My mom is renting a beach house 4 hours away for a week. Well, no one else wants to/ is able to go. She's invited my family. My husband has to work and I seriously doubt he can even get 1 day off to stay for a 3 day weekend. I told my mom, very honestly, that the baby can't even survive a week at HOME with visitors, there's no way we're staying for 7 days straight, but the kids and I would be happy to come for 3 or 4 days. She told me that if we didn't go for the entire week, she'd just forget about the whole thing.
Here's the thing about my mom... she's the manipulative, guilt-trip QUEEN.
I know how badly she wants to take this vacation, and I know it would hurt her feelings to go alone. I tried calling my younger brothers to meet up with us, even for a few days, to surprise mom (and take some of the pressure off me)... they won't go. Apparently they've gone with mom in the past, and she's a holy terror. Great.
I really, REALLY don't want to go for the entire week. 3 or 4 days, fine, but I want to be at home, with my husband and children all together. I know the baby won't last 7 days away from his element. What do I do?? My ONLY realistic option (sort of) is IF IF IF IF my husband can get a day or two off (they're short 2 people, so I doubt it), then he can come the last few days to help out. That's the ONLY way I'm staying 7 days.
Or do I suck it up, give in to 'Mommy Dearest', and stay the 7 days?? (I cringe even thinking about that)...
Not trying to sound spoiled, I know this is basically a free mini-vacay for me and the kids, I just know in my heart of hearts I'm not going to survive 7 days solo, away from home, with 3 kids... and no, my mom doesn't ever help lend a hand with them.
Damn I wish someone would invite me to the beach for a week. sigh
Sorry, I know that doesn't help you. Just feeling sorry for myself.
I say give it a try. Go in with a open mind to let the tough things roll off and enjoy it! I think you really deserve a break. Will she help with the baby? I think you guys could really enjoy it!
***Raises Hand***
I'll go!!
I will take my WHOLE brood too! lol
THAT will teach her!
Really...if I were YOU...I'd go. Not to appease her...but to enjoy the beach!
I'd bring my 'sideless' tent...set my spot early AM...take the kiddos slathered in sunscreen...back to house for early lunch and 'quiet' time...then back to beach late afternoon.
I'd cook ahead and freeze some meals (lasagna...a whole turkey...a ham) so defrost and re heat is my friend...as well as lunch pickings...
Your mom can help...or NOT...her choice!
***still have hand in the air***
lol
Michele/cat
Never feel obligated to do anything you don't want to do, even if it has to do with family. It was your moms choice to book this for a week on her own and then try to convince everyone to come along. If it doesn't work in her favor, that really isn't your problem. If you think you can go for a few days then do it. If not, take a stand and stick to it. Good luck!!!
Your mom is a grown woman. If she had wanted to plan a collaborative vacation, she would have asked you when a good time would be and how long you could stay for. Instead, she booked something that worked for her and expected everyone else to jump.
If you have three children and a husband, you're also a grown woman. You don't need to be jumping when your mom says jump. Go if you want to. Don't go if you don't. (and it sounds like you don't). Your mom may get her feelings hurt, but she may also learn an important lesson - that she needs to treat you like an adult and ASK you to spend time with her, not demand it.
To put it in perspective - I'm headed to Florida with my mom and two girls in September. My mom rented the condo and is paying for our airfare because she wants us there. She called me and asked what week I could make it (she had three choices). She will do 50% of the child related tasks or more... she literally never sits down when my kids are around. She'll bring them new books to read, she'll have researched places to take them that might be fun, and she'll offer several times to watch my kids so I can go out and walk on the beach alone. My mom is an awesome grandma and mother. Yes, she still gets on my nerves a lot of the time. I really can't stand Florida. And I am starting a new job and this is not the right time to take off work. But my mom puts in so much extra effort that I'm happy to go to Florida with her so she doesn't have to go by herself. It sounds like your mom doesn't want to be accomodating, she just wants everything her way. Say no and see if her future behavior changes.
