How Can I Help My Friend Dealing with Cancer?

Agree with advice 1. see what she likes. maybe you can do somehting to remember her by (not planning a head)> but if she likes gardens. plant one for her. if she likes a certain charity donate for her. If she just wants to run away for a day and do nothing do it with her.
Its hard and i lost a few loved ones to cancer. and the best thing they enjoyed most was bein together and sometimes causin a little mischif.

My husband's best friend died of brain cancer, too. He "would" have been our best man at our wedding :( My husband and he were always joking with each other, so when he told my husband he had brain cancer, my husband told him "well look at the bright side, they could always amputate", and his friend got a laugh... then he told him "hey, you're not as good looking as you think you are..." I swear those two were a trip and a half together.... anyway, my husband knew he liked to play his guitar, and sang pretty well too, so my husband got him time at a recording studio and helped him set up, and they made a whole CD of him singing and playing his guitar. Most songs were things he knew and liked, like a lot of slower Beatles tunes, and a few he wrote I guess.

I think, really, anything that would take your friend's mind off something horrificly scary would be such a blessing. IT's sad to see a dear friend slow down and die, esp. if in pain, but at the same time, how nice it is to know the time is short andso not waste any of it, ya know? You have an opportunity to make memories that you'll have to ride through your life without this person. In a way I wish so much I had that opportunity with my sister and my father, both who died suddenly and unexpectedly. Not that I would want anyone to suffer, I think a quick death is best in many ways, but then slower deaths have advantages, too... like tying up loose ends, and knowing enough to make each moment count. I wish I could turn back the clock, who doesn't... and spend more quality time with my loved ones who I miss so painfully.

(here I am crying again.... it never gets better, does it?)
Think about what things both you and she would enjoy doing together... would she like something like a hot air balloon ride? I think that's an AWESOME idea, personally. Is she afraid of heights, or would it also be something she'd have a wonderful time doing? I would think, you could go see a live show, but then, that's having fun but not spending quality time together. Something where you are both interacting, while enjoying an experience together.... have you thought about horseback riding? That's a great way to spend time together, there are many stables that will take you on a trail through the woods, that's awesome fun and a way to spend time together. Even someone with no riding experience will have fun doing this, they match up the horse with the experience level of the rider,and an experienced rider leads the way. Another nice time is camping, if the weather's good in your area. You can rough it with a tent, or they even rent RV's now I don't know prices, but that'd be fun, to take a road trip to somewhere you find on a map and spend at least a night or two at a campground, that's a lot of fun....

Well best wishes for you and your friend, it's good that you're taking the time to really think about what things you'de like to do now and not wasting time! And enjoy your friend, and don't feel goofy about getting sappy, people love to hear that you really love them, don't hold back.

Hi, I, myself, am a cancer survivor and I remember my best days were spending time w/ friends and family and just spending time NOT talking about the cancer! If she is up to it, ask her what she'd really like to do. It may be something as simple as going out to lunch w/ friends and talking about their lives and not what's going on with her. Talking about my own cancer was just so....I really don't know how to explain it. I was much more interested in what was going on in everyone else's lives than on dwelling on what was happening to me in the hospital. I hope this helps atleast a little bit. Good luck. It sounds like your friend has a very caring friend in you. Take Care, T.

G.,

How awful! I know first hand how difficult it is to watch a loved one struggle with cancer. My mother is a cancer survivor with not such a great prognosis in the beginning. She has been cancer free for 4 years now. How is your friend doing energy wise. I know my mother was tired all the time and just walking into a store was too much. Her skin was also very sensitive from the chemo. You might take those things into consideration when planning something special for her. I think the hot air balloon is a great idea. I made my mother a huge basket filled with slippers, soft hats, and warm snuggley long nighties. I also gave her some great comedy movies and some funny books on tape to take her mind off things. You are a great friend! I know how surprised I was to find out how many cancer patients had lost friends and even husbands because they couldnt deal with this illness.

