Help Me with My 14 Year Old Boy!!!!

He is testing his limits if he can't be trusted to go to the Mall alone then does he need to go. On the same token the better he behaves the more he gets to do. I have teenage brothers and sisters and they pull the same stuff it will take a lot of attention to get them through there teenage years but you will be okay and they will be better people because you taught them right from wrong and consiquenses. Sorry I can't spell. Good luck.

Do you have a positive male role model that he can hang out with - preferably an adult. Maybe a brother, or a father, or stepfather. Maybe someone he can hang out with over the summer? Boys at this age need men in their lives. Your husband needs to cut back on his schedule and focus on his son. Children have to know they are #1 in your lives, and boys have to know they are #1 in their dad's lives. Your husband may need to put his schooling on hold while he works with your son. I've seen families do this and it put them back on track. Raising your children is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you are doing right now. Don't let work and bettering your future get in the way of that.

Sounds like with Dad in school and working full time your son is crying out for attention, whether it be negative or positive, he's looking for attention. Maybe, your husband and or you can schedule some time with him that is special time, such as a day with Dad doing what they like to do. Just a suggestion. I do not have teenagers, I have a 3 month old son, but when I was a teenager and acted up I was looking for my Mom or Dad to spend time with me.

I am still expecting, so take what I have to say with that context. IMHO, I don't think that if you ignore this it will not go away. As another person said, it is a cry for attention especially if you have raised him with good values.

Personally, I hated going and doing church activities as a teen and I hated that my parents forced me to do so. However, it was weird because I was in a different school district from most of them. So I pretty much grinned and beared the whole thing because I had to. Furthermore, just because they go to church does not mean much of anything because you can sit there and totally tune just about everything out....I should know. My parents forced me to go to church as they were very, very religous Catholics (Dad had been in the seminary) and his mom was an extreme Catholic.

What about another type of activity that would get him focused with discipline? or something that he would really like to do? Or how about getting a job? If he is too young for jobs, find one through a family friend or perhaps through the church for odd jobs, etc. Short of this, perhaps some therapy to work out why he needs to rebel in this way. Maybe there is something else going on at home that he is not happy with...???? or is he being mistreated/teased at school and this a way to avoid that kind of treatment...to hang out with the "bad boys"???

My parents forbid me to date a guy while I was in college based upon his ethnic background and since I was living away from home. I of course continued to do mostly to spite them because they had threatened to disinherit me, which to me was outrageous. Anyway, had their attitudes been different I would have found out sooner that he was a loser in his own right, not because of his ethnicity and I could have avoided a lot of trouble and almost got myself in real deep. So I would be reluctant to forbid him to hang out with the undesirables, but I would encourage him to pursue new activities that divert his attention away from that crowd.

Really though, I think that trying to find out what is going on and get to the heart of the matter. Coach him...what are his dreams, what does he want to do in life.... ask him how his actions today help bring him closer to achieving those goals? I know teens think that they are invincible and everything seems so far away, but remind him that in 3-4 years he is going to be out on his own and having to live in the real world...not high school.

I don't know if this is helpful or even right, but I guess this is what I would do if I were in your shoes.

Well, when I was 14, I stole make up from Wal-Mart. Oh yeah, I was a rebel. However, I turned out just fine. Teenagers are typically going through the rebelous thing. While yeah, it's disconcerning, it's also completly normal.

However, that doesn't mean you should ignore it either. When my mom caught me shoplifting, I had to go back into the store, bring the stuff back to the counter and apologize to the clerk. I never did it again, because I was humiliated. Limit the amount of time he has with said friends who you believe to be a "bad influence", but don't think that they are without getting to know them first. Be observant with your child, and try to be around him more. Take concerns in what he's doing and where he's going. It sounds like your husband is very busy and the kids don't get to see him much. Do you guys do fun things on the weekends or does he just rest? Maybe he wants some dad time with his father.

Find his intrests and direct him into something that is a healthy intrest instead of a reckless one.

I wish you the best of luck and let us know how things go!

Get him involved with an activity. Flute lessons, violin, drums, soccer, hula dance rock hounding, any darn thing you can think of. He is crying out for something to do to define him. The church is fine, but it's not about him, it's about God. He needs something else to keep him busy. Help him find his passion. Also, I never let my 14 year old go hang at the mall, frankly you're just asking for trouble. Although since you already set the precident it's probably pretty hard to reverse. Though since he shoplifted, maybe grounding? Since I never had to ground my two kids I have no clue. They were always so busy with activities that they loved that they never got in trouble, but never so busy that they didn't have chance to relax. It really is that simple, and it stupifies me that parents can't see it. Again it might be hard since he is already 14 to get him motivated to do the right thing. Have him audition for a local theater, that works wonders for kids.
Good luck with him.

have you thought about getting him involved in sports or recreation classes? The parks and rec. department have a lot of fun things for kids to do and this might be a good outlet for your son to make new friends.

First of all, know that you can't make these decisions for him.

I'm speaking to you from the kids point of view, not a mothers. I'm only 23, and it wasn't that long ago that I went through this stuff.

I had friends at church who I liked and spent time with, but I still got in trouble with my 'cool' friends.

If you try to take him away from his friends, chances are that you are going to cause a bigger splash than you want. He will take it as more that, "Oh, my moms just trying to protect me, I get it." and he'll find a way to hang out with them.

See if you can't get in with the local YMCA or Big Brothers and Sisters group.

Also, if you haven't already, try talking to him about where his actions will lead him.

He's only 14. I know it seems old since he's your oldest, but give it time.

take him to the Landmark Forum in any major city. www.landmarkeducation.com It teaches you how humans work why we do what we do....life changing experience... he will definitly walk away in 3 days with a whole new way at looking at life.. no stress/more peaceful with his surroundings/better listener/more loving...it can't hurt to check it out.

LU