Potty Training a Resistant 3 1/2 Year Old

I agree to GET RID OF THE DIAPERS!! Not even pull-ups!! It's time! With my 3 1/2 year old, I went to the Dollar Store and bought a magnetic board with stickers. Every time he did pee he got 1 sticker, poop got 3 stickers, and if he held it all night he got 5 stickers. At the end of every 3 days we would count the stickers and if he got so many he got a prize (new big boy underwear, a new book, etc). When he had an accident I wouldn't make a big fuss, but when he went on the potty it was a PARTY!!! I'm talking party hats, dancing, EVERYTHING to give him the most attention!!
Good luck to you!! Boys are difficult but they eventually get it!!

I worked in a daycare for a year and a half, and I've seen no less than 20 kids with the same problem. You are not alone :) Honestly, the one thing that worked for every single kid was when the poor parents simply put them in "big boy/girl undies" and let them have a few accidents. Some kids still took longer, but it was the defining moment. Don't give up, and just remember that a 3 year old is quite possibly the most resistant, stubborn being on the planet. We're all pulling for you!

I don't know how you are about 'letting it all go' but a trick I did with my oldest was going camping. When we were there, I would let him to naked around the camp site, or just with a t-shirt on. If he had to go pee, I would show him a specific tree and tell him to go in the woods on the tree like the animals do. It was a little bit of tough love, but by the weekend end we would see him run to ONLY that tree and go pee. The poo we had to help him a little as far as sitting down, but he was ok with it (more than peeing come to think of it.) He did a lot better once we got home. I think he was just afraid to pee anywhere other than where he was first trained.

like some others, i think that doing the underwear is the way to go. we made it really fun for my son who was 3.5 when he was completely ready. for some reason boys just "get it" at that age. you can also just let him go commando :) and deal with the accidents. you're lucky that it's summer time. if you have a fenced in yard or maybe just put down a waterproof blanket in the kitchen or wherever there is hard floor and have him play...

try the underwear and see if you can get him to agree that once he has mastered going on the potty all the time, you'll have a Potty Party. we did that for my son and he Loved it!!! we made cupcakes, made a sign and blew up balloons. it was a fun thing to do after dinner the day he told me he was ready for his party. :)

good luck and just be reassuring. the more he sees you stressing, the harder it is. don't forget that you know your son best so go with what works for him.

-L.

PS don't forget to throw out all the diapers and pull ups so that he knows they are no longer an option. out of sight...

I found with both my kids (now ages 9 and 6) it was not them, it was me. They were both "ready" at age 2...dry through the night never waking up with a wet diaper, dry for long periods in the day and would hide to poop. Finally with both of them, just before they turned three, I had enough of the "games", put my foot down and refused to put them in a diaper anymore. Accidents did happen the first couple of days and I was very calm and they were never punished for an accident, but after a couple of days of keeping at it they got it. Many people say not to push because they will do it when their ready. At 3 1/2 I think it is okay to push. This is not like trying to train a baby that has no idea what you want from him. It will be a messy first few days, but throw out those diapers, I would have him help you throw them out, go shopping for big boy underwear, be ready to spend a day or two cleaning the floor and you will both be glad you did it!!! Make sure you reward him for his accomplishments (we used stickers and M&M's). Good Luck!

I have almost the same problem. My oldest son will be 5 & he
won't do #2 on the potty. If You try to put regular underwear
on him what happens? I have an almost 2 year also & I want to
start potty training him also. I can just say tell him
that big boys wear underwear during the day. Boys are really
hard to train just keep trying & good luck

Tell him the diapers are all gone. Take him to the store with you and have him pick out his own special "big boy pants" and see if you can find some cotton training underwear. They are thicker than regular underwear so they absorb a little bit. At night, see if you can get him to wear the thicker training pants or if he refuses, put him in cloth diapers at night and continue to use underwear during the day. Sure you may have a few accidents to clean up but in the long run it will be worth it. Or let him run around naked as much as possible during the day.

I see you have 10 responses to this, but I've been through the battle once with my son & am currently going through it with my daughter.

The best advice I ever got was from our doctor. He'll do it when he's ready. Our son started trying to learn at 2 1/2yrs, so it was quite a shock when he didn't pick it up completely till his 4th birthday.

We tried putting him in a T-shirt & underware while being very calm if there was an accident. But that gets messy & you really have to be ok with dealing with wet undies & cleaning the floor. We did pullups & tried those methods. Finally by his 4th birthday I said "That's it, your a big boy going into Pre-K. You can't go to school if you aren't potty trained. You have to start using the potty always". I put him in real underware & he's been potty trained ever since.

