How Can I Help My Daughter Better Undersand What Going on with Her Father

Be careful about creating a hero myth where here father is concerned. She's four and she doesn't know him, so honestly this really isn't about her missing her or even missing out on having a dad. This is about her thinking she is SUPPOSED to have a dad and that her's is missing.

I'd be really wary about telling her that her father is still part of your family. With all children and especially with girls, I think it's important to be clear what it looks like to be loved. If you tell her that this man loves her (and honestly you're making that up... you haven't seen or heard from him so there's no way you could KNOW that) what message are you sending about the way she should be treated by men who "love" her.

You'd do better to encourage her to love the family she has (you and her brothers). You have four people in your family. Some families have two grown ups some have one, some have one kid some have more kids some have no kids. Her her talk about her family with one grown up and three kids and let her be comfortable with that. Indulging this "daddy" thing is probably doing more harm than good.

The only advise I have is to not tell your daughter her father still loves her. She could think one day that everyone who loves her will leave her.

Have you tried explaining how lots of families are different then the typical mom, dad, kids....but her family loves her very much?

Explain to her that her siblings and her have different daddies. Tell her that her daddy does not live close by but that you do not know why. Explain that some families are different (like another post said). Explain that you do not need a daddy in her life to have a fufilled family. Get books on single parents and for her - books on not having daddy around. Be prepared for lots of questions but don't sugar coat things. He left her and he shouldn't get any benefit of the doubt when it comes to him being her father.