I just wasnt sure that it was soon enough.
I came really close to mental breakdowns over her not sleeping so like I said, my heart goes to you. Just remember, it will get better and she will learn. Be patient and keep doing what you are doing - you are doing great! Take care!

L.

i'm going against the grain here, but i do think the cry it out method is cruel and unnecessary. sleep with your baby, nurse her to sleep, be there for her when she wakes up. this is the natural way and helps babies feel safe in the world and connected to their parents. if your bed isn't big enough, get a bigger one. you will give her a gift that lasts a lifetime. my babies slept with me until they were about 4, and they are happy wonderful caring adults who now sleep with their children.