My daughter is 3 now & only wants to go potty at bedtime. She's even scared to wear underware without a diaper. Here we go again... lol.

I really recomend the "Once Upon A Potty" Book & DVD. My son really enjoyed it. It's a bit old fashioned, but helped with my sons interest in going potty. For Mommy there's a book called "Mommy I have to go potty!", it has some helpful info.

Good luck with the potty training.

J.,
Besides all the other wonderful ideas from other moms, I would also recommend you go to your local library to pick up some potty training DVDs. No need to waste money on them since you will only be using them for a short amount of time. The one that worked fro us, I think it was called Joey goes potty (there was also one for girls called Jane goes potty). May not have been Joey, maybe Johny, but ask the librarian and they will be able to help you out.

What really worked for my son, and other mom's I've talked to about this is letting run around naked or bottomless. No shorts no diaper no underpants. This way he can see for himself what this is all about. It worked. And since it's summer you can let him do this mostly outside.

When my second son was about 3 I also had twin girls that were about 6 months old. I decided I needed to eliminate at least one in diapers so I put him on the potty. He didn't like it at all! He hated the potty chair, the toilet, with or without the special seat. Hated standing or sitting at either one. He screamed, he kicked, he cried until I gave in and went back to diapers. Finally after 6 months of me giving in I decided that was enough. I put him on the potty and no matter what he did I made him sit there. I told him to sit there till he either went potty or got married. It must have been my tone of voice that made him understand I was serious and he had better not get up till I said he could! I was determined he was not going to get away with it any more. He sat there over 2 hours, kicking, screaming, crying. I didn't care! I closed the bathroom door so I wouldn't have to listen to it anymore! He was going to sit there! Suddenly he got quiet! He had gone pee! He couldn't believe it! He was so excited about it he wouldn't let me take him off the potty. He wanted to try pooping! He finally accomplished that too, after about a half hour of trying! From that day forward he was trained and never had an accident again! And he made sure everyone knew what he had done. If we went to a friends or families house he had to show them he could go potty by himself.

My point is, you are the adult, he is the child. Be strong! Don't give in! He's 3 1/2! Not a baby anymore. Stop babying him! You will never regret it!

I know this is not what you want to hear, but he will go when he wants to. My son did the exact same thing. We pushed and pushed and I was ready to pull my hair out. At a little over 3 1/2 he decided that he wanted to use the potty. No reason why, just woke up one morning and said "I need to use the potty". We've only had 2 accidents since then. I know it is frustrating and you just want to shake them into going, but they have minds of their own. We still had issues with pooping on the potty, so we found that using the "Treasure bag" worked well for that. We just filled a bag with little things like bubbles, matchbox cars, glow sticks, anything you could get for less than a dollar. It really worked.

Good luck and try to stay relaxed.

Potty training is not fun but required. Be consistent. Of course he would rather stay in diapers its easier..he doesn't have to work.
Have a reward for him to work towards. BUT don't give in it will undermine your authority. I would start the potty training TODAY. Its going to be tough but stay strong. In the end he will feel better about his self. This will give him confidence in himself.
Also when I was potty training my second son before he would go to the bathroom I would give him prunes or raisins. Give him these about 20 to 30 min before you take him to the bathroom.
The first couple days will be very tough..stay strong. In the long run its better for both of you.
Every time he poops or pees in the toilet sing a special song and tell him you proud you are. Good luck. Denise

