Sleeping - Ferber Method

Here's an article on CIO method from Harvard.

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNee...

Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say

I personally can't vouch for the claims either way since I am pregnant with my first and have no experience with the issue!

I've heard nothing but good things about the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution."

I don't agree with ANY CIO method, at all. Research the cons of the Ferber method. I believe I heard that even Ferber himself has changed a lot of his CIO views....

Good luck with whatever you choose!

Okay let me just start by saying that no matter what anyone tells you, remember you are this boy's mother and do know best for him. I have a 17 month old little girl and she is wonderful but she REFUSES to sleep in her crib. I actually had a huge fight with one of my friends on this one, he claimed that if I just let her "cry it out" she would eventully get used to it. Not so. My daughter refused to sleep, instead crying for HOURS at a time. She just didn't like her crib. I got her a little toddler bed that is just big enough for a crib matress and she loves it. She can easily get in and out of it which I knew is what she wanted. Bottom line, you know what works, you won't be hurting him any to indulge him in what he needs. He won't be getting rocked to sleep when he's a teenager. :) Some kids respond to the ferber method and some don't, every kid is different. Try letting your husband be in charge of getting up when the baby is crying and soothing him and not get any sleep. That might make him change his mind. Good luck!

Hi T.,
I think the cry it out method is very cruel. I believe that our children should feel loved and protected, safe when they go to sleep. I don't see anything wrong with rocking him to sleep. It is a special time for mom and son. Maybe dad should try rocking him to sleep. It is truly time that will be cherished and you can share the rocking to sleep stories with your son as he gets older. I think those are much nicer memories than telling your son "yeah, I used to let you cry yourself to sleep. Sounds so harsh compared to "I used to rock you to sleep and caress your little cheek, I just loved those rocking you to sleep moments". I am a mom and grandma and I love my kids and grandkids and would never have let my kids cry themselves to sleep and would never let my grandchildren cry themselves to sleep. My 26 and 25 year old Kids still sit on my lap sometimes and hug me and let me know how much they love me. Just think about the memories that will be made! I am on your side rock him to sleep but try and still make the precious time for your hubby if this is why there is a rocking problem. Our husbands are very important. When the kids grow up and leave, you will still have your husband around therefore try to give him what he needs to. God bless you and have a wonderful evening.
L. Jacobs

Sleep is a touchy issue but there are other methods and books out there. I HIGHLY recommend Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West.
Does your son sleep thru the night once he is asleep? If so, I would continue to rock him and then put him down. Just make the rocking less and less until he no longer needs it. Sleeping thru the night is the much bigger issue.

However, if you do try CIO you MUST be consistent. Do not give in one night and then try it again the next. That is when you are confusing your son and that is way more upsetting to him. CIO generally works after 3 to 4 days, if the child is ready. I also believe the "soothing at intervals" makes it worse - you come in the room and give the child hope that you will pick him up and rock him. I say if you are doing it, just leave him alone to cry. The crying will not last as long that way.

The CIO method is a very personal topic. It's up to you whether or not you want to do it. I rocked my daughter to sleep every day for naps and nighttime, however around 9 months, she decided she was too big for her to comfortably fall asleep. So we did the CIO method. It was the hardest thing, but it worked. The first night was very difficult, and what we learned, was that we couldn't go in there to soothe at intervals. It made her more upset and it was like we had to start all over. The 1st night is the hardest one, and the longest. The 2nd night gets better, but it's still not great. 3rd night, even better! and by the 4th night she cried like 3 minutes and went right to sleep. And we haven't had a problem since. It worked for us, but I know some moms do not believe in CIO, so you have to decide what's right for you. Good luck!

Hi, we went through the same exact thing. We had the same situation - grandparents watched him during the day and rocked him to sleep for naps. And until he was a little over 1 I would rock him to sleep at night and then put him in his crib after he was asleep. But it got to the point that it wasn't manageable. And I had heard from friends with older kids that you need to get it under control around age 1 or you could have a 4 or 5 year old who has bad sleeping habits, which we wanted to avoid.

So, we established a normal bedtime routine. Before bed we sit in a rocker in his room and sing songs. Then when he's drowsy but not asleep he is put into his crib. The first few nights were awful because he would jump back fully awake once he got into the crib. I would pat and rock him but not pick him up out of the crib. When he was asleep or near asleep I would leave the room, usually prompting crying. It was awful.

We'd take turns going in to reassure him, but didn't get him out of the crib.

It took a few weeks but each night the crying would lessen until no more crying. Mind you, we would take some steps forward and have GREAT nights, then a few weeks later (after I thought all was going to be smooth forever) he would regress and cry again. But, it worked out.

Even the nights he would cry before falling asleep, he still woke up my happy little munchkin. So, it didn't seem to damage him. And we would go in every 5 minutes to check on him (sometimes less).

Now he's a little over 2 and does great at bedtime. Good luck.

Also, try to wear him out the hours before bedtime so he is really tired. Then he will want to sleep when he goes to bed and not have the energy to cry. : )

We had a similar situation as one of the other Moms. At about 8-9 months the rocking quit working and my son would just sit up and cry everytime we tried to put him to sleep. We decided to do the Ferber Method again. We first did it when he was about 4-5 and it worked well to go in in intervals, but now that he is older, if we go in it just makes it worse. The first night is the hardest! He screamed non-stop for about an hour. The second night about 45 minutes with us checking in on him about every 15 minues. Third night, 20 minutes with us checking on him once. And now, he is asleep before we ever check on him. Hopefully it will get even better and he won't cry at all.

