Cry It Out Method

CIO is definitely not for me. I understand the exhaustion and frustration that lead others to do it but it just doesn't feel right for me personally. I would recommend reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It's a great book and a great alternative to CIO.

I find it VERY hard to do the CIO method, and it only works if you do it all the time, not once in a while. A lot of parents can't take all the crying, so it often will not work.

I have a 7 month old too. I found the way to teach her to go to sleep on her own, was to stay with her while she was in her crib. I would lay my torso down next to her and pat her belly until she fell asleep.
I also got her sleepy, then put her in her crib and stayed with her until she fell asleep.
When she got better at it, I would leave her after putting her down, and she would cry, but not get hysterical - it was more like fussing.

This sleep training method took no time at all for bed time, but a long time for naps. I also found that when she woke in the night, and she was hungry feeding her and putting her back to bed was the easiest way to train her to go to sleep on her own because she was already so sleepy.

I hope this helps. Sleep training is SO hard and NOT fun. I am wishing you lots of luck.

I know you have received many responses, but I hope you'll allow one more! I am blessed with a 16 month old who sleeps 12 hours a night or more. She also naps well...so that is the only proof that I have to what I can suggest. My husband and I worked on what I call the "consistency method." The fact is our babies need to know what is happening and if something becomes a routine, they begin to expect it--depend on it. It makes them feel secure, loved and safe. So...whatever method you choose to put your child to sleep, make it a routine and never change it until they are older and more flexible (and sleeping!) They will expect it and NEED it. So...if you don't mind your kid sleeping on you for two hours, then go for it. If you don't mind nursing four times a night, then do it. Just don't expect it to change anytime soon because they will want it--demand it. Every parent is different and we can't judge. But if it is something you need to change, do it now.

For example, my husband 99% of the time has put my daughter to bed. (Pump if you breastfeed.) But the routine is the same: bath, pjs, book, bottle, bed. Yes, we kindof did the cry it out method in the since we never ran in there right away the moment the crying began, but waited a few minutes and then went in and rubbed her, sang to her and then would exit. Repeat. We did begin to wait longer when we reminded ourselves she is fed, dry and not hurt. Give it some time. For naps, I would change her diaper, nurse her, and then place her in her crib. I would go outside and take a few minutes of silence if she was crying and then go to comfort her. Unfortunately, you have to have full support of both parents to do routines and keep them consistent. And, the decision is yours and no one elses! Just think about what works best for your family and what you want for the next year, or possibly more. (I have a friend who still has two elementary school students who demand a parent to sleep with them!!)

One huge savior to us was the "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD by Dr. Karp. He teaches 5 soothing techniques to calm a crying baby and made us think we were super parents. It worked. I really recommend it! Good luck H.!

Personally - I do not agree with the CIO method. I too think it is cruel. They are crying for a reason - even if they simply want the comfort of a parents arms. I think the CIO method can be more tiring for the parents than the child - who actually screams themselves to sleep.

At 7 mos - he can be going through a number of things: teething, growth spurt, seperation anxiety (my daughter started this at 6 mos).

Personally, I chose to lie down with my daughter at nap time ( I bought bed rails and extra pillows for the floor, etc) - I am not recomending this just saying what worked for me - Anyways, I would lie down with her, nurse her til she fell asleep and then creep away afterwards, so that I could continue with my daily routine. At night, I would do the same and then after she falls asleep - I put her in her own bed, somtimes she wakes - but I just repeat the process (no talking, just absolute quiet and no lights).

First, if you are doing research for this - I would go to your local library, check out a couple books - to find which method works for your family and then go from there.
Check this out too:
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html

Some kids also prefer to be propped up, even swaddled or both.

I completely understand how you feel about CIO. I tried and tried to avoid doing that with my daughter over her sleep issues. At 18 months old she was still getting up several times a night. Finally, I just had to do it. I will tell you this... when they can talk, it will be worse cuz they'll just be calling out for you. On a brighter note, I was amazed that it just took one night of her CIO and then that was it! I am very happy I did do it. Now, I'm trying to wean her from the pacifier and again, I'm going to try a more gentler approach first. Hang in there!

how long are you letting him cry it out?

I've been doing the research on it lately and I just don't think it's for me. Not until my baby is older anyway. She is 9 months. I allowed my son to cry for an hour when he was 8 months old and it worked to solve his sleep problems but 13 years later I still feel guilty! LOL. He doesn't remember it though and is a normal, happy wonderful responsible teenager. I don't think I would believe everything you read about the emotional damage caused by it but I really do think it comes down to a personal preference of how much you can handle on both ends...the crying vs the not sleeping.

Best of luck to you!