My second son is 3 yrs and 9 months and we recently ( about 1 month ago yeey!) got rid of the pull ups. I tried EVERYTHING you can imagine: bribing, chocolates, reward system, happy faces,stickers, etc. until one day I was mentally and physically ready for the challenge.
This is how I did it:
On my last bag of pull ups I told him there were all gone for good. I constatly told him him through out the day that he was a big boy wearing his iunderpants and that we were going to use the potty from now on. I concentrated first with pee pee only. For 6 days I did nothing but watch him like a hawk after he had a drink and I would take him to the bathroom every 30 min more or less. After 6 days he was holding it well and using the potty by himself. The first time this happened we all made a HUGE fuss about it and told him how happy mommy was. I rewarded that time with his favorite treat: Dunkin Donuts! After that time it became much easier with only a few accidents. When he had accidents I made him understand I was unhappy and that he is a big boy now, etc. So when he had #1 conquered (around 2 weeks after we started potty training) I would sit him in the toliet an leave him there withs books for short amouunt of times, trying to get him to feel comfortable. Then I would explain how we need to potty also #2 on the toilet and we have to listen to our tummies when we have to go. He was skeptical and would cry sometimes about sitting on the potty buy I would't give up. Throughout the day when I would notice that he wanted or was starting to do #2, I would rush him to the potty and sit him there until one day he did it on the toilet. We both were sooo excited and he was happy that mommy was happy that he took off right there. For maybe 2 weeks I would look for cues and sit him on the potty before he started going on his briefs until last week I founded him doing #2 by himself and calling me to share his big news!! Keep in mind that he also did have accidnets, specially when he was playing with other kids. I let go the first one, but when the next day he had 2 accidents in the same day I was upset and told him so it was unacceptable and that he was a big boy, etc.
So this is my story! I truly hope it helps. It was at a low point not knowning what to do beacuse the fact that he is almost 4 on pullups kept him from joining so many classes and activities. Anyways, good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi
i haven't entered the fray yet, but you could check out dr. sears' website (http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t106600.asp) for methods; including the weekend-training-course method of potty training. you have a lot of similar and good suggestions here too! good luck.

My son was completely trained a few months short of his 4th birthday. What finally worked for us was the potty DVD's. My son's favorites were Once Upon a Potty, Bear in the Big Blue House- Potty Time with Bear, Sesame Street-Elmo's Potty Time and a DVD called No More Diapers. If you can't find them in a store all are available from Amazon. Good luck!

My daughter went about two months where she would only go in her little potty. We had to carry it with us to relatives/friends' houses because she would not use any other potty. We didn't push it and allowed her to wear diapers when we went somewhere that we couldnt bring teh little potty then one day we were at her friends house and she had one of those little seats on the big potty and my daughter climbed up and used it out of nowhere. The point being, I don't know what changed but as long as he is going in some potty, he'll get it and eventually start going in them all!

J.- my daughter turned 3 in May and was absolutely resistant! She went on the potty at 1 1/2 and then all of a sudden would not go back on it. I was so stressed and everyone would tell me don't push her she will go on her own. But as a mother it is very stressful and disappointing. But one day about a month ago I took her outside to the little kiddie pool we have in our back yard and with no diaper. We spent the whole day out there. When she had to pee I told her to pee in the grass in the corner and we would wash her off ofter. I know it probably sounds gross but it worked! From that point on began to use the potty because she felt like a big girl. I didn't push her but we went outside both Saturday and Sunday and it totally helped! She is now using the BIG potty and really doesn't like the feeling of diapers. Also it helped that she saw one of her friends doing it so she wanted to too. We made a potty chart and she gets to put a sticker on every time. She still puts stickers on even though she uses the potty 4 or more times a day. I figure thet're only stickers and if it gives her encouragement then keep them coming! I also told her when she filled her potty chart she gets to go to the toy store and pick out a toy. That was a huge bonus too. Because they are older they understand more. But seriously once I stopped pushing and stressing over it, it just happened. Good luck!

i'm in a similar situation. i bought some padded training underwear, but they do leak all over the place, so i will be getting some of the waterproof ones (gerber makes some in the cloth diaper section of babies r us). my son has only peed once on the potty and prefers diapers as well. i took him for his check up at the pediatrician, and the doctor got involved saying that babies wear diapers and big boys wear underwear. i also point out when we are at the playground that all the other big boys are wearing underwear and not diapers. it seems to be helping. as soon as i get those waterproof training pants, i will switch him to only those. i'm not sure how much to push him either, but i will use the old.."the doctor said you have to wear underwear" routine and see if that helps.

I potty trained my one son during the summer months by just letting him run around naked. If we were outside he peed on a tree in our back yard. If he was inside he would run to the potty. He was a little under three but wanted to be out of diapers. Every time he went on the potty I put a stone in a mason jar. He got one stone (decorative gem stones) for pee and two for poop. When he filled his jar he could turn it in for anything in the Fischer Price Catalog I had. He picked the Little People garage and had the jar full before the 3rd week. He has been in underwear since (he is now 6). I learned this technique from Nanny 911 and decided to give it a try. Good luck!

What helped me potty train my son was that i took off his diaper n pull up. I let him walk around in his undies. Yes he had a few accidents. But he didnt like wetting his clothes. Within a week and a half he was potty trained. The only time i put the pull up back on was if i was going to be out in a place where it would of been dificult to change his clothing in case of an accident. But i didnt give in at all. I stuck to itand it worked for me. Dont worry before you know it he will be potty trained.