I would do waht you would do even if she was not sick. Try not to treat her diffrent. I am in a support group for the mom's of kids with cancer. And we had a young adult coem talk to us. They just want to be treated normaly. DAy spa sounds kool. But, also do it with her. Don't single her out. Treat her as you would if she did not have cancer. They love to be treated normally!! If I cna be of any furtur help let me know. Also, if you have myspace you can add me at www.myspace.com/petra_parties_4_u

I am very sorry to hear about your friend. I just lost my grandmother to pancreatic cancer which we just found out about 2 weeks ago and she passed away this past sunday. I've learned from losing her that I should of spent more time with her, called her more than once a day. I'm sure she knew how much she meant to me but I would of liked to tell her. The only thing she really wanted was to spend time with her children and grandchildren and 2 great grandbabies. Spend as much time with your friend as you can, let her know what she means to you and just ask her if there is something she has wanted to do. I will keep you and her in my prayers. Good luck to her.

Im sorry to hear about your friend. I lost my mom to a form of brain cancer in 2005. See what your friend is up for, she may be too tired to do much. My mother didn't want to do the things she used to enjoy. The best thing you can do is be there for her, spend time with her. A spa is a nice idea, but that too can be tiring being away from home that long. Do you know anyone who would do a spa treatment or massage at her home?
I wanted to do something "special" for my mom, but the cancer was very aggressive and didn't allow for us much time for activities.
Doing something in her honor may be the nicest thing you can do now. The garden or charity may make her smile. Or if she has any children, do something for them so she knows that they will be looked after (start a 529 plan for education).

One of the best "gifts" that I received after my mom passed was a weeping cherry tree. It's planted in my front yard and everytime I see the tree I think of my mother.

God bless.

G.,

Have you asked her what she would really like to do? The best thing you can really do, is just be there for her. She might want to do the day spa if she is going through chemo, it might be too much sensation for her body and too many scents for her.

M.

hi im D. 12 yrs ago my best friend lisa she was like a sister to me died of a tumor in her head the doctors gave her 2 yrs she lived 5yrs . when i spend time with her she liked just to forget she had the brain tumor n just have fun she loved talking about the old days and all the trouble we caused lol.i did most of the talking about the old days she sometimes didnt remember cause of the kemo n stuff n i think thats why she liked me talking about it so she can remember good times i was there the day she died i didnt even know she gotten that bad i was out shopping and just had a feeling i needed to stop by her house so i did and her mom came to the door and said D. shes ben waiting for you to say good bye that killed me i didnt want her to go i didnt want to say bye but i did she was my ony true friend when i left to go home her mom called and told me she went as soon as i left that she was just waiting for me !!! so just help your friend remember good times and do things u both like doing together spend as much time with her as you can . ok i rattled on enough sorry 4 that

D.

Hi, first let me say how sorry I am that you and she have to go through this.
My friend of 20 years died 4 years ago at the age of 26 of non hodgkins. She died 1 year to the day she was diagnosed. In that time she went through all stages of grief. About a month and a half before she died my friends and I went to visit her in the hospital and brought her Hawaii. The reason? She had a list of what she wanted to do and see before she was gone. She got sick too fast, and going to Hawaii was on her list, but she couldn't go.
We bought lays, and grass skirts, and pictures and straw hats, and the group of us took her mind to Hawaii, while sitting in the hospital bed. We told stories, and just made her laugh.
So, my advice to you is to ask her what's on her list. And whatever is on there, that is affordable to you, you should do. Even if it's in the abstract like it was for my friend. What is going to make the biggest difference to her is how much you really care. And don't wait, because you are right, no one knows how long they have until the end. Cancer is scary, and can take you very fast.
I hope my advice has helped you, or given you an idea. Just be there for her, and let her talk about whatever she wants.
If you need anything else, please feel free to contact me back. I am here to help.
-L.

This subject is so dear to my heart...My best friend just passed away from lung cancer...We did a day at the spa right before she passed away and Every day she told me what fun she had..also we went every two weeks together to have our nails done adn the after the nail appointment we went for hot fudge sundaes...these are times I will always remember having with her....Good Luck and I will pray for your friend.....

My best friend went throught lung cancer also. we went to the movies a lot and we also went to dinner a lot. I also had cancer when i was 22 yrs old so i was able to tell her what i went through, she said i was a big help to her. She is now cancer free and we go out dancing when ever we get the chance. I hope everthing turns out as good for you as it did for me.

Hi Genee,

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Have you tried asking her what she would like to do? Often times people have dreams they don't realize can come true. Also, you could help her find a way to share her wisdom with others (wether it is about cancer or some other skill she has) so that she realizes she is still a vital part of life. Lastly, just you being with her and sharing your love and energy is a special and amazing gift. I hope this is helpful, R.