Sleep can be so frustrating!! I would never make my baby CIO. Why wouldn't we consider leaving a disabled elderly person in bed crying at night but it's fine and even recommended for helpless babies? The fact is babies have parenting needs 24 hrs a day and sleep changes happen a lot. Teething, sickness, milestones will all have an effect even once they are napping fine and sstn.

Also, if your baby is sleep deprived bc the napping is all messed up right now too, it makes it worse for the night time sleep-it's a vicious circle!

I do know that every baby is different and I don't think CIO would have worked with my DD even if I were willing to subject her to it. Crying always worked her into a tizzy. I read an article at one point by a non-CIO person who said they never would have thought of leaving their baby to cry at all but her second baby (unlike her first) needed to fuss (not scream and cry for long periods) to put himself down. I'm just putting that out there to say that just because others said CIO worked, doesn't necessarily it is the right choice for your baby, some babies will be more energized by crying.

I heard Dr Bob Sears speak recently and I believe he said there were studies on the Dr Sears site that talked about the physiological effects of uncomforted crying on their little brains. You may want to check that out so you can be happy with your decision.

If you think it is cruel(as you said) you should not do CIO. I feel strongly that we know how to parent our own kids and if it doesn't feel right to us we should listen to that message. I recommend No Cry Sleep Solution if you want a no cry method. You need to be comfortable with whatever you choose.

i would take him to your pedia doctor and see what guidance they can give you first!!!! something does not sound right here and he could be ill.
When my first son was 3weeks old, i remember something similiar like this and he had a ear infection with no other symtoms.

good luck to you

lots of great advice here. you have plenty of options and methods to research and weigh. then do what you want, what works for you, feels right and good and gives you ease. I have a 2 year old that co-sleeps, was only recently night weaned, won't sleep before 10pm, nurses to sleep at naps and night, and then every hour from around 5:30 am to 9. so it's been a rough two years of figuring out how to get enough rest and time off for myself with his sleep dependencies. but trying everything, this is the best way that we've been able to get it to work for us, not CIO or anything else. so I have a baby sitter for a few hours 2 days a week so I can get a few things done and I nap with him whenever I can, and my partner takes him in the mornings for an hour or two while I sleep in and I let him work a little later at night. be creative about finding ways to get your needs met! do what feels right and works best for you. check out mothering.com for some more encouragement on this stuff in their FAQ section. good luck! love, em

I understand your frustrations from having gone through it myself. My kids are older now & I thankfully don't have to deal with it as much. I did do the cry it out method with my son & yes, it felt awfully cruel. However, it really isn't if done in love! I did go in every 10 minutes or so to pick him up, calm him down, cuddle with him & very confidently put him back in his crib. It was the only way that I could win the battle because that is what it is...battle of the wills! He wanted out & I wanted sleep! What happens is babies get into a pattern very easily that their internal clocks tell then that it's time to get up! You'll notice a pattern that it's around the same time every night. As adults the same thing happens. Go on vacation when you can sleep in, our body still wakes up at the same time it usually would! It takes time before you can sleep in again.

My son is now 12 & every once in a while will still go through this. Just now it's easier to deal with! He'll wake up to go to the bathroom & want to stay in bed with me. I have to take him back to his bed & tuck him in, reminding him that his bed is for him. Then, this will go on for about a week until the cycle is broken again!

Don't stress! You a good mom & will work this out! It will get easier, just be consistent!

I understand! My kids are now 8 and 4. My son still cries at night sometimes. I have found that most of the time he is stil asleep and if I go in there it makes it worse. As far as a younger child. It killed me when I first tried the cry it out method and I can't do it as long as "they" say, but it is important to let them figure out how to comfort themselves. Obvious choices are binkies, blankets, stuffed animals (lovies), maybe even something you wore that day with your smell on it?

My suggestion: let him cry for 5 minutes then comfort for a short time and repeat.

Good luck!!!!
You'll both get through it in time.
H.

i don't know if this is going to be helpful but...I think you really need to think it out and decide what to do and then just do it. If you want to do CIO (which I don't think is cruel, by the way) then consistency really is key. Because it is mean to teach them that crying sometimes gets them what they want, or sometimes crying for 3 hours works, and sometimes it doesn't. I think Ferber's method is good - going in in consistently longer intervals to calm them down. CIO is really awful for everyone involved, but it works. And I promise, they still love you in the morning.

Before you start, definitely check to see if he's teething, has an ear infection, etc. The first few times we tried to Ferberize our daughter she had an ear infection. That sure made us feel like terrible parents!

If you decide to do a no cry method, then it's important that you buy into it too, because it means less sleep for you. Also, if your wife doesn't want to do CIO, then she needs to take some responsibility for getting up. It's never fair for one parent to lay down a dictate that the other one has to live with.