I'd get rid of the diapers and put him in the training pants.
End of story.

When he requests the diaper, tell him he is a big boy and there are no more diapers. You can also tell him diapers are only for babies and there are no babies leaving in your house.

D.
I'm 60 years old, been married to the same man for 38 years and have two grown sons and one daughter-in-law.

Hi J.. Potty training is a hard job!! First i would say don't push your son; it will only make things worse. If he's not ready, you can't "make" him go on the toilet. A suggestion would be to just let him go naked around the house. let him siit on the big potty. I have two sons and let them sit first. they did that for a while and now they stand.. anyway, let him go naked and if he has to pee, rush him to the toilet. Or if he refuses, then let it go for a couple weeks and reintroduce it again. Both of my sons took a lot longer to poop on the potty. they would go all day in the underwear and pee on teh potty and when they had to poop they would ask for a diaper. otherwise they held it for days and got constipated.. anyway they are now 4 and 6 and no diapers in my house!!! LOL he will get potty trained. remember he won't be going to college wearng a diaper!! LOL relax and let him lead you... good luck!

Remember, your son is 3, not 30, so I don't believe that he will ever "tell" you when he is ready for underwear. You are the adult, so you just have to say one morning, "no more diapers" and put on only underwear or let him go without anything. My son was 2 when we first started potty training and he was fully potty trained only a few months later. It may seem a bit messy at first, but children aim to please and he is old enough to understand when mommy or daddy are "unhappy" about a mess in his pants. At this age it should be much easier for you because he will be able to communicate well, he just needs to learn to anticipate WHEN he is going to go. He will never learn this wearing a diaper all day. Good luck!
S.

Get rid of the diapers!!! Do not keep any in the house.
This is non-negotiable at this point! Tell him it is big boy pants only. Stores are closed can't buy diapers.
You would be surprised what happens when there is no
choice. Good luck.

Hi J.,
I had a similar problem with my son right around 3 years 3 months. Sounds like it is partly a control issue with your son...again, just like me son. If your oldest is able to go in one potty he can go in any potty. I knew my son was capable of going on the potty (he had done it several times) so one morning in January when he woke up the only option he had was underwear. I had thrown out all the daytime diapers. He had a drawer full of underwear to choose from. At first, he would just pee in the underwear. He quickly learned to go on the potty. He's been completely potty trained since February. (I kept him in underwear when we went out too - yes - lots of running into store bathrooms, but that is what did it. And I always kept 3 or 4 changes of pants with me...just in case. I was amazed at how soon he got the hang of it.) We did the reward system. I had a large bowl with a bunch of dollar store toys and candy in it. When my son would pee on the potty he could choose a piece of candy. When he pooped...he got a toy. This really worked for him. Gave him the control he wanted and taught him to be a "big" boy.
If putting him in underwear makes you a bit uneasy since this could mean messes to clean on furniture / carpets, try putting your son in underwear with pull-ups over the top. This way, he still feels the sensation of being wet but it will catch the mess and you won't have to worry about stains.
On a side note - my son still wears the Huggies overnight training pull-ups. This morning was day 5 of waking up dry but we are not focusing on over-night potty training. I've been told that most children stay dry overnight around age 5 or 6. If he does it before then, great..but if not - that is fine too!
Another idea - I know babies r us sells little boy urinals. Not sure if it works but you could give it a try.
I hope this helps. Hang in there J.. I know it is a frusterating time. It does get easier!
Get in touch with me and let me know how it goes! ~A.

Hi,

I would allow him to use his potty when home however not allow him to wear diapers anymore during the day. And I'd reward him with stickers or something else he likes when he does go. My older son trained at 2 and my other son was not ready until 3. Both had weird "potty issues" through the training period but my philosophy was not to stress as they all learn to use the toilet in the end.

Hi J.,

We used a Peter Potty...I think they sell them at Wal Mart, but you can get it online. It's a stand up urinal, small size. Joe took to it instantly, maybe your little guy will too...

It was hard for Joey to stand on a stool and aim into the potty - this Peter Potty took all that extra stuff out of training. It's great...Google it and see what you think.

Best Wishes,
J.

Hi J.!

Oh boy is this so fresh in my mind! My daughter who will be 4 in 3 weeks just finished training about 1 month ago so I am very familiar with the frustration you feel! I also am a full-time working mom with a SAHM Gramma who was help but hadn't potty trained in over 27 years.

