I change most of the diapers, make most of the bottles, and feed all of the meals. How do I get my sons father to help out more when he is home from work. He still thinks that it is his time when he isn't working. He won't clean, or helo with the kids. Last night was the first time I could get him to feed out 4 month old all of his cereal. Generally he will say the baby didn't want it, so I end up doing the feeding anyway. I don't mind the work, i just don't want him to miss out on the baby's firsts, I just don't see the bond that I expected to see.
I actually had to leave him, take the kids and go to my moms for the weekend to get mine to understand that I needed help around the house and with the kids. After that he acted like a perfect angel.
E., I can understand how you feel. I change almost all diapers, I clean the house, do the laundry, feed the baby, put him to sleep, dress him. I have to walk out of the house to get him to help. I hand him the baby say he needs to be changed and walk outside or upstairs. I got him to help yesterday a little because we were suppose to go out for dinner and he was hungry and he asked when are we going. My response to him was "when everything is done, and Cody is fed. When I came in from foodshopping I said thank for all the help, as he sat there, so I left the stuff on the floor and he tripped on it. I will keep doing it till he gets the hint.
no offense to men but that is a typical new dad response. try to get him to at least spend cuddle time with the baby. maybe it will make him want to do more with the child after he sees how great they are.
E.,
If you want your baby's father to get more involved in the baby's care, assign him some fun stuff to start out. Ask him to play with the baby for 20 minutes while you take a shower. If your baby likes the bath and has fun in there, ask Dad to take that on. Men sometimes havea hard time bonding to newborns, because they can't DO anything. They don't have anything to say, they just lay there, and one gets pretty much no feedback. As your baby gets older, and can do more stuff, Dad will probably show more interest. It's just the way they are. If you start putting them together now for some fun, quick, and easy activities, Dad will see those smiles, and hear the laughter, and begin the process of getting close to his baby. As that bond grows, the desire to spend more time, and take more care just happens.
Jess
Hello E.,
My name is S. and I'm 24 yrs old I have a 2yr and a 2 month old and I'm in the exact same boat as you!! I've tried and tired to get my husband more invovled but it's always an excuse. Sorry I really don't have much advise but I saw you were looking for some moms where do you live??
Hey E., im 23 yr old mom of a 4mth old and im on that same boat, I change 98% of the diapers 95% of al the feedings...and ALLLLLLLLL of the late night feedingsso in 4mths i havent gotten a full nights rest , ive told him time n time again...till i just didnt want to anymore and now the pass few weeks he's been asking to help out a little more. which is great wen he's home from work. Good luck with ur hubby
I totaly know where you are coming from. My ex-husband was the same way. When I had to work on weekends my 2 kids had to go to my moms because he "needed his time' ,or he "couldn't handle them".It sounds as though he may be one of those "I work all day" guys. You need to let him know that you work all day too, the only difference being,you don't get that break that he does.
I at the moment am a stay at home mom and my fiance helps with everything but laundry (because I feel only I can do laundry) I hope you can make him realize that you work just as hard as he does and you deserve a break as well. Good Luck with everything. I hope I was some help!
T.
P.S. I am from VT if you are from the area I would love to meet you
try and find something to connect the two of them. i got my fiance to become dad of the year we did my sons room in hockey wich my hubby used to oplay and i sat down and talked to him tellingh him how rite now is the most important time to spend with the baby so he knows who dad is!!
I let him think she only laughs that hard with him or he gets the best burps out. I'm totally lying but its a confience booster and it works.
E.,
I am in exactly the same situation. Our son is 6 months old now, and while his father does very little, he's a lot better now then when the baby was first born. I'm beginning to realize that this is typical male behavior. I hate it, and don't agree with it, but I have no idea how to change it. I also do everything around the house. He seems to think that because his job is stressful, and I'm a stay at home mom, housework and childcare are MY jobs, not his. It has caused such stress and turmoil in our relationship; let me know if you get any good advice. The only way I know how to change this chauvinism (sp?) is to teach my son to be different.
I sometimes tend to have the same problem. I have 3 kids at home. I have a 5 1/2 yr old daughter, a 3 yr old son and a new baby boy thats 6 weeks old. It sounds like a lot but it really isn't. I told my husband that if he didn't want to spend time with his kids that he should have thought about that along time ago. O f course men will be men. But he loves his kids all the same. Have him rest alittle when he gets home and then have his quality time with him. Have them do an activity together, a father/ son thing. That way he has to bond with him thats what I do.
i hope i helped