Finally, I would handle "nap sleep" and "night sleep" as two separate issues to be tackled. Sleeping well at night was always more important to me, so if my daughter wanted to nap being held, then that's what we did. But nighttime she was on her own. Once she got that down pat, we dealt with naps.

Do you have a carrier you can put the little one in during the day so he doesn't have to be so clingy and can do some dozing? The last thing that I found was that they sometimes get into this cycle where they're so overtired they can't sleep and then they get more overtired, etc etc. You might want to take a couple of days to "reset," doing whatever you can to get him to sleep, and hopefully get some sleep for yourself, so you can have a clear head to do whatever you think is best.

Good luck!

Hi H.,

You should check out askdrsears.com. He is a pediatrician with 7 children and he teaches attachment parenting; he is against letting babies cry it out and he talks about why and many other methods to help babies sleep. He also wrote a book just about babies sleep... the baby sleep book. I have a 2 year old boy and have been attachment parenting from the very beginning. I have never let him cry it out and sometimes that means getting up alot or holding him for 2 hours and it was really hard sometimes. But I'm already seeing the benefits; he is easy to discipling and he is affectionate and he is such a happy kid. Good Luck!

I tried everything I could not to use the CIO method, but in the end we HAD to do it (and the pediatrician actually recommended it). At 7 months old we did it and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever done!!! The first night he cried for 45 MINUTES (and he got himself SO worked up that he actually threw up!). It was terrible, but he did end up falling asleep and sleeping for 10 hours straight (and the next morning he was a happy little guy). The next night (I was dreading it) but he only cried for 15 minutes (and no vomiting). The third night he cried for 2 minutes and fell asleep (literally, we timed it!). Since then he usually doesn't cry at all or only fusses a minute or two. It's such a nice feeling to be able to put him down awake and know he'll fall asleep on his own. The one thing I would recommend if you decide to use CIO is DO NOT sit and listen to the crying...it only makes it that much harder on you. My husband and I sat out on the deck with the monitor and would turn it on every few minutes to check on him. It was VERY difficult, but in the end everyone is happy and well rested! You have to do what works best for you...good luck!

Dear H.,

Dr. Sears has a great resource for you called Nighttime Parenting.
Check out his website for great articles: AskDrSears.com

On my website I promote attachment parenting where you hold your baby
in a sling. A 7mth old is still young. Napbeds out where you are working,
using a babysling, using a rocker or the infant seat..where the baby is next to
you until you are done with your chores are all helpful at this age.

Try out these different things until your baby settles down.
Always do the three check when dealing with a crying baby: diaper needs changed?
baby thirsty? baby hungry? baby tired? Do the first three and then try to get
the baby down.

I personally think the cry out method makes a baby more clingy.

You don't say whether you nurse or not. If the baby needs to be nursed, that's
a shoe in solution to getting the child to sleep often. Your baby could also
be colicky. That's where they are just uncomfortable because of the food/formula/
milk they drank.....does the baby need to be burbed?

How about the television and lights? Turn off the TV, turn down the lights, change
the babies diaper, put on soothing music etc.... use these calming techniques for your
child.

Sometimes a baby is also cranky because they are TEETHING. THAT is probably your problem. 7 months is a big teething age. Give your baby something cold to suck on,-
a washcloth, frozen teether etc... knawing toy.

Check out the links on my website and store for more resources!

-D.
EXPERIENCED MUM
http://web.mac.com/experiencedmum

sorry to the people who think it is cruel, but the CIO or "ferberizing" method was the best thing i did for us and my daughter when she was a baby. she is 3 now. i did it at 6 months because she went from sleeping through the night to all the sudden wanting to nurse 3 times a night. i put up with it for quite awhile then got the dr. ferber book and just followed the chart in middle of the book where it tells you to start with just going in every 15mins the first night then gradually increase. it took 3 nights, each consecutive night was less painful for me. i will say, it's hard. i couldn't have done it alone. my husband had to hold me back a few times! but she was happier during the day because she was sleeping solid at night.

i am having my second and will use it again down the road if i need it. but i will say you need to do it now. because i believe one lady said that once they talk or even just say "mama" that really can break your heart. my sister failed because of that. your husband needs to be on the boat with you too. hold eachother back and be supportive. it will go by quick.. good luck

I personally think 7 months old is to young to do the cry it out method. I tried this at about 15 months and I could not do it. I thought about how fast they grow and eventually they will grow out of it. I did get more strick with it as they got older and tried different things so they would not "need" me as much.
Enjoy your baby, they grow fast.

