Help with Potty Training 3 Year Old Daughter

Updated on November 02, 2012
R.B. asks from Phoenix, AZ
5 answers

My daughter knows how to use the toilet and does fine most of the time when I ask her to go, but she won't go on the toilet unless I ask her to go. Otherwise she pees in her underwear. And today I told her to go use the toilet she stood right outside the bathroom door and peed in her underwear. I'm frustrated. Is this a passive power struggle? Or am I just not being patient enough? We used to give her a jelly bean every time she used the toilet, but she's smart. She started going just a little, get a jelly bean, go again almost immediatly to get another one. So, we've been slowly fazing out the jelly beans and I made a chart and told her if she went 3 days staying dry during the day we'd go to chucky cheese. They don't have to be 3 days in a row. It's been a week and a half and she only has one sticker. What can I do?

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So What Happened?

My daughter came up to me stark naked-she'd taken off her clothes and said "mama, I'm holding my pee." She's been "holding" it ever since and I'm so relieved!

More Answers

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L.S.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi R.,

I can relate somewhat as my 2 1/2 year old every once in a while will do the same thing. She seems to do it if she is trying to get my attention. The best solution, besides patience, that has worked for me is constant reminding and when she goes to the bathroom I make a "HUGE" deal out of it. I also make it a little game that when she goes to the bathroom, she can take her panties off and "kick them off of her foot into the air - she thinks this is fun and it keeps the mood positive. I also tell her how happy she makes mommy when she tells me she has to go and we have even had a few occasions when she hasn't even told me and just went to the bathroom on her own and then told me and again, I make a huge deal out of her accomplishment.

I also have discplined my daughter when she has deliberately pottied in her pants. She gets a time out in her room. She does have accidents and that is okay that will happen but on occasion she will do it on purpose and she knows that this is not acceptable behavior.

She is just about completely potty/pooped trained and I had the best success when I stopped the rewards, bribes etc and I just praised her, jumped up/down, swung her around, hugs, kisses etc. Every once in a while she will ask for a sticker but for the most part we just look at each other and either she says or I say "I so proud of you". Praise and patience has worked the best.

Good luck and she will surprise you one of these days and just start going potty consistently. My daughter did, at her pace.

L.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.B.

answers from Houston on

SO WHAT HAPPENED?
You're daughter should've had on tight underwear, which she couldn't take off, which she'll hold her pee in her tight underwear. That was with me. I held my pee in my tight underwear. I am of Autism and Profound Mental Retardation. The same, should've been with her.

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J.E.

answers from Phoenix on

Hey R.,
My son is 3 and a half and I used to tell him to go and he would stand in front of the bathroom and pee right in front of me so I told him to go when he wants to right now he pees on his own but the only problem is number 2. What I'm basically saying is why do we have to push them to go, you know shes gonna do the opposite until shes ready I think you should just put some underwear on her all day and tell her your not wearing a pull up so dont get your undies wet and trust she will go. Try not telling her to go let her figure it out on her time.I do clap and cheer for him when he went but now he just goes in on his own. I think its ridiculous when people tell you give him a treat when hes done or put him in time out because he peed in his pants, of course after you doing this do you really think that he or she will do what you said, I dont think so.Just give her some time watch how she will do it on her own girls do learn faster than boys.Good Luck and try not to get too frustrated its just pee.

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A.B.

answers from Phoenix on

My daughter was one of the hardest to train. They will have accidents because they forget or they can't get there in time or they can't control their bladder. She is probably trying to test you. Stand your ground...maybe if she thinks its cool then she will go. Have her go in the bathroom with you(I know it sounds strange...I looked at the person that told me that like they were insane)If that doesn't work....don't change her for like 15min. My daughter tested me to the point where I just wanted to scream(she doesn't know that)but I quit changing her immediately. She learned that she did not like being wet so she ended up quitting after the first couple of times.

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A.F.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi R., i understand where you're coming from. I do daycare in my home and have had little ones do the same stuff. The only thing that will work in my experience is if you take her each time. She obviousley needs help to get on the potty quicker once she realizes she has to go. I had a little girl who'd been potty trained for awhile and still would stand in front of the toilet and pee! Talk about frustrating, i was like, "what's your deal?" she said she couldn't get undressed quick enough and had to go really badly. So i took her every time and quickly undressed her and put her on the potty for a few weeks until she finally got the hang of the speed that's needed for the potty process. She does great now, no more issues. Maybe if you just take her and put her on the potty, she'll do better. She'll be a lot happier too. They always like impressing mom! Good luck :) aimee

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