Now, with all that being said. For this to work, you have to be consistant. Everyone has to be on board (even your MIL)or this will never work. You have to treat naptime the same as bedtime. You may decide that this is not the best solution for your family. If you, baby and MIL are perfectly happy with rocking and it is working (he's not crying as soon as you lay him down, like mine did)then I say continue rocking him. I would have had it been actually putting him to sleep :o)

I have a 3 week old and I started ferberizing her from the start. It may sound cruel, but I keep her on a schedule (Babywise) and at night for her 3 feedings, it's diaper change, feed, a quick snuggle, swaddle, and put her in her bed next to my bed. She cries for maybe 3 minutes and is out until her next feeding in 3-4 hours when she wakes me. Now she's beginning not to cry. Even for her naps I can lay her down and walk away. Sometimes she'll look around for 10 minutes quietly and then drift to sleep. Sometimes she'll fuss a few minutes, but that's it. My pedi said there was nothing wrong with it. If your child's needs are being met in every way, letting them cry will not hurt them.

i tryed it with my oldest and i couldn't stand all the crying!!!! i rocked all 4 of my kids till they were able to put themselves to sleep- each was at different times in their lives.

There is another book that we used for our daughter, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and it worked wonders. I know it is very difficult to hear your baby cry but it is so important for them to learn to fall asleep on their own. When they wake up in the middle of the night they need to be able to roll over and put themselves back to sleep and not call for you or your husband. The older they get the more difficult it becomes. Teaching him now will be the best thing you can do for him. Children that do not learn to fall asleep on their own could have sleep issues when they are teenagers and adults. Once you get started and follow the plan it should only take 3-4 nights. The hardest nights probably but once it is accomplished you will be a restful family. Your MIL will have to follow your instructions as well for consistancy otherwise it will not work.

Good luck -
K.

In a last ditch effort to get my daughter to sleep my dr recommended Ferber. I got the book but to be honost I didn't read it all. I just got the gist and started. For us, we were using the music to put her to sleep so every time she woke up during the night we would have to restart her music. It took about 7-10 days until she settled and would put herself to sleep. I am not going to lie, it was horrible. My husband and I were at each other's throats and you really start feeling like a terrible parent but keep in mind the long run. It is so much easier to be able to read a book and put them right to bed, instead of having to rock or whatever until they fall asleep. Since my daughter has been a great sleeper. His method does make sense as far as creating an atmosphere in which they will experience throughout the night. Since the music wasn't going to play all night we needed it to be off when she went to bed. Same goes for the rocking.

You have to get your MIL on board though because once you do Ferber everyone has to abide by it. Otherwise it is going to be too confusing. Use the appropriate intervals, create a quiet atmosphere and you will do great.

Good luck!!

Parents have to go with what they feel is best for their little one. What makes sense at the moment. When to cuddle with them and when not to is a good question. Sometimes even we need comfort. In the long run, teaching your little one to sleep independently is smart. It will save you years of trouble. Although doctors suggest a child should go to sleep on their on, this is a guideline. Every child is different.

I have 3 children and each are very different. There is no real formula except consistency. But I can say that if you’re going to teach him to go to sleep on his own at night, you may want to ask your MIL to follow suit. Otherwise it will never work. My MIL helps take care of my little guy sometimes as well and she always lays down with him, which has caused problems for us at night.

There are many great books out there as well.

Good Luck.

C.

I agree with your instincts on the Ferber method. I look to Dr. Sears for ideas to assist in sleep. I hope you can explain your feelings to your h and you can find something you are both comfortable with trying.

I've heard great things about the book Sleepless in America.

Good luck.

We used the Ferber method with our son. It worked well but he was much younger than your son is now. We started it around 4-5 months. I think our longest period getting our son to fall asleep was with a 15 minute interval. I think we were very lucky. One thing we did with our son is we kept to a strict nighttime routine. It really does make a difference. I didn't do any of that stuff with my older daughter and bedtime was always difficult.

So personally I did see a difference using the routine and Ferber method. I was shocked!

Good luck!

R.

Hello there, I'm not sure what the "Ferber" method is, but when my daughter was 3months old, she was fliped. Thought her days were night and vice versa. So the Doctor said to let her cry it out. I didn't want to do this either. What mom does? But any who it took about three days before she started to go to sleep on her own. Very tought to start but now she is 2 and goes to bed whn told no questions asked. When she would cry I would go out on the oporch and then check on her every 20 minutes or so.
Good Luck!!

My mom gave me one bit of advice that has carried me through motherhood very nicely. Trust your own instincts. Don't go against your own gut feeling.
Mom raised 5 happy kids. Your son will grow up one day and sleep nicely without you rocking him. He is only one. Follow your heart. You won't regret it.

Honestly I am part of that new parenting style "Attachment Parenting" I have read so many articles that say letting a baby cry it out isnt good for them because they are just learning that they cannot trust you. When a baby has needs those needs should be met most of the time they are not just crying for no reason there has not been 1x that my daughter has cried and there hasnt been something wrong whether she needs changed too hot too cold etc. I would go with your instinct if you feel it is okay to rock him to sleep then so be it there is no harm to loving your child if you feel the ferber method works then try it but 2 hrs of crying is a LONG time.