We are using the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' for our 6 month old daughter and so far it is working. I tried the CIO method only briefly as I am convinced my daughter would cry for 24 hours straight if given the chance. She got herself so worked up that she was gagging and could not catch her breath. Now we have a consistent bedtime routine that we start about 45 minutes before we put her down, awake, but relaxed. Each night she sleeps a bit longer. The key to any sleep method is consistency. They depend on it and look for these cues to signal it is bed time. The cues may seem small to you in the beginning but the babies really do pick up on them. We take an evening walk with her, then play Beatles for Babies cd while we play quietly with her in her room, then it's bath time, followed by pj's, nursing and then we say the same thing before putting her in her crib, "It's night night time. Shhhh" and leave the room. We can hear her singing to herself for a few minutes and then it is quiet. Choose a routine that works for you and be consistent with it. Good luck.

Dana H's response could have been written by me, we have had such similar experiences. Routine is HUGE. Baby Whisperer books speak to that. Cry out method worked for us. It was 1-2 weeks of stress, but the results are well worth it. Just like Dana, we let them cry, then would check in periodically, stretching out the time after each check-in.

Also, my kids share a room. We keep a pack 'n play in our bedroom in case the little one wakes up crying overnight. It's a rare occurrence, but easier than waking up her "roommate." In those instances, it's usually because the little one is sick (a lot of ear infections). We don't turn on lights, or talk to her, we just put her down in the pack 'n play and she goes right to sleep. Though, now that they're sharing a room, they are much better at sleeping through noise made by the other. One-year old goes to bed one hour earlier than four-year old, and wakes 2-3 hours earlier than the four-year old in the morning. They each sleep through the other's bed- and wake-times. Can't stress routine enough. When babies know what's coming next, they're much calmer. True for adults too!

I read the book "No Cry Sleep Solution" and would say I used techniques "inspired by" the book. I couln't let my son cry it out. It didn't work for his sleep and it didn't work for our hearts. However, the no cry method didn't quite fit either. I followed a night time routine, put my son in his crib and then left the room. I would let him cry up to 15 minutes. Often he would scream and cry for 3 minutes and then fall asleep. If he creid for 15 minutes I would go in check on him, pat his back etc, but not hold him or take him out of his crib. Then, I would leave the room and try again. I choose 15 minutes arbitrarily. It could be whatever works for your family. I would talk so my son and say out loud "I am teaching you how to fall asleep on your own..." It was more about calming my nerves and reminding myself what my intent was. Also, I found that I needed to put my son to bed earler because he was over tired. Even now at 4 he will have a difficult time falling asleep if he is too tired.

Good luck.

I do believe that there are ways to encourage better sleep without using CIO and there is not one right answer. It may help to know that it is normal for a baby to wake a couple times a night even at 7 months old to nurse. This may increase if she is teething or going through a lot of developmental changes like starting to crawl. She just might need to know that someone is there.
I can definately relate to wanting to get things done but having a baby that is going through a very clingy phase. Would you consider using a back pack or sling so that he can nap with you and you can still get things done? (I am a big fan of the Ergo carrier) This may give him the comfort he needs so he can get some good sleep while going through this clingy stage. Some babies take great naps in a swing. Would he enjoy that? I also have found that laying down with baby in an adult, firm matress bed with gaurd rails, no pillows or comforters is a great way to get baby down for sleep and then be able to escape. This way after he drifts of to sleep you can unlatch and just roll away with little disruption.
Try lots of different things and see what works. In the mean time enjoy this time cuddling your little one. You never get this time back to just snuggle with your baby while he happily sleeps.
Since you have asked for opinion about CIO...I also feel that the cry it out method is cruel and completly developmentaly inappropriate. A baby cannot understand that when a person leaves the room that they are ever coming back. As far as they are concerned, the person who they love and trust the most has left them forever. They simply don't understand that you are in the next room. They feel abandoned, scared, and helpless. How would you feel if you needed something, even if it is just comfort, and the person you love most just walked away from you while you were crying. A baby who has been left to repeatedly cry it out eventually gives up and losses all hope that their need (comfort and security is a need for a baby) will be met and just goes to sleep. Sure they are sleeping "better" but at what cost.

H.- I am a HUGE fan of the cry out method. I did it wth my 3 yr old boy when he was 4mths old. To this day he is the best sleeper. My best friend thought it was cruel and never used the method. Finanlly by age 18-20mths her pedi recommended her use it. It turned out worse for her b.c her son was older and understood more.

Here was my method. Put the baby down and walk out. the first n ight, wait 5 minutes and go back in. Rub his back and soothe him and SLOWLY walk out of the room. If he cries again wait 10 min. go in and repeat. The wait 20 minutes. Each night it will get better. It only took 2 nights vefore my son just went right down no crying.

Please believe me, the next mornign they do not remember and it is your beautiful and WELL RESTED child to play with!