You simply have to ask yourself: is this week going to be a vacation for you or are you going because you feel guilty and it will be a week of hell arguing 24/7 with your manipulative mom.
If you think she can pull it together for a week and have a fun time with you then go.
If you think she is just going to be PITA for a week then stay at home.
The fact that you sibs have declined her invitation speaks volumes about her behavior. Personally I choose not to spend my time with people who would only use that time to argue and upset me.
Don't feel bad for her, she is an adult and chooses to behave in a way that none of her kids can imagine spending a week at the beach with her... maybe it will be a self reflection if she has to go alone.
Good luck.
I say you tell her that you will go for the 7 days and once it gets unbearable with your little one you just tell her that you intended to stick it out, but that as she can see, he is not doing well and you need to take him home! She'll get over it. If she is going to be manipulative, then manipulate her right back! LOL - that is the only way to deal with a manipulative person - that or else you just don't deal with them at all!
.
Will your kids have fun?? Will they love the beach?? Will they love the ocean and time with Grandma??
Sometimes life's decisions aren't about us, they are more about making memories for our children. If those memories are going to be of them having a grand time on vacation, suck it up and allow them the experience. If those memories are going to be of everyone miserable, stay home.
Oh HECK NO!!!
You are a grown W., R....don't let your mom manipulate you like that...
State what can do...if she can't live with that - then that's HER bad. NOT YOURS!! DO NOT carry this burden and do NOT allow her to shove this on you.
I would say "Mom...the kids and I will be there on these dates...that's what WE CAN DO. If that doesn't work for you - then it's YOUR choice to cancel...I'm not asking or making you cancel...I'm telling you what MY FAMILY is willing to do."
EDIT: I'll go in your place...you know I could use the vacation and hubby would be SOOO very happy to have the house to himself!!! Then you'll have me to help you!! And oh yeah - the kids haven't been to an east coast beach...
Personally, R., I would just decline the invitation. It doesn't sound like it will be much fun for you. Maybe I missed something, but it sounds like the only UP side to going is to make your mom happy. No one else wants to go because your mom's a "holy terror" ? And you want to call it a mini-vacation for YOU? She doesn't sound like she will be happy no matter what you do (go or not) b/c she probably will get annoyed with the kids (mine do and it makes me very angry--so I try to limit the length of time we spend to how long I think my tongue biting will last). You referred to it as a free mini-vacay for you, but it doesn't sound like that. That sounds like the spin your mom has been feeding you.
Just my take on it and my 2¢.
Do what you're comfy with. The way you're describing your mom is that she wants you to come for her own selfish reasons, not because she actually wants you there. I don't think it's fair for her to try to force you on a vacation that's on her terms only. Do the 3 days & go home, or just plain don't go. If she's a compassionate person at all, she'll understand you're reasoning. If not, well, that's her problem. Don't let your manipulate you. The fact of the matter is that this "vacation" won't be that relaxing for you because you small kids & a baby to tend to. She won't have any of that burden. She just doesn't want to have to cancel & you are her last resort. It's not fair for her to pressure you like that.
Been there.
It will be hard being on call solo for 24 hours. I would just go and try to enjoy yourself. Its not too far away, I'm going to assume the OBX area given driving times. I'm doing the trip solo there with 2 kids at the end of August.
My plan is to go and see how long I last. If it gets to be to much, I'll just drive home. I've done that before too. Was on a trip to Myrtle Beach one year and my then only child threw a monster fit screaming that he hated me and wanted to go home right now! (on Wed. at 8p of a 1 week vacation). Fine by me, I don't need fits like that on my vacation!
I started packing our bags. The rest of the family was in shock. When I got all of the stuff to the front door and told him to get his butt to the car he changed his mind and really wanted to still stay ... so I caved and we stayed. Completely different child for the rest of the week. Now he knows that if he's bad enough, I will end the fun right then and there.
it sounds like your mother is manipulative, and you haven't really set boundaries in the past. so, there's no time like the present, right? you're an adult with your own familiy now. let her know that you can come for 3 nights(there's no reason to give a reason for the length of time), which 3 nights would work best for her? i'd not engage in any guilt tripping or manipulations, just simply end the conversation. my MIL is like that, and she has finally come around and accepted that we don't have to do what she says - we do what works for our family, and that's that. good luck!