The ultimate goal is to get him comfortable with his body and it's functions. Second, let go of the notion that he should be trained by now. The more I pushed the issue with my daughter the more she pushed back and refused. Try not talking about the potty at all for 1 to 2 weeks. This should peak his curiosity (or not) or at least give you a break.

Start back fresh at the beginning of the week with clearly defined goals for him. Shop for cool undies with his favorite character on them. Set a date for no more diapers and stick to it. The thing that worked best for my daughter was taking away privileges that she had and she got them back. For example, she loved playing games on the Noggin.com website so we took away that game time privilege until she went pee-pee on the potty. If she went game time, if she had another accident we took it away again. Bribes like candy, toys, dvds had no effect. It was taking away something that she really enjoyed and working to get it back that finally sank in the message for her. It worked for pooping as well but we took that as a different battle. Nighttime is hard too so I would recommend getting a waterproof sheet for his bed or keeping Nighttime pull-ups on hand that are only for sleeping.

My daughter at 3yrs 11mths old is now finally fully potty trained. Good luck with this!

As a mom of 6 almost grown kids, I am a believer in potty training BEFORE they can talk and refuse to go. LOL Since its too late for that, you have to find your son's 'button'. Something he really realy likes. He is refusing to use the potty because he can. First of all he needs to sit on the potty when you tell him. Does he sit at the table to eat? Does he have to sit in his car seat? Well then he should also have to sit on the potty, but not for long periods of time. 2 or 3 minutes at the longest. If he doesnt do anything, thats ok, as long as he sits there, until you say get up. Next make diaper changing uncomfortable as possible without hurting him. While you are changing him tell him you are sorry that he is on the "hard cold floor," (or whatever) but if he used the potty you wouldnt have to do it this way. He is way too heavy to use a changing table. <wink>
About his button..if he really really loves a TV show or a snack or a toy, use it as a bribe, not a punishment. Also you might tell him they dont make diapers that fit him, he is too big.
But as far as I know there arent any kids in college that arent potty trained, so hang in there. And train the baby before he can talk. LOL

J.,

If you look up the other things I've written you will see that I've answered similar questions many times...but at the risk of being redundant...

I have a 3 1/2 year old who just potty trained a couple of weeks ago. Up to that point she outright refused everything that had anything to do with potty training. She would scream if I even put a pair of underwear on her.

I decided that this was one battle I would not fight...waited for her to be ready...and she finally was. Once she was ready there was really nothing for me to do but provide the potty, underwear and high fives. When they get to be older than 3, you don't need to "train" them...they are smart and know what to do, and when they are ready they will do it. I never used pull ups...we went straight from diapers to underwear all the time.

I had to run errands one day on this one street (had 3 places to go) and I literally had to take her to the bathroom 5 times in a 30 minute period!!! We were in the post office and there was a line a mile long and she is pacing saying...mom...I have to poop! over and over and over. It was so bad that a woman finally offered me her spot in the front of the line. We pay for our postage, go back to the same pizza place that we'd already been to 4 times, and she sits and does NOTHING!!!! I thought I was going to lose my mind, but no accidents.

So in my opinion, don't worry...he'll pee and poop on the potty when he is ready and not a minute before. You have to decide for yourself if this is one battle worth fighting. To me, it's not life threatening and it is not disrespectful of me or others, so I don't fight it. I'd rather spend my valuable time with my child enjoying them, not battling over things that they have total control over...rightfully so...it is their body after all.

BUT...it sure is good to finally be down to one in diapers after almost 9 years straight of non-stop diapers!!! I can finally see the light at the end of the diapered tunnel!

Oh...I notice you have a one year old...one thing that I did do, when she turned 3 I stopped buying diapers specifically in her size. That meant that she had to wear the one year olds diapers, and if they were too tight, well, there is always underwear that fits good! She went from wearing a size 5 back to a size 3 and then 4 as the baby grew. They were pretty tight. Maybe that helped. At least I wasn't buying two different sizes! Simplified my life.

I'd love to hear how it turns out!

D.
mother of 5 children ages 16 to 18 months

Hi J.,
Although I never tried it ( I have 2 girls and both were easy to train) my friend whose son was 4 and still refusing to train did this and it worked...she dressed him in underwear and denim jeans and took him for a walk. While out she offered him soda (which was a treat to him) after he drank it he had to pee. She said ok let's find a potty. He still refused and insisted on a pull up which she didn't have. Well, he peed in his pants and since it was so uncomfortable to walk home in wet jeans he never refused to go potty again!!