Here We Go Again, My Husbands Grandma

I remember the first time you posted about your hubby's grandma. I was rather horrified about some of the things she's pulled yet no one has interceded on your behalf. This is clearly something you must discuss with your husband.

I have a love/hate relationship with my mother. She can be quite cruel to our respective spouses. She unfortunately learned this behavior from my late dad and believe this to be acceptable behavior. She is also a person who will manipulate anything that you say to her. I've kicked my mom out of my house for disrepecting my husband and the rules of my house.

This is something you will need to communicate with your husband. You need the support of your husband for this, if he allows this behavior to continue that is more or less indicating to his grandma that it is ok to treat you like this. When my mom first moved in with us, i tried to talk to her about what the expectations were - me and hubby were the parents of the kids and that this was our house...instead she acted as if she were the queen and made life miserable for my hubby. So needless to say, she got the boot when i got frustrated with her inability to listen.

My mom has gotten a little bit better, but i've had to tell her to drop some topics if she wanted to keep the peace with me.

I understand how you must feel! My mother is a lot like this and from what reading I have done on the subject recently, nothing is likely to change no matter what you do. Speaking up is likely to be manipulated, as you said, and just lead to more frustration for you. What is your husband's response/view on the situation? I would work to look the other way, though it's tough when you are being attacked in this way but look to those who are there to help and support you. She is one person and she does not dictate who you are or what you are worth...you do! Best of Luck

I don't have much to offer other than I know how hard it is to win a battle with manipulative people. You're guaranteed to lose unless there's somebody who sees things the way you do or experiences the same treatment from her. What does your hubby think of these gifts? Underwear for a gift is a little odd, let alone XL when you're not - what
do you say when you open something like that? From the sounds of it you don't owe her anything too curteous. (You could wrap them back up for her birthday..LOL) I have a feeling he was Gmas baby & nobody would be good enough for him in her eyes or maybe she thought he would marry her bfriends g-daughter. I don't think it's personal, although it feels like it. Is there any way you can avoid her as much as possible? At least her friend was trying to make her see a good point. She needs more people like that!
Hang in there & vent all you want, we understand even if we can't fix it!

Molly, out of respect to your husband and out of respect for her age, I would not tell her what you think of her. If you have done what you can to be good to her and this is they way she is going to treat you, you have done enough.

There was a TV show once called Nakita. This young lady was taken and turned into an assassin. it bothered her but she was owned by this organization and if she did not do it they would have killed her. The woman training her said that she needed to always be on guard for anything that could happen, and if something caught off guard she sould respond in a way that did not show it. She told her to say, The little things never did bother me much. During the course of the show it was amazing to see how that phrase could be used to make a point, and still be heard by others as being nice. I would use that phrase or one similar to it.

Everytime she puts you down just respond with the same thing. Those around you will see it as just a thing you say sometimes. The person that hears it enough begins to understand what is menat by it.

I am sorry, some people are just so difficult they can make themselves almost unlovable.

What does your husband think of all this?

I'm clearly not as mature as the other posters, which is actually okay with me. I would just cut off all of my contact with her, tell her she is not welcome in your home without being invited (then don't invite her) and if she wants to be around your children, your husband will have to take them to her. (Honestly, it would be better if your husband would say this to her, but since it sounds like he's tolerated everything else she's done, so it doesn't sound likely he'll put his foot down now.)

Personally, I don't make excuses for age. Bullies are bullies, and that's what she sounds like to me. The longer you keep letting her get away with it on account of her age, the more miserable she's going to make you. Don't react, that's probably part of what she wants, just be done with her until she can behave like a normal grown up. (Which includes not getting you XL panties as gifts, as "normal grown ups" don't do that.)

I think I sent you something the last time. Still know what to tell you. but boy I am so sorry. I know people that do that too. Have you talked to your hubby?? you know MR wonderful???? My mom thinks my hubby is pretty wonderful too. don't you just want to scream!!! is his mom still alive? could you talk to her??? Have you tried going to talk to someone about it??

If it was me I'd have a sit down with my hubby. I'd discuss all of the things that have happened both when he's around & not. I'm sure he's aware of the bad "gifts"... I would tell him that you're tired of these things and you would like HIM to handle it since it is HIS Grandma. I've had problems in the past with my husbands family and he finally had to tell them "don't make me choose... you won't like the choice I make".

It's unfortuante that grown people will act this way but it happens. I would not allow this person to make me unhappy and cause all the problems she does. You can choose to let her continue and make you upset and mad and eat at you or you can move on and not allow someone like this in your lives. I hope that your husband will do what's right and address the problem with her. Maybe if Grandma hears it from him and that she needs to straighten up or loose her Grandson and great grandchildren she'll wake up and adjust her attitude to help keep the peace as you've been doing for how long?

Life is too short to let people make your life miserable.

I hope this helps.

L.