What if you went with the intention of staying 7 days, and if it gets miserable, leave? How is she going to make you stay?
I don't think I'm telling you anything you don't already know, but your mom is a piece of work. What the heck is that, 7 days or nothing?
Well, if it's about rent, then okay, I guess. I still don't get how she can't make it work.
Do what you want, don't let mom guilt you with her b.s.
Use your kids. When you have had enough hear the kids calling that they want to go for a walk.
Do what YOU want to do. You an adult. She is not your dictator. Why go somewhere and do something you don't want to...if you have the choice not to do it?!!! To please her? I think you know nothing truly pleases her. (from what it sounds like.) It doesn't make sense to me, that you're even considering going for longer then you want. YOU are an adult, YOU get to make this decision...you don't have to be manipulated into this!! AT some point, your mother has to stop getting away with this. Why not start now?
hold on, your mother wants you to leave your little ones behind for an entire week, just so she can guilt you about being away from your kids.. are you sure she is not related to my late monster in law ?? tell your mother NO, practice saying the word NO !!, then look your little ones in the face and tell them they you are not leaving them behind just because your mother "suggests" you leave them behind. if your mother doesnt like it, she can lump it. i myself would rather eat my pop tarts and drink my coffee with my baby in my lap, thank you. a week at a beach house with your mother hounding you the entire time doesnt sound like a great way to spend the week.
K. h.
I wouldnt go, doesnt really sound like your're into it and it would show. Tell her to pick something else to do, maybe you can brainstorm with her on something that would make both of you happy instead of just her?
I say go. Give it a try. Tell her that you are going to try to stay the whole 7 days but you are giving ZERO promises. If she can live with that without dishing out the guilt, then go. I would also ask her to remember the time when she had 3 small kids and how hard it is to keep them entertained for that long, away from home, and with no help. The kids will probably have a blast. It is so easy to entertain kids at the beach. It will wear them out and they will sleep good. If your mom starts in, take your kids and walk to the beach. If you truly can't take anymore, then pack up and go home. 4 hours is not that bad of a drive.
Good luck! Hope that you have a lot of fun if you decide to go. Maybe you will be pleasantly surprised!
Yes, you can "survive". And the baby can too!
Many a child has survived in a beach rental for a week--mine included.
Go and have your husband come either the first weekend or the last plus the prior night.
Since my SF passed away, my mom won't "do" the beach anymore and we miss her coming. These are family memories to be made--no matter how dysfunctional. And vacation is never really a "vacation" for the mom--you just get to pick up & cook in a different house! LOL
You do what works best for your family. What does your husband want you to do? Don't be manipulated to do something you know won't work for you. You could tell your mom that you can plan on 3 or 4 days, but if things are going very well, you have the option of staying longer. But, that does open you up for some serious pressure once you are there. I'd ask my husband and go with his counsel if I were you.
Spoiled isn't the question. Mom needs to respect the fact that you have a family and obligations. I would reiterate to her that in a perfect world you would LOVE to spend the week with her but it is just not practical for your family right now. Tell her exactly what you can/are willing to do (2-4 days) and let her decide if she can live with that or if she will be going alone. I have 3 kids, a full time job, a hubby working out of town, am a GS leader, and starting a small business. I've had to learn to figure out exactly what I can and can't do to keep my sanity. I've halso had to learn not to feel guilty about not being able to do everything. Fortunately, my parents are very supportive and I only survive because they help with my kids all the time. Good luck!
Stick to your guns.
"Mom, the kids and I will be able to join you for (insert the 3-4 days that work for you here)."
If she says "Well then! I'm just not going to bother with it at all! Boo hoo!"
You say: "I'm sorry to hear that, Mom." Then change the subject.
You can do